Why do I care what others think---stress loaded girl here

[gigglegirl]

Is it just the phase of life I'm going through or is this a sign of whats to come?

I'm currently in my last term of university and have this awful kinda of comprehensive class where you're to draw on all the courses you've taken and do these group cases. One now is worth 10% of your final mark, and there's a final exam group case to do at the end which is about 25-35%.

My family seems to really have raised me to be mindful of others, but I think that's detrimental right now. I'm getting so stressed that I've had two emotional breakdowns in the past two days---I can't get the financial numbers to work and when I work with most in my group, its like babysitting. I just sit at my computer at home and breakdown or I go outside of school and call my mom. My concern is that these other people's marks depend on me getting stuff done. And when the group members seem too incompetent (one was asking me how to add two cells in excel and it got progressively worse from there--whoa, if you were at my school you'd understand in business we use excel for everything and it made me wonder if he'd ever done work on his own or with a group or if the group just carried him along). Half of the group left 5hrs into our meeting yesterday b/c they were tired. No shit sherlock we're all tired, but THANK you for leaving. Of course things need to get done so me and this other girl are picking up the slack.

I have a tax exam worth 30% of my final mark on Thursday so I need to be done with this 10% assignment but with a group who is pretty much doing nothing, I feel like I need to do it to make sure its done. My family sees me struggle and says "delegate, make them do stuff and put it in the report" but when I get things you pretty much have to rewrite it due to broken english as 3 out of the 5 members are not from Canada.

I feel as though I'm losing my integrity by handing in something subpar. Thats not me. In any previous group I would help and get stuff done but now I just can't deal with it anymore. I don't know how they feel but I think that if I wash my hands of it now (after 14 hours of working on it just yesterday) they may think I'm abandoning them.

My gpa is just over 4.0 so I don't think a bad mark in one last class will do much damage. When I struggle so much with this and this life I seem to have right now and the pressure I've put on myself, I want to drop the class and just calm down. But I need this class to graduate.

I just don't know how I will make it through the next 3 months or so....doing sub par things because I have 5 classes to do. Why do I care what others think of what I do, why is it that I care about how my work affects others marks when I feel the same courtesy from them is not being given?

Sorry I doubt anyone's read this all but it did make me feel better to get it out there.

 

[soleil1109]

I hear ya. For me, it all stems from my years in private Catholic school. The overwhelming guilt they force-feed you and the self-deprevation they brainwash you with is horrendous. I've had some emotional break-downs because of it too. It's hard, and I've tried hard to master the F' em attitude that most other people have, but deep down it just makes me feel guiltier. I have a greater fear of becoming the apathetic butthead I hate than the fear I have of someone disapproving of me. But I have found that in the end, when I ask myself, "Who are they to make me feel this way?" I end up realizing that they're not important enough to make me feel bad and it helps to let go of the fear and guilt. It's a struggle. Just hang in there and remember that 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.' - Eleanor Roosevelt.

 

[nunu]

Awww hugs sweetie! You shouldn't be going through this on your own, you really need to talk to your group and tell them exactly what you said on this thread, maybe they'll get up their lazy asses and do some work!

 

[SparklingWaves]

With a 4.0 GPA, it's a sign that you work extremely hard and take your assignments very serious. Not everyone will work as hard as you to get through college.

Group assignments really stressed me out too. They want you to learn how to work with others to get something done in the work settings and see how to put together a big project. Of course, the work isn't always equally distributed. Some people are slackers and some are procrastinators.

I think there are more parts to this stress than you may realize. When you have an assignment to do on your own, you are fully in control. Now with the group, you are not. Your grade is in the hands of a group and not just yourself. That's stressful. You can't force people to get off their butts.

This is a learning experience and that's what this assignment is about. If you do your part and just do what you can with the others, that's all you can do. Let the chips fall and learn from this. Ask yourself what am I learning from this tour in my life. This is going to pass before you know it.

Take care of yourself as much as you can. Get rest. Eat and drink well. Stop and take deep breaths. Look up towards the sky sometimes and see the clouds moving by to refresh yourself.

Sometimes when I am really stressed, I mentally visualize a journey out through the sky and look down on Earth from the stars. I go to a place where I can't see people anymore. I can only see the clouds on Earth and it looks like a beautiful marble out in the vast space. Then, my stress doesn't seem so large.

Good luck to you.