I feel old.

[banjobama]

The title says it all!!

FYI I'm 23 and married, I don't have any kids. I got married this past April, so eight months ago. I love my husband very much, he is my best friend. I don't regret getting married, I know I made the right choice in that department.

Lately I just feel like my life is so.. boring. When I was 18-19-20, I was really spontaneous, and going out a lot. I was a person that people liked to invite places and do things with. (At least I think/thought so!)

I had a lot of adventures, and I feel like that fun, spontaneous time of my life is over, and it makes me sad. Part of this is because I've moved away from my friends, but I've made a few friends here and the exciting feeling I used to get when I thought about going out is gone.

I know nobody can party all the time, and eventually life and work and family and bills will take priority, but is this how my life is going to be forever, always wishing to go back to the "glory days?"

I know I'm not ready to have kids yet, because I still kind of feel like a kid myself. But what if I still feel like this in ten years? My life will be passing me by, and I'll be the equivalent of that woman you see in the liquor store wearing a bleach blonde mullet and acid wash jean jacket, living in the past.

I hope this made sense. Any thoughts anyone has on the subject will be greatly appreciated.

 

[Shimmer]

It happens. There are times I miss the more free/single lifestyle, but then again, I remember how much work that was, and I decide it wasn't worth it.

If you don't have kids, you can totally be a little selfish and spontaneous.

 

[leenybeeny]

I am 31, have been married for 5 years (Hubby and I have been together for 10), and we have no kids by choice. All of our friends have children now, for the most part, so we find ourselves unable to have the same kind of social life that we once did. I found that we also got into kind of a rut and didn't know what the heck to do with ourselves.

It takes some effort, but you have to just get out and do things, whether it be alone or with your husband. I will drag my cousins out once every couple of months to a club to get my dance fix, I joined a gym recently to keep myelf physically happy, hubby and I save up to go on a trip every year.

We try to do spontaneous things that won't cost too much. For example, this summer, we just one morning picked up and drive 4 hours north to go hiking and ended up staying in a motel for a couple of night exploring some small towns. It was amazing. Nothing too crazy, but it was fun.

Just try to do anything that breaks your routine. You are sooooo far from old!!!

 

[banjobama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer It happens. There are times I miss the more free/single lifestyle, but then again, I remember how much work that was, and I decide it wasn't worth it. If you don't have kids, you can totally be a little selfish and spontaneous.

Thank you. I do usually take the thought full circle and remember how broke I was all the time, the crappy job I had, etc.

You don't know how glad I am I don't have a kid. Or maybe you do know, lol.

 

[ellenchristine]

I'm 24 (well, turning 25 in a week *gasp*!) and I got married in September. I feel this way too, though, like I'm not living life to its fullest. I love my husband dearly and, like you, don't regret getting married. But it is hard - I can't just, say, take my savings and run off to Europe on a whim. I think my BS job has a lot to do with the way I feel about my boring life. But at least I'm working toward a career I'd really enjoy. I just need to be patient. I think it's something absolutely everyone struggles with...unless you're rich and don't have to work, and just spend your time traveling the world. *Sigh*

 

[Shadowy Lady]

I understand what you are saying. I'm 26 and got married last year. Hubby and I have been together 6 years and are very much in love. We don't have kids and not planing on having any for another 3-4 years. I do feel that we're not the spontaneous, partying ppl we used to be. I am ok with that though. This is a different kind of happiness for me. We are more selective about parties we attend and saving the money to furnish our new house and for our anual trips.

I do feel old sometimes though, lol....I try to focus on the important things: I have the best husband ever, a happy home and we spend with friends as opposed to clubbing every saturday night

....

 

[abbey_08]

its totally normal to feel that way! being in your 20s is a kinda weird decade cos your not a teenager anymore but dont feel quite ready to be an fully fledged adult yet, well thats what i feel like sometimes! if it makes you feel any better i have friends older than you that are single and go clubbing every weekend and they moan they want to settle down, so the other side of the coin aint any better lol

 

[lafemmenoir]

You know, I don't think you are old, but wise and quite mature for your age. As a single woman, trust me when I say you have it a lot better than the young, single with no children. Dating is all about lies, games and deception. Both sides blame the other but both play games it's a matter of which one is willing to accept responsibility in their part when it comes to when relationships/dating goes wrong.
Amen for not having a child. I know a lot of women with children who have lost focus on the fact that their child should be their priority rather than the young free and single life that got them in the situation they are in. We have a sense of entitlement as a society, where we feel we need not have repurcussions for poor decisions.
Take heart in where you are and you really are adding years to your life by NOT being part of the "scene" which is really not something or somewhere to envy. I would rather be married to my best friend and building a future than single and day.

 

[Lissa]

I feel the same way as you do lately. I agree with the other posters above though - when I think back to my life when I was single and going out a lot, I ask myself 'was I really that happy?'. The answer is no....I was broke, hungover, unhappy with the ups and downs of dating people....nowadays my life is what I sometimes consider a bit 'boring', but at least it's stable and there is no drama. I think I prefer the 'quiet life', but sometimes it's so hard to find a balance, and things can be too quiet. Recently I have tried to spice things up a bit and have started going out more with friends.

I think I feel like this lately because I am very nearly 30 and am scared I might regret not doing more with my 20s.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Do you think you're just homesick and nostalgic? I moved about a thousand miles away from my friends and was nostalgic for going out and partying. A lot of the shit that happens when you go out happens (sketchy people, the music was just okay, etc.) I was glad to be away from it.

It sounds like you're transitioning. You may miss things from time to time (who doesn't?) and nostalgia will set in. However, once yo get adjusted to your new life, you may find taht while you don't regret the past, you're glad you're not living that life anymore

 

[BEA2LS]

i'm almost 26, in a serious relationship and never have money so my going out days are pretty much gone. i don't really miss it

 

[rbella]

I'm 35 and a fatass and married. So, I feel ya.

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rbella I'm 35 and a fatass and married. So, I feel ya.

I really hate you sometimes!!

I just turned 40....My ass has wrapped around the sides of me and are being currently used as armrests and I am married.... I bet you feel younger now!!!

 

[sharkbytes]

I'm 27, happily single and child-free. But I have been in a rut lately, since I don't go out and party the way I did when I was in college, and it's difficult to see friends who live far away. But I figure life moves in cycles, and my experiences then made me who I am today. So maybe if I'd been a bit more boring as a younger-twenty-something, I'd be out of control and a mess right now, you know?

 

[Blueeyesangel18]

Tish you look great would of thought you were much younger than 40, I'm 20 and lately starting to get a bit down bout my looks all of you are so beautiful! And I have a friend who is 27 and looks younger than me, everyone thinks im older which is annoying

Anyway I don't think 23 is old and I think you can still have a good social life I am moved out and livin wit my bf so we have a few friends aged 21,28 etc who are in the same situation and I think its fun you can still have wild nights out when money permits or you can visit each other and have a cup of tea/coffee and biscuits, you have the best of both worlds imo and I can totally see myself being 40 not dressing my age and living in the past but hey it might never happen thats just a fear

 

[lindsaycoe]

I think everyone goes through a rut especially when they actually become a responsible adult. Buh. I'm 29 and not married, but have the worst parts of being young and older. I'm always broke, live in a teensy tiny apartment (thank you NYC), but have all the adult responsibilities of a bills, student loans, etc.

I think you just have to find ways to keep it fresh. My life may be boring to others, but I try and make it work.

Whenever I get bored, I rearrange my furniture (much to the BF's chagrin). I could go out to a bar, get drunk and party, but I just don't want to spend my money on that. As annoying as being a grown up is at times, I would never want to go back to being 21.

 

[abbyquack]

I am just like you, banjobama! I got married just over a yr ago at age 22, and my friend from college who now lives in LA emails me and tells me all about some of the crazy parties and things she's gone to, and I'm thinking, the most exciting part of my life right now is obsessing over makeup and getting done with school. LOL.

And don't get me started on the 18 yr old girls - they make me feel like I'm 80! Serious, they are so peppy and youthful and I'm like this boring old 23 yr old who is starting to see wrinkles! hehe.

But I think like you I would never give up my "boring" life or my hubby or anything to go back- I look back and realize that during my partying days, I boozed a lot and acted like the fun girl b/c deep down I was lonely. It is a weird thing how as much fun I thought I had, the memory is of a dark time. That's not to say marriage is all that, and it's what completes you, because if I had married the wrong person, it would be horrible!

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rbella I'm 35 and a fatass and married. So, I feel ya.

Who is that Picture on your sig of....she is obviously a capable of self pleasuring....ahhhh ahhhh person?????

 

[banjobama]

Thanks to everyone for your awesome help!

I do think I am just transitioning. I went out with a friend last weekend, to one of the bars on base here, and all the time I was thinking about going home and crawling in a warm bed next to the hubs, lol. Just to clarify I do not think 23 is "old," I just meant that for the first time in my life I actually feel older than other people, or older than I used to feel, if that makes sense.

And like sharkbytes said, I'm glad I did what I did when I did it, so I'm not wondering now what fun I might have had, which would be a lot worse I think.

 

[Kuuipo]

I am 46 and I feel young! I never go to parties or clubbing, I have a physically taxing job, but I get rid of stress by having lots of hobbies and volunteering. Volunteering, even if its as simple as reading to seniors, recording books on tape, delivering meals on wheels is a great way to enrich your life and feel young again. Partying will not make you feel younger or more accomplished, its fun for the moment, but some of us have felt even lonlier at parties than we would have felt alone.
I even know a lot of elderly people who stay young by volunteering as stuff like museum guides or knitting baby hats for hospitals.