Oh no no, dont get me wrong, im not accusing anyone here of 'globbering' their kids or anything lol.
I dont have kids so i cant completely relate to the parents here. I probably got slapped 3 times in my lifetime, my mum thought of some other way to punish me, generally grounding me or taking away something i loved.
I was taught that for everything bad i did, their was consequences and i was rewarded for doing good, without my mum ever having to really raise a hand to me and i turned out fine, i respect my elders etc.
I can understand you want to instill the fear of consequences in bad actions, thats not what im debating but theres a fine line between discipline and violence. Im not talking directly about the people here, im generalising, i knew alot of people who got abused when their parents thought they were 'disciplining' their child. Obviously those parents were abusers and i actually knew one boy who turned out to be a psychopath as a result (hense why i believe the studies conducted on the issue, believe me there is alot, no they cant relate to everyone, no study can, but the figures can speak for the majority).
I was trying to explain the whole concept of spanking from a psychological perspective, although you want to instill the fear of consequences, you cant guarantee thats what it will do. You are all normal, functioning members of society, but nobody is a blank slate when they are born, so how you were disciplined could very well have messed up someone else. Because of the type of person i am, i think if my parents ever did some of the things listed here, i really wouldnt have turned out well. Society is also rapidly changing, we have different pressures and priorities and influences in our lieves. What worked before and works on some people, will not necessarily work on everyone. Me and my older sister were raised the same, the discipline worked on me, but it wouldnt work on my sister and she has been a nightmare for my parents for 20years (yes lol, shes still bad now).
From a childs perspective, if they do something they dont know is wrong (none of us know what is wrong to begin with) and if you spank them, theoretically theyll think its bad and not to do it again and will stop. But what if they dont read it that way? Thats when the messages start getting mixed and problems start, i think any psychical discipline should be used as a last resort and for the utmost worst thing a child can do, otherwise they begin to learn that raising your hand is how you keep somebody in line. I wasnt spanked so i could never spank my kids, but the people here who were spanked, would.
The whole aversion therapy approach of bad= punishment/ good = reward, only goes wrong when it is misinterpretated and in this case, a child could easily see spanking, or physical punishment, as a method of keeping someone in line/control and as they get older and become more independant in their thinking, they could vary that.
I mean i know there are some people here who say they got a slipper or a belt for doing wrong, i personally disagree with using an object on someone and actually, by law that would be categorised as ABH, whether or not the mens rea was there.
I know it gets stressful for parents to try and teach kids and keep them in line and ive seen even the calmest of people lose their rag and slap their kids, spanking isnt wrong, but the reason why i wont justify it is because some parents take it too far.
Again im not saying anyone here is like that, but sometimes when you see these kids acting out and you look to the parents, not enough spanking isnt the reason why theyre acting out, i mean from the studies ive researched, its too much spanking that has caused the seriously violent and messed up individuals.
Like shoegal-fr said, words dont work on everyone, but neither does spanking and nobody here can say, with absolute confidence, that spanking a child when they do wrong, will make them a good member of society (not saying using only words will either).
If you look to the people here, in this thread, there are those who have been spanked and turned out fine, and those who havent and also turned out fine. But youve got to look at the bigger picture even if it means trawling through 100's of case studies into the matter.
Again, if i ever have kids, i dont think i could ever raise a hand to them, i would find an alternative way but im not saying its wrong. What i do think is wrong is when its taken too far and to be honest, some of the things people mentioned here that their parents did to them, scared the crap out of me lol, and i bet some people think that a little slap is nothing, even though the few times it happened to me, i was devasted.
I think discipline is highly subjective and needs to be applied differently to different people, and although everyone here knows where to draw the line, not every person does. I watched something on tv where her son was out of control and hit her, later it was found out that she used to beat him when he was much younger, he learnt it all from her, it started off as slaps and then esculated.
Please dont think im saying anyone here is capable of what some parents are, lol were on a makeup forum (not exactly what id associate with the whole concept) but i just wanted to say my opinion and why i think spanking is wrong
I guess I'm kinda biased because I was a really bad kid back then..DAMN! I got a lot of beatings LMAO Well only when I was bad lol. I'm an optimistic person and in school and working so I guess it really depends on the kid and the parents. I grew out of the "REBEL" phase in my life, I think kids/teens SHOULD go through that phase 'cause I learned some important life lessons! Lmao. I respect my mother a lot for putting up with my bullshit. No place like home, no woman like my Momma.
