Boyfriend in jail...

[shootout]

**Before I even begin, I just want to make this clear: While I appreciate any concerns brought up, I am staying in this relationship. I realize this might not be for everyone, but this is my decision. Thanks!**

My boyfriend goes to jail for 3 months starting today. I've never dealt with this before, and I have no clue how to make this work. I realize every jail is different, but I figure it's safe to assume most follow the same general rules. If anyone can give me any advice regarding mail, phone calls, and anything else you can suggest I would greatly appreciate it. From what I've heard, all calls are collect, and since I only have a cell phone, there's a good chance the calls won't come through. I've heard there are ways around this such as buying prepaid cards or something, but I'm really not sure.

I realize 3 months may not seem like a lot compared to some, but this is my first time having to deal with this, and the longest we've been apart before was 2 days.

If anyone who has gone through something like this can just give me tips on how to cope with the whole situation I would be forever grateful.

Thanks everyone!

 

[MaskedBeauty]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. My best friend was in jail for 5 months.

I don't know where you live but the jail my friend went to I was able to go online to their website and search the inmates to find his info, like visiting hours and what is and isn't allowed, and also the mailing address to write him. It also explains in there that they have an account through the jail that people can put money in so he doesn't have to eat the jail food, he can buy special food. Or can use the money to buy envelopes and stamps because they only give them a certain amount of envelopes and stamps a week. I think it was three if I remember right. You can send pictures to him in your letters (it will explain the guidelines on the site too). ummm lets see... I'm not sure about phone calls because he didn't call me since I only have a cell phone as well.

But I would suggest going onto the jail website and you can find all the info you want like i did. I hope this helps!

 

[blackmetalmist]

I work in law enforcement and the only thing to do is to check with your local jail facility to get a list of all their guidelines and regulations. Every county and state has different sets of rules.

 

[chynegal]

My boyfriend just got out of jail on wed he was in there for 7 months....you call find out all his information and stuff like that via the corrections website...as for phone calls you have to pay for them.....my boyfriend would call my cell I would put 25 dollars on the phone and everytime he called it would take out 2 dollars and change everyphone call but the amount changes with every state.....3 months isn't that long trust me 7 months have flied by for us ....I was always so happy when he would call and get his letters

 

[blackeneddove]

I agree that most states and countries will have different guidelines and rules, so I would check it out, however, I do have some experience with communicating with someone in jail.

My boyfriend's best friend went to jail a few years ago and is still in jail. His friend can call him and he does a few times a week and he only has a cell phone, and the call does go through. My bf had to be approved to get on his call list though, I'm not sure how it went but I know they checked his relationship with him and background check, etc before he was approved to be on his call list.
For visitations (I doubt you will be visiting since it's only 3 months, but if you can, then why not?) it was the same process, it took alot of effort and they did background check etc until he was allowed to visit him. Also, when he visits he can't have any logos on his shirts, no extremely baggy clothes, no holes, and you get searched upon entering the building.
When it comes to letters, his friend can say whatever he feels like and the letters always get sent out, but if a letter is being sent to him it's opened and read- no swearing, talking about violence, drugs/alcohol, sex, organized groups (they will assume it's gang related) etc. They're really strict and if you're lucky they'll send your letter back to you and you'll know he didn't get it. The place he's at, he works for stamps and envelopes too, how much he gets depends on how much work he does. (laundry, kitchen duties, etc)
I know the place he's in now he gets access to tv and playstation so maybe your boyfriend will have this stuff to do to entertain him too!

That's all I really know about how things work concering letters/calls/visitations but I hope it helps a little bit, even though chances are we aren't in the same state. Keep your head up, he'll be out faster than you know

 

[shootout]

Thanks so much everyone, this really helps a lot =]

 

[Machinegun_Cali]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackmetalmist I work in law enforcement and the only thing to do is to check with your local jail facility to get a list of all their guidelines and regulations. Every county and state has different sets of rules.

True true. I worked my county's jail for 2 years b4 heading to the streets. Like the other gals said. If they have a website check it out, they usually have all the info you need. If not give em a ring. Officers are used to taking questions from family members and probably give out the same speech 5x's a day. I know I did.

 

[luxury]

sorry you have to go through this, hope it's the first and last time.

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

How can a woman date a man who is incarcerated or even have that criminal background? I read your disclaimer but couldn't help but wonder. Does your screen name have to do with anything he did...shoot out? I'd suggest you find a man who isn't going to be fondled in prison.

 

[paperfishies]

Sometimes people go to jail for stupid shit. Unpaid parking tickets/speeding tickets, bar fight, and in the US people go to jail for smoking weed (the stupidest reason). If it's only 3 months in a county jail, I can't imagine it being a serious crime.

When my cousin was in prison the calls he made to us were like $6 a damn minute, any letters we sent him were read. However this wasn't just a county jail, this was a max security prison.

 

[luxury]

Three months is a long time for something 'petty' but I guess it's neither here nor there.

But IA with LoveMakeup though, I can't date jailbirds. If you even LOOK like you might have a record i'm running in the other direction, what's the point in being in a relationship with a person that's never there?

 

[esmeralda89]

Quote:

Originally Posted by luxury Three months is a long time for something 'petty' but I guess it's neither here nor there. But IA with LoveMakeup though, I can't date jailbirds. If you even LOOK like you might have a record i'm running in the other direction, what's the point in being in a relationship with a person that's never there?

Maybe sometimes you dont know or something from the past came back to haunt him (personal experience) I know exactly how you feel because I would never date a Jailbird and guess what i did. But as far as i know he changed his life 360 degrees cleaned up and was doing well, going to college etc. But did the judge take that into consideration? No, I guess she had her reasons, and hes gonna be there for a short time, I hope, but even though you try to get away the heart takes over because you never saw what he was only what he became after he started making good decisions and you get emotionally involved. But i totally agree where your coming from i would run if the guy looked like trouble lol, dont get me wrong im not contradicting you, just sharing experience, but the only way to understand any experience is by going through it and i hope none of you wonderful ladies go through it

 

[LC]

Shootout, so it's been 4 months now. I'm curious to know how everything went