Breaks... or Breaking up, wtf is going on?!

[Jeannine8]

I just need to vent.

My boyfriend of a little more than a year just told me he needed a break ealier. Backstory - We're long distance, I was always hesitant to even go there because, well, it's long distance. He tried more than anyone has ever tried to get with me, and believe, he tried hard. He won me over and convinced me it could work. So fast foward a year to now, it's been wonderful and we've even talked seriously about the future, my family pretty much thinks we're going to end up getting married this year lol, but this past month he's been very stressed and just not himself, he'd tell me it was because of a change in work along with a few other issues. But this past week was something else, he's been very stressed and impatient and frustrated. We went from talking all the time to short frustrated conversations.


He kept saying things and hinting things, even told me he didn't want to come and stay in a few weeks like he was supposed to, along with other stuff that just left me scratching my head wondering where my boyfriend was and what he did to him. We kept arguing over everything and tonight I asked him to just tell me what's up because wondering what's going on all the time isn't fun, plus it's always nice to know if he was actually coming or not to plan it out, being that it's so close to the date. Long story short, after a couple hours of not really giving me much, he told me he wanted a break, of two weeks at that. To which I was like, what is that supposed to mean? To me it just felt like a break up, without really going all out and breaking up.

I get wanting time or space, but I'm also not about waiting around for a couple weeks wondering what's up or what someone else decides. I'm just not feeling the whole situation, it feels so half assed to me.

Okay, that's kinda long, but I just wanted to vent and maybe get some advice... this whole situation sucks.

 

[jenii]

Ugh, GOD boys are so stupid. I'm sorry that happened, babes. All I can say is that I hope you at least get to find out either way what the verdict is. Two weeks?! Why so specific?

Maybe there's some transitional process at his work that is going to take two weeks to finish, and he just wants to worry about that, so that he won't take his stress out on you. Think that could be possible?

I'd give him that two weeks. And then, if he's still being douchey after that two weeks, I'd call him on it. I'd say "don't treat me like this, I assumed you were acting that way because you needed a break. Now you've had the break, and you need to stop being a diva."

Sorry, heh, that's just how I talk to people.

Anyway, just give him the two weeks. You never know, it might just be that he knows he'll be super-stressed for the next two weeks, and doesn't want to risk taking it out on you.

 

[Shimmer]

Sounds like he's cheating on you and doesn't want to be a total ass and break up with you, so he's giving you reason to break up with him without you knowing he's crossed a line.

LD relationships are tough. Good luck.

 

[Jeannine8]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer Sounds like he's cheating on you and doesn't want to be a total ass and break up with you, so he's giving you reason to break up with him without you knowing he's crossed a line. LD relationships are tough. Good luck.

See this is what I thought, or I'd think in any other case, but honestly, I really don't think it's another girl, with schedules and times and... I just don't see that as being the reason, though you never really know. I think it's more a case of just not wanting this anymore or something. Who knows.

 

[little teaser]

i too think he is cheating or he dont want to be in the relationship or both, and the reason he is moody is cause theres something thats bothering him and he's fustrated cause he is haveing a hard time being honest about whats going on cause he dont want to hurt you.. so he's leting his actions kind of speak for him and you already said he is kinda hinting to things so although i know you are confused i think you know where this is leading.. take his hints

 

[Moppit]

I think he is cheating too. Everything you have said about his behaviour points to it and especially since its a long distance relationship. I hope I'm wrong but be careful.

 

[Bernadette]

The idea of having a break from a long-distance relationship is kind of ass-backwards. He is that stressed that he needs a break from calling you? Not buying it.
I don't believe in "breaks." I was once told "Let's take a break and see what happens, we're not breaking up though." by the guy I lost my virginity to and was totally in love with and he just stopped calling. It was his chicken-shit way of breaking up.
I also think he might be cheating on you. I've also had this happen to me, while I was living with the guy and around him what felt like 24/7. I still can't figure out when he found time for it!
The way I see this whole break thing is, if you want to be with someone then you want to be with them, no matter what, through thick and thin, no doubts about it. I know it's hard to let go sometimes but there is someone out there for you that will be so in love with you they would do anything not to lose you. That is what you deserve.
I hope it gets better, hang in there and love yourself!

 

[kaliraksha]

I'm going to agree with Bernadette 110%, especially what she said at th end.

Sorry hon, chances are if he's cheating... you are probably in some form of denial and may be making excuses for him timewise. I've done it before... I thought I knew him so well and that I couldn't figure out where he would spend his time on. Thing is... he was running his errands alright... just with her. He would go to get "his haircut" with her... or "to the post office" or "hang out with my guy friend who is leaving town tomorrow". I just don't want you to overlook that possibility because you are secretly making excuses for him... when I first read your posts that's what my gut feeling told me... and if he can't provide a real reason that's what it would keep telling me.

Good luck

 

[Shimmer]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Exactly.

 

[Raerae]

Yup I agree.

Especially with the whole planning to be together for a little bit. He should be totally excited about it, not freaking out because he's gonna see you.

I don't do these types of relationships anymore... There just way to easy for one of the two people involved to just drop the other person when someone "real" comes along. And by that I mean someone near them who they can touch. They seem like the types of relationships where one of the people involved is just using the other party to kill time, while they look for another person.

At least thats my expierence anyways.

 

[giz2000]

I have to agree with everyone else...it does sound like there might be someone else, and he either doesn't have the heart or the guts to break it off with you.

Something else I learned a really long time ago: if it doesn't feel right in your heart, then it probably isn't...follow your instinct.

Men...I swear...

 

[Jeannine8]

Thank you all ladies! And no, i'm not the type to make excuses for someone, if they're being an asshole, then they are, and he is, but I also tend to be on the way pessimistic side of things, so it's good to hear from other people.


Update? He keeps contacting me (since 'the break') and told me he doesn't want me out of his life (because apparently I took the whole "taking a break" thing too far), well um, excuse me for not being able to know wtf is going on in your head.

I'm just in a pissy mood about the whole thing now.

 

[pumpkincat210]

Guys are so weird sometimes.

 

[kaliraksha]

Thanks for the update... I think it's good of you to be strong... you know when to trust your gut and I know everything will work out one way or another. Best of luck <3

 

[little teaser]

your in a long distance relationship and he needs a break?????? i could understand if you were up each others butt, since that's not the case here i still think he cheated even if he dont want you out of his life, guys are easy to read

 

[rubixio]

I was in a situation so similar to this it's scary.

I dont think he's cheating unless you are getting that vibe. I dont want to delve into my personal life, but some people just feel like they shouldnt "go out" (not to pick up anyone, but go out and meet people) because they are in a relationship, but because you arent physically there, they need to do something socially.

Of course, breaks are often cop-outs for other things, such as breaking up without guilt and possibly having you as a "back up" if they dont find something else they want. You just need to have a serious discussion with him (when he isnt pissy/acting odd). And depending how close you live, I'd do it in person because phones suck.

er, hope that helped. Best of luck with whatever happens.

 

[NutMeg]

I don't do breaks, for the very reason you're describing now... What is a break? As I look at it there are only two options, be with me or don't. Taking a break seems too vague and confusing, and getting hurt seems likely.

 

[little teaser]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg I don't do breaks, for the very reason you're describing now... What is a break? As I look at it there are only two options, be with me or don't. Taking a break seems too vague and confusing, and getting hurt seems likely.

i agree^^^ totally