Bullied at work (long, please read)

[JULIA]

This will be a long read but I'm desperately seeking some unbiased advice.

*history time* The girl in question used to be a great friend of mine, in fact she considered me to be a best friend. However, this girl is incredibly cruel, judgmental and isn't ashamed to tell people she is proud of being known as a "bitch". She thrives on drama and is quick to destroy friendships between others. She's just a nasty person all around and this is agreed upon by all my co-workers.

*fast-forward to January 2010* At this point I realized I just didn't want to be associated with someone so toxic and negative. Every time I talked to her she was miserable and very cold towards me and I was constantly on edge wondering "did I do something wrong?", "are you mad at me?". She's used to taking her anger out on everyone around her and I was just tired of constantly having to deal with it. Slowly I distanced myself from her and thought that if she was truly invested in our friendship, she would at least make the effort to come to me and ask if there was anything wrong...She never did. I took that as a sign she didn't care and simply washed my hands of all of that.

A few months go by and things are a bit awkward since we work with each other every day, but I didn't say a word or even acknowledge her just as she made no effort in return. Then the drama starts....

I get word that she is telling co-workers of mine that they are not allowed to talk to me and that they cannot sit with me at work. One co-worker decides that's non-sense and does so anyways and is then called a back-stabber/traitor/etc. and is told she must "pick a side". Another co-worker forwarded me a text where this girl calls me a skank. The girl then went to ANOTHER co-worker and told them that I was telling the people I work with to ignore her and to stop being friends with her when I just didn't care enough to even think about this girl let alone gossip about her to other people. This girl has flat-out said she hates me among other things I am likely forgetting.

So naturally I just got tired of hearing something new every day and texted her telling her to just stop and that I know what she's been up to. It was a simply plea for her to just leave things alone and move on.

She never responded and continued to bitch about me to others.

*forward to this week* The security guard at my work also happens to be my boyfriend so before his shift, he will come see us girls working at the front desk just to say hi and ask how my day was. A few days ago was the first time the girl in question ever witnessed this and then the following day my boyfriend finds out he's banned from approaching the front desk while staff is present.

Then last night I decided to leave a letter for my manager, I forgot to do so during the day when I was at work so I took a drive into town and popped into the place so I could leave it for her. I saw some girls I work with and stopped to chat and went on my way (this is not uncommon for us to do, we visit each other all the time but this happened to be the first time I've ever done this). This girl was working last night and how funny that I get pulled into the office today by my supervisor who tells me to not come into work if I am not scheduled (NO ONE has been approached for this reason...EVER). It's funny, because this girl is constantly visiting after her shifts have ended. I know for sure she's the one who made these complaints, I've been told by co-workers she made these complaints, she has made complaints about other people she doesn't like before. there's no doubt about it.

Obviously this is just juvenile drama but it's coming from her and it just won't end. I do nothing to add fuel to the fire, the only thing I ever did was simply tell her to stop spreading lies and to just leave me alone. I feel now that I have to tip-toe around work because one miss-step and she'll report me because of some personal vendetta. I no longer enjoy working there but it really is the best job available to me and I feel like I'd be letting her "win" by leaving. I truly feel bullied and some-what harassed and management has no idea her motives for complaining are personal.

I was crying at work because this is stressing me out to no end. My supervisor caught me and wanted to know what was wrong, I briefed her on the situation but she'd like me to sit with her to talk more about it all.

Will anything be done? Is "bullying" even taken seriously in the workplace? I'm scared the most they'll do is tell her to knock it off, that won't phase her one bit.

I'm really sad about all if this, it's turned me into a super quiet, sad person when I am usually super bubbly and excited.

I thank anyone who's taken the time to read this. Feel free to share your experiences and how you dealt with it, please!

 

[Skin*Deep]

you never said where you work, but most places have numbers you can call to report such behavior when your immediate supervisor is no help, as it sounds as if she has already chosen a side by not talking to you, just reprimanding you. she sounds like an unhappy negative person and if you quit and find another job she will not "win" she will lose because she will not get the last word, you will have moved on and she will still be at the same place trying to be queen bee of all the drama. it's not always easy to find a new job, but if it were me I would get outta there before she caused me serious problems like potentially getting written up or even let go. people like that never let up and never quit. I say go to the higher ups and if no one is interested in helping you out, then it may be time to move on to bigger and better things!! good luck!

 

[obscuria]

isn't there some sort of hr harassment resource at your work? Definitely talk to your superiors about it, that is just unprofessional behavior.

 

[xFlossy]

Im so sorry to hear this

it sounds like High School all over again. What she is doing is bullying by ostracizing, alienating, slandering and intimidating you.

I would talk to your Manager about it and if nothing gets done, I would go over your managers head and report her. Again, if nothing gets done there, I would talk to a government dept who will investigate the matter.

Surely you aren't the only one she is doing it to. Maybe if enough People complain (anonymously if they are scared of the repurcussions) then someone will take notice.

If nothing gets done then, perhaps you should look at leaving. Yes, she may have won, but surely you would feel better and be happier to come into work and treated with the respect you deserve. Not be intimidated by some pathetic bitchy drama queen complex.

Good luck bella! I hope it all turns out for the best. let us know how you go!

 

[LMD84]

wow... this woman sounds pathetic quite frankly. you need to report everything she is doing. start writing down incidents and dates and times if possible. you'll have some kind of HR department at your head office so you can report all of this there. if you don't it's just going to get worse and worse for you.

 

[JULIA]

Quote:

Originally Posted by obscuria isn't there some sort of hr harassment resource at your work? Definitely talk to your superiors about it, that is just unprofessional behavior.

I was being sexually harassed (i mean, the guy went to EVERYONE at work and told them i was a skank, i slept around, i should be avoided because im a sleeze) and they told him "well, we HOPE you apologize." Our HR dept. sucks.

 

[kenoki]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JULIA I was being sexually harassed (i mean, the guy went to EVERYONE at work and told them i was a skank, i slept around, i should be avoided because im a sleeze) and they told him "well, we HOPE you apologize." Our HR dept. sucks.

Is this an independently run business?

Honestly, I think the best that you can do, for now, is speak with your immediate supervisor. If it is not remedied, then immediately escalate to the next in command.

You need to start logging dates, times and events and if you have co-workers you can trust, who also feel put out by or intolerant of being on the receiving end of her gossip, make sure they save any texts or emails that they receive. Don't respond to the gossip or fuel it, just keep track of it. Also take note of the previous sexual harassment complaint and the company/management's (exact) response. This is psychological harassment, and management needs to get a firm grip on it.

If there is no one above your immediate supervisor, or nothing is done, I believe that Canada (or at least parts of Canada) has a labor act that prohibits psychological harassment in the work place... this is defined as:

Comments, actions or gestures that are:
-repetitive
-hostile or unwanted
-affects your dignity or psychological integrity,
-and results in a harmful work environment.

It sounds like all of these are true in your case.

But for now, most important thing: collect specific information, write it down. So that when you present a formal letter/complaint, you will have plenty of documentation to support your case.

 

[hickle]

I hope this doesn't sound callous, but your best course of action is to ignore her. Sending her a text telling her you "know what she's been up to" was a mistake. Just remember, anything you put in writing can and will be used against you! It's surprising that she's pulling such childish antics by telling other people they "can't" talk to you, or they need to pick a side. If people have half a brain, they won't want to get involved in whatever you two are getting into. If you go to HR, I think you have a 50-50 chance of getting fired, because I think this other person can create accusations against you, and I also think you haven't behaved appropriately. Unless this co-worker is saying things to you directly, I don't think you have a good reason to go to HR. Unfortunately, everything you hear has been second hand, and as such, it's unsubstantiated. These co-workers who are repeating what she has said about you to you are not your friends. If they were your friends, or reputable people, they would be standing up to her themselves, telling her that she's behaving inappropriately and that they don't want to get involved in her drama. As such, I would just avoid all your co-workers. Be cordial, but don't talk to them about your personal life. Make the distinction between co-worker and friend.

 

[Machinegun_Cali]

Thanks a good post Kenoki. Julia I would definitely do what she said.
Dont let her scare you, shes just a horrible rotten person. Dont be afraid to document document document and send it up the chain of command if necessary.

It might be scary now but you can fight it! You shouldnt have to deal with such BS at work.

 

[JULIA]

Hickle, any workplace bullying org. states that the first course of action when dealing with a bully is to ask them to stop/confront them. I did nothing wrong by asking her to leave me alone, in fact I'm positive her refusal to quit being malicious despite me asking her to will work in my favour. I have copies of texts from other people that were sent by her, so it has all been documented. The tone of your comment makes it seem as though you are victim blaming. I have done nothing wrong and I know for sure that my co-workers are my friends. This girl bullies EVERYONE and I am the only person with enough guts to say something. I refuse to just suck it up and ignore my co-workers, that is not a healthy way to deal with this at all.

 

[purrtykitty]

I don't think that you should suck it up and deal with it. But I do agree with hickle that you should tread carefully. She's obviously gotten to your supervisor, and quite possibly has aligned herself with him/her, which will make it all that much more difficult for you to get yourself heard.

I think your best course of action would be to make a formal complaint with management, and if you get nowhere (like you did with your sexual harassment claim), then go to the governmental agency responsible for overseeing such workplace issues and lodge a formal complaint there. Make sure to have all your documentation, and perhaps see if some of your coworkers might be willing to sign statements attesting to the harassment from this girl.

Best of luck to you in figuring this all out.

 

[MzzRach]

In the US, your situation is called "Hostile Work Environment" - and is indeed actionable in court. Your employer has an obligation to provide working conditions that are free from harrassment and hostile working conditions.

I would hope/assume the same kind of regulation is in place in Canada. I agree with what has been posted previously - document, document, document and if you supervisor does nothing, escalate to their manager. If they do nothing, keep escalating. You have a right to be treated properly in the workplace.

I hope things get better for you soon, what an awful situation.

 

[Sojourner]

....

 

[Meisje]

Behavior like that is illegal. I agree that if your supervisor doesn't help, go further up the chain.

When you talk further with your supervisor, you must remember to stay calm and professional when discussing the matter. Stick to the facts --- you can certainly include how it makes you feel, but avoid impassioned statements and tangents, and don't make judgments about your coworker's character or call her names (although she deserves it). I know it's easy to get emotional because this is a horrible and unfair thing to endure, but you will definitely be taken more seriously if you are brief, organized, and adult when discussing it.

Keep a log of dates, times, and harassing actions. Be specific. Be factual. Don't include any emotional responses or descriptions in your harassment log.

I would definitely include a statement like "I enjoy working with our team (or however you describe the working environment... team, group, league, whatever!) but I'm unable to fully contribute and perform optimally because of the toxic environment caused by _______'s actions. I've asked ______ to behave more professionally but the harassment has continued."

Now that you've confronted her and asked her directly to stop --- don't engage. Appear blissfully ignorant that she's out to get you, don't respond to people when they try to get you to talk about what she's saying about you, and just shrug to coworkers when they try to drag you into the drama. When they come up to tell you about the latest email or text, just shrug and change the subject. Most of all, DON'T DISCUSS WITH ANYONE THAT YOU'VE TAKEN THIS TO A HIGHER LEVEL. The other employees are probably thrilled at the drama and will report back to your harasser --- things will get worse.

Bullies thrive on the effects they have on people. I can't guarantee that she'll stop if you ignore her, but I can at least guarantee that she'll lose a lot of the satisfaction she gets watching you squirm.

 

[marusia]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JULIA Will anything be done? Is "bullying" even taken seriously in the workplace? I'm scared the most they'll do is tell her to knock it off, that won't phase her one bit.

Absolutely! Before I went into business for myself, I had a job as an inventory control specialist. My "team leader" was a disgusting pig. He was married, he was constantly sexually harassing me...like, horribly! Telling me stupid sh*t like, "Oh, I threw packing peanuts on the floor so I could watch you pick them up...too bad you're not wearing a skirt!" After months of putting up with this crap, I went to Human Resources with a list of dates and events that happened because my boss wouldn't do anything about it. They asked me if I had witnesses, and everyone that knew what was going on wrote a statement. I ended up getting his ass fired! EVERYTHING IS EXTREMELY CONFIDENTIAL! I also used to work in HR years ago. Companies don't take that crap lightly because they can get their pants sued off. When you sit down withyour supervisor, give her times, what happened, any witnesses, and any evidence. Tell her you feel you're being harassed and an employee is committing libel, slander, and defaming your character. If she won't act on it, keep going a step higher, or just go straight to your Human Resources Manager. There's NO reason for you to be putting up with that crap!

Good luck Hon, keep your head held high!

 

[hickle]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JULIA Hickle, any workplace bullying org. states that the first course of action when dealing with a bully is to ask them to stop/confront them. I did nothing wrong by asking her to leave me alone, in fact I'm positive her refusal to quit being malicious despite me asking her to will work in my favour. I have copies of texts from other people that were sent by her, so it has all been documented. The tone of your comment makes it seem as though you are victim blaming. I have done nothing wrong and I know for sure that my co-workers are my friends. This girl bullies EVERYONE and I am the only person with enough guts to say something. I refuse to just suck it up and ignore my co-workers, that is not a healthy way to deal with this at all.

I guess I'm not very sympathetic because I feel like there is a lot of hype around the buzz word "bullying". As an adult, I don't care what other people think about me and who's saying what about me. I'm not the popular person in the office, and I mind my business. It serves me quite well.

I just don't believe you're as innocent as you claim to be. You were admittedly friends with this "bully" for a while. You didn't seem to have any problem with her behavior for a while, and then you started distancing yourself. I just think if you're were as virtuous as you're making yourself out to be, you would have told the woman in question her behavior was unacceptable long ago. In the back of my mind, I'm wondering how many she slandered to you, while you stood by idly. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, you're "the victim". I'm sorry, but that doesn't make you a sympathetic character in my eyes. Furthermore, you're getting all worked up about what she's saying about you to co-workers. Again, who cares? She called you a nasty name to someone, and someone repeated it. In my eyes, the person who's repeating that stuff to you is a bigger trouble maker than that girl. People gossip about one another. That's just what they do. For the most part, it's completely meaningless. If you like your job, you should focus on that and stop creating mountains out of mole hills.

 

[MzzRach]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hickle I guess I'm not very sympathetic because I feel like there is a lot of hype around the buzz word "bullying". As an adult, I don't care what other people think about me and who's saying what about me. I'm not the popular person in the office, and I mind my business. It serves me quite well. I just don't believe you're as innocent as you claim to be. You were admittedly friends with this "bully" for a while. You didn't seem to have any problem with her behavior for a while, and then you started distancing yourself. I just think if you're were as virtuous as you're making yourself out to be, you would have told the woman in question her behavior was unacceptable long ago. In the back of my mind, I'm wondering how many she slandered to you, while you stood by idly. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, you're "the victim". I'm sorry, but that doesn't make you a sympathetic character in my eyes. Furthermore, you're getting all worked up about what she's saying about you to co-workers. Again, who cares? She called you a nasty name to someone, and someone repeated it. In my eyes, the person who's repeating that stuff to you is a bigger trouble maker than that girl. People gossip about one another. That's just what they do. For the most part, it's completely meaningless. If you like your job, you should focus on that and stop creating mountains out of mole hills.

I think the original poster is asking a fair question. It's true, we do not know all sides of the story, but her questions are valid. I respect that people will have differing opinions of this scenario, but I think to state "who cares?" and "you're not as innocent as you claim to be" is over the line. The OP is obviously upset and is asking for other's opinions who may have gone through a similar situation.

 

[xFlossy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MzzRach but I think to state "who cares?" and "you're not as innocent as you claim to be" is over the line. The OP is obviously upset and is asking for other's opinions who may have gone through a similar situation.

Yeah I agree, that was pretty harsh, what may work for you may not work well with others.

 

[Meisje]

hickle --- if your purpose was to tell her to ignore what's happening, there are much better ways to phrase it.

 

[Simply Elegant]

I agree with the last couple of posters, it's obviously quite upsetting and it's effecting her enough that she needs help from us. I think it is a big deal- people kill themselves over stuff like this.. Obviously what you value and what you perceive is quite different.

I think you should report everything calmly alone to someone higher up until someone who cares enough can and will take action. Likely there will be a meeting that goes over bullying in general and maybe that will spark others to complain about her as well.