College Roommate Frustrations!!!

[chocolategoddes]

I usually try to refrain from whining about my problems on Specktra, but I've just been so stressed and frustrated that I needed to rant to some people on the internet who wouldn't mind reading what I have to say.

Before going off to college, I had this fantasy in my mind that I'd form some kind of bond with my roommate/s. I'm aware that not everyone becomes BFFs with their roomies, but I at least wanted to try to get along with mine, hang out with them, and get to know them.
Well, I recently moved into the dorms at my university and none of that has happened between my roommates and me.

I live in a triple room and it seems that my two roommates have become best friends and they just ignore me most of the time. On our first day of meeting, they instantly seemed to have a connection and they would only talk to each other. I'd attempt to join into their conversations and they'd chuckle and comment on whatever I said, then go on with whatever they were talking about. They wouldn't even make eye contact with me most of the time, indicating that I really wasn't part of their conversation to begin with.They made it very clear that they were pretty indifferent on getting to know me.

It's only been a few days, but they hang out like they're best friends and they barely interact with me, no matter how hard I try to join in. I'll invite them to go get something to eat and they'll decline my offer, only to go out and hang out with each other instead.

Part of me has already given up on forming a relationship with these girls but when I see them go out to parties together or gossip about people they mutually know, it does really hurt my feelings

I kind of want to tell them how I feel, but I don't want to come off like a total loser, crying about how they don't like me and wah wah wah.

It's only been about three days since we've all moved in and I've met a lot of really awesome people in my halls and classes, but I guess I'm kind of craving that buddy-ness that my roomates have. When you're in a new environment, it's easy to feel lonely, even with all these people around you. I know eventually I'll make a lot of great friends, but at this moment I'm just upset over how my roommates have already closed themselves off from becoming my friend.
I constantly ask myself "why they're treating me like this?" Did I say something to turn them off? Is it because I'm black? Am I intimidating? Do I smell funny?
Is my fierceness too much for them to handle?

So, I guess if anyone has any advice on how to deal with this, has gone through a similar situation, or can make me feel better (lol) feel free to share.

 

[nunu]

I think you should just be honest with them and tell them exactly how you feel. Sit them down and tell them that you would like to hang out with them more etc..

See what they have to say, if they brush it off and carry on ignoring you then you're better off without them. You have met other people in halls and classes, hang out with them instead.

Hope this helps.

 

[TISH1124]

We girls are complicated creatures...I personally think it probably is your fierceness that intimidates them...They are more than likely jealous of the pretty girl...which you are...so their way of handling it is shutting the pretty girl out...But it won't change how you look or who you are....I would sit down and talk with them and just approach it as "Have I done something to offend you guys" Even though you know you haven't...Just let them know you want the roommate experience to be enjoyable for all three of you...If you guys gotta be stuck together then they may as well make the best of it and find the fun in it...by enjoying each others company.

If that doesn't work just beat the shit out of them in their sleep with a bag of oranges, they may come too later and feel differently about how they are treating you ...j/k

 

[joey444]

I agree with Tish. I think they're already hating on the pretty girl! I know it's easier said than done but try to ignore them and try to make your own friends to go hang out with. They're doing what they're doing on purpose because they can see it bothers you. Once they see that what they do doesn't phase you and furthermore, you have more fun than what they're probably having, the tables are going to turn and THEY'RE going to be asking YOU to hang out. Good luck and enjoy every minute of your college experience =)

 

[coachkitten]

My suggestion to you is to stay friendly with these girls but to proceed with caution. I also suggest that you get yourself involved in as many dorm related activities as you can so you can meet other people in your same dorm to become friends with. I met a lot of great people that way some who are still my best friends today.

I am going to sound like a mom when I say this but it is those girls loss if they don't want to be your friend. You are pretty, have a great sense of humor, and a nice person. Do you have a RA that you can talk with?

I hope things start to get better for you!

 

[jjjenko]

I had a pretty bad roommate experience last year when I first started college. She was crazy. If the situation gets too bad maybe you can talk to your RA about it and maybe you can switch into a different room. I wasn't getting along with my roommate after the third week and suggested that she apply to transfer out, and she did. I hope everything works out for you!

 

[AmandaCA]

I was pretty much in the exact same situation as you my freshman year. There were 6 girls in my suite. One had no interest in socializing with any of us, the rest were constantly hanging out and talking, and then there was me. When the girl who had no interest moved out after the first semester, my roommate, who I had thought was a friend even if she was distant to me, moved out into the other room without telling me.
I'm not going to lie, I was pretty damn miserable all year and it was in huge part because of where and who I lived with. They ranged from politely distant to downright mean to me.
The only thing I can recommend is just remaining as distant to them as they are to you. If they're like that in the very beginning of the year, they are definitely not going to change. Find friends elsewhere and just try to hang out in their rooms with their roommates. Minimize the amount of time you spend in your room, where the environment is not healthy mentally. I really regret not taking more initiative and doing that more often.
Show your roommates that you will treat them with cordiality and respect, but you don't need their friendship or their approval if they're not going to give it to you.

Edit: I actually recommend leaving if it comes to the point where you hate or feel uncomfortable in your room. Another thing I wish I had done.

 

[frocher]

............

 

[gildedangel]

Them not wanting to hang out with you is their loss, you are one of the funniest people here on Specktra (I always LMAO at your posts)! I had a similar situation with my suitemates last year. Do ask them if you did something that bothered them to let them know that they are being rude. Otherwise, don't let it get to you. I went and hung out with other people on my floor in their rooms and I didn't feel too lonely, honestly. If you really want to be better friends with your roommates, just move! You would be amazed at how many people in dorms are moving throughout the year, rooms constantly open up, and there is high demand for dorms where I am. Don't let them get to you, just do your own thing and have your own college experience, even if it doesn't include them!

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

it's not u. don't worry.

for college roommates, u either hate them or love them. at least in my experience. my bff is my roommate from my soph year in college and i didn't get along with my fresh year roommate. i mean i was tolerant of her but i wasn't bff's. don't worry if you aren't bff's with ur roomies. as long as they try to be civil then okay but if things get out of control like they're stealing ur stuff or doing crazy skanky things then, definitely tell the RA or someone in charge. i had to change rooms during my dorm years because my roommate was that crazy. anyway good luck and keep us posted!

 

[reesecup1908]

My 1st roommate was very introverted. I couldn't keep sitting in the room all day and say nothing, so I ventured downstairs in the dorm. I met one girl and we clicked right away. She introduced me to her roomate and I found out her roommate lived in the next country back home. So I kinda became their "third" roommate. I invited my roommate to come along and go out with us, but I don't think she ever did. But I learned you have to make your own fun, no matter who goes, or who doesn't want to go with you.

 

[Babylard]

well they sure are a bunch of cunts... can i say that here? cunts? *chuckles* some people just dont grow up and are stuck in "high school mode". im sure you'll find someone you can connect better with soon!

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babylard well they sure are a bunch of cunts... can i say that here? cunts? *chuckles* some people just dont grow up and are stuck in "high school mode". im sure you'll find someone you can connect better with soon!

I know right and I have decided versus beating their ass with a bag of oranges I think I would prefer a bag of Pool Balls...that may work better ...If it doesn't kill them it will sure as hell make them nicer...guaranteed success

 

[chocolategoddes]

This whole situation is VERY high school. You're supposed to venture out and meet different people, not stay in your same clique and talk behind your own roommate's back.
I would confront them about it, but I'd kind of feel like I'm "forcing" them to be friends with me and I don't want to do that.
To be honest, they aren't really the "type" of girls I usually befriend but I'm still open to getting to know the people.

I guess I should be happy that they don't steal my shit and hog everything and I can obviously have friends outside my dorm room, but I'm just really confused and upset over this.

I'll never understand girls.

 

[astronaut]

At least you don't have roommates who are disrespectful enough to have sex while you're in the room... yet. Hasn't happened to me but I've had at least two friends who have had that happen to them!

About those girls, eh, not worth getting to know. If they aren't friendly people then well, that's their problem.

 

[User27]

****

 

[cazgh]

Aw really feel for you - like it isnt hard enough anyway to start somewhere new without getting stuck with that as well.

How nasty of them to be so selfish though. I had a similar situation and it was pretty horrific the whole way through - I'll never forget it thats for sure. One of the girls would talk to me when it was just me and her but when the other one came back I would be flat out ignored again!

It was so bad - it was like, if I tried to start or join a conversation I was ignored, unless I was spoken to first (like being invited to speak) then I would be tolerated. They were the most hateful girls I have ever met. This wasn't college either - this was a job! I learned to make friends in other departments - they were always so much nicer to me and just got my head down. And eventually they all moved onto new jobs and it became a brilliant place to work as some really nice girls moved in instead. When they moved on though a part of me really hoped they got a taste of what they dished out back.

At least you have people here who really like you and if you can find other people to enjoy the company of that will be good for you.

Hope it works out ok!!! What doesn't kill us makes us 100% stronger and far better for it in the long run.

My hubby really got picked on at school because he was really quiet... He loves now seeing those bullies working the checkouts at his local store - reminds him he has moved on loads!!

 

[chocolategoddes]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cazgh How nasty of them to be so selfish though. I had a similar situation and it was pretty horrific the whole way through - I'll never forget it thats for sure. One of the girls would talk to me when it was just me and her but when the other one came back I would be flat out ignored again! It was so bad - it was like, if I tried to start or join a conversation I was ignored, unless I was spoken to first (like being invited to speak) then I would be tolerated. They were the most hateful girls I have ever met. This wasn't college either - this was a job! I learned to make friends in other departments - they were always so much nicer to me and just got my head down. And eventually they all moved onto new jobs and it became a brilliant place to work as some really nice girls moved in instead. When they moved on though a part of me really hoped they got a taste of what they dished out back.

This is EXACTLY what I'm going through! I'm sad that it happened to you but at least I'm not alone.
I actually talked briefly with one of my roommates while we walked to classes and she's really nice but she completely ignores me and talks to the other roommate when they're together.
I feel like I just fade into the walls when I'm around them. I'm totally not myself.

Actually, just a few hours ago, they went out to get dinner together and just left me in the room. They could've easily invited me out with them with a simple "Hey Kensie, wanna come?", but they just grabbed their purses and left instead. I wasn't really hungry anyway but I was kind of hoping they'd at least ask if I wanted to join them.
I know I could've "invited myself" or "found other people to hang out with" but it's easier said than done. Not much really goes on in my hall.

See, this is why I don't post stuff like on Specktra. I just come off as a pathetic loser! LMAO!!!

 

[Makeup Emporium]

I hate to say it but we "girls" sure can be nasty creatures sometimes. I stayed away from dorm life for University and opted to get an apartment instead. I was lucky and got a 1 bedroom just off campus and lived by myself. I found that it was a freeing experience being on my own and wouldn't trade it for the world. It could have been nice being in the dorm but my luck I would have been stuck in a nightmare situation.

I would have preferred to be in the guy's dorm anyway. I find that I tend to get along much better with guys as they are just less...complicated. They say what they mean and generally there is far less bullshit involved. Not to mention the showers would be more fun!

Hang in there; it's only been a little while so hopefully things will get better. You are probably not missing anything anyway as they don't sound like the kind of girls that you'd want to be friends with anyway. Anyone who can treat others that way does not deserve to have you as a friend!! You will find others who are nicer and more deserving of your time.

You are definitely too fierce for those bitches!!

 

[chocolategoddes]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Makeup Emporium I would have preferred to be in the guy's dorm anyway. I find that I tend to get along much better with guys as they are just less...complicated. They say what they mean and generally there is far less bullshit involved. Not to mention the showers would be more fun!

but seriously, i'm stuck in an all-girls hall. i'd much rather be in an all boys dorm. i could get over the messy rooms and the B.O.