Dating someone you're not attracted to

[ShugAvery2001]

Sooooo

New guy in my life. Older more stable working man who thinks I'm the bomb. Problem is that, I'm not physically attracted to him at all. He reminds me of my uncle with his big pot belly. As a person I think we mesh well...

We both work hard
We both love jazz (i mean really love jazz)

He talks to me everyday. And I don't think he's the type to juggle multiple females around.

Seems like the eligible bachelors , you know the ones with jobs are few and far between in Chicago. I'm trying to focus on the good things. I do want to be married to someone who adores me.

What should I do. Should I date someone I'm not at all physically attracted to

 

[frocher]

,,,,

 

[Skin*Deep]

I think not being attracted to him could always be in the back of your mind, and it could leave you unintentionally waiting for the bigger, better thing to come along. I think the fact that you are second guessing it and looking for outside opinions at all is a sign that it is a problem.

 

[Blushbaby]

If you're not even physically attracted to him, then I fail to see how a r'ship is gonna develop. He may aswell just be a really good friend.

 

[gildedangel]

If you are having second thoughts on this guy, then he is probably not for you. Obviously physical attraction is something that you value in a guy, and if you are not attracted to him then he may not be your perfect match. He could certainly be a good friend though!

 

[ginger9]

Are you attracted to his personality or is he just okay. I mean really attracted to his personality, as in his mind rocks you. Because it's possible that there is physical chemistry or could develop. Have you tried anything physical yet? Maybe try kissing and making out to see if there's anything there.

 

[TISH1124]

I personally have tried it and it did not work for me....The guy had everything going for him...good career, nice home, good values etc...However he did not turn me on...I stuck with it for about 6 months then I had to let it go..it was not fair to him or to me...When it came to sex time I would cringe...I personally have to be attracted ....and the attraction is what gets me turned on when it comes to romance time...so for me...No...and it was not about what I valued more in a man..it was what my body and heart felt...and it wasn't feeling him for nothing more than a friend...no romantic attraction whatsoever *NONE*..and I tried to force it...But No...

I truly believe a person can find both...a man that has all the values you are looking for and a man that you are attracted to all rolled in one...A man that you think about and you get all wet and * Oh sorry* I got off track...where is my damn husband!! Shug done got me all Shook up and shit!!

 

[ginger9]

^^ I hope you are right Tish. I haven't yet found both in a man. The one's I want to jump are generally real jerks.

 

[TISH1124]

BTW ...off Topic....Love the new Avatar ...the lips are bangin' and he is a cutie !!!

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ginger9 ^^ I hope you are right Tish. I haven't yet found both in a man. The one's I want to jump are generally real jerks.

I am right! Please trust me...I have slept with, kissed and married a Toad in the past..been beat, torn down and damn near destroyed......But I finally found a Prince....it happens...In God's time ...not ours...and if you don't believe in God..It happens in Due time....Don't wait or look for him...he will come....I wouldn't trade my husband for a zillion bucks...I would sleep in a cardboad box with him if I had too, as long as I could feel his skin against my skin....You ladies will find the right man...it took me until I was 36 to find him but hell he was worth waiting for and worth all the toads I had to endure ...so please don't settle! yes I am old so listen to me!

Shug do not settle you are too beautiful and kind....you need Mr Forever Right not Mr Right Now!! You want a man that just thinking about him gets your thong all twisted....

 

[ShugAvery2001]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ginger9 ^^ I hope you are right Tish. I haven't yet found both in a man. The one's I want to jump are generally real jerks.

Me too.. I'm generally a jerk magnet. Dating has been brutal.... and I've seen my girlfriends who's men weren't as "sweet" you know. The reason I like him is because he's sweet... and gentle ... and patient...

I'm gonna give it a try. I'll let you guys know how it goes...

I'm not the type to dog a guy out...

Okay I might try it... I'm so confused

 

[ShugAvery2001]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1124 BTW ...off Topic....Love the new Avatar ...the lips are bangin' and he is a cutie !!!

You know that's my favorite pomposity lip.....

 

[LMD84]

maybe he's not the guy for you.... like others have said even though looks aren't as important as personality they do play a part in a relationship. i went out with a guy who i really thought was un-attractive. i thought it might work because he made me laugh so much. but it didn't. even kissing him i would imagine it was somebody else! and sex... well we never even got that far!

don't settle for just a personality - you deserve the whole package! as Tish said you may have to go through alot to get your man - but he will come!

 

[ginger9]

Thanks for the encouragement Tish! I am hopeful (cross my fingers)

Shug I hear you! I hope you find your dream man and please let us know how it goes....

I like sweet guys, I've been around long enough to want a guy to treat me well than jerk me around. The only thing is I don't want him to be a push over. I wonder if that's possible - a sweet guy with a spine? Sometimes I think I'm asking for too much but I am sweet and spunky at the same time so it is possible right??!

 

[Face2Mac]

Don't settle.

Let him go nicely, be his friend and move on. It is better to let this go early until his feeling really get involved while you are on the side waiting for the real one and he thinks he has already found it in you.

 

[TISH1124]

Ginger9....Yes it is possible...My husband buys me the world (even goes and buys MAC) treats me like a queen and will give anyone the shirt off his back...But he carries a 45 with him at all times and he will bust a cap in someone's ass if they cross over into his space ....he also tells me No when it is deserved...I hate it...But I always appreciate it later...and he will not take shit off me...His motto is...you treat me good ...I treat you better...You shit me..you will forever regret it...and lawd knows that is true...I have been on his bad side and it is UGLY!!!

 

[belle89]

Personally, I wouldn't date a man I wasn't attracted to. I always figured, if I don't like what you look like during the day, I would hate to wake up next to you. I, too, vote to hold out for the whole package.

 

[Tahti]

Me and my boyfriend never 'officially' started going out together, it more kind of just happened... just hanging out together and stuff as friends for a while, which just led on.

On paper everything about him initially I didn't like, as all my previous boyfriends were of a pretty similar physical and emotional type - REALLY skinny, controlling, long hair, blah blah, and that's what I was attracted to until I met my boyfriend now ^_^ at the beginning of when we started being together, I didn't find him half as beautiful as I do now - emotionally for me, he's verging on perfect, but in my mind he wasn't fitting the 'type' I went for... but in reality I don't even have a type!
(for me, it had to do with a father complex really - I went for asshole & physically look-a-like men who were just like my father... typical)

Now I've come to absolutely love how he looks... I don't know, maybe it might take time? Only speaking from personal experience- I've found if I can connect with someone emotionally, then looks cease to matter, and eventually I find them perfect and beautiful just because they are so lovely inside. ^_^

 

[ginger9]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1124 Ginger9....Yes it is possible...My husband buys me the world (even goes and buys MAC) treats me like a queen and will give anyone the shirt off his back...But he carries a 45 with him at all times and he will bust a cap in someone's ass if they cross over into his space ....he also tells me No when it is deserved...I hate it...But I always appreciate it later...and he will not take shit off me...His motto is...you treat me good ...I treat you better...You shit me..you will forever regret it...and lawd knows that is true...I have been on his bad side and it is UGLY!!!

Aww, damn girl. You got The man! I love that

 

[Shimmer]

I couldn't do it.