Pascal
Well-known member
Ok hello everyone I am in desperate need of your help on my situation and I thank you in advance for reading and replying to me.
Ok so I am 25 years old and I moved out of my parents' house in June of this year, now I swore that I would have never left my parents' house before I was married but my family has really fallen apart this year and it was too much for me to cope with. My parents constantly argued over my younger 24 year old sister, my mother has completeley lost all patience and yells at me and threatens to throw my things out, without me doing ANYTHING to her and she never use to do that to me, so that is why I left I couldn't take it anymore, the stress was an OVERLOAD and I was carrying the WEIGHT OF THE WORLD on my shoulders. Everytime my parents had an argument I had to be there beside my mom comforting her, or on the phone with my dad trying to reason with him to please come back home, just imagine the song FAMILY PORTRAIT by P!NK, That's the world I was living in. So I had to save myself and my sanity because as you all know I have been suicidal in the past and staying at home would have drivin me right back onto the edge of suicide. So anyways the important thing to remember is that now my lease will be up and I have to give the leasing office an answer in regards to if I want to continue my lease or I need to give them a 30 day notice, I had already decided I wasn't going back home until my parents were completeley stable, and ther aren't there all the way yet, they've just begun behaving and controlling their emotions and actions. But it came up in a conversation about a month ago between my parents and I , and my mom seriously has hope that I will be coming back home to live with her and my dad again, but it is not in my plans any time soon until they fix their issues because I cannot be subject to their environment. So for the past month I have been losing it, I don't know what to do... Should I go back home? my parents said they promise that for my sake they will not fight ... Should I stay out living on my own until things cool downa little more between the family? my mom says to me that if I just came back home she would be so much happier and she wouldn't be depressed, she says that losing me was the worst thing that ever happenned to her and that when she walks into my room and sees thats its empty that it just breaks her heart and she cries. I know my mother is sincere, but is she going to be patient and not yell at me like she promises ? What I do know is that my mother became emotionally worse when I left, she fought with my father 10x more then when I was around, in other words I think that my parents felt bad to fight infront of me so they fought less when I was around, but increased when I left because they have their freedom to argue and not be ashamed of their fights. My mother aknowledges that too.
I like living out on my own becasue I have my own appliances I do my laundry when I want to I do everything on my own schedule rather then on my moms, I do not bring over guys and boink them lol. I'm a very disciplined girl for my age and I respect myself, I just wanted PEACE OF MIND and I have it living out on my own. Also I feel like I have something that meakes me feel like an independent woman ... my own little place. I still go to my parents' house on the weekends and stay there and when it's time for me to leave in the mornings my mom asks me "do you want to come back and spend the night again"? I tell her " No I have to wake up early tomorrow, maybe next week" and she gives me this look like I feel so guilty to say not to her or I am gulity for liking being out on my own. I leave my parents house crying for the past month but they don't know, I sleep crying and wake up crying becasue I don't know what to do... I am so confused I mean this is as big a step to go back as it was to leave the first time. Am I going to regret it if I give a thirty day notice? Will it be better for my mom emotionally? I mean heres what eating me up inside. If I stay at my apartment and sign a new lease my mom will get more emotionally sad and more lonely, and I will be happy with my space and living situation, or if I move back in woth my parents and my mother doesn't stay patient with me and starts to yell at me again what will I do then? my family is the only thing that pushes my to the edge of the cliff, they are the only ones who cause me to feel like I am worthless, and a waste of a human when they are having problems, ther are the only ones who will cause me to want to kill myself because as you all know I am a very weak person when my mother says something hurtful to me and in order for me retalliate against her I will try to hurt the one person that means the world to her .... Myself....
Sorry for writing all of this but I have no friends to turn to and I need an opinion rather then a hers or my dads.
Thanks for your help....
Ok so I am 25 years old and I moved out of my parents' house in June of this year, now I swore that I would have never left my parents' house before I was married but my family has really fallen apart this year and it was too much for me to cope with. My parents constantly argued over my younger 24 year old sister, my mother has completeley lost all patience and yells at me and threatens to throw my things out, without me doing ANYTHING to her and she never use to do that to me, so that is why I left I couldn't take it anymore, the stress was an OVERLOAD and I was carrying the WEIGHT OF THE WORLD on my shoulders. Everytime my parents had an argument I had to be there beside my mom comforting her, or on the phone with my dad trying to reason with him to please come back home, just imagine the song FAMILY PORTRAIT by P!NK, That's the world I was living in. So I had to save myself and my sanity because as you all know I have been suicidal in the past and staying at home would have drivin me right back onto the edge of suicide. So anyways the important thing to remember is that now my lease will be up and I have to give the leasing office an answer in regards to if I want to continue my lease or I need to give them a 30 day notice, I had already decided I wasn't going back home until my parents were completeley stable, and ther aren't there all the way yet, they've just begun behaving and controlling their emotions and actions. But it came up in a conversation about a month ago between my parents and I , and my mom seriously has hope that I will be coming back home to live with her and my dad again, but it is not in my plans any time soon until they fix their issues because I cannot be subject to their environment. So for the past month I have been losing it, I don't know what to do... Should I go back home? my parents said they promise that for my sake they will not fight ... Should I stay out living on my own until things cool downa little more between the family? my mom says to me that if I just came back home she would be so much happier and she wouldn't be depressed, she says that losing me was the worst thing that ever happenned to her and that when she walks into my room and sees thats its empty that it just breaks her heart and she cries. I know my mother is sincere, but is she going to be patient and not yell at me like she promises ? What I do know is that my mother became emotionally worse when I left, she fought with my father 10x more then when I was around, in other words I think that my parents felt bad to fight infront of me so they fought less when I was around, but increased when I left because they have their freedom to argue and not be ashamed of their fights. My mother aknowledges that too.
I like living out on my own becasue I have my own appliances I do my laundry when I want to I do everything on my own schedule rather then on my moms, I do not bring over guys and boink them lol. I'm a very disciplined girl for my age and I respect myself, I just wanted PEACE OF MIND and I have it living out on my own. Also I feel like I have something that meakes me feel like an independent woman ... my own little place. I still go to my parents' house on the weekends and stay there and when it's time for me to leave in the mornings my mom asks me "do you want to come back and spend the night again"? I tell her " No I have to wake up early tomorrow, maybe next week" and she gives me this look like I feel so guilty to say not to her or I am gulity for liking being out on my own. I leave my parents house crying for the past month but they don't know, I sleep crying and wake up crying becasue I don't know what to do... I am so confused I mean this is as big a step to go back as it was to leave the first time. Am I going to regret it if I give a thirty day notice? Will it be better for my mom emotionally? I mean heres what eating me up inside. If I stay at my apartment and sign a new lease my mom will get more emotionally sad and more lonely, and I will be happy with my space and living situation, or if I move back in woth my parents and my mother doesn't stay patient with me and starts to yell at me again what will I do then? my family is the only thing that pushes my to the edge of the cliff, they are the only ones who cause me to feel like I am worthless, and a waste of a human when they are having problems, ther are the only ones who will cause me to want to kill myself because as you all know I am a very weak person when my mother says something hurtful to me and in order for me retalliate against her I will try to hurt the one person that means the world to her .... Myself....
Sorry for writing all of this but I have no friends to turn to and I need an opinion rather then a hers or my dads.
Thanks for your help....
