Desperatly in need of your help
- Thread starter Pascal
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Pascal
Well-known member
Quote:
Hi ladies, well I do !!! and I have been at their home visiting and spending the nights from time to time since I moved out, it's not like my mom didn't see me for a week or a month, I mean we even go skating twice a week and I go to the supermarket with my mom after we skate, so I see her, it's not like I ever had hard feelings towards my mother and didn't talk to her
I leave it up to her to ask me to come over cause sometimes she has her own plans with my dad and I don't interrupt them when they do, so when she asks me to come over, usually on the weekends or a couple times during the week to spend the night I do, but I like going back to MY home. I have a great relationship with my parents and they are all I have on this earth, all my relatives are back in the middle east so we are a close family, but DYSFUNCTIONAL ....
My mom didn't always treat me like shit, she just lost her patience with me for the last few months before I finally decided to move out, she and I have always been on good terms, but the stress was rising and that's why I left.. we are still on good terms and I still feel the same way about her now as I did my whole life, it doesn't mean cause she yelled to me that one day and threatened to throw out my things that I hate her... she did it only that one time, but before that there were little bickers here and there and I just feel like I am getting older and I need my own space to do things on my time. Plus emotionally I was going through a rollercoaster and that last time she yelled at me was the final straw for me to leave, if she had just been patient I would have stuck around, but she just couldn't control her impatientce.
for example: this past weekend we all were happy, we had a great time, my mom and I went shopping on Saturday, we love to do that together on saturdays!!! it is our time to bond and I genuenly love it... so saturday night I slept at their house , I woke up sunday morning and I washed my car at their house and then I said goodbye to me parents. As far as I knew throughout the day they were getting along fine so it made me feel better that they were not arguing
and I went to sleep on sunday night and woke up just fine. Then here what happens, my mom went to get an oil change at the BENZ dealer and then she just was a different person, she came home a little frustrated, and bitter. so on monday she and I were talking and she had alot of things on her mind, I told her that all those small things she is talking about are nothing major to worry about, and not to get her feathers ruffled over, I told her "don't sweat it", you see my mom is the type of person who thinks too much and when she has a million thoughts racing through her brain she gets a panic/ anxiety attack, I know this becasue I get like 6 attacks a year and I know what causes them, plus I am medicated for anxiety.... so anyways I just told her to let it go... well then my dad came home to her monday night and she starts bringing up the subjects that were bothering her, and it starts an argument. like for example my situation. she says to my dad that if I don't come home she's moving away to the middle east, and that if he didn't pay me what he does then I would have never had the oppertunity to move out on my own and I would have been forced to stay living at home... she brings up his business and you know how men are when their wives bring up their work business and how they run their business.... men just want to be left alone when it comes to a woman telling him how to run his business, then she brings up a whole bunch of other subjects and then they blow up on each other..... this is why I don't wanna go back, I know they didnt fight on Monday it was just a dissagreement over issues , but I believe that no matter what age your kids are from a newborn to a 25 year old like me, arguing and fighting infront of you kids is BAD !!!! their fighting has affected the way I look at marraige, I sometimes say fuck marraige, what the fuck for ??? so I can fight with a man 3/4 of the time? I'd rather be alone... It's plagued my mind , I am not saying that I have been abused or harmed in any way. All I am saying is that what you see in your parents home as their child can be unhealthy for you in the future and how you percieve relationships for your future.
Ladies, I am very scared for my mother because now it is Wednesday morning and she has been arguing with my dad since monday night, she slep all afternoon and night yesterday, I went to see her at 5:00 after work yesterday and she was lying in the bed sleeping, it was getting darl outside and she diddn't want to get out of bed, I offered to stay with her, to make her tea , she declined my offers, she said she wanted to be left alone, so I left her alone. Then my dad came home at 7:00 and tried to help her she didn't want his help. I offered to my dad that I would come and stay for a week with them so she cou;d feel better for the hiolidays, plus I want to see if it's at all possibe to live with her before I sign another lease, she declined my offer. Then this morning my father had an early meeting and he saw she was still asleep so he left her, then as he was leaving she woke up so he wanted to stay with her a little bit, she was angry with him because he was going to leave without awakening her and talking to her.... so this ofcourse caused a problem ... and then she became angry and wanted to throw his stuff out, so he had to go to work....
I believe my mother is severly depressed and has BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISPRDER. People with that disorder usually have STORMY RELATIIONSHIPS with those closest to them, they make threats, they are afraid ti be alone for long periods of time and afraid to be abondoned, also people with BPD can make you feel like you are their best friend to them, but when they are upset with you you become devaluated and are their worst enemy in their view.... People like this also threaten to kill themselves, and attempt it for attention only without the intent of dying.... This type of person will react on anger and do things out of anger that may cause a bad effect down the line and this person does not care about the consiquences of their actions, however after the have reacted they think it was justified then they realize what they have done and this person will cry for forgiveness and beg those they hurt to come back... and this cycle goes on and on and on ......... My mother does not think there is anything worng with her, she claims that because she has no kids in her home, and my dad is at work all day and no relatives or friends to talk to that that's the reason she is losing it.... I can see where she is coming from, but there is PROFESSIONAL HELP for people with BPD.... And if she hates KAISER there are other places better then Kaiser to help her, I know many therpists who want to help my mom but she won't accept.....
I am afraid for her life ... so I don't know what to do or how to help her, and my father does everthying and anything she wants just so she's happy, but she's not happy for longer then a few days at a time.
Im sorry about going on and on in this thread but this is my life and I have no friends in real life to turn to, I have one guy friend and how much can he take... he has a life too.... so I thank you all for your help and your support in this matter in my life, and thank you for taking time out of yous to help me with mine....
Originally Posted by iadoremac
I dont think you should go back because you obviously enjoy staying alone, you could start by spending some weekends over at your folks |
Hi ladies, well I do !!! and I have been at their home visiting and spending the nights from time to time since I moved out, it's not like my mom didn't see me for a week or a month, I mean we even go skating twice a week and I go to the supermarket with my mom after we skate, so I see her, it's not like I ever had hard feelings towards my mother and didn't talk to her
My mom didn't always treat me like shit, she just lost her patience with me for the last few months before I finally decided to move out, she and I have always been on good terms, but the stress was rising and that's why I left.. we are still on good terms and I still feel the same way about her now as I did my whole life, it doesn't mean cause she yelled to me that one day and threatened to throw out my things that I hate her... she did it only that one time, but before that there were little bickers here and there and I just feel like I am getting older and I need my own space to do things on my time. Plus emotionally I was going through a rollercoaster and that last time she yelled at me was the final straw for me to leave, if she had just been patient I would have stuck around, but she just couldn't control her impatientce.
for example: this past weekend we all were happy, we had a great time, my mom and I went shopping on Saturday, we love to do that together on saturdays!!! it is our time to bond and I genuenly love it... so saturday night I slept at their house , I woke up sunday morning and I washed my car at their house and then I said goodbye to me parents. As far as I knew throughout the day they were getting along fine so it made me feel better that they were not arguing
Ladies, I am very scared for my mother because now it is Wednesday morning and she has been arguing with my dad since monday night, she slep all afternoon and night yesterday, I went to see her at 5:00 after work yesterday and she was lying in the bed sleeping, it was getting darl outside and she diddn't want to get out of bed, I offered to stay with her, to make her tea , she declined my offers, she said she wanted to be left alone, so I left her alone. Then my dad came home at 7:00 and tried to help her she didn't want his help. I offered to my dad that I would come and stay for a week with them so she cou;d feel better for the hiolidays, plus I want to see if it's at all possibe to live with her before I sign another lease, she declined my offer. Then this morning my father had an early meeting and he saw she was still asleep so he left her, then as he was leaving she woke up so he wanted to stay with her a little bit, she was angry with him because he was going to leave without awakening her and talking to her.... so this ofcourse caused a problem ... and then she became angry and wanted to throw his stuff out, so he had to go to work....
I believe my mother is severly depressed and has BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISPRDER. People with that disorder usually have STORMY RELATIIONSHIPS with those closest to them, they make threats, they are afraid ti be alone for long periods of time and afraid to be abondoned, also people with BPD can make you feel like you are their best friend to them, but when they are upset with you you become devaluated and are their worst enemy in their view.... People like this also threaten to kill themselves, and attempt it for attention only without the intent of dying.... This type of person will react on anger and do things out of anger that may cause a bad effect down the line and this person does not care about the consiquences of their actions, however after the have reacted they think it was justified then they realize what they have done and this person will cry for forgiveness and beg those they hurt to come back... and this cycle goes on and on and on ......... My mother does not think there is anything worng with her, she claims that because she has no kids in her home, and my dad is at work all day and no relatives or friends to talk to that that's the reason she is losing it.... I can see where she is coming from, but there is PROFESSIONAL HELP for people with BPD.... And if she hates KAISER there are other places better then Kaiser to help her, I know many therpists who want to help my mom but she won't accept.....
I am afraid for her life ... so I don't know what to do or how to help her, and my father does everthying and anything she wants just so she's happy, but she's not happy for longer then a few days at a time.
Im sorry about going on and on in this thread but this is my life and I have no friends in real life to turn to, I have one guy friend and how much can he take... he has a life too.... so I thank you all for your help and your support in this matter in my life, and thank you for taking time out of yous to help me with mine....
stacylynne
Well-known member
Your mom sounds very manipulative. This is not fair to you by any means. In fact, she's being very selfish.
Let her stamp her feet like a child, let her tell you she's moving back to her country. Then remind her she has agreed to goto therapy & anger management & did not follow through.
It's like your the parent & she's the child which I can totally relate to. I'm very close w/ my mom also but there comes a time where you have to put her in her place.
People do not change unless they want to. If this is how she was raised, it's the only thing she knows & it's not fair to you.
You can not live in a toxic environment like this it's not healthy & it's not fair.
You do not have to move back in, You do not have to do anything you do not want to do. Listen to your gut feelings & follow it. It's your inner self talking to you. Do what's best for you.
You should not have to live walking on egg shells. If your mom calls you & starts crying, hang up on her. That's what I had to do. Then guess what, the crying stopped. Don't fall for her trap. Let her know you know her games & your not falling for it.
If she tells your father that he shouldn't pay you enough so you can move back home. That's not right. Tell her you work for your dad like you would work for any other boss. Tell her do not get in the middle of a working arrangement of you & ur father.
You have to be firm & tell her everything she said she was going to do & agreed to, she did not follow through. So there for you are living on your own & not moving back in. Do not let her rope you in.
Tell her she needs to goto therapy. Tell her there is no option in the word "NO". If anything she needs to go for herself & she needs to cut the cord & let you live your life.
Good luck & remember listen to your gut feelings, they are always right
XOXOX
I agree with the idea of a therapist, because I use to see one all the time when I was depressed years ago, and I saw her again in the beginning of this year before I moved out, but I have been able to deal with the family issues on my own up until a month ago, I have been walking on eggshells. I also suggested that my mom take ANGER MANAGEMENT courses , I gave her the phone # to Kaiser to get some help so she can control her emotions and reactions to things that make her angry. I know this would help her because I have been to an anger management class before and it helps you a lot, even just going once would help open her eyes. But she thinks there is nothing wrong with her, and that her yelling is justified no matter how loud she was, and that one of us caused her to become so angry. My mom and I are very close almost like sisters, we laugh, joke and have fun together, however she is very dependent on my emotionally, and last night she told my dad that she will not accept the fact that I may not move back into her home, she said that if I don't move back in with her that she is going to move back to the middle east, where we are originally from. She doesn't know that I know she has said that, but by me hearing about her reaction to me possibly NOT coming back home to her home puts me in a corner, like I HAVE TO go back home and she won't accept for me to stay out on my own, and she blames my dad cause I work for him and earn a living from him, she said to him that if he didn't pay me as much as he does, that I would have stayed at home living with her and my father and I wouldn't be able to affird to move out. I remember times when she wanted the house to herself in the mornings she would tell me " it's 8:30 aren't you supposed to be at work by now?" she would sometimes ruch me out of the house, like she wants me there at night but needs me out early in the mornings, and if it's past 8:30 am holy shit I have to run.... or I may get yelled at. It is a very difficult situation becuase I love her so much and I feel like my moving out has caused her to become what she is, but that is not fair is it? Also my mom grew up in a worse environment , her mother yelled and so did her father, there was never abuse of any kind, but just my mom grew up with her parents fighting over her brother, and she cou;dn't take it anymore so after 1 year of knowing my father she married him, and she couldn't wait to run away / get away from her parents and her brother, and it seems as if that is also my situation, I ran awy from my family and rightfully so. She doesn't understand that I ran away from my family the way she ran awy from hers, only I am not married, I am single. and she swears up and down that if I was married that she wouldn't have a problem with me living outside of her home simply cause I'd be a married woman, what difference does it make when our family is dysfunctional ? wheather I'm married or not ? and my mom promised my dad about 3 weeks ago that if he came back hoem she would get help but she didn't, maybe she just agreed to get help to get my dad to come back but never intended on it, I cannot deal with this anymore, I can't tell if she's manipulative, or what anymore I am very confused.
[/quote]
Let her stamp her feet like a child, let her tell you she's moving back to her country. Then remind her she has agreed to goto therapy & anger management & did not follow through.
It's like your the parent & she's the child which I can totally relate to. I'm very close w/ my mom also but there comes a time where you have to put her in her place.
People do not change unless they want to. If this is how she was raised, it's the only thing she knows & it's not fair to you.
You can not live in a toxic environment like this it's not healthy & it's not fair.
You do not have to move back in, You do not have to do anything you do not want to do. Listen to your gut feelings & follow it. It's your inner self talking to you. Do what's best for you.
You should not have to live walking on egg shells. If your mom calls you & starts crying, hang up on her. That's what I had to do. Then guess what, the crying stopped. Don't fall for her trap. Let her know you know her games & your not falling for it.
If she tells your father that he shouldn't pay you enough so you can move back home. That's not right. Tell her you work for your dad like you would work for any other boss. Tell her do not get in the middle of a working arrangement of you & ur father.
You have to be firm & tell her everything she said she was going to do & agreed to, she did not follow through. So there for you are living on your own & not moving back in. Do not let her rope you in.
Tell her she needs to goto therapy. Tell her there is no option in the word "NO". If anything she needs to go for herself & she needs to cut the cord & let you live your life.
Good luck & remember listen to your gut feelings, they are always right
XOXOX
I agree with the idea of a therapist, because I use to see one all the time when I was depressed years ago, and I saw her again in the beginning of this year before I moved out, but I have been able to deal with the family issues on my own up until a month ago, I have been walking on eggshells. I also suggested that my mom take ANGER MANAGEMENT courses , I gave her the phone # to Kaiser to get some help so she can control her emotions and reactions to things that make her angry. I know this would help her because I have been to an anger management class before and it helps you a lot, even just going once would help open her eyes. But she thinks there is nothing wrong with her, and that her yelling is justified no matter how loud she was, and that one of us caused her to become so angry. My mom and I are very close almost like sisters, we laugh, joke and have fun together, however she is very dependent on my emotionally, and last night she told my dad that she will not accept the fact that I may not move back into her home, she said that if I don't move back in with her that she is going to move back to the middle east, where we are originally from. She doesn't know that I know she has said that, but by me hearing about her reaction to me possibly NOT coming back home to her home puts me in a corner, like I HAVE TO go back home and she won't accept for me to stay out on my own, and she blames my dad cause I work for him and earn a living from him, she said to him that if he didn't pay me as much as he does, that I would have stayed at home living with her and my father and I wouldn't be able to affird to move out. I remember times when she wanted the house to herself in the mornings she would tell me " it's 8:30 aren't you supposed to be at work by now?" she would sometimes ruch me out of the house, like she wants me there at night but needs me out early in the mornings, and if it's past 8:30 am holy shit I have to run.... or I may get yelled at. It is a very difficult situation becuase I love her so much and I feel like my moving out has caused her to become what she is, but that is not fair is it? Also my mom grew up in a worse environment , her mother yelled and so did her father, there was never abuse of any kind, but just my mom grew up with her parents fighting over her brother, and she cou;dn't take it anymore so after 1 year of knowing my father she married him, and she couldn't wait to run away / get away from her parents and her brother, and it seems as if that is also my situation, I ran awy from my family and rightfully so. She doesn't understand that I ran away from my family the way she ran awy from hers, only I am not married, I am single. and she swears up and down that if I was married that she wouldn't have a problem with me living outside of her home simply cause I'd be a married woman, what difference does it make when our family is dysfunctional ? wheather I'm married or not ? and my mom promised my dad about 3 weeks ago that if he came back hoem she would get help but she didn't, maybe she just agreed to get help to get my dad to come back but never intended on it, I cannot deal with this anymore, I can't tell if she's manipulative, or what anymore I am very confused.
Dahlia_Rayn
Well-known member
Wow, just wow!
Girl I feel for you, but you know in your heart that going back to that toxic situation is just asking for trouble. Your mother is being manipulative...BIG TIME.
It's not right of her to put her problems off on you...and from what you've said I honestly don't even think that if you were married it would be any different...in fact, it might be worse.
Please please please take care of yourself, and don't willfully put yourself back into such a horribly toxic environment. You need to come first in this situation, and it seems like your only sanity is having your own place.
Girl I feel for you, but you know in your heart that going back to that toxic situation is just asking for trouble. Your mother is being manipulative...BIG TIME.
It's not right of her to put her problems off on you...and from what you've said I honestly don't even think that if you were married it would be any different...in fact, it might be worse.
Please please please take care of yourself, and don't willfully put yourself back into such a horribly toxic environment. You need to come first in this situation, and it seems like your only sanity is having your own place.
gitts
Well-known member
Pascal, you have had loads of advice that I agree with, my only addition is to question how your mother would have dealt with your moving out if you were getting married and starting your own family? You would have had to move out at some stage, it came a little earlier than you planned that's all.
I move out from home and chose to return as I went back to school and I wanted to save money. My situation at home is nothing compared to yours but I sorely regret moving back. Once you move out you should stay out, having a place of your own is liberating and soul-building.
I find you have found a great balance in spending time with your mother. One thing I feel you need to do is express to her how you feel about her guilt trips. Stress your need for your own space and indicate that if the guilt trips continue you will be spending less time with her. She will not want to lose the time she currently has so she should pressure you less. If you do believe that she has a clinical problem, then you and your family need to organize to get her the help that she needs.
I move out from home and chose to return as I went back to school and I wanted to save money. My situation at home is nothing compared to yours but I sorely regret moving back. Once you move out you should stay out, having a place of your own is liberating and soul-building.
I find you have found a great balance in spending time with your mother. One thing I feel you need to do is express to her how you feel about her guilt trips. Stress your need for your own space and indicate that if the guilt trips continue you will be spending less time with her. She will not want to lose the time she currently has so she should pressure you less. If you do believe that she has a clinical problem, then you and your family need to organize to get her the help that she needs.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
It sounds like, the more you tell us, that your mother needs therapy and refuses to help herself.
I know this is your mother, and I recognize that you love her dearly, but at the same time, it sounds like you and your father are doing everything to make her happy and she seems to get angry over something, no matter what. That is incredibly unhealthy for all three of you.
The way that she appears to me is that she will never really be happy unless she gets her way 100% of the time. That would IMPOSSIBLE for you and your father to, not mention incredibly unfair. And even then, I'm not convinced, from what I'm reading, she'll be happy.
I forget if you're seeing a therapist now, but I really would discuss this situation thoroughly with him/her. I don't know if you honestly see what your mother is doing and how bad it is for you to go back to that situation. Perhaps your therapist has some better ideas of how to cope with your mother.
I know this is your mother, and I recognize that you love her dearly, but at the same time, it sounds like you and your father are doing everything to make her happy and she seems to get angry over something, no matter what. That is incredibly unhealthy for all three of you.
The way that she appears to me is that she will never really be happy unless she gets her way 100% of the time. That would IMPOSSIBLE for you and your father to, not mention incredibly unfair. And even then, I'm not convinced, from what I'm reading, she'll be happy.
I forget if you're seeing a therapist now, but I really would discuss this situation thoroughly with him/her. I don't know if you honestly see what your mother is doing and how bad it is for you to go back to that situation. Perhaps your therapist has some better ideas of how to cope with your mother.
FlashBang
Well-known member
You were completely right to move out, having all that off loaded onto you was unfair and totally wrong of your parents, but at the same time, they didnt mean to.
When my parents split, my dad made all sorts of irrational comments towards me and my sisters (threats included) and I was 15, my youngest was 13 and one day he even threatened to break her nose....if she changed the tv channel...
Dont go back if you dont want to and if you feel that you are benefitting more by living on your own, your clearly enjoying the independance and time away from your parents. Your mum is bound to be upset that you left, but she shouldnt be blaming you for why she is feeling worse. Your departure was a physical sign of the results of your mum and dads actions and they are bound to take notice of that far more than the emotional trauma both of them were putting you through.
Stay away until things have really settled, it could be a long time. Dont be so quick to trust your mums promises, sometimes people believe that if you make your life appear as normal as possible on the outside, it will solve all the problems on the inside, basically like a bandaid or a mask.
Tell your mum that you love her and the reasons you left werent all based around the arguing, let her know that you also like living alone and enjoy the independence, that will help with her own guilt and also avoid any awkward confrontations.
When my parents split, my dad made all sorts of irrational comments towards me and my sisters (threats included) and I was 15, my youngest was 13 and one day he even threatened to break her nose....if she changed the tv channel...
Dont go back if you dont want to and if you feel that you are benefitting more by living on your own, your clearly enjoying the independance and time away from your parents. Your mum is bound to be upset that you left, but she shouldnt be blaming you for why she is feeling worse. Your departure was a physical sign of the results of your mum and dads actions and they are bound to take notice of that far more than the emotional trauma both of them were putting you through.
Stay away until things have really settled, it could be a long time. Dont be so quick to trust your mums promises, sometimes people believe that if you make your life appear as normal as possible on the outside, it will solve all the problems on the inside, basically like a bandaid or a mask.
Tell your mum that you love her and the reasons you left werent all based around the arguing, let her know that you also like living alone and enjoy the independence, that will help with her own guilt and also avoid any awkward confrontations.
Pascal
Well-known member
Quote:
yes you're right no matter what we do for her she still finds something to be angry or upset over... if it's not my situation, it's my sisters, if it's not my sister it's my dad's work, if it's not his work it's the remodeling of their house... and on and on and on....
I truly understand what everyone is telling me and I agree it's just easier said then done to turn away. Either she is ahppy and I'm sad, or Im happy ans she's sad what the heck !!!
I remember one time she was very angry and crying and threatened to kill herself on the phone and the line cut out and I didn't call her back... then she called me back after 30 minutes and asked why I didn't call her back since she wanted to kill herself... I said to her " because I know you are not going to do it, you were just angry" she just said "oh okay"...
These threats are just one example of how blue she feels...
| Originally Posted by Beauty Mark
It sounds like, the more you tell us, that your mother needs therapy and refuses to help herself. I know this is your mother, and I recognize that you love her dearly, but at the same time, it sounds like you and your father are doing everything to make her happy and she seems to get angry over something, no matter what. That is incredibly unhealthy for all three of you. The way that she appears to me is that she will never really be happy unless she gets her way 100% of the time. That would IMPOSSIBLE for you and your father to, not mention incredibly unfair. And even then, I'm not convinced, from what I'm reading, she'll be happy. I forget if you're seeing a therapist now, but I really would discuss this situation thoroughly with him/her. I don't know if you honestly see what your mother is doing and how bad it is for you to go back to that situation. Perhaps your therapist has some better ideas of how to cope with your mother. |
yes you're right no matter what we do for her she still finds something to be angry or upset over... if it's not my situation, it's my sisters, if it's not my sister it's my dad's work, if it's not his work it's the remodeling of their house... and on and on and on....
I truly understand what everyone is telling me and I agree it's just easier said then done to turn away. Either she is ahppy and I'm sad, or Im happy ans she's sad what the heck !!!
I remember one time she was very angry and crying and threatened to kill herself on the phone and the line cut out and I didn't call her back... then she called me back after 30 minutes and asked why I didn't call her back since she wanted to kill herself... I said to her " because I know you are not going to do it, you were just angry" she just said "oh okay"...
These threats are just one example of how blue she feels...
NutMeg
Well-known member
I think your mom is pretty severely depressed. That doesn't excuse her behaviour in any way, but from what you're describing she's got some very classic indicators of serious depression. I don't know if there is anything you can do, because it sounds like she doesn't want to help herself, but just knowing it might help you deal with her.
rbella
Well-known member
Sweet Jesus. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Your mother needs help. Quick. She is manipulating the hell out of you. Does she expect you to live with her if you get married? Fuck that. Your dad needs to get her ass to a therapist asap and not allow her to treat you like this.
Do not move back, you are going to ruin your sense of self, your sanity and any chance of making a clean break again in the future.
I will be thinking about you and sending you lots of warm fuzzies. I hope it gets better for you. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. HUGS...
Do not move back, you are going to ruin your sense of self, your sanity and any chance of making a clean break again in the future.
I will be thinking about you and sending you lots of warm fuzzies. I hope it gets better for you. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. HUGS...
user79
Well-known member
Your mom sounds extremely manipulative and toxic, using guilt and threats of suicide to gain your attention. It's actually psychollogically abusive towards you. She needs some kind of psychological help...sorry to be so blunt about it but this behavior, regardless of culture, is totally unacceptable.
There are basically no reasons for you to move back home, but about a hundred good reasons to live on your own. You live right down the street! I think your mom should honestly "grow up" about it, even if she's from a different culture where daughters live at home until they get married, it's not like you moved across an ocean or something!
Lastly, you can't be responsible for other people's actions, only for your own actions. You can offer to help your mom get help with her problems, but ultimately she will have to take the last step willingly on her own.
There are basically no reasons for you to move back home, but about a hundred good reasons to live on your own. You live right down the street! I think your mom should honestly "grow up" about it, even if she's from a different culture where daughters live at home until they get married, it's not like you moved across an ocean or something!
Lastly, you can't be responsible for other people's actions, only for your own actions. You can offer to help your mom get help with her problems, but ultimately she will have to take the last step willingly on her own.
Pascal
Well-known member
Hello again ladies, I was away from the internet for a few days but I'm here to report to you my decision. I decided that I will continue to live in my apartment and still visit my parents and spend more time with them, especially my mother so she will not keep feeling so alone and that way we have a balance and we still all be happy. I told my mother that when I see that her and my father can get along for months, rather then a few days at a time, that I will consider coming home, I will not believe it until I see it. The both of them have a lot to prove tp me and to each other by living as a healthy married couple and I know they are capable, it just takes work in any marraige, because they do truly love each other, I just think they need to work out thier problems and exclude me from seeing it... I am feeling much better about this whole situation, and I hope that we have a better year in 2009 then we had in 2008... this year was a streak of bad luck and I hope that with prayer and love we can be a happier family... I want to thank you all for taking time in reading this long post that has dragged on for a week now, but thank you so much for taking time out of your lives to read my post and respond to it, I truly appreciate it.. although I may not have many real friends I know that no matter how long I leave this message board for, I always will have a place to talk and get help, thank you all I love you guys ...
xoxo
xoxo
xbuttonsx
Well-known member
Good decision Pascal. You're mother (and father) need to realize that it's not all about you. They need to take serious time to work on their marriage. And you need to take some serious time to focus on YOU. You're such a mature young adult who needs to enjoy life on her own as well as being there for her parents. Good luck to you
Pascal
Well-known member
Also many people have told me that I have become a better individual since moving out of my parent's home. My mother, father and sister have all said that I have improved a lot since being on my own. Even the three of them do not get along I agree with them, moving out was liberating and gave me space for me to be alone when I want to be, do my housework when I want to, and just be an independent adult.
They said that I have become more patient, and I don't snap as easy as I use to, that I comprimise more then before, so those are good things to hear.
My best friends mom told me it's the best thing to do for myself as a 25 year old female... I agree, having my own space and peace of mind is a great thing....
They said that I have become more patient, and I don't snap as easy as I use to, that I comprimise more then before, so those are good things to hear.
My best friends mom told me it's the best thing to do for myself as a 25 year old female... I agree, having my own space and peace of mind is a great thing....
