Did anyone else have a sucky Valentine's Day?

[BEA2LS]

Because i sure did.. me and my boyfriend have been together for like five years. we are super broke and behind on bills, etc. lots of outside problems going on (he's in a custody battle for his kid, which is partly why we are so broke). so we agreed to do nothing for V Day. no presents, anything. which was fine.
I was hanging out with him than went to my mom's house to help her with stuff. a mutual (female) friend was coming over, which was fine.. i had to go to my mom's house anyway. but i fell asleep there.
at like 10 pm i woke up like shit i missed valentine's day. i called him and he said he just got to the bar and for me to come because the other girl was buying. she was super lonely on valentine's day and wanted friends around. but i like freaked out.. i guess it's the stress over money or whatever. but i felt so left out, like i was only asked as an after thought. he insisted he was gonna call me but i felt like he just was calling me back.
i like screamed at him.. like wtf on valentine's day??? idk. i shoulda handled it better and am feeling super guilty. but i found out our friend was talking shit.. she was pretty drunk and acting crazy but still.. she was like telling him he does not deserve to be treated this way, why do i have to know where he is at all times when he did not know for sure i was at my mom's blah blah. and is she right? i normally would not have cared and even though we said valentine's day is no big deal it just like hurt me. like i cried.. i do not think he ever got me anything for valentine's day ever.. it's not his thing and i should know this but whatever/
am i over reacting? i feel so guilty for screaming at him.. he does not get out much and i hope this does not affect the future. neither of us have too many friends at this point.. all free time goes into him trying to get his kid. but i know he needs support and friends at a time like this and i feel like i ruined everything.

 

[BEA2LS]

i guess i meant to put this in love and relationships, someone can move it, i am sorry.

 

[malaviKat]

Valentine's Day is just a day. Like the 364 other days of the year. Stop giving it more importance than it ought to have.

By extension, the question then becomes whether you would you have viewed his actions as disrespectful any other day of the year. I don't know. That's a very personal thing. Are you okay with your bf hanging out with other people when you aren't around? Other women? If yes, then why is this such a big deal? If no, then perhaps you need to ask yourself why.

 

[Meisje]

Do you trust him? You should be able to.

Don't let Valentine's Day let you think or feel things disproportionately. It's just another square on the calendar. Sounds like things have been rough for you guys lately, so it's not strange that you are both stressed out.

Apologize, with no "but if you weren't there with her I wouldn't have screamed," just apologize and explain to him what he means to you, learn from it and put it behind you.

 

[euphrosyne_rose]

^^^I totally agree with the above. Valentine's Day is just another day and I think alot of people place way too much importance on it sometimes. Sure it's great to have a day to celebrate your love or your relationship but that doesn't have to be specific to Valentine's Day since you can do that any day of the year.

I would sit down with him and apologize and tell him that maybe you both need to figure out some ways together to make things maybe a little less stressful b/c it seems like the stress is really pushing on you both. I also agree that maybe you need to stop and try to think if this had happened any other time of the year if it would've made you just as upset or if this is frequent happenings between the 2 of you. A long, heart to heart may be the ticket here for you both to express any frustrations you have but also to express what you mean to each other and a new commitment to making things work as a team. Hugs!

 

[MissCrystal]

So are you upset that he said he didn't want to do anything for V day then went out with another girl ???..

People put so much meaning into V day and it's like if your not with some1 every1 frowns upon you, thats why i hate V day and every1 just calls me a hater and that im bitter i don't have any1, im like really actually no im not. Why should there be just 1 special day that u show some that you love them .. its very silly to me.


So let me ask you this would you be upset if it wasn't V day and he did it ?? if the answer is no, then u shouldn't stress over it and say you're sorry.

 

[Honey xOo]

i had my period so.... it def sucked lol. my bf was so moody also. to him it's just another day and to me it's suppose to be the best day ever lol. he honestly let me down alot, but i'm trying my best to just shutup and let it go. i don't want to breakup over it. i can't lie that i'm already hoping next year will be better though lol.

when i was a little girl i hated being in school and seeing the other girls get lil gifts from boys. they'd all be walking around holding what they got, and i never got anything lol. so i always hoped to grow up and get myself a man to give me teddy bears holding hearts and chocolate for vday lol. is that so much to ask for, it seriously hurt me even back then at 9 years old lol.

 

[Mabelle]

eh. I'm not really into valentines day. Actually i think its pretty stupid. It's a ridiculous money grab phoney holiday. I think it's also really unfair for men. Theres SO much hype and pressure for this one day. Buy the dozen roses (that will cost you over 100$), get the good dinner reservations, Buy the nice jewlery etc etc. It's all such a crock. You should do these things supratically through the year because you shouldnt have to prouve your love one day out of 365 others. Another consumerist holiday for a consumerist society.

Anyway, i obviously don't celebrate, but it was the only day i managed to get off this week. My boyfriend and i were planning to do something signifigantly unromantic (like eat cold spegettios out of can, like we did a couple years ago) and then go see wolfman (ive been wanting to see it for a while). He felt really down all day, so he went home and moped, while i tried to make him feel better over the phone. It was a crappy day, but just cause it was a crappy day. Not cause it was Feburary the 14th and society dictates that it has to be uber romantic and fiarytale like.

 

[obscuria]

It was just like any other day for me, and I am in a relationship. I don't think it's healthy for people to put so much on their valentine's day being perfect or that much different from every other day.

Though in San Francisco there was a giant pillow fight that day and I went to that, which made the day awesome! Not because it was V-day though.

 

[HoneyDip]

Long-distance relationship / Cheating?

Hello ladies, fellas!

I recently gone thru a lot of sad things and don't really have the strength yet to explain the situation to anybody on the phone. I also thought to get opinions from people who do not know the involved ones.
I've been in a relationship for 5 years. Most of the part it was a long-distance relationship, because my fiance is in the military and I was goin to school somewhere else. We always tried to make the best out of our situation and eventhough it was really tough sometimes, there was no other option for us, in our hearts, but to stay together, because that's what we wanted and we were willing to pay any price for it. We saw each other during holidays, he stayed with me, I stayed with him. And during the time we saw each other it was PERFECT. Madly in love, he proposed to me at the beach, I knew his family, he knew mine, we wanted to start a family. Faithfulness was always one of the main priorities for him, he got cheated on in his last relationship and kinda didn't trust anybody for a long time.
So, eventhough it sounds crazy for some ppl, I stayed true during the last 5 years, and it wasn't even hard for me, because I only had him on my mind.
He always confirmed and promised me he was staying true..until last sunday, it was valentine's day and we had a long and deep conversation about the past and our future.
He recently got in some trouble with the military and is trying to just 'clean up' his whole life, get rid of people who are a bad influence, moving out the dorms and just staying out of trouble.

He said he wants to start over new, be a better person, and that's why he wants to tell me bout everything. When he first started out in the military he tried to make friends and hung around girls.. and kissed a girl twice (or they kissed him..whatever). He told me he didn't sleep with them, because, believe it or not, he havin a hard time 'gettin up' with anybody he doesn't trust (yea don't laugh, it happened with me as well the first time). Not a funny thing, girls started teasing him and rumours floated around, I can imagine it's horrible for a mans ego..

Point is: He claims that he ALWAYS loved me and he was wrong and wants nothing but a family with me.. finally move in together and that this is the only thing he wants in his life and that he wouldn't hold on to me like that, talk to me 5 times a day, do video conferences, send gifts, spend thousands of dollars just to come see me if he didn't really want it and clearly: he asks for forgiveness.

I love him, still.. and I am deeply hurt but somehow I don't wanna throw it all away, n ladies.. shoot me, but I'm TRYING to understand him and his issues.
My questions are:
Do you believe in forgiveness for mistakes like that?
If so, how to deal with it? I know its gonna be a slow process.. but what can I expect from it?
What should I, what should he do, to make us save this relationship?
Do you believe what he claims? That he always loved me and only wants me? But just tried to make friends being new in the military and shit just happened?
DO YOU THINK WE HAVE A CHANCE?

We really wanted a life and were so close to move in together, now that I finished school. Btw.. I'm frm Europe, He lives in Hawaii (yea LONG distance).

Please, no mean comments.. I am thankful for any input.

 

[LMD84]

yep i think that what others have said is true... would you have been so annoyed if it wasn't v day? if not then say sorry to him and move on. you're both under lots of stress and so i think snapping like that is understandable... just make sure he knows that you are sorry for it.

 

[PurpleOrchid]

I'm in the minority, but I'd be upset. Even if you weren't going to go out or buy presents for eachother for V-day, you should have spent the day together...I'd be pissed if my boyfriend hung out with a girl at a bar, especially on Valentine's Day!

 

[hello_my_apple]

i'd be pissed to, you had every right to be upset. like seriously if Valentines day means soemthing to you then you entitled to feel the way you do. this mutual friend isnt a friend at all to you .. and why is she talking shit like that to your man about you?

 

[BEA2LS]

thanks, i'm actually over it but honestly after giving it a lot of though i think it was his bad and not mine. i did apologize for over reacting but he did apologize too and i am glad because i think he should have to be really really honest.
i know it is just another day but we have been together for five years and he knows i like it. i mean, it is all forgotten about by now.. i do trust him and know he trusts me. but i honestly think it is inapproriate, she's always inviting him to bars and clubs, etc.. he always includes me but i just do not like her. that does make me me insecure because i am not.. she just kept saying over and over again how lonely she was on valentine's day so she ened up butting in on mine. it's a huge day for her and for a lot of people honestly.

 

[hello_my_apple]

you know what that means? you have to watch out for this girl lol. she sounds like bad news.

 

[LMD84]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hello_my_apple you know what that means? you have to watch out for this girl lol. she sounds like bad news.

i agree, she sounds like she has an alterior motive for asking your man out to bars and stuff all the time

 

[BEA2LS]

thanks, i think that's what really upset me.. he told me (the day after, after i calmed down) that she tried to kiss him.ugh what the hell. i don't blame him for not telling me that night lol but i just don't want to talk to her anymore. she keeps calling him, wtf? i trust him and i know he hasn't seen her since but i think that's really what got to me.. if it was someone else i would have been more understanding.

 

[Almond_Eyed]

Sounds like the problem is about being stressed about money, not anything to do with him, the relationship, or the other girl. I'm sure you didn't mean to react that way towards him but sometimes we do things we regret when we're stressed out.

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BEA2LS thanks, i'm actually over it but honestly after giving it a lot of though i think it was his bad and not mine. i did apologize for over reacting but he did apologize too and i am glad because i think he should have to be really really honest. i know it is just another day but we have been together for five years and he knows i like it. i mean, it is all forgotten about by now.. i do trust him and know he trusts me. but i honestly think it is inapproriate, she's always inviting him to bars and clubs, etc.. he always includes me but i just do not like her. that does make me me insecure because i am not.. she just kept saying over and over again how lonely she was on valentine's day so she ened up butting in on mine. it's a huge day for her and for a lot of people honestly.

I'm sorry but it sounds like you're in a crappy relationship and I'm not just saying this b/c of that incident. 5 years and still holding on to nothing. I'd further explain but hella lazy right now!