Do other females act hostile towards you (aka, why do girls hate me)?

User35

Well-known member
I'll be your friend Clara!!!! You seem super groovy to me !
smiles.gif
I understand how you feel completely too. I go thru the whole shes a slut because she has guy friends thing...and the im kinda shy around girls cause I have been stabbed in the back by them..and they take it as being concieted. Sometimes people royally suck.
 

Frosting

Active member
Quote:
Originally Posted by FullWroth
Okay, personally I don't buy this "women are just catty" business at all because in my experience guys are just as bad, except when they do it, we say "omg men are pigs!" or whatever and dismiss it.

I couldn't agree with this more. A jerk is a jerk and there are just as many that are male as female.

I also just don't understand how some people manage to have so many enemies and so much drama. It's baffling to me. There may be people at work that I'm not crazy about and vice versa, but there's no fighting or gossiping or silly high school drama. And honestly if someone did behave that way, they would never be taken seriously or advance in their careers. If anything, they would probably be fired.
 

Khalia25

Well-known member
I would love to read through everyone's responses before adding my two cents, but I'm at the office, so it's not gonna happen.

So I'm just going to add my two cents as quick as I can.

I get this ALL THE TIME (just from the obviously insecure ones but most people are generally down to earth and cool with me). And honestly, I think it's hilarious. I don't give a dayum about the next female, so it's silly for them to waste their thoughts and time on me. But oh well. They can use their brain cells to conjure up whatever thoughts they want. They have NO clue that I'm aware of the way they're behaving, because generally, I'm Ms. Nicegirl, and I'm always smiling and being polite. I'm just VERY observant, so I'm always aware.

But this one incident is STILL a joke amongst me and my friends. I took one of my best friends out to dinner for her birthday, and I invited one of her close friends who invited her cousin and a sister in law. (was that confusing?) Let me just say this (not trying to put a racial slant on things. Just a perspective): I'm of black/Japanese decent, and although my circle is majority made up of black females/males...I get the most heat from black females who don't know me. I turned out looking more like my mother, who is Japanese than my father, who is black. Anyhoo, I could tell the cousin and sister in law were being very aloof towards me, but I continued to be myself and engage in convo and laugh...smile, etc. Later I find out they were calling me "Claymation Animation"/Gumby cause they thought I looked so "fake" and like "plastic" in my make up. LOLOL. I laughed for days about that. Pure hate. And to be quite honest, my make up was toned down that day. I was just like...wow. These girls actually looked like members of G-Unit, but whatever. It was their insecurity talking, I'm sure...so I let their comments go. I feel sorry for insecure females who feel the need to put another girl down. If I'm feeling self conscious about something whether it be my weight or anything else, I deal with it by myself. I don't deflect my insecurities and berate another female for it. That's just absurd. I just work on what I need to work on so that I can feel at 100%. Period. People can be so silly sometimes. Just be the best you can be...and forget the rest. Rev. Run said something similar..."Do your best...forget the rest." LOL.
winks.gif
 

Khalia25

Well-known member
^^ ha ha..and I said I'd keep it quick. Yeah right. Although I usually just blow off silly females, it's still a thorn in my behind, so I had to piggyback on this thread to do a little venting.
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xladydragon

Active member
Stupid drama crap is why I have almost all guy friends.
I had this one friend who acted catty towards me from like elementry school all the way to high school. She would act like my friend, be all nice, then start a fight with me over stupid stuff, everytime I walked away and then she would go and tell everyone about how i did something bad.. then a few months later start talking to me like nothing happened. I don't know why she does that... and I know she starts shit with other girls too. Mostly girls that aren't "popular" or "cool..."
I'm going to say that I'm guilty of the look at girls that dress nice and don't talk to them...
I gues I'm a little bias. To me, girls who look very nice are very girly, and from my experience, girly girls are usually bitchy. =d
It's not that I don't want to make friends, but I'm really sick of being talked about behind my back.
 

Kalico

Well-known member
Here's me trying to be rational (
th_LMAO.gif
yeah right).

Not everyone is going to like you. Sucky fact of life, but you're not going to like everyone either. How they act towards you is more of a reflection on them than it is on you. Of course, how you respond to their hatin' is a reflection on you, so just do your thing and forget about them.

I think these problems can also be exacerbated by things such as where you work, what circles you frequent, etc. For example, if you work in a restaurant there will probably be plenty of drama, gossip and hatin'.

And as women who wear make-up, we will probably always bring out hostile feelings in insecure women - especially those who don't wear make-up.

This has likely already been said, and I apologize for that.
 

L1LMAMAJ

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by claralikesguts
i don't understand how some of you can actually say you love haters... every time i hear a nasty comment my self esteem drops 10 points. i can't be strong and ignore it because i've never done anything to anyone...

i've never really had a true 'best friend'. all girls i befriend end up using me, lying to me, abandoning me, talking behind my back, etcetera. and i can't make friends with boys without being called a slut, and anyways, i enjoy too much girly things to be friends with a boy. the only 'friend' i really have is my boyfriend... and since he is my SO, he doesn't really count. it's pretty much impossible to make new friends because 1) i'm terribly shy, 2) no one likes me, 3) everyone believes rumors they hear about me therefore they don't like me.

i don't hate any girls. i do get jealous, but not so much where it leads me to despise them. if you actually hate someone "just because"... please just put yourself in her shoes because really, i have no confidence because of girls and their catty behavior. it lead me to depression, self harm, and even a suicide attempt. i rarely get out of the house because i have no one to do anything with besides my bf and family, but it's not the same as having a true girl friend.


Story of my life. My first "best friend" in hs ended up liking my crush, dated him for two weeks behind my back (she knew i liked him), then I had to confront her!!?!?!?!? then she goes and says, "I'm sorry BUT sometimes boyfriends last longer than friends." I cut her off then when her bf dumped her because she was too clingy, I had to be the bigger person and tell her we're cool and it's okay. I never became friends with her after that because I felt very betrayed. We don't talk for about 2 years, then one day she calls me up and says this: "Hey Jen, Can you pick me up from the airport tomorrow? I don't have a ride..." I'm like..."ummm, you call me after 2 years to ask me to do u a favor. I don't get a 'hey how ya doing?' or anything???"

Then my first "best friend" in college. I met her in the dorms during my freshman year. She was everything I wanted in a best friend. I felt like she was my twin. BUT after hanging out with her 24/7, she started to become very clingy AND controlling. She would say, "oh I don't like HER, don't hang out with her...why is she trying to be cute?" about other girls. She always had something to say about other girls. I tried to ignore it for a while but during my sophomore year it blew up so bad. Apparently she hated this girl that I started to get close with and she was jealous that I was gonna be best friends with the other. HELLO!? Are we in 2nd grade here!?!?!?!?!? Can a girl not have more than one close friend!??!! Geez. That escalated to an even greater level to the point where I told her I couldn't be friends with her anymore. She cried and apologized, saying I was the best friend she ever had etc. We are no longer friends and haven't been for the past 3 years.

So now I have a best friend which is actually the girl that I got close with that the previous best friend hated. I love her sooo much. But lately she has been getting on my nerves a bit. See, she's one of those girls who always has to have a boyfriend because she's super needy and feels lost without a man. However, her newest boyfriend is like the male version of her so she is even clingier than ever. She's at his apartment like 24/7 (I share an apt with her but she's never here) and she only comes back like once a week to get some clothes and stuff. I felt like she completely ditched me for this guy. Long story short, I feel like she is choosing him over me. I'm not asking her to devote every minute to me but I feel like as her best friend, I deserve more than 10 minutes a week. It's not like she's busy doing hw or something because she just stays at his place all day. Sooo that's how it's been lately...I don't get why she is paying rent here but NEVER using it. Such a waste.

There is so much more I wanna say but it'll take way too long to type. My point is that, I don't have many girl friends because it's way too hard to make them happy and somehow they get jealous of stupid ass things. BUT I really want girl friends to go shopping with or have the same interests as me. I love guy friends but it's just not the same.
 

Khalia25

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by L1LMAMAJ
Story of my life. My first "best friend" in hs ended up liking my crush, dated him for two weeks behind my back (she knew i liked him), then I had to confront her!!?!?!?!? then she goes and says, "I'm sorry BUT sometimes boyfriends last longer than friends." I cut her off then when her bf dumped her because she was too clingy, I had to be the bigger person and tell her we're cool and it's okay. I never became friends with her after that because I felt very betrayed. We don't talk for about 2 years, then one day she calls me up and says this: "Hey Jen, Can you pick me up from the airport tomorrow? I don't have a ride..." I'm like..."ummm, you call me after 2 years to ask me to do u a favor. I don't get a 'hey how ya doing?' or anything???"

Then my first "best friend" in college. I met her in the dorms during my freshman year. She was everything I wanted in a best friend. I felt like she was my twin. BUT after hanging out with her 24/7, she started to become very clingy AND controlling. She would say, "oh I don't like HER, don't hang out with her...why is she trying to be cute?" about other girls. She always had something to say about other girls. I tried to ignore it for a while but during my sophomore year it blew up so bad. Apparently she hated this girl that I started to get close with and she was jealous that I was gonna be best friends with the other. HELLO!? Are we in 2nd grade here!?!?!?!?!? Can a girl not have more than one close friend!??!! Geez. That escalated to an even greater level to the point where I told her I couldn't be friends with her anymore. She cried and apologized, saying I was the best friend she ever had etc. We are no longer friends and haven't been for the past 3 years.

So now I have a best friend which is actually the girl that I got close with that the previous best friend hated. I love her sooo much. But lately she has been getting on my nerves a bit. See, she's one of those girls who always has to have a boyfriend because she's super needy and feels lost without a man. However, her newest boyfriend is like the male version of her so she is even clingier than ever. She's at his apartment like 24/7 (I share an apt with her but she's never here) and she only comes back like once a week to get some clothes and stuff. I felt like she completely ditched me for this guy. Long story short, I feel like she is choosing him over me. I'm not asking her to devote every minute to me but I feel like as her best friend, I deserve more than 10 minutes a week. It's not like she's busy doing hw or something because she just stays at his place all day. Sooo that's how it's been lately...I don't get why she is paying rent here but NEVER using it. Such a waste.

There is so much more I wanna say but it'll take way too long to type. My point is that, I don't have many girl friends because it's way too hard to make them happy and somehow they get jealous of stupid ass things. BUT I really want girl friends to go shopping with or have the same interests as me. I love guy friends but it's just not the same.


Awww...girl, if we lived in the same city, we could be shopping buddies. LOL. I'm too silly and goofy to worry about the psycho/possessive stuff. LOL. All my friends and I do when we're together day is cut up and act a fool. LOL. We have nothing but fun together. If you're ever in my area, we'll all hang out.
smiles.gif
 

L1LMAMAJ

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khalia25
Awww...girl, if we lived in the same city, we could be shopping buddies. LOL. I'm too silly and goofy to worry about the psycho/possessive stuff. LOL. All my friends and I do when we're together day is cut up and act a fool. LOL. We have nothing but fun together. If you're ever in my area, we'll all hang out.
smiles.gif


Yea I know!! I totally just want some normal girl friends that don't spend all their time hating!! Good God...life is too short!
 

blindpassion

Well-known member
I felt like this a lot when I was younger... drama runs ramped in highschool and such. But to be completely honest - it all went away when I stopped listening. Cattiness and jealousy, and all that other BS is only fun for those people when they know its bringing you down. The second I ignored it and didn't ever respond to it, they stopped doing it... because people only treat you like that to get a rise out of you.

I had an incident once where I stopped being best friends with a girl that I had been close with for a few years. I felt like I wasn't happy in that friendship and I slowly let us drift apart. We never fought about it, or freaked out, or called each other names... slowly she'd stop calling and I'd stop answering. A few months later she decided she was really pissed at me for this and started prank calling my phone every weekend when she was drunk. I eventually spoke to the police but opted to wait a few more weeks. After a month, she got bored, because I didnt answer once and I didnt respond or retaliate once. Its not fun if its only one playing the game.
 

Exotica

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by SingFrAbsoltion
I've also gotten dirty looks from girls who thought I wanted to steal their bfs. Uh not to sound stuck up, but if I wanted to I already would have.

th_rolleye0014.gif


cute.. NOT.
 

allthatgl1tt3rs

Well-known member
I know how everyone feels here. Sometimes I thought it was just me but it would appear not to be the case... For the past year and a half I've had the same troubles with two girls I got to know. And believe it or not we're all in our 20s so even beyond high school the cattiness and silliness doesn't stop with some women!

The first got to know me and she couldn't stop telling me about her problems with her current bf - I listened, I advised where I could and I tried to be there. Then I hit a wall with something and turned to her one night. She listened, we chatted. But after that night she went very cold towards me and ignored/avoided me a lot - it was almost as if she'd realised I was only human too and therefore if I were to have problems she didn't want to know. Great.

The second girl I got to know recently was a very similar story. I made very sure not to ever tell her if I was having a bad time with something in fear of her doing the same. But all the while I was making another mistake. She had just had a bad breakup and spent all her time talking about him or the guy she was now falling for. I listened, I helped, blah blah blah. Then she took it upon her to start treating me badly when we went out with her friends. Several strikes of her being completely unreasonable caused me to cut my ties and walk. It was a big slap in the face after all the hours of her draining me dry about her issues. And I mean I'd listen sometimes for 4 hours at her going over and over on the same stuff. It would appear I allowed people to treat me like a counsellor/therapist but I haven't gained any respect from these girls.

A similar girl I knew used to only ever want to meet up with me when things were going wrong in her life. I only began to learn the pattern after a while, but she never thought to invite me out with her gfs and go out on the tiles. The last time she rang I never picked up the phone.

Consequently I only have 3 or 4 genuinely close girl friends but they're all from different circles which means we never go out on girly nights out
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I have more male friends really. They're so much easier to deal with, there's no psychology, silliness, bitchiness or anything but as you girls say - it's never quite the same.

I'm consequently very guarded now around new women and I don't make any effort to get to know them better other than chatting to them on the night in question, but I won't ask them for their numbers or anything and suggest meeting up together on our own to hang out. Sad really but there are too many insecure women out there that need to grow up a little - I can usually tell these days if a woman's going to be needy now and I smell it a mile off...
 

kabuki_KILLER

Well-known member
A lot of girls are like that. I don't notice that in my everyday life, but I usually don't pay attention to people that laze around unless I have to. Just keep working hard and keep a few friends. It's always good to have a few people that would side with you. Ignore all the idiots.

I myself feel like I get the unfairness from guys more than girls. Sometimes I do my best to be a great friend that's always there and the first chance he gets, he favors some other girl over me and is always telling me how awesome she is and how I am not. I just get over it and remain more distant with people that are unappreciative.

Maybe some of those jealous girls feel the same way I do on a different degree, but they just deal with it differently?
 

luvsic

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by claralikesguts
i don't understand how some of you can actually say you love haters... every time i hear a nasty comment my self esteem drops 10 points. i can't be strong and ignore it because i've never done anything to anyone...

i've never really had a true 'best friend'. all girls i befriend end up using me, lying to me, abandoning me, talking behind my back, etcetera. and i can't make friends with boys without being called a slut, and anyways, i enjoy too much girly things to be friends with a boy. the only 'friend' i really have is my boyfriend... and since he is my SO, he doesn't really count. it's pretty much impossible to make new friends because 1) i'm terribly shy, 2) no one likes me, 3) everyone believes rumors they hear about me therefore they don't like me.

i don't hate any girls. i do get jealous, but not so much where it leads me to despise them. if you actually hate someone "just because"... please just put yourself in her shoes because really, i have no confidence because of girls and their catty behavior. it lead me to depression, self harm, and even a suicide attempt. i rarely get out of the house because i have no one to do anything with besides my bf and family, but it's not the same as having a true girl friend.


It makes me sad to hear that you feel this way about yourself. I am a very shy person as well, but sometimes you have to take risks and put yourself out there in order to see the world. It sounds like you've had a run in with the wrong crowd, and way too many nasty people. But I hope you don't lose hope that there are good people in this world who I'm sure would love to befriend you. I don't have many friends in college, girls or guys. I have some, but I wouldn't call them my GREAT friends. I have girl friends here at home, but they aren't as girly as me so it's hard to talk to them sometimes. Most of the time I spent was with guys when I was in school for some reason. But I won't say to myself that girls don't like me or want to be friends with me, because it's not fair to me to think this way.

You are beautiful Clara, and it sounds like the girls you met before were probably just jealous. But really, not all girls are guilty of catty behavior, and the ones who are, well just screw them and let them be that way in their own little world. If you stand strong and don't let other people effect you, you'll come out the winner in the end. But if you just let every little nasty thing someone says about you GET to you, it's just not a smart way to live.

...looks like therapy is helping me =P
 

luvsic

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by FullWroth
^^ What KRT said. Bingo.

Another problem I have with the whole "women are so catty" business is that it's almost always women saying it, and not realizing how catty and self-centered that makes THEM sound, because the implication in that statement is "all women EXCEPT ME are so catty." That's one hell of an ego there - everyone thinks every other woman EXCEPT THEM is a horrible conniving bitch out to get them? Reeeeeaaally?

Like I said before in this thread: If a few women here and there throughout your life don't like you, but you have healthy relationships with girls in your age group more often than not, then it's not your fault at all: those women have just got issues and you can't let them get to you, or maybe you had a falling out and both of you were at fault and there's no fixing it, and that's okay. If, on the other hand, almost every girl you've ever met has disliked you or stopped being friends with you, it's either YOUR crappy taste in friends or YOUR inability to be a good friend to another female, but either way, it's all on you to fix it, whether you need to pick better friends or learn how to BE a friend worth having.

Of the two women I've known who have said stuff like "I just can't be friends with girls, they're too bitchy and dramatic!" one was just a horrible friend (so no shit she's not gonna keep female friends around, SHE was the catty dramatic one and she was HYPER-competitive around other females, so nobody wanted to be around her and putting up with her BS) and the other one had daddy issues and really bitchy female relatives, so she projected her need for a male to look up to and her bad experiences with female relatives onto everyone else.

Like I've already said earlier in this thread: Men and women alike, we are all very catty people at times. The difference is in how it's perceived - when men say it, we perceive it as "tough guy talk" or "fightin' words" because culturally, we're trained to expect that a man will get aggressive about it and all that cattiness will lead up to a fight. When women say it, it's "oooh, that catty bitch!" because we don't expect it'll progress beyond the comments.

Some people just suck. Other people try to pretend they don't suck by claiming it's everyone ELSE that sucks and just doesn't understand their Sooper Special Snowflake Awesomeness. And then there are awesome ladies like those of you I've met here on Specktra. ^_^ You are not catty at all! And I would totally go to the MAC store with you. Especially Shimmer, because she's badass.


You get a bingo too.
 

Jessica0984

Well-known member
My own sister in law treats me this way. She is always trying to outshine me. On my wedding weekend last year she announced she was pregnant. She isn't married or anything like that the baby was conceived on a one night stand. Her mom was furious and I spent the weekend smoothing things over since I didn't want any a drama on my wedding day. I even took her shopping with my sister and I and she decided she didn't like me just by looking at me. In March I got an invitation for the baby shower I sent her two gifts and tried to be friendly yet again. Then my husband says his mom sent me the invite for the baby shower because it was the right thing to do. Well since the baby has been born she says I don't think before I speak and she stays away from people like me and I'm just like okay then don't talk to me.
 

AmiS4ys

Well-known member
Females have natural hostility because, like guys, they tend to be territorial. We are always in competition with others no matter how nice we are.

My advice? Kill em with kindness. If youre angry at them, they get a rise from it.
 
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