do women have the control?

[user11]

HI!!!
I was reading "He's just not that into you" and I realised that it's true that when a man wants you, he calls you and see you, he finds you. Here's an excerpt:

[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'] I spent my life making things happen for myself. I worked hard for my career, and was quite aggressive about it. I called people, made appointments, asked for favors. I took action. But now Greg is telling us that in this situation, we are supposed to do absolutely nothing. The guys get to pick. We're just supposed to put on our little dresses and do our hair and bat our eyes and hope they choose us. Why don't you just tie my corset too tight so I can faint in front of some man who'll scoop me out of the way just before the horse-drawn carriage runs over me? That'll get his attention. [/font]​

[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Really, in this day and age, the hardest thing to do for many women, particularly me, is nothing. We like to scheme, make phone calls, have a plan. And I'm talking about more than just making sure our hair doesn't frizz. Most women who date, I would guess, don't have men throwing themselves at them every night of the week. Sometimes there's a long stretch during which nobody's asking us out. So when we see a guy that we feel might be a romantic possibility, it's even harder for us to take a backseat. That opportunity might not come back again for a long time. [/font]​

[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']But guess what: My way? Has sucked. Hasn't worked at all. I've never had a successful relationship with a guy that I've pursued. I'm sure there are many stories out there to the contrary. But for me, those guys end up getting back together with their ex-girlfriend, needing to take some time for themselves, or going out of town for business. Usually it doesn't even get that far. They usually just don't ever return my phone call. And let me tell you, that didn't make me feel very in control of anything. [/font]​

I totally agree with it. I realised that every time I asked a guy out, it was useless. Sometimes they gave me excuses, another times we hang out, but none of them turned into a relationship. They always gave me excuses at the end.
And my question is, have you ever had a serious relationship with a guy that you have pursued¿¿

 

[Korms]

Yes, I 'pursued' my current boyfriend and we have been together since early 2005. Although, pursued isn't really the word I would like to use. We met, got on well and I made it clear I liked him, flirted etc. We went on a date and it all went from there.

 

[user11]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Korms Yes, I 'pursued' my current boyfriend and we have been together since early 2005. Although, pursued isn't really the word I would like to use. We met, got on well and I made it clear I liked him, flirted etc. We went on a date and it all went from there.

but did you ask him to hang out or it was his idea?? he was interested in you before or after you told him you liked him??

 

[Lauren1981]

to me it all depends on the vibe you get from the guy. i remember i had a time where i felt like every guy that i was SO into always had an ex to go back to, just stopped calling me, or suggested the "friends" option and that i was doomed to wait on the guy but when i looked back on those "relationships" there was ALWAYS a sign in the very beginning that told me that i shouldn't be wasting my time on this person or that but i went ahead and did it anyway and in the end was always sitting there with this "why does this always happen to me??!!" look on my face.
i had a guy i was dating two years before i moved to florida that never did anything i wanted. i was just sitting there hoping that one day he would choose to be with me. i had total control of the situation but didn't realize it til i was fed up with him and getting ready to move. when he saw that i actually had a life that consisted of more than sitting around waiting on him to make a move that's when he started acting the way i wanted him to act. by then i didn't care though. i didn't have to be so focused on him and i didn't have to put my life on hold for him but i did in hopes that he would eventually come around. and not just hopes, but that i could MAKE him come around.
my point is, is that i believe that WE are actually the ones with the control. it's just that we have this thing called a biological clock and we have this whole plan mapped out of how we want our lives to be and it can be that way but only if we don't lose control of the situation. if a guys seems like he's not interested, then it's his lose and we just move on instead of trying to MAKE him like us. trying to make someone like you and pursuing a man are two totally different things. my bestfriend is married and she was actually the one that pursued him in the beginning. this chick i used to be friends with tried to make a man, who OBVIOUSLY wasn't interested in her, like her and it got NOWHERE.
relationships are hard and they do take work but whenever you feel like you're trying to make up someones mind about you, that's when you need to walk the other way. relationships are hard work but if you're trying to make up that person's mind about how they feel about you then that's when the whole "he's just not that into you" thing should kick in.

*this isn't targeted at the thread starter. i know i used the word "you" a lot but i always write in 2nd person (it's 2nd person, right??

)*

this is a good topic

 

[Korms]

Quote:

Originally Posted by azahara193 but did you ask him to hang out or it was his idea?? he was interested in you before or after you told him you liked him??

I don't think he considered me as a potential girlfriend until after I dropped the hints I liked him. He did tell me that he had previously thought he didn't need a girlfriend in his life, or something to that effect. It was some time ago! It didn't really take a lot of effort though, I suppose the type of guys you are referring to are the really stubborn ones who just aren't built for relationships.

 

[Kalico]

One of my guy friends told me he wished girls would do more of the pursuing. But, he is a bit of a mama's boy and might have been angling at something.

 

[Delilah]

Mature relationships aren't about 'control' and game playing. If a guys manhood is so easily threatened that he can't accept a strong, confident woman approaching him then she is better off without him.

 

[NutMeg]

I think that questions about who has the control, or will it work out if you pursue someone are way too simplistic. Every relationship has its own power dynamic, and people are so full of weird quirks and eccentricities... Basically I think if you're looking for a straight answer on this one, probably the best you're going to get is 'It depends'.

 

[MizzHotTahiti]

i think most men want the control.drop a subtle hint and see where he goes with it. if he wants u, he will pursue u.

 

[Malena]

I´m not sure if all men want to have "the control", some like to be pursued. At least some male friends told me that they´d wish women would try a bit harder, ask them out & so on. & I´m not talking about mama´s boys

Thinking about it, I think I always made it pretty clear when I was interested in a guy, but I always waited for him to make the next step, I never ever ask a guy out & I´ve no intention to do this in the future

I consider myself to be a rather strong woman, but I prefer to be pursued

It seems regarding this point, I tend to be pretty old fashioned!

But if women like to have the control - why not?! We´re living in 21st century, if men get so easily scared by a strong woman then they aren´t worth the effort!