Emotional Boyfriends....

[Stephie Baby]

So long story short, I'm 22, my boyfriend is 20. We've been together for around a year and 3 months. Unfortunately, I made the stupid mistake of moving in with him like 6 months into the relationship. Basically, this relationship has gone to sh**. We've tried and tried and tried over and over again. Its not getting better. If anything its getting worse. Well last summer, my boyfriend was admitted into a hospital due to depression and suicide stuff. Now that we are fighting like crazy, I think it would be best if we just end it now. When hes mad at me, hes all for breaking up, but once he calms down, he comes crying to me.

I honestly can't handle this relationship anymore. I've seriously lost myself in it. We've both abandoned our friends for each other. Everytime we start talking about ending it, he gets suicidal. He cries and blacks out. He lays in the floor and just cries for hours. He says he can't live without me. For the past few months, we've been acting more like friends than bf & gf. Hes all about wanting to get married to me, but hes extremely jealous of everyone and I can't handle that.

Its just so hard because we live together and hes going to have to move back home with his parents for a while. Plus, hes really emotional and suicidal. I don't wanna be responsible for him doing something stupid. I know he needs to see a doctor, but he won't do it. His parents are dicks to him about it. The last time we tried talking about him moving out, he tried to jump out the apartment window!!!!

I have absolutely no clue what to do about this. I'm probably going to try to talk to his parents about it. I don't know how to make this break up easy for both of us, especially since he has to move out.

 

[Simply Elegant]

I know this is going to sound a bit harsh, but he and himself only is responsible if he hurts himself. He has the choice to move on or to do something drastic like that. However, depression is really tough and sometimes is the extra push needed to do something like that. I would talk to his parents to let them know that he might be moving back over there and break it to him gently and let him know that you feel alienated from everyone else and that it would be best and most fair to both of you to break up so he has someone who loves him just as much as he loves you. I would also remind him to please not do anything drastic and that eventually he will move on and find another person who loves him for exactly who he is and that it's unfair to both of you to stay in a relationship that is just not working for you anymore. If you've both tried to stay together and realize that it just isn't happening, then it is better to call it off now before he becomes even more attached to you. Good luck with everything and I hope he doesn't take it too badly.

 

[GlossyAbby]

I had a boyfriend like that at the end of my senior year in high school. He threatened to kill himself when we broke up and would call me and make noises like the click of a gun very scarey. Well a few years into my college life and my mom called me and told me he killed himself. He had gotten into a fight with his then girlfriend and killed himself over it. I would def. recommend getting his parents involved he is going to need them and counseling. You can't let his threats about ending his life keep you together.....it isnt fair to you or him.

 

[glassy girl]

Wow i dont no were to start all i can say is ur bf needs some serious help this is not ok 4 u or him u need to talk to his parents asap he needs professional help. Remember one thing he is an adult and he is responsable 4 himself so dont blame anything on ur self. I realize this is hard situation but if u care 4 him at all u will break up with him and let him get the help he needs and let him find himself and the girl who will love him.( i realized u said that and ur a good person 4 wanting the best 4 him) Oh and another thing u do what ur heart tells u 2 do this is simply my opinion. Good luck to the both of u guys i wish the best.

 

[Monica22]

All i can tell you is Break up with him.. When he starts going crazy and saying hes going to kill him self call 911.. Tell them That he is acting Suicidal.. They will come take him and put him in the hospital.. I mean at least in canada i know they do.. I think it would be for the best..

Dont feel as though u need to stay in the relationship because you don't want him doing something stupid and it being your fault... As some one stated up above... it would be his and his only fault for doing anything to harm himself


And Just to besure Maybe talk to his parents before you break up with him i know its kinda of hard to do explain to them.. And then let them know how he is.. so maybe they can get him some knda of help

 

[purrtykitty]

Do his parents not get that he's suicidal?! I'd say that's one good reason why he's so messed up. At any rate - he's an adult and he is responsible for his actions, not you. You need to run as fast away from this relationship as you can - it's toxic. You don't deserve to be burdened by his emotional issues if there's nothing left in the relationship.

I do agree that you should talk to his parents - but maybe it should be a conversation between you and them. If he's there acting all dramatic, that only serves to undermine what you're doing. If it's just you, perhaps they'll realize that his well-being is in serious danger. Good luck, this situation is a toughie.

 

[bellaconnie80]

Hey girl I'm sorry you're going through this.. I know how u feel cause I've been there too... so that been said, hear me out and dont think I'm being a bitch..If he's going to kill himself he's going to do it with or without u.. but my guess is he says that to manipulate u and keep u..mine had insomnia and took pills for it and every time we fought he would say "Im gonna take 8 of those pills, and when u wake up Im going to be laying cold next to you" (keep in mind he is also bipolar and refuses to take his medicine) we lived together for a year because i was too scared to leave/give up on him..then one day I woke up.. I thought to myself 'this is a grown man who is choosing to live this crazy life, I want to be happy..he will never let us be happy because he doesnt want to, if he did he would take his medicine, put some effort into this, after all Im going through hell living on this rollercoaster and being cut off from friends and family because he gets so jealous and upset when i see them, or if i look really pretty'... anyways girl, I spoke to his aunt whom he was really close with.. and I left and changed my number.. do the same babe, you dont owe him anything.. u have your peace of mind to worry about.. your sanity and happiness.. good luck sweetie

 

[bebegirl88]

yOUR sTORY made me think of my realtionship with my now ex boyfriend! GIRL YOU HAVE TO LEAVE!!!! It is not your fault if you leave this guy and even if he kills himself he chose that pathway! Everyone is responsible for their actions and this guy is totally unbalanced and is trying to make you feel guilty into not leaving him! I finally left my ex and he stop harassing me b.c i called the cops on him! wheww! It is never easy and you should be able to enjoy your life to the fullest! You don't need weak men bringing you down with their insecurities!!! Never move in with your men, its never a good idea b.c it likes wat my mom says

 

[iluffyew769769]

You can call the local PD and let them know what is going on and then you can have them put him under a watch.. Ultimately You will have to kick him out, or evict him, or leave, because it sounds like he isn't going to budge. I had a roommate like this and that's what I had to do.

 

[SkylarV217]

You can't stay in a relationship that is unhealthy for you b/c he is emotionally unstable. In the end you must do what is right for you, If he does happen to hurt himself as a result of the relationship ending, that is not your fault. Depression is real, and I'm not Discrediting that, but you can't stay in a relationship b/c of his threats, I would try to get him into therapy and end the relationship as quickly as possible. The longer you wait the worse it will be. I hope everything works out

 

[NicksWifey]

Sorry to sound harsh, but to hell with that. You really don't need that shit in your life. He sounds very immature and in need of some serious help. I agree, depression is real, but he's going to have to be willing to get some serious help. Threatening suicide and crying until he blacks out is not the appropriate way to deal with that. It's going to have to start with him, inside of his own mind for him to truly see that he needs help. Of course, you can help him, but it sounds like it would just upset him more? Is there anyone else in his family besides his parents that can tell him he needs to get help or any close friends? I'm so sorry you're going through this and that you are learning this in such a hard and difficult way.
Hugs to you.

 

[Beauty Mark]

You can't cause him to hurt himself, only he can. However, you sound like a good-hearted person, so I totally understand how you may take the guilt onto yourself, even though you'd be in no way at fault.

It sounds like he needs extra help. If he has another one of those extreme episodes, call 911. Until that happens, I would talk to a suicide prevention person who may have some ideas on what you can do to help him/yourself and ease the transition the best way possible

 

[User93]

Im sorry you have to go through this, and i agree with all the above posters, but look, was he always like that, or it started some time ago? And also, nis he just crazy in everything, or he is a normal person but he gets emo when it comes to you? Being suicadal is awful, thats too much, and he needs help definitely, but being just emo can be explained.

So, is he just an emo/anxious person or he acts this way only towards you? I guess he had never been in a serious relationship before, and he loves you so much that he has all this fears and depression. Sorry to admit, but i have something like that aswell, and i admit i even need some help. I never acted suicadal though, and im a completely making sense person, but not when it comes to my bf. I have serious fears and phobias which hit me badly sometimes. I do understand this is not healty, but i cant help myself. I wrote in another thread, that i somehow became very emotionally dependent on him. So i just wanted to say, i understand your bf in some way. Unfortunately.

So i think what you have to do is first to decide if you love him and wanna help him, or you are sure you want to break up. Did you ever talk about his actions? I bet you did. And i know he does all that cause he wanna hear you saying you gonna be with him, love him etc.

If you decide to break up, listen to what all the girls above told you, he is a grown man and he gotta make decisions on his own. If his actions really annoy you, you should move on. You are very kind as you still wanna help him to get out of it. I think you should slowly prepare him for the break-up somehow.

Its hard what love does with us sometimes.

 

[SkylarV217]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NicksWifey Threatening suicide and crying until he blacks out is not the appropriate way to deal with that..

Completely agree, I'm not saying it is , but that may be his way of keeping you at bay as well.... I mean I know he has a issues with depression and suicide, but i have known people to use their condition to get their way on more than one occasion. In the end if he can't deal with it, you simply have to take him out of the equation and think about yourself

 

[cupcake_x]

He sounds extremely unstable, honey. I don't really want to blame you for wanting to get out of this relationship!

I would on my own try and find help for him. Like Beauty Mark said, even try calling 911 or a suicide helpline next time he's feeling this way.

I agree with what the above girls said. Only HE is in charge of his actions, no one else.

 

[Lauren1981]

yeah i have to agree with a comment i saw earlier. he's responsible for any harm he inflicts on himself. i know you already know it now but it sounds like u shouldnt have moved in with him in the first place because he prob had suicidal tendencies before u two decided to live together.
but that's water under the bridge now....
the important thing for you to do is just get out of the relationship asap. if you have to go above and beyond him (talking to his parents) then so be it. you can't allow yourself to be unhappy because of his issues HE needs to deal with HIMSELF, ya know? the constant up and down rollercoaster you're on isn't healthy at all and it's not going to go anywhere but downhill from now on.
on the flip side of it you're also in a position where you're handing over your control because everytime you say you want to break up he hits you with the suicidal threat and you end up staying. if he was as suicidal as he claims to be he'd probably have gone through with it by now. i hope it doesn't end up that way because that would be very unfortunate but you have to make sure he's not using that threat to keep you in an unhealthy relationship.
so, i think going to his parents would help out the situation but you need to make sure you get out of that.
hope i helped in some way ;-)

 

[n_c]

It doesnt sound like this is something you are willing to deal with any longer and I think you already know what you have to do. Good luck!

 

[NadiaD]

I am afraid I'm going to have to fly in the face of popular opinion on one topic in this.

It is not his fault, his responsibility or his choice or yours if he hurts himself. It isnt anyones. I'm speaking as one who has been on the other side of this kind of thing - I've been sectioned and tried to kill myself twice. I didn't comprehend my actions. At the end of the day mental illness is just that, an illness. Would you say it was someones fault if they caught meningitis? He needs to see a doctor, he needs to be somewhere secure. I agree with whosoever said that the next time he does this phone an ambulance and explain the situation. He should be taken into care and hopefully sorted out.

On the flip side, you cannot put yourself through this - chances are he doesnt know what hes doing or how he is hurting you. Talk to his doctor and explain things if you can, maybe he can help by getting him to come in and chatting to him subtley. But you need to get out. There is no sense in both of you being ill. When he does it next, phone someone, make sure they take him in and instruct them you are leaving. Then go home and see your family or something, and explain the situation to his parents so they can be the ones to look after him for a while.

If you ever need a chat PM me.

And this isnt meant to offend anyone or shake the tree, just making some points clear as this can often be a painful situation for both sides.

Nadia xx

 

[Stephie Baby]

Wow! This really happened so fast. So Ryan (my bf) and I sat down last night and discussed his issues and how it bothered me. We both came to an agreement that living together isn't the best thing for us right now. We both love each other very much. Our relationship was amazing before we moved in together. Hes come to terms that this relationship isn't going anywhere. He calmed down alot since we talked. Hes moving out tomorrow.

I didn't really think it would bother me this bad, but its eating at me. Part of me wants him to stay, but I know in my gut that its the best thing.

 

[gigglegirl]

stay strong stephie baby. i'm glad to hear that it seems you were able to have a real talk instead of an emotionally charged screaming match.

itll be best for you in the end~