friends w/ exes?

[rosquared]

what do you think? possible? would you want to be in a relationship w/ someone who is friends with their ex? would you understand if your current s.o. didn't appreciate the fact that you are friends w/ an ex? i want all and any perspectives on this... i think there are so many different thought processes involving this topic and i want to hear them all!!

thanks!

 

[Shimmer]

I think it's possible, but not without some time between then and now.
It wouldn't bother me, if the chemistry was noticably gone. If it was gone, it wouldn't bother me, if there was any kind of 'old flame burning in his eyes' I'd not be happy.
I would love to be friends with a couple of the people I dated in my past but circumstances don't allow.

In short, if there's been enough time for any feelings to die down between the two of them, I don't care.

 

[Raerae]

I've always remained corgial with my ex's, but in my expierence, people that keep their ex's around do so beacuse one of them has unresolved feelings, so rather than push the person away completely, they hang around as, "just friends."

 

[Bernadette]

I totally agree with Raerae on why people keep exes around as "friends." I personally don't think it's much of a possibilty. I think it's possible to be cordial or friendly with an ex, but not actually be friends.
I wouldn't like the idea of my SO being friends with anyone they've slept with.
I have an ex that remained friends with his ex while we were together. It turned out he was maintaining a long-distance relationship with her and used my truck to drive to go see her for a weekend and cheat on me.
Exes are exes for a reason.

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae I've always remained corgial with my ex's, but in my expierence, people that keep their ex's around do so beacuse one of them has unresolved feelings, so rather than push the person away completely, they hang around as, "just friends."

agreed. I tried this once. I mentioned this in another thread. I thought we were good friends until he came around trying to get in my panties. I should have seen thru him but I didn't.
He broke up with me so i figured there was nothing there. ..I was wrong, I should have noticed when he would invite me to go to dinner with him and his new girlfriend.. HELLO .. DUH.. whats going on there!? lol.

I agree with Bernadette, I think its possible to remain friendly to them but being like BFF's with them or something. not so much.. They ARE ex's for good reason.

 

[little teaser]

i think it would just be too weird to be friends with someone you slept with and your so knows you slept together and i would worry how that would make my so feel, i dont think i would like my so to be friends with his ex either, now if theres kids involve i do understand the need to communicate and be friendly but not friends.

 

[kimmy]

i tried so hard to be friends with my ex, but he made it impossible. i had no feelings whatsoever left for him, and he just couldn't get over what he thought we had. i love the idea of staying friends after a relationship is over, and i really am bummed that i couldn't have that with him.

i have no problem whatsoever with dating someone who's friends with their ex(s) just as long as the chemistry (like shimmer said) is gone. if it wasn't, i surely would not date the guy. i guess it really all comes down to trust. if you can trust each other, being friends with exes shouldn't really be a big deal.

 

[silverblackened]

One of my best friends (J) is also my ex-boyfriend; we were already best buddies before we started dating, but it took a long while after we'd broken up for us to go back to the close friendship we used to and now have. We still talk to each other about everything, including the girls he likes/have dated after me (he's currently unattached but has a huge crush on a girl, LOL) and my current relationship.

My current boyfriend (B) knows all about my history with J, and is completely okay with it. We all hang out together a lot, and J has always taken the initiative to invite B along whenever our group of friends are doing something together, so B knows that J isn't a threat of any sort, and has been able to spend enough time around J to understand why J and I are so tight. It also helps that they live 10 minutes away from each other, so they get to know each other even better every time B gives J a ride home after dropping me off.

B isn't really friendly with any of his exes, but while I was with J, he was still pretty friendly with his ex, and I wasn't totally comfortable with that. With good reason, too, since they eventually ended up getting back together again - until she cheated on him again and he decided to finally stop being such a loser and move on for real.

 

[jenii]

In my experience, I've never been able to actually be friends with an ex.

Well, there was ONE, but we were already friends and we'd only gone on one date, and neither of us was feeling it.

I don't even know if that counts as an ex, to be honest. It was more like a failed experiment that neither of us was terribly invested in.

 

[Taj]

Most of my exs are still friends of mine, but to avoid hard feelings for the current guy, I would rather NOT to mention my contacts with them in front of him.

 

[MisStarrlight]

I have remained friends with most of my exs. My most recent ex, however, turned out pretty bad. We didn't speak for 3 years after the breakup & then we started talking again-to the point of being like best friends again-until one day he cut off all communication with me for no real reason. (I'm suspecting that his gf couldn't handle it-even though he promised me he wasn't going to listen to her if she told him to stop talking to me....he lives on the other side of the country so I don't really understand it all. I'm still bitter about it, but whatever, he made his choice.)

And as far as my bf...he can't even handle the fact that I'm good friends with this kid I dated once, 5 years ago.

 

[eye_pr0mise]

i think its possible.
i had a 7 year relationship with my ex and we ended on bad terms. but after a year we pushed them aside and became friends. he was the only person that knew me like reaallly reallly know me. and even though i have a boyfriend now. he doesnt understand why i still talk to him.
but we dont put any feelings into it. we are both in relationships, and though temptation may arise, we are adult enough to NOT act upon it and thats a mutual agreement

 

[Beauty Mark]

I have, but a lot of time had to pass. It's difficult, but it's definitely possible.

 

[stellarx1587]

I'm friends with all of my ex's. Its always hard in the beginning, but after enough time passes and you grow... any of the petty stuff that went on in your past relationships just seem so trivial in the present. My fiance gets along with my ex's and we all hang out together. I think its only an issue if you make your friendships w/ your ex's secret that it becomes an issue...

I know a lot of girls that refuse to maintain anything with someone they dated.... but IMO... you were with that person for a reason. They were special to you at one point and left their mark on your life whether it was for good or bad... and if today you're both mature enough to get past your issues... then by all means... keep them as a friend. But I say all that assuming you're both over each other... hahahaha... otherwise... keep some distance until you're ready.

 

[laurenmo88]

i think it is best to stay friends with exes, after a long period of isolation from them so that the feelings between each other will be completely gone, after that - being friends is good because you can still have that person in your life

MisStarrlight said it for me, i am friends with my exes and even non-exes but my boyfriend freaks out...i dont even like to talk to him about the issue anymore because it becomes a huge talk about "respect" and "trust" he trusts me, not them - he doesnt feel like the boys respect the fact that he is my boyfriend, but i invite him to hang out with me and the ex/male friend and he refuses so how could he ever know how they act around me? he has no idea

i love my boyfriend so much & have never doubted that
ive had boyfriends before who wouldnt let me so much as have even GIRL friends that he didnt approve of, i don't want my relationship with this current boyfriend to get to that level...siiiigh specktra girls, you are the only people i can really confide in i guess - my friends at home will tell me to just break up with him

but i can't break up with him because i've never had the kind of relationship we have now

 

[XShear]

I believe, that it is possible. Not always though. With my current ex, I'm still able to talk to him without any feelings (sex, emotional, etc). Although, it did take time to have those feelings dissolve.

While I am in another current relationship (and my bf doesn't like the fact that I still chat with my ex), I do have a good standing one with the ex. In fact, he's out of town for the week and I'm watching the pups for him!

But, out of the exs, he's the only one I'm able to chat with. But, I believe it's because we broke up on neutral terms. Yeah, it was me who broke it off, but he wasn't over emotional over it and neither was I. But, we still get along and can maintain a friends-only friendship.

 

[user79]

I think it's only possible after a time away from each other when each person has moved on. If there is no more feelings except platonic ones. But it's been my experience that I couldn't be friends with exes because once I was "over" them I realized what losers they were.

 

[flowerhead]

I really dont believe you can, with my exes we always agreed to be friends, but it was just so awkward and different from the situation before that it never worked out. It depends how serious the relationship was though.

 

[missababe]

I'm not really 'friends' with any exes but occasionally chatter with the ones that don't live around here on aim. Well one is technically an ex while the others are people I've been 'involved' with or dated briefly.

My fiancé understands that I had a brief thing with a male friend of mine and after I sat him down and explained the situation he wasn't totally OK with it, but was OK with it enough to where I could still talk to and be around said friend even though he doesn't particularly like the guy [but loves his roommate lol].

But whats weirder is right before [and I mean RIGHT BEFORE] my fiancé and I got together, I was screwing one of his roommates. Nothing serious and we were all adults about it, including after I moved in with them, and its OK that I'm friends with that person since he knew all about the fling from the beginning. I think because it was a close friend and someone he knew he was better apt to handle it and realize there was nothing there but sex. We both still love our ex-roomy to death and wouldn't think twice about living with him again since there wasn't any weirdness to begin with about the situation.

Now onto MY end of the situation.

I would like to say I have no problems if he talked to girls he dated, but yeah like thats going to happen. I'm insecure about the fact that this total hottie that I see girls checking out all the time really wants to marry me lol. I'm ok with his co-workers that are girls and have no problems whatsoever with them. Its when its girls that I don't know calling him and basically stalking him when we would go to shows. Or I remember one time vividly a chick friend of his and her bf had came over to hang out and we were drinking and she kept saying 'I love Will, he's so great', things like that, and made me really uncomfortable. I asked him not to invite her over anymore. And there was this girl that kept calling no matter how many times my fiancé and I told her not to. And another girl at shows that basically stalked him while we were there. The last one got her just deserts.

Enough of my rant lol.

In the end, I think it's all up to the parties involved to know about any situations ahead of time before they pop up. If you try to hide the fact that you're hanging out with an ex, or seeing them, it might really hurt your SO. If you're honest, they can't really put your head on a stick right?

Plus, in my infinite 23 yrs of wisdom, every time I've been honest with someone it hasn't backfired on me. Yet.

Oh and I'm half-asleep since I just woke up so if none of this makes sense I am so so sorry lol.

 

[BloodMittens]

I've never really remained friends with my ex's. I mean, I never really saw a reason to. My boyfriend is the same way... he doesn't talk to his ex's at all... or girls at all for that matter >_>