Hating life today

[DanaB]

i just need to vent a little. hope y'all don't mind! lol

i'm just in such a rotten mood right now. i deposited my weekly paycheck into my bank account and i still have $-150 in the bank. my boyfriend on the other hand has $5000. i have always wanted to pay half of our bills, but it's just getting harder and harder every month. i work 2 fucking jobs, am 22 weeks pregnant and i'm broke! i'm pissed! lol

and tell me if this is fair... a few weeks ago, i signed my SO up to do his banking online. MY idea. about a week after that, he got a phone call from the bank telling him that he won some contest for signing up - free internet for a year. and it comes in the form of a personal cheque. i pay for the internet. i really don't pay too much. but the maximum is $550, so i finagled my way into getting 'us' the maximum amount of the cheque. so i told Ryan that i should be getting half the money, since i signed him up and sweet talked the people into giving us the full amount. guess what? i got NOTHING. he SAYS he's putting the money down on an engagement ring for me, but i call BULLSHIT. and i could really use that money.

and everytime i try to talk to him about anything - he just tunes me out. so that pisses me off.

being prego, my sex drive is pretty low right now. and the other day, he decided to pick a fight about it. fun stuff. "other women have a much higher drive when they are prego". fuck off. i'm not other women.

plus, as much as i love him, he's pretty selfish in bed. and i have told him that time and time again. but he just gets defensive and bitter. i try to tell him that it takes a little more work to get me ready for sex than it does for him. he expects me to be physically ready for sex whenever he says the word. oh yeah, and any such spontenaity is out the window. now it's just "wanna fuck?" sweet! thanks. combine the lack of foreplay with the fact that he is not the smallest guy i know, and i'm pregnant, sex can be pretty uncomfortable, if not painful. but who gives a shit, as long as he's getting what he wants.

man, i just wanna stab someone today.

 

[n_c]

oh hun so sorry to hear that *hugs*... men can be such assholes sometimes!

 

[Shimmer]

I'm sorry hon.

 

[Lalli]

aww huni it'll get better soon maybe you just need to sit down and have a lil chat

 

[Simply Elegant]

Maybe let him know that you don't appreciate the way he approaches sex and with a little more effort put into it, you'd be way more willing to and have more fun, and maybe that it would happen more often it he tried to help make you more comfortable or at least be willing to listen to your suggestions about how to make things better.

 

[juli]

Man sucks! ugh.. one reason why I choose to stay single!

Why don't you two split the cost of everything in half? That way it will be fair. Although he says he is putting it away for an engagemnt ring, I'd say do what needs to be done now that is more important and worry about fancy rock later? just my opinion.

I hope everything works out for you!

 

[DanaB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Simply Elegant Maybe let him know that you don't appreciate the way he approaches sex and with a little more effort put into it, you'd be way more willing to and have more fun, and maybe that it would happen more often it he tried to help make you more comfortable or at least be willing to listen to your suggestions about how to make things better.

i've tried that. and he used to be great! the best sex of my life was with him. but somewhere along the line, he stopped trying. and he'll just blame me for it. says i don't do x,y,z for him, why should he do anything for me. i said that i stopped my part because he stopped his part. so its just a vicious, sexless circle right now! and he's an idiot. doesn't seem to grasp the fact that if he gives me what i need, i'll do the same.

 

[Shimmer]

I would suggest both of you read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman (I think) and see if you can figure out a way to better your relationship through some of the insight the book can offer.
I'm by no means a self help book type of person but this really did make sense in many ways as applied to everyone I have a relationship with.

 

[DanaB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by juli Man sucks! ugh.. one reason why I choose to stay single! Why don't you two split the cost of everything in half? That way it will be fair. Although he says he is putting it away for an engagemnt ring, I'd say do what needs to be done now that is more important and worry about fancy rock later? just my opinion. I hope everything works out for you!

we do split everything, that's why i'm broke!! hehe. he makes about 3 times more money than i do, which is why it pisses me off that he didn't give me half the money.

meh, oh well. i'm prolly just being hormonal! lol

 

[~LadyLocks~]

Wow, sorry you've been having such a hard time lately. I went through the same thing when I was prego...don't even think about touching me is what I would say lol. We hardley ever had sex when I was prego, maybe 4 or 5 times at most. I felt bad for him but there was nothing I could do about the way I felt. Having my daughter totally changed my sex habits and I'm no longer the hump bunny I used to be. I don't know...I'm just not back fullforce and at this point don't think I ever will be *sigh*

When we do have sex he right away thinks I'm as ready as he is and I'm like hey...you can't cook the turkey without heating the oven! HAHA...I love that, a friend of mine was having the same problem with her man and told him that so now I use it all the time!!!

As for the money situation...hmm, don't really know what to say about that except talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. He's a guy though so it'll probably go through one ear and out the other lol.

Sorry I couln't be of more help. Good luck hun, hopefully things will get better!

 

[~LadyLocks~]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaB we do split everything, that's why i'm broke!! hehe. he makes about 3 times more money than i do, which is why it pisses me off that he didn't give me half the money. meh, oh well. i'm prolly just being hormonal! lol

Sunds to me not only is he selfish in bed but selfish with his money as well. Your having his baby so he should cut you some slack and maybe pay alittle extra here and there so you can breath. He should be worried about how you feel mentally and psyhically instead of making you stressed out and pissed off!

 

[Shimmer]

Have y'all thought about seducing your men? Biologically speaking there is evidence to show that for women, having less sex means wanting less sex...so perhaps you guys "taking the reins" so to speak might help?

 

[~LadyLocks~]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer Have y'all thought about seducing your men? Biologically speaking there is evidence to show that for women, having less sex means wanting less sex...so perhaps you guys "taking the reins" so to speak might help?

That makes total sense cause I don't really like having sex that often. I mean who doesn't like sex but what I'm saying is I would be fine without having it. I'm just not that aggressive when it comes to sex, I like the other person to take control. How boring of me right? Not boring while in action though

.

 

[Shimmer]

lol understandable.

 

[DanaB]

i have done the whole 'seduce him' thing. i do it in hopes that he will reciprocate the next time. yeah, not so much!! in his defense, i'm kinda weird sometimes. on the RARE occasion that he tries some foreplay, i can tell whether or not it's gonna happen for me. and more times than not, it won't. so i just tell him to get it over with. poor guy.

i just wish we could go back to the beginning, when it was all spontaneous and new and exciting. i'm still hot for the guy, but i just get angry and frustrated when it doesn't go the way i think it should. and i don't like late night sex, cuz i'm tired! and he gets home late from work. by the time i go to bed, he's not ready to.

to make it all worse, he works with his friend to regales him with tales of his sex life. saying that him and his girlfriend have sex minimum once a day, which i find hard to believe. but they have a very combative relationship, so it all evens out in the end. but ryan doesn't see it that way!

fuck, i don't know. i just wish he would wake up and try to seduce ME for a change. he doesn't realize that if i came home to a clean house, dinner on the table and a bath for 2, that that is foreplay to me! show me that you give a shit.

meh, whatever.

 

[M]

Get the book, The Great American Sex Diet! It is fabulous and it ensures that both of you are resposible for creating intimacy in your relationship. Please do not fall for the "other women" crap! All women are unique and it is very common for women to have a low sex drive whether they are pregnant or not. I hate to say this, but the is a high chance that your relationship will become even more strained after the baby is born. And trust me-it is not easy raising a child when you live with another "baby". And as far as his friend goes-he's probably blowing smoke out his ass! Any man/woman that "brag" about their sex-life are usually lying.

As far as the whole internet thing. No I don't think it's unfair for him to keep the money. If you bought him a lottery ticket and he won, would you "expect" part of it because you bought it with your money? I think it was nice of you to suggest that he do online banking and nice of you to get the full amount for the internet service-but I don't think that entitles you to anything. When you do something for someone because you want to help them and because you care about them-you do it for that reason. Not because you expect something in return. JMHO.

Anyway, I'm really sorry that you are going thru this. Pregnancy can be hard-especially emotionally and on top of that you are working two jobs.

Obviously I don't know you or your boyfriend-or your whole situation for that matter, but I hope this isn't the kind of situation you will be "stuck" in because you are having a baby and things are hard financially. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hang in there

 

[Shimmer]

I just thought this might be helpful...

Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through “Words of Affirmation” is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for “Words of Affirmation,” offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.


Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.

Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.
Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.


Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.

If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.

The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love.

These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.

Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking to dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate’s dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.

Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.

Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.

It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It’s important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language.

All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.

It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other’s dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts.




I'm a physical touch person. I absently touch those I love, the less connected I feel with them, the less I touch them. My husband is an acts of service person. It makes him feel better to see my love for him through other things.
Once we figured that out it made our relationship a LOT better.

 

[M]

Great advice Shimmer! The 5 Love Languages is an amazing book

Now if I could just get DH to realize that watching sports with me in the room isn't quality time

 

[Shimmer]

Yeah that might be an obstacle.

 

[ndn-ista]

Man sucks! ugh.. one reason why I choose to stay single!


yup, Yup, YUP!