Have I lost my best friend? :(

[LatteGoodness]

Bear with me, this may get a bit long...

So I don't know if this is common, and I didn't find a similar thread on here, so here I am.

Background info: I have been bff with, let's call her Jen, since we were about 10 years old. I'm 25 now, so it's been about 15 years. As you can imagine, we've been through so many ups and downs, from school to boy friends... just overall life stuff.

She used to have a boyfriend who was really verbally abusive to her and just treated her like crap. Though I told her he was bad for her, and she knew this too, I stood by her until she decided to break up with him (and move to the other side of the US away from him lol)

I know that when I had a boyfriend, I'd put him first sometimes, e.g. when I was on the phone with her and he called, I'd make her get off the phone. Nothing major like cancelling plans though, and she treated me the same.

Fast forward to today. She has a great boyfriend who is very sweet, smart, and caring. I like him too; I think if we randomly met at a party, we'd be friends as well.

Jen works as a registered nurse, so her schedules are always crazy. She works 12 hour shifts, 4 days in a row sometimes. So we don't get to talk much on the phone, and she tells me that she doesn't get to see her bf much either. She finally got some time off recently and invited me to come up. Before this, we hardly ever talked on the phone anymore because of her work and because when she wasn't at work she was with her bf. So after I felt neglected for a while I wrote her this long email about how I missed her and how I felt unwanted, etc. Yes, I was PMSing, thus overly emotional, but it (seemingly) worked because she told me that when I would go visit her that it'd be just me and her because her bf would be at work, and that we'd meet up with him maybe later on in the week.

Anyway, I went to visit her and it was not a good experience. The little time we got to hang out just me and her was great, but all the other times her bf was there. When not at work, he was there... and they'd be cuddling/nuzzling each other, hugging each other... it was nauseating. Granted they weren't making out in front of me, but they might as well have. I was expecting it to be time spent just me and her because I see her literally 2 or 3 times a year. I even talked about it with her there and she got a little huffy and said, "Well I don't get to see Josh much either because I work so much. I'm trying to please both you guys. That's fine, I'll just tell him to go home." and then I said, "No, I don't need one more person pissed off at me about something." and she replied, "He's not pissed at you, he's upset at not being able to see me."

The conversation ended after that because I stopped talking about it, but it really hurt me that she would even say that considering she sees her bf everyday regardless of whether she's working or not, granted it might be about a few minutes worth, but that's better than what I get. The rest of the "vacation" more or less sucked.

After the vacation, she had some health emergency where she almost died, but her bf was there to make sure she went to the hospital. It was very serious, she was on a respirator, in ICU... I didn't know about it, just that she had gone to the hospital: her bf just told me that much, he said because he didn't want me to be worried. If I had known it was that serious, I would've flown up there. Anyway, after the fact she told me what all had happened, and how Josh was there and so sweet with her recooping.

So since then and since the vacation really, I haven't talked to her much. When I do talk to her, she's either on her way to see him, or he's there and she'll be talking to me and sometimes to him too. It is so aggravating.

Oh one other thing: she found out her parents are getting a divorce and she waited a whole day to call me. She told her bf first... and then me. I get her telling him first, but waiting a whole day? Boy friend or no boy friend I would tell her first if that happened to me, no doubt. That hurt me a lot.

I feel replaced, like she doesn't need me anymore and that if I'm there, great, if not, that's ok too.

The other day I sat down and wrote yet another long email telling her I felt... that was last Thursday. She called me that night and I don't think she read it because she didn't bring it up. She told me that she would be working the rest of that week into the next so she'd call me once she was off again. I know she checks her email fairly regularly, and still haven't heard anything.

I feel so stupid and childish. If she doesn't want me around, I wish she'd just tell me and get it over with. It would hurt, but at least I wouldn't keep trying to talk to her. I feel like I'd be there for her whenever, however I could, and she could give two sh!ts about me. It hurts a lot. And what's worse is that it is very hard for me to make female friends. Most of the time I don't click with them, or they don't want to hang out with me or I don't want to hang out with them. I click with Jen...

So my question to you guys: what should I do? Is it a lost cause? Should I just ignore her completely even if she calls? I can't keep emailing her every two seconds when I feel neglected...

I hope someone answers this thread, I know it was super long...

 

[Loveleighe]

the same thing happened to me when my BFF started dating her boyfriend. He saw her everyday and even though we lived in the same state i was in brooklyn and she was upstate. I never got to go up to see her and she never came down to see me. We ended up seeing each other maybe once every 4-6 months when we were both visiting in jersey and we spoke maybe 3 times a month at most. I knew she was incredibly busy and that her free time was spent with him, i didn't know her mom died until a month after it happened but he was there on her deathbed in which she whispered to him "take care of my baby" before passing. I have had my share of jealousy over the issue but i know whenevr she needs me i am always here for her and vice versa even if she doesn't get back to me immediately, it's never too long before i hear her voice. All you can do is continue to let her know how you feel and just don't take it so personally. I mean it's hard at first but you adjust to it and you'll learn new ways to get to bond. Maybe if it's not to much insist on you guys having a dinner date once a month at least no guys just you two. I say hold on. don't throw away 15 years it's be like losing a sister, just ride it out and do your best to find ways to be closer. Chances are when/if the BF is out of the picture, you'll be the first person she calls.

 

[leslie]

I've been in the same boat. I lost my best friend. I knew her since the 6th grade and were inseperable. I knew we weren't as close as we were before when she told me she was pregnant, by text, when she was already 4-5 months along. I had a boyfriend, she had hers and never really made any time for each other anymore. A call here and there, but not much to talk about. The last time I talked to her was about 2 years ago, a day before my b-day.

We told each other we'd be bff's forever (cheesy I know) but things happen, we grew apart. If I were to start talking to her again, I know we wouldn't have as much in common or little to talk about, besides our kids.

All I can tell you is that you tried to tell her how you feel, and if she hasn't tried to reach out to you, then I don't think you should keep trying. You've done all you can. What more can you do if she doesn't do anything on her end? But if she does call you, you should talk to her, bring it up if she doesn't. Maybe she's waiting for you to bring it up to her. I hope you 2 can work it out.

 

[Hilly]

Oh girl..I FEEEL your pain here!!!! My former BFF...Like I am talking SISTERS...and I went down the shitter. She put this ashole guy over me all the time. Tons of stuff I wont bore you with, but basically it sucked. Some terrible shit went down and she didn't even care.

Fast forward to 5-6 years later and I am craving her. I miss her so much. I live in TX and her in Chicago, but I just im'ed her and told her I wanted to meet with her and talk about shit. She said she missed me and blah blah. I am really excited, but still reserved because maybe she didn't change after the years. We'll see. But I was the one who re-initiated it.

Good luck girl

 

[angeluv009]

So I'm reading your post and it's really hitting home right now. I'm talkin to my i guess i should say "used to be BF". I love her a lot (lets call her H) and I was always there for her with everything and anything that would happen with her family and whatever. She made friends with another girl (lets call her V) and they started to get close.

V lived with her boyfriend and when they broke up she moved in with H for a while and then found her own apartment. Well long story short, I feel like I've been replaced. V is a very needy person and my used to be bestfriend H is kinda like that also...

I feel neglected and replaced. I always call her and she usually doesn't return my calls unless I threaten her and tell her that I'm not going to be her friend anymore or something like that. (Jokingly though) I feel like I'm in a bad relationship with a man and i just keep pushing myself on her and I should just stop B4 I just cause myself the utmost embarassment. I tell her that I feel like we drifted apart and she says that she is always busy with work and its true, she is busy with work, but V is somehow still a LARGE part of her life. They talk everyday and they get to hang out on the weekends and stuff. I just feel left out. I feel sad. I feel like I lost my bestfriend and ARG it brings me to tears...

I dunno wat else to do but let it go. It really hurts b/c i thought that she was my closest friend in the world. I also dont get close to many females and I just don't think I'll have a good friend like that again...

 

[HOTasFCUK]

I've been on both sides of this and more or so on your bbf's end. The way i saw it in my situation was that i got to the point where i wasn't in high school anymore. Back then, i cared about who my friends were but in my early 20's i met someone and i began to feel that it was more important to concentrate ons omeone that i may spend the rest of my life with then my friends. We were all also heading in different directions and i chose to cut out many people out of my life that i didn't want to associate it with or i simply stopped caring. I was also friends with a few of them since kindergarten. I did what i felt was best for me and also for my new relationship and i never regretted it. Those girls could not accept who i was and that i wasn't going to go running for them everytime they needed me. They began to cause problems for my relationship, were very disrespectful, and became "toxic" friends. I cut 2 girls off completly and now a few cut me off because of that. Its fine by me because they weren't true friends to begin with. It hurt me to cut these girls off because of the many years of friendship we had but in all honesty, i did what i believed was best for me, not just my relationship with my boyfriend. I still stand firm in the choices i made and i will never change my mind whether i marry my bf or not. But yes, i did hurt my friends and they hurt me back. But i'm much happier with my life without them in it.

Now, i'm telling you this not because i think this is the situation with your friend but because i think you really need to have a heart-to-heart with her if you its worth saving your friendship. I didn't think mine were worth saving but maybe you two can work something out. Maybe something is going on in her head? I used to always turn to my friends for advice or to talk but then i only turned to my boyfriend. At some point they become the closest person to you. I really think you should tell your friend that you still want to stay connected. But sometimes things change and they never go back. Don't be dependant on here because she clearly has enough going on in her life but yes, she needs to be honest with you. If see can't handle having a "daily" friendship with you, she should still make the effort to set aside time in her life to talk, email, or see you. Whatever you guys decide, life does go on and you will meet other new, exciting people that you will hopefully form stronger bonds with! Good luck to you and let us know what happens!

 

[LatteGoodness]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loveleighe Chances are when/if the BF is out of the picture, you'll be the first person she calls.

Yeah, I think maybe this is part of the problem actually. I'm always there for her whenever she needs me, boyfriend or no boyfriend. I don't know whether she realizes it, if she cares, or if she just takes it for granted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by leslie All I can tell you is that you tried to tell her how you feel, and if she hasn't tried to reach out to you, then I don't think you should keep trying. You've done all you can. What more can you do if she doesn't do anything on her end? But if she does call you, you should talk to her, bring it up if she doesn't. Maybe she's waiting for you to bring it up to her. I hope you 2 can work it out.

I've talked to some people about this, and they kind of said what you said, that if I've tried and tried and see no results to just move on. It's just so very hard... it's like getting used to not having an arm or something. It's been there forever, how will I just up and cope with the fact it's gone forever? It's times like this I wonder why people bother to make friends--true friends--if they're destined to just fall apart when a man/baby/etc. comes into the picture.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hilly Oh girl..I FEEEL your pain here!!!! My former BFF...Like I am talking SISTERS...and I went down the shitter. She put this ashole guy over me all the time. Tons of stuff I wont bore you with, but basically it sucked. Some terrible shit went down and she didn't even care. Fast forward to 5-6 years later and I am craving her. I miss her so much. I live in TX and her in Chicago, but I just im'ed her and told her I wanted to meet with her and talk about shit. She said she missed me and blah blah. I am really excited, but still reserved because maybe she didn't change after the years. We'll see. But I was the one who re-initiated it. Good luck girl

Hilly, I am glad to hear a positive experience here!! When are you going to hang out with her? Does she realize how much she neglected you? Have you told her you're reserved about her because of how she treated you in the past? lol, maybe I should just PM you about this...

Quote:

Originally Posted by angeluv009 I feel neglected and replaced. I always call her and she usually doesn't return my calls unless I threaten her and tell her that I'm not going to be her friend anymore or something like that. (Jokingly though) I feel like I'm in a bad relationship with a man and i just keep pushing myself on her and I should just stop B4 I just cause myself the utmost embarassment. I tell her that I feel like we drifted apart and she says that she is always busy with work and its true, she is busy with work, but V is somehow still a LARGE part of her life. They talk everyday and they get to hang out on the weekends and stuff. I just feel left out. I feel sad. I feel like I lost my bestfriend and ARG it brings me to tears... I dunno wat else to do but let it go. It really hurts b/c i thought that she was my closest friend in the world. I also dont get close to many females and I just don't think I'll have a good friend like that again...

Oh girl, what you said hit home! I too feel like I'm in a bad relationship... it's almost like I feel dependent on her. What you said reminded me of that "I Love Lucy" episode where Lucy thinks she's losing her two bff's because they become bff (I am a HUGE Lucy fan, so disregard all this if you don't know what I'm talking about.)

But on a serious note, I know how sad and lonely you must feel, especially when you don't have many female friends. I guess letting go is the best thing. Perhaps you should tell her that too, and act accordingly. Tell her that you realize that ya'll have drifted apart and it's not the way it was and that you're letting her go. That you miss her like hell, but friendship isn't a one-way street. If anything will make her come back, it's that, I think. But even if she does come back, don't let it be too easy for her seeing as she's done that before. lol look at me dishing advice I need to take for myself! Do as I say, not as I do...

Good luck in whatever you decide to do though...

Quote:

Originally Posted by HOTasFCUK I've been on both sides of this and more or so on your bbf's end. The way i saw it in my situation was that i got to the point where i wasn't in high school anymore. Back then, i cared about who my friends were but in my early 20's i met someone and i began to feel that it was more important to concentrate ons omeone that i may spend the rest of my life with then my friends. We were all also heading in different directions and i chose to cut out many people out of my life that i didn't want to associate it with or i simply stopped caring. I was also friends with a few of them since kindergarten. I did what i felt was best for me and also for my new relationship and i never regretted it. Those girls could not accept who i was and that i wasn't going to go running for them everytime they needed me. They began to cause problems for my relationship, were very disrespectful, and became "toxic" friends. I cut 2 girls off completly and now a few cut me off because of that. Its fine by me because they weren't true friends to begin with. It hurt me to cut these girls off because of the many years of friendship we had but in all honesty, i did what i believed was best for me, not just my relationship with my boyfriend. I still stand firm in the choices i made and i will never change my mind whether i marry my bf or not. But yes, i did hurt my friends and they hurt me back. But i'm much happier with my life without them in it.

Many of my coworkers have experiences similar to yours. They told me that I should just wait it out and eventually she'd come back around to me. They're all a bit older than me, all married... so they basically said that at some point you focus on your S.O. and the thought of spending the rest of your life with someone and not just your friends. It is indeed a bitter pill to swallow. I guess I need to make myself more guarded so that I don't get hurt like this again. Seems like the only person that can be there for me unconditionally is myself and my cats lol

 

[jazza]

I don't think you should write this relationship off.

The trouble with old friendships growing is that they will change, and you need to accept that.

The difference between friendships at age 10/12 and age 20+ is that people WILL invest time in romantic relationships. Love is a number one priority for many people, but that doesn't mean they don't want friends either.
Of course, if you absolutely have no time for someone, either writing, emailling, phoning, or visiting, then there's not much of a friendship.

But chances are, even if things relax between the two of you to an adult friendship then contact may be less, but that doesn't mean they don't value the time they DO spend with you. Adults with responsibilities have a lot less time to see close friends every single day, or keep in constant contact. Lapsing every once in a while is not a crime and I don't think you should punish her. Everyone gets busy.

The thing is, once you have been friends with someone for over a decade, you are bound to be close in some respect. It is a shame to lose a bond completely for the sake of pride and misplaced hurt. It takes a long time to make a friendship like a sister, and to keep them is rare, do you think you'll have many opportunities to make another friend like her?

 

[LatteGoodness]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jazza I don't think you should write this relationship off. The trouble with old friendships growing is that they will change, and you need to accept that. The difference between friendships at age 10/12 and age 20+ is that people WILL invest time in romantic relationships. Love is a number one priority for many people, but that doesn't mean they don't want friends either. Of course, if you absolutely have no time for someone, either writing, emailling, phoning, or visiting, then there's not much of a friendship. But chances are, even if things relax between the two of you to an adult friendship then contact may be less, but that doesn't mean they don't value the time they DO spend with you. Adults with responsibilities have a lot less time to see close friends every single day, or keep in constant contact. Lapsing every once in a while is not a crime and I don't think you should punish her. Everyone gets busy. The thing is, once you have been friends with someone for over a decade, you are bound to be close in some respect. It is a shame to lose a bond completely for the sake of pride and misplaced hurt. It takes a long time to make a friendship like a sister, and to keep them is rare, do you think you'll have many opportunities to make another friend like her?

Maybe I wasn't that clear in my original posting, but the fact of the matter is that we didn't even go to the same high school, so we were for most of our friendship just talking-on-the-phone friends. She lived near me, but I always had things, she always had things... the difference was she took the time to talk to me still.

We went to different colleges, but still made girl time for eachother. I understand that people get busy, I do, she does, it happens. But for her to truncate me and replace me with her bf is unacceptable. And it has been almost a week since I emailed her with everything I was feeling. I know she checks her email, so I don't know what's going on. In fact, the more I am thinking about it, the more I just get plain pissed off rather than just hurt.

Why is it that women always do this sort of thing to their bffs, while I rarely hear it happening with men? Men always keep doing what they're doing with "the boys" and don't put women as a top priority. At least this is what I have seen through my own and all my other friends' experiences. Sad state of affairs.

 

[Aprilrobin]

This stuff happens when your friends start having kids too. I've lost a few good ones. One is now almost inhuman.

Sad fact of life. Just focus on the people in your life that make you feel loved and important.

 

[LadyLaundale]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LatteGoodness Why is it that women always do this sort of thing to their bffs, while I rarely hear it happening with men? Men always keep doing what they're doing with "the boys" and don't put women as a top priority. At least this is what I have seen through my own and all my other friends' experiences. Sad state of affairs.

Just a guess, but you aren't in a serious relationship, are you? It doesn't sound like it from your posts, but I could be wrong and don't mean to offend.

I've went through the exact same thing with several friends. And thing I've come to learn over the years, and after much trial and error, is that friendships change, priorities change, people change. As we get older, our friends stop being our priority, and our relationship takes precedence. When I wasn't seeing anyone, it drove me crazy when my friends blew me off for boyfriends, or were just less available. When I got into my own relationship, I understood.

My bff of 10 years, and I took about 18 months off from being friends. I hated her boyfriend, and he hated me, because he thought I was a bad influence on her. Of course, I wasn't, but she needed someone to blame random things on, so I was her scapegoat. So, he hated me, and I just couldn't deal with it anymore. She was blowing me off when we made plans, because he said she couldn't go. It was ridiculous. We recently started talking again and it's good. I'll never go back to being "everyday phone friends" or "see each other weekly" because we are so different and I'm busy in my own life. I'm still hurt over the blowing me off thing and the scapegoat thing, and don't plan to put myself in that position anymore. I'm happy with seeing her 3-4 times a year, even though she lives 30 minutes away.

I kind of forgot what my point was, lol. Just that it's much harder to watch your friends skipping off into the sunset with their boyfriends when you aren't seeing anyone. Once you start seeing someone and have to deal with fitting your friends into your busy life, you might have a little different point of view.

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

I'll be straight up honest here. When I got halfway though reading that, It struck me that you sound jealous of your freinds new relationship because now she has to divide her time further and less of it will be spent talking to you. I can understand you might be feeling a bit hurt but don't you think it's a bit silly feeling a bit hurt because she told her boyfriend something before you? He is geographically closer to her and therefor he can comfort her in the very short term. Does that really surprise you? With regards to your friends parents divorce, all you can do is be there for her when she needs your support.

People can drift from friendships no matter how old they are because of things like change int heir life circumstances. These things happen. I don't think you should write of the friendship though if you still want to be friends with her that is. She has responsibilities now and so do you and they can get in the way. I really wouldn't take it personally. People grow up and get separate lives. It's just the way of things. So you can choose to be content with the phone calls and the visits and try to see them as special or you can decide to move on because your lives move in different circles.

 

[LatteGoodness]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyLaundale Just a guess, but you aren't in a serious relationship, are you? It doesn't sound like it from your posts, but I could be wrong and don't mean to offend.

Well, you're partially right. No, I'm not in a serious relationship, and though that might be partly the cause of my frustrations, I don't think it's the only thing. I was in a really serious relationship that lasted over 4 years, and even then I felt this way, though to a lesser extent.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aprilrobin This stuff happens when your friends start having kids too. I've lost a few good ones. One is now almost inhuman.

LOL! I can totally see that happening (to people in general) and yeah, it's sad and hilarious all at the same time. I never was one of those girls who goes gaga over babies.

Quote:

Originally Posted by V15U4L_3RR0R I'll be straight up honest here. When I got halfway though reading that, It struck me that you sound jealous of your freinds new relationship because now she has to divide her time further and less of it will be spent talking to you. I can understand you might be feeling a bit hurt but don't you think it's a bit silly feeling a bit hurt because she told her boyfriend something before you? He is geographically closer to her and therefor he can comfort her in the very short term. Does that really surprise you? With regards to your friends parents divorce, all you can do is be there for her when she needs your support. People can drift from friendships no matter how old they are because of things like change int heir life circumstances. These things happen. I don't think you should write of the friendship though if you still want to be friends with her that is. She has responsibilities now and so do you and they can get in the way. I really wouldn't take it personally. People grow up and get separate lives. It's just the way of things. So you can choose to be content with the phone calls and the visits and try to see them as special or you can decide to move on because your lives move in different circles.

I may be partially jealous, yes, because her bf is pretty awesome (not that I want to be with him, but of her relationship in general.) However, that isn't why I feel the way I feel. I get that she told him first about the divorce thing, but waiting a whole day... I don't know. Like you said, people change. I thought she was one way, and turns out I was wrong.

But you know what? I have changed too. Her not even getting back to me after all this time is very telling. I think I may have been under the impression that things are like they are on SATC... where the women have lives filled with work, significant others, etc., but ultimately are always there for eachother in the end, regardless. Well hello, that is TV, NOT reality!! At 25 I finally realize this, how sad lol..

At the end of the day, the only person that you can truly count on 100% is yourself and your pets (because they have no choice in the matter

) At least that's how it is for me... and no, I'm not being a pessimist, I'm being a realist.

 

[pumpkincat210]

As I got older I always found out that the best friend ultimately chooses her guy above a best friend. I wouldn't write off the friendship totally either, but realize that she is in love and it is her time to be in love. Still keep in contact by emails and phone calls but realize that it will never be the same. I've completely lost friends over the years because of this but you just gotta keep moving forward and meeting new people too. I don't talk to my "best" friend but maybe twice a year now. She has her own family and lives far away and i have my family. The good memories will always be there though and the closeness won't be forgotten but adult relationships between best friends change quite alot.

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

I did nothing. we talk occasionally..


She "left" me for her boyfriend.so whatever.

shes a single mother now.

 

[Shanti]

I've never had that *one* best friend, but a couple.
I've also always been the one trying to keep the friendship "alive" by calling/e-mailing/texting, whereas even after weeks they would never initiate anything. Perhaps it's because high school is finished and those supposed "best" friendships came with expiration dates, but still it's saddening.
I'm aware that noone else is busting their ass to keep in contact when they have plenty of spare time, and I'm always the one ensuring that we're still friends, and although it bums me out I feel like I don't have a choice. It hurts too much to cut people out or to just drift apart- I usually stir up shit and the friendship ends in resentment rather than let it just fade.
Right now, one of them is back in Japan and is crazy-busy with school (which is understandable) but I'm always the one calling... makes me reconsider if I should still send her a care package, that unopened lipglass looks too tempting =P
As for the other, well, she's crazy over some douchebag and virtually has no time for me. What bugs me also is that I know she has tons of free time but I guess this is one of those situations where boy>girl.

So there you have it. I call them usually twice a week at least, even though I know that I'm putting in too much effort compared to them. What can I say, I love them to death and it's hard to let nature take its course =/.

 

[HOTasFCUK]

The bottom line is you deserve to have a friend that will be a true friend through good and bad. Some friendships last and some don't. As we get older and our lives get more and more busy, sometimes we don't have time for the things we always did (like our friends) and sometimes we just move on from other things.

Keep yourself busy with other friends and if you do talk to your bff, sometimes time and distance makes the heart grow fonder and you may be able to catch up on old times and it might seem like there was no time lost between you guys. I really think its just part of normal life that we grow and move in different directions and become so consumed in our own lives that we fail to stop and remember things that were once important in our lives. I think when your life falls into the place where you want it to be, you may see why she is the way she is. Worst comes to worst, you will always have your good memories. My past friendships weren't all bad and i will always remeber the fun and good times i had but at this point in my life, that is all they will ever be and i'm happy with that enough to move on. Good luck to you and keep us updated!

p.s. I believe that one day, everyone will eventually find someone who will be true to them, not just ourselves and our pets! I know how you feel and i had a beautiful cat who always found ways to comfort me and i'm also lucky enough to have a wonderful boyfriend who also does the same for me and more, especially since my cat died last summer.

 

[LatteGoodness]

Update time!!

So! Yesterday I was feeling majorly emotional and several times almost bust out crying, but controlled myself because I was at work by doing that staring-up-at-the-ceiling-and-blinking-vigorously-thing till the tears go back inside your head. Soon after, I got an email from her asking how work was and for updates on my guy situation. She also said she had had the flu that whole week and hadn't been out of bed at all in that time. Nowhere in the email did she mention my email about how I felt.

Came home and got a call from her. I felt queasy and also wanted to know what she would say... for some reason, I thought she'd be mad at me or something, so I didn't pick up.

She left a message saying she read my email and responded to it. She said that she understood if I didn't like her anymore and if I didn't want to be friends with her.. that it would make her very sad but that it was my decision. She told me to call her back if I wanted to, or not...

I had mixed feelings about that. I felt relieved but also confused. Why'd she think I didn't like her anymore? I never said that! So I called her back before reading the email because my stupid computer was taking forever to load. Anyway, I told her that of course I still liked her and if I didn't, I wouldn't have been as upset as I was. I said I'd call her tomorrow.

Finally checked my email after 100 years and there are a few things that I was glad to read:

1. she was sad that I didn't have fun when I went to visit her
2. acknowledged how she would probably feel the same way as me if the roles were reversed
3. acknowledged that it was wrong for her bf to be selfish and want to be with us that whole time when he gets to see her all the time while I see her like 2, 3 times a year and that she later felt guilty about it
4. said that she wanted me as her best friend forever and that she needed me
5. said that she was going to come down here just her alone so that we could hang out some time in April/May
6. the divorce thing: her mom would stay on the phone with her till late and she was too tired to call me... I acknowledged that it was sort of childish of me to make a big deal about it though
7. said that she needs to make more of a priority about me because I've been there for her through thick and thin

So yeah. I am glad that I got this response, though I've been down this road once already with her (to a lesser extent) and so I have to wait and see whether she really follows through on what she said.

I want to thank everyone for their candid advice and sharing your experiences with me. It was really appreciated and made me feel better that others have gone through this too.

I will keep ya'll updated!

 

[HOTasFCUK]

I'm glad you feel better about the hwole situation! Sometimes the other person just needs a reality check and over time they forget the important stuff in life. If this friendship is as important to her as it is to you, everything will work out in time!

 

[flowerhead]

i'd call them, tell them how i felt, & leave it at that. you can't force a friendship...i wouldn't impose on even my closest friends. sadly, friendships can die out like relationships...