How do you stop loving someone?
- Thread starter Patricia
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euphrosyne_rose
Well-known member
Several years ago I was with my boyfriend for about a year and then all of a sudden he decided to tell me that he "loved me but wasn't IN love with me". He said he wanted to be friends b/c he thought I was such a "great person". Ugh.
We weren't together as long as you and your fiance', but it took me over a year to REALLY get over it. After the first 6 months I was doing ok but I still had nights where I was so upset b/c I couldn't believe I was alone and wondered constantly why I wasn't good enoughand why he waited so long to tell me and silently raging that I had wasted a year of my life on someone who screwed me over. Eventually after a year had passed I started to let go of it all and then I knew I was over itcompletely when he tried to hit on me during a party and all I felt was pity for him. (We have some of the same mutual friends.) I know it's not the same situation but I do know that while you will probably always carry the scar, it WILL get better in time and one day soon you'll be able to look at is as an experience that you will learn and grow from. I do wish I had never been hurt by him, but it has helped make me who I am today and I am glad I went through it. Hope this helps and big hugs!!
We weren't together as long as you and your fiance', but it took me over a year to REALLY get over it. After the first 6 months I was doing ok but I still had nights where I was so upset b/c I couldn't believe I was alone and wondered constantly why I wasn't good enoughand why he waited so long to tell me and silently raging that I had wasted a year of my life on someone who screwed me over. Eventually after a year had passed I started to let go of it all and then I knew I was over itcompletely when he tried to hit on me during a party and all I felt was pity for him. (We have some of the same mutual friends.) I know it's not the same situation but I do know that while you will probably always carry the scar, it WILL get better in time and one day soon you'll be able to look at is as an experience that you will learn and grow from. I do wish I had never been hurt by him, but it has helped make me who I am today and I am glad I went through it. Hope this helps and big hugs!!
miss_supra
Well-known member
If it still continues I'd see someone about it. Sometimes talking to a medical professional can help.
M.A.C. head.
Well-known member
Surrounding yourself with friends and family who love and support you will definitely help you get through it. Also just strengthening yourself. Concentrating on who you are and who you want to be, and how you're going to get there. Realizing that life goes on and only you can determine how you'll live it out. Best of luck sweetness.
smh28
Well-known member
Unfortunately I think time is the only true healer. It took me a year and a half to start feeling normal after a bad break up with someone I loved deeply. I am still not completely over it, and may never totally be, but I am able to be happy again and start to move on with my life. Just hang in there. I know you have days were it feels totally hopeless but it will get better, I promise. Its just a long, hard road.
Patricia
Well-known member
Quote:
i do go out, thank god i have the best friends, family, co-workers and university classmates in the world and my social life is very active... but still, i'm not happy, i still miss him terribly and cry myself to sleep way too often
maybe i just need more time, 5 years is a long time and he left a huge gap
Originally Posted by Shaquille
Get out with girlfriends and have fun.. a really really fun.. it helped me.. |
i do go out, thank god i have the best friends, family, co-workers and university classmates in the world and my social life is very active... but still, i'm not happy, i still miss him terribly and cry myself to sleep way too often
maybe i just need more time, 5 years is a long time and he left a huge gap
TRASHdecor
Well-known member
It didnt last longer for a reason, idk why you broke up, but it was meant to be.
Make yourself busy! Work/school, friends, and shopping!!
FIND SOMEONE, SOMEONE BETTER. Don't give your ex that power, that power to change your emotions and make you feel like crap. Live your life, find a new guy, you'll get over it. From past experiences and seeing my friends...every boyfriend is better then the one before because now you know who works for you and what you want and need
Make yourself busy! Work/school, friends, and shopping!!
FIND SOMEONE, SOMEONE BETTER. Don't give your ex that power, that power to change your emotions and make you feel like crap. Live your life, find a new guy, you'll get over it. From past experiences and seeing my friends...every boyfriend is better then the one before because now you know who works for you and what you want and need
NicksWifey
Well-known member
Don't let this get you down...as it hard as it may seem now, there are brighter times in your future
You just have to be patient. Good things come to those who wait
I know that it can be really hard, dealing with a breakup, especially when you love the person & were with them for a long time.
You just need extra time to heal your wounds, that's all. Nothing wrong with that. Enjoy being single and meeting new people.
I know that it can be really hard, dealing with a breakup, especially when you love the person & were with them for a long time.
You just need extra time to heal your wounds, that's all. Nothing wrong with that. Enjoy being single and meeting new people.
effboysinthebut
Well-known member
If you took medication there is a chance you weren't on the right medicine or dose. I take zoloft for anxiety and its taken a few different doses to get it right.
I think everyones had that really bad break up thats hard to get over but I promise it gets better. It does just take time. Just hang in there. You'll find someone that you love even more than your ex and you'll see it was worth everything you've gone through.
I think everyones had that really bad break up thats hard to get over but I promise it gets better. It does just take time. Just hang in there. You'll find someone that you love even more than your ex and you'll see it was worth everything you've gone through.
jmj2k
Well-known member
I'm so sorry. You really didn't say why you two broke up, if you want him back or if he wants you back etc... but...from my own experience, when we break up with someone our minds tend to dull the memory of "why" we broke up. We become lonely and miss the feelings of "belonging" to someone. We tend to think about the good times and not about what went wrong in the relationship. (I speak from experience...my ex and I were married for 22 years. When we broke up after he had his second affair, I was alone for about a year...I actually thought I wanted him back) My best advice is that you spend sometime taking care of "you". Learn to love you...get in touch with yourself. Please don't think that you "need" someone in your life to be whole. You are already whole, love yourself and true love will come your way. (mine did) Also, there's no shame in seeking professional help if you feel you need it. It takes a brave person to admit they need help...a weak person thinks they can handle everything alone... I hope joy will return to you life...
GreekChick
Well-known member
Have you cut contact with him?
Sometimes the best thing to do, in order to get someone out of your mind, even for just a split second, is to cut all the contact that you have with this person.
Hide all pictures that you have of him, delete messages he might have sent you in the past, don't call him, don't message him. Basically erase him out of your life as if he never existed. Reminders laying here and there might make it worse. It feels extremely painful, especially when you're having a good day, and then something will pop up out of nowhere that will remind you of him, and then it happens. The breakdown. The tears. The nostalgia. It is so hard.
Cutting all contact is difficult, but IMO if the person is still there, then getting over them is so much tougher and painful. It's like a wound that you pick at everyday and it never heals.
When I was going through a similar situation, I didn't get over the person. I saw every single day and every single day was as hard as the previous one. The only time I didn't think about him was during a vacation I had taken , a chance for me to get away and focus on having fun.
Focus on yourself. That is the person who is the most important. You.
Get your makeup done, get your hair done, get your nails done. Pamper yourself. Force yourself to see your friends, even when you might not feel like it.
And cry. Let it all out. The day will come when you won't feel like crying anymore. You'll have nothing left. That day might seem far away, but it will come!
(((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
Sometimes the best thing to do, in order to get someone out of your mind, even for just a split second, is to cut all the contact that you have with this person.
Hide all pictures that you have of him, delete messages he might have sent you in the past, don't call him, don't message him. Basically erase him out of your life as if he never existed. Reminders laying here and there might make it worse. It feels extremely painful, especially when you're having a good day, and then something will pop up out of nowhere that will remind you of him, and then it happens. The breakdown. The tears. The nostalgia. It is so hard.
Cutting all contact is difficult, but IMO if the person is still there, then getting over them is so much tougher and painful. It's like a wound that you pick at everyday and it never heals.
When I was going through a similar situation, I didn't get over the person. I saw every single day and every single day was as hard as the previous one. The only time I didn't think about him was during a vacation I had taken , a chance for me to get away and focus on having fun.
Focus on yourself. That is the person who is the most important. You.
Get your makeup done, get your hair done, get your nails done. Pamper yourself. Force yourself to see your friends, even when you might not feel like it.
And cry. Let it all out. The day will come when you won't feel like crying anymore. You'll have nothing left. That day might seem far away, but it will come!
(((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
benzito_714
Well-known member
You love yourself! it's hard at first because you are so used to that other person but it is a must. there is a plan for your life and its time for you to enjoy you. you got us when you need a little love!
kimmy
Well-known member
i don't think you can make yourself stop loving someone.
i've only had one boyfriend, and we were together almost a year when i was seventeen/eighteen. i broke up with him after i got fed up with his lies and infidelity...i still loved him for a long time after i broke up with him, and maybe part of me still does even to this day.
i tried to make myself stop loving him, but i couldn't...it just kind of happened on its own. it'll come.
i've only had one boyfriend, and we were together almost a year when i was seventeen/eighteen. i broke up with him after i got fed up with his lies and infidelity...i still loved him for a long time after i broke up with him, and maybe part of me still does even to this day.
i tried to make myself stop loving him, but i couldn't...it just kind of happened on its own. it'll come.
kobri
Well-known member
well they say to take the amount of time you were together and cut it in half and that is how long it will take you to get over someone. There are those guys however who seem to hang on in the corners of your heart for much longer though. Ihope the road ahead is smoother for you.
soulstar
Well-known member
I was with my boyfriend for 3 years when I found out he was cheating on me. I was hurt but I still loved him despite everything. It took me some time to figure things out but I finally moved on. I kept myself busy with my life through work and my social life. Talking about things to your friends really helps. The more I talked about it the more I felt better because it felt like a release. Ultimately, keeping yourself occupied and realizing you guys weren't meant to be is the key. Everything happens for a reason and you should accept the fact that he wasn't worth your time and love. Someone better will come along who will treat you better and adore you.. 'cause I found someone and its more amazing than ever! Take time for yourself and have fun. It's okay to cry once in awhile, by the way.. don't feel like if you keep crying about it the feeling won't go away.. its a part of the healing process. I hope that helped you.. at least just a little bit.
sweetie0716
Well-known member
They say it takes half of the time you were with someone to get over them. I don't know how true that is, I guess it depends on how the relationship was. It's completly normal though. It may take some time but, but it will happen. Just try to go out and have as much fun as you possible can. Go out with the girls, or try to find someone new. Maybe if you have stuff laying around that reminds you of him, get rid of it or store it somewhere so it isnt a constant reminder of him.
User93
Well-known member
Im so sorry you have to go through this hun. Just see, there is nothing wrong with you, you take all the time you need to recover, some just need more, and some less... In the end everything will be great! I think you CAN stop loving someone as soon as you WANT to do that.. When those thoughts would rush to you, dont think about good moments together, but think about bad stuff, stuff that made you 2 break up. Get over him in your mind... Go out, enjoy life, love yourself! And they say that the best medicine for the broken heart is a new love! So go for it, i think thats very important for you to go on dates now, even if its nothing serious! Go on dates, flirt, play! Hugs to you, doll.
