How do you stop loving someone?

[rbella]

Wow. My heart actually starting hurting for you when I read your post. All I can say is that time usually heals wounds, but I agree with Kimmy, sometimes you just don't stop loving someone. Doesn't mean the pain won't get any better. Keep your head up and I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

 

[hhunt2]

How I got over my ex-- I remembered the reason why we broke up!

I reminded myself whenever I would think about my ex...I asked/tell myself:

1. Why would I want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't want me anymore?
2. Love is unconditional! My bf doesn't think the same.
3. There is a reason why we broke up and it will stay that way.
4. People do NOT change for other, they only change for themselves.
5. Sex should NEVER determine a relationship... sex can cause STD's, ew!
6. Charming men are so much sexier.
7. Good looks and a nice body can change! Literally with months or years (look at what drugs can do to someone).

Clearly I was hurt (and emtionally abused). And he will never change (I had to learn that when I went back to him for the 4th time). And I knew that I would find someone better one day.

Personally, you need to find who you are (sexually, mentally, emtionally)! I've been told that by a smart stranger I met at Victoria's Secret many years ago. She had said being depressed or unhappy in a relationship is never a good thing. She told me if sex was keeping me from breaking away, buy a good toy, lol *wink-wink*.
Take a year off from serious dating, and find yourself. Your mind will clear and you'll become a better person. People become wiser with experience!

 

[baybooty]

THIS MAY SOUND LIKE A CLICHE BUT HONESTLY..

TIME HEALS ALL

& I REALLY CAN'T STRESS THAT ENOUGH. I WAS WITH MY EX FOR 3+ YEARS & EVERYBODY IN THIS WORLD THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA GET MARRIED AND THE WHOLE NINE YARDS, WE JOKINGLY TOLD HIS PARENTS I WAS PREGNANT AND THEY WERE ECSTATIC! I NEVER THOUGHT WE'D BREAK UP FOR ANYTHING. WE WERE JUST PERFECT, BUT BOY WAS I WRONG.

I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL & I'M NOT SAYING THAT TO BE SYMPATHETIC BUT HONESTLY BECAUSE I REALLY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I FELT LIKE I WAS SLOWLY DYING..I CRIED FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS. I DROPPED 20LBS, COULDN'T CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING BUT ONE DAY I WOKE UP AND SAID F&CK IT. HIS LOSS NOT MINES. YOU'LL EVENTUALLY MAKE IT THRU REALLY. IT TAKES TIME..

DON'T TRY TO FIND SOMEBODY NEW OR DON'T TRY TO DATE CAUSE THAT USUALLY MAKES YOU FEEL WORSE, DON'T DO A REBOUND. LET TIME HEAL AND ONE DAY WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT, PRINCE CHARMING WILL BE AWAITING AT YOUR FEET

 

[WhippedCrm]

^^ITA with you Bay

 

[laperle]

We can't really stop loving someone, even if we do find several rational reasons not to.

Time makes it a little less painful.

Still, you find yourself suddenly thinking about him again, comparing the other guys to the one you love, hoping you can still get back together... Well, these are things I catch myself doing... And I was in an on-again-off-again relatioship for the past 7 years.

The best way to not fall into that is making all the efforts to avoid contact.

We can't stop our thoughts, but that's a gradative process, one day after the other.

As the other ladies said above, go see your friends and embrace your life! Avoid places that remind you of him, though (the same goes for things).

 

[Lauren1981]

i see this thread is about a month old but i'll comment anyway......
sometimes with relationships you never actually stop loving that person.
i think what you should focus on is letting it go which is actually the hard part.....
find something to do that takes up your time and thoughts, like get involved in something random. if the breakup was over something he did then learn to forgive him, if it was something you did then make sure you take something positive away from the situation, if it was mutual then accept the fact that he will always have a special place in your heart but also accept it knowing that you need to let it go. holding onto it will keep the heartache which i know is not fun.
i'm sorry you're going through this because heartbreak is the worst. it sux, your emotions go crazy, and it physically hurts, like something is crushing your chest.
i had to walk away from someone last summer that i was SERIOUSLY falling for and even tho the time frame wasn't the same as yours it still hurt very deeply. i cried sometimes when i thought about it but for the most part i just kept myself busy as much as i could. i didn't answer when he would call or IM me. he actually kept calling and i put his number on auto reject so my phone didn't even ring when he did call
it will get better but you have to WANT them to get better, k??

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

Honestly, I don't think you can ever just stop loving someone you had so much love for.

You say he left a huge gap...does that mean you're not 100% sure why things ended? Or they ended on bad terms? It sounds like you could be aching for closure. A lot of people after a relationship have all the "Why?" questions. "Why did we break up?" "Why did he stop loving me?" "Why didn't I try harder?" etc. Yes, of course you would miss him, but I think what's really hurting you is this "gap" he left you with. You probably feel like you need something to fill it.

I agree with the posters above that time heals all, it sounds cliche but it's true. And as far as cutting off all contact, I agree. At least until you know you're completely over it. Maybe put away anything that reminds you of him, gifts, jewelry, old t-shirts you maybe have kept etc. Continue to stay active in your social life, and maybe have one or two girlfriends you can call on when you're having these feelings. We tend to dwell on things the most when we're alone and there's nothing to distract us, so as long as you try to surround yourself with positive people or keep yourself busy with things you love, but that don't remind you of him, so that your mind can't drift back to that sadness.

Good luck and I'll keep you in my thoughts. I've never lost a love, but I've lost friends and relatives to very tragic circumstances, and I've felt that endless pain. It's like you wanna rub a spot in your heart that you can't quite reach, but trust me, after a little time, that will go away.

 

[Sario]

I read somewhere that trying to get over someone takes about twice as long as the length of time you were with them. I don't think you ever truly "get over" someone, especially a deep love like that, but immersing yourself in the amazing parts of your life like friends and family and all the joyous details of everyday life that everyone takes for granted helps. I guess it just takes time, but how much time is different for every situation. Only worry when the pain prevents you from appreciating the other joys and blessings bestowed on you.

 

[Kalico]

It's easy to over-romanticize old relationships too. All you think about are the happy times and gloss over all his bad traits and just remember what you loved about him.

It might help to make a list of all the crappy things about him, what irritated you about him, every little thing he did to hurt you. He might have been a great guy but there are thousands of other great guys out there, and believe it or not... some even better than him! Think of it this way... you're one guy closer to finding the love of your life (and no, it wasn't him).

 

[ClaireAvril]

Yes friends and family work... and also therapists.
Also the thought of... if you never get back to together.. later on you may regret all the time you spent mourning this relationship.

 

[HOneY LuSt]

love urself first. don't ever put urself down over another person.

 

[miszjenny]

stop loving someone? Like the girls say, I don't think we can ever stop loving someone totally. It might not be as painful when we think about that someone, but the love that you once felt would always be there in your heart. I had a bf of 4 years and we broke up because he changed into someone I don't want to be with. He has a big dream of becoming a doctor and it was painful to know that he forgot I was still there. Upto this point I still love him though I have a bf of 2 years now. It's been going well with my new bf but I still talk about my ex to him sometime out of the blue. I know that's really bad hehe...im happy I have a bf that understands. *sigh* I really think I will love my ex until I die... sad but at the same time I have told myself that it will never be me and him in the future or whatsoever.

it takes time to get all the pain out of your heart but you will get there. you will find someone who will appreciate and love you because of who you are. i know you will coz i did...and everybody else.

 

[Kai322]

I don't remember u posting this part "Only worry when the pain prevents you from appreciating the other joys and blessings bestowed on you." but I tottally agree.

I read somewhere that trying to get over someone takes about twice as long as the length of time you were with them. I don't think you ever truly "get over" someone, especially a deep love like that, but immersing yourself in the amazing parts of your life like friends and family and all the joyous details of everyday life that everyone takes for granted helps. I guess it just takes time, but how much time is different for every situation. Only worry when the pain prevents you from appreciating the other joys and blessings bestowed on you.