noturavgurl
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how important is the first time?
- Thread starter noturavgurl
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NutMeg
Well-known member
I agree with Shimmer that it's as important as you want it to be. It was important to me, and I'm glad that I lost my virginity in the way that I did because it was in line with how I felt.
The biggest thing to remember is that you can't take it back, or change your mind after the fact. If you feel like it doesn't really matter to you, and then go sleep with whoever to get it over with and then realize that it did matter, it's too late. I would wait until you're sure it's what you want.
This isn't really in relation to the question you were asking, but remember that loosing your virginity isn't just about the fact that you are now having sex. You need to get a physical exam and pap smear once a year for the rest of your life once you become sexually active, get regularly tested for STIs unless you are in monogamous relationship where you are completely sure of your partner (condoms don't prevent all STIs, and don't always work for the ones they are supposed to prevent), and research the form of birth control that you are going to use. You also need to be prepared for pregnancy, because regardless of the type of birth control you use it still does happen, and the possibility of STIs.
Don't think that I'm judging you or trying to scare you in anyway. I lost my virginity when I was sixteen, and I think sex is a very important and fulfilling aspect of my life and my relationship with my partner. My point is that it's a lot to deal with, and you need to be sure that you're ready for it.
The biggest thing to remember is that you can't take it back, or change your mind after the fact. If you feel like it doesn't really matter to you, and then go sleep with whoever to get it over with and then realize that it did matter, it's too late. I would wait until you're sure it's what you want.
This isn't really in relation to the question you were asking, but remember that loosing your virginity isn't just about the fact that you are now having sex. You need to get a physical exam and pap smear once a year for the rest of your life once you become sexually active, get regularly tested for STIs unless you are in monogamous relationship where you are completely sure of your partner (condoms don't prevent all STIs, and don't always work for the ones they are supposed to prevent), and research the form of birth control that you are going to use. You also need to be prepared for pregnancy, because regardless of the type of birth control you use it still does happen, and the possibility of STIs.
Don't think that I'm judging you or trying to scare you in anyway. I lost my virginity when I was sixteen, and I think sex is a very important and fulfilling aspect of my life and my relationship with my partner. My point is that it's a lot to deal with, and you need to be sure that you're ready for it.
CantAffordMAC
Well-known member
I think it depends on you. Your values, religion, beliefs, morals, reasons for wanting to do it. Everyone is different. Some people really don't care about sex and it isn't a big deal for them. For a lot of people, they want to give their virginity to someone special. For me, I wanted to stay a virgin until I was out of high school. But things change. 70% of my choice for doing it was to please him and 30% was because I really wanted to have sex and felt he was the right person.
Most young people that I know that had sex in their early/mid teens wish that they waited. At least until you're in a serious relationship and won't regret your decision. But then again, if you're not that kind of person, than that probably isn't the most important thing to you. I only lost my virginity 2 and a half years ago and I wish I had waited for my boyfriend.
sex will always be around. It feels great and it is a big part of...everything. But it'll always be here. And with sex comes a lot of grown up risks and responsibilities.
Most young people that I know that had sex in their early/mid teens wish that they waited. At least until you're in a serious relationship and won't regret your decision. But then again, if you're not that kind of person, than that probably isn't the most important thing to you. I only lost my virginity 2 and a half years ago and I wish I had waited for my boyfriend.
sex will always be around. It feels great and it is a big part of...everything. But it'll always be here. And with sex comes a lot of grown up risks and responsibilities.
shadowaddict
Well-known member
OK, I'm old for this question 45, but I do have a daughter who will be 19 in two weeks. You really have to go with what feels right to you and by that I don't mean in the heat of the moment. Like I told her it will complicate the relationship and so you have to think about if you are ready for that part of it as well. My daughter and her boyfriend have been together for almost a year but she just went away to college this fall and it has been stressful for her and last year her brother was in Iraq and my mom passed away. We talk a lot about stuff and I realize she isn't going tell me all and that's fine but I want her to know she can. But like she said, she has been so stressed out about all the changes in her life she really didn't need to add to that at this point. As for myself I was "date" raped at 14 by a so called friend. I never told because I felt I did something to cause it and of course years later I know it wasn't my fault at all. But at 16 I was a willing partner with my bf and yeah it did complicate things and that was back before you had to think about AIDS. But it complicates things emotionally also. And like I heard a doctor say it does tie you to that person forever. So when you do decide the time is right (yeah I sound like a mom here) be safe, and make it something and with someone you will have special memories about. But don't feel you have to because of the guy or friends, just always go by what is right for you and that could be soon or years from now, just be true to yourself. But don't rush yourself and have regrets later. Sorry this is so long.
aziajs
Well-known member
I think the first time is important. I waited awhile before I lost mine and I wish I had waited longer. I remember laying there naked thinking, "should I just do it and get it over with?" My mind was racing. I decided to do it and the reality is that it wasn't the right person or the right situation. I would encourage other women not to make the same mistake. I will say that my relationship with the guy stayed the same. I didn't get attached. I liked him but no more or less than before I slept with him. He acted like it was nothing, which blew my mind. In the end, he just wanted to fuck and I couldn't do that so I stopped talking to him. It's not the most romantic first time story but at least it wasn't crushing either.
SparklingWaves
Well-known member
How important is the first time? I believe it's very important and I feel EVERYTIME after that is just as important.
Here is a website. www.sexetc.org. It's by teens, so it has the current information about this very serious topic. I hope you find it helpful.
Educate yourself on this issue as much as possible to protect yourself. This is your body, health, and decision. All of these are extremely important.
Note: Please be sure to get the facts on the issue.
Here is a website. www.sexetc.org. It's by teens, so it has the current information about this very serious topic. I hope you find it helpful.
Educate yourself on this issue as much as possible to protect yourself. This is your body, health, and decision. All of these are extremely important.
Note: Please be sure to get the facts on the issue.
lalaxp
Member
i guess it is important if you want it to be.. i lost mine when i was 15 (17 now) due to my stupidity& my need to also 'get it over with'. Because i used to hear about girls in my school already having done it. I was an idiot back then& i believe ive learned from my mistakes. But yeah, I personally Still dont think its really anything important.. =\ but thats just me, even if i try to think about how it is important, i draw a blank. Maybe its cuz im still young. Bleh.
dollbabybex
Well-known member
of course its important... but only to the extent to what YOU are comfortable with...some people are more comfortable waiting til they wed,where as some want it over with!just make sure your happy with the situation!
when i was 19 i started to think 'omg i need to lose my virginity' you know paniking it was never goin to happen!
same as you i didnt want it to be a random but i didnt want to fall for someone either!
i had this really good looking male friend who moved away and was visiting cardiff for the weekend
i saw him out in a club and we got friendly and i went back to his house!
i saw this as the perfect oppurtunity to lose my virginity it was someone i trusted,known for years, and was HOT!
it all worked out great and we still speak now...and cos he was goin back to london there was no wierdness!
ill warn you tho in my experience it was very painful and i bled everywhere... i have friends whove been the same and some who havent bled atall.
when i was 19 i started to think 'omg i need to lose my virginity' you know paniking it was never goin to happen!
same as you i didnt want it to be a random but i didnt want to fall for someone either!
i had this really good looking male friend who moved away and was visiting cardiff for the weekend
i saw him out in a club and we got friendly and i went back to his house!
i saw this as the perfect oppurtunity to lose my virginity it was someone i trusted,known for years, and was HOT!
it all worked out great and we still speak now...and cos he was goin back to london there was no wierdness!
ill warn you tho in my experience it was very painful and i bled everywhere... i have friends whove been the same and some who havent bled atall.
kiss_love_kill
Well-known member
ouuuch that sounds painful! apperenlty if you do it "the right way" it shouldn't hurt?
user79
Well-known member
It means a lot at the time, but will seem rather insignificant later in your life. At least for me it was like that. You shouldn't feel pressured to lose it just because you're reaching a certain age. At least do it with someone you really trust so you won't look back later and feel negatively about it.
dollbabybex
Well-known member
Quote:
i guess nerves didnt help...as your not as relaxed and prepared...i was pretty tense and very nervous...
it wasnt him, he treated me like a princess!
i guess everyones different!
Originally Posted by kiss_love_kill
ouuuch that sounds painful! apperenlty if you do it "the right way" it shouldn't hurt? |
i guess nerves didnt help...as your not as relaxed and prepared...i was pretty tense and very nervous...
it wasnt him, he treated me like a princess!
i guess everyones different!
CantAffordMAC
Well-known member
Quote:
and isn't it a shame when your first was such an asshole
| Originally Posted by natalie75
In a word "unforgettable"............... good, bad, where and when ................... you will never forget your first. |
and isn't it a shame when your first was such an asshole
NutMeg
Well-known member
Quote:
I didn't bleed either, but God it hurt! Anyway, this might be a bit TMI but it helps if you *cough* stretch things out first. And I do mean literally stretch, that way it doesn't have to tear later.
| Originally Posted by noturavgurl
thanks so much for taking the time to give me such great and educated advice, guys!! this means so much to me, esp hearing from those of you who've been through this. if the opportunity presents itself again, i'll probably be lying there remembering all this stuff! hahaha! i'll try to wait until i'm sure he's the right person. one of my friends told me she didn't bleed on her first time and it didn't hurt either, so it definitely depends on the person. |
I didn't bleed either, but God it hurt! Anyway, this might be a bit TMI but it helps if you *cough* stretch things out first. And I do mean literally stretch, that way it doesn't have to tear later.
SingFrAbsoltion
Well-known member
Quote:
That's exactly how it was for me. No pain, no blood. It felt like I've done it a hundred times before. I don't know..just wasn't as unforgettable as I thought it would be. I remember it if I think about it but it doesn't seem special.
| Originally Posted by noturavgurl
one of my friends told me she didn't bleed on her first time and it didn't hurt either, so it definitely depends on the person. |
That's exactly how it was for me. No pain, no blood. It felt like I've done it a hundred times before. I don't know..just wasn't as unforgettable as I thought it would be. I remember it if I think about it but it doesn't seem special.
dollbabybex
Well-known member
well everyone told me it didnt hurt... so can you imagine the shock when i went thru that!
as they say... expect the worst and hope for the best!
as they say... expect the worst and hope for the best!
SingFrAbsoltion
Well-known member
LOL every girl I know said it hurt like hell, I think I just got lucky haha
