how important is the first time?

[bebs]

My story is a bit different then most of the girls on here I guess. I was 10 almost 11 years old at the time, the guy was quite a bit older and I had no emotional attachment to him at all, not a boyfriend or anything like that. I can remember it somewhat, I can't say I even recall his name even now, thats how little it meant to me back then when I did, and really how little it means to me now. Yes I went about it stupidly and like I said, to young. But do I regret it? nope not at all, you live and you learn really and truly its one act, if you make a mistake thats all it is when giving it away.

I think with everybody forgets is that there's a first time with anybody new that your with. I wasn't a virgin the first time I was with the first guy I fell for, but it was different then the other people I was with because of those feelings. As well as the first time I was with my husband was different, because I love him, and instead of just having sex its making love.

But anyways.. if you want it to mean something then wait. if you don't? well then go for it if you want to. but don't do it out of "everybody else is doing it" just do it when you are ready. To some people it means a lot to others it doesn't really mean anything. It really depends on you, what your values are, and what you want. If your dream is to be a virgin on your wedding night or with that guy you first fall in love with.

Also let me tell you something, the first guy I was in love with.. yes he was disappointed that I wasn't a virgin when we were together and with him it was a touché subject that I wasn't and had been with more then one person before him. But he got over it in time.

My husband was different, we talked about it when we first got together it seems to be all couples do this at some point in time. But he wasn't disappointed in me at all or the fact that I wasn't a virgin, the first statement from him was "a lady that knows what she likes." He knows I love him.. he's the one that I've picked to be with and love the rest of my life, and is secure with that fact, its the past.. and its him I'm with now. I think thats what most people forget about then anything else, the here and now.

sorry for the long book of an answer

 

[Leopardskinny]

This is pretty long but...well I think that only YOU can know when the right time is. I could have lost mine earlier (I lost mine this year, aged 18) but I am so glad I waited.

I met a great guy in the local pub (oh how romantic lol) and we got talking and seemed to get on well. We went out after he tracked me down at my work (!) but he only had a week up in my area as he was a Royal Marine. So I was helping with a training excerise (another story for another day!) and afterwrds we just sat in this pub, had a few drinks and then went for a drive. This was part of the excersise, a steak out, but one thing lead to another! I felt like I was ready at the time actually- it was weird, like a voice inside me was like "Wow I really like him, I feel ready to do this" whereas before with other guys I would have a really weird sick feeling in my stomach. Yeah, weird huh?

Anyway I agree with most of the things other have said- YES it DOES hurt no matter how *ahem* 'ready' you are or how slow you take it. I guess some (really lucky!) girls might not get this pain, but it hurt at first for me! I also bled too, but only a little the next day. I guess everyone is different!

I feel that I am tied to him forever, he was my first love too. It really does change things, you feel differently towards them afterwards. A lot of my friends say that their first time was terrible, they rushed into it, it was with the wrong guy etc etc. I'm just glad I found the right person!

I couldn't beleive it when he travelled up from England to a training base in Scotland, and then used up the last of his money to pay for petrol to drive the 1 hour journey to see me again! Sad thing is he is in the south of England, I am in Glasgow and we know it wouldn't work long distance. I'm seeing an amazing person now (early days- fingers crossed!) but there isn't a day I don't think about him...

 

[micky_mouse]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bernadette I think it's very important. It was very important for me. I waited until I was 20, he was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything. I thought I meant the same to him that he did to me and he totally destroyed my heart. To a degree I still regret that I gave that much of myself to him, including my virginity. I think it's much better to wait and find the right person. And even once you are pretty sure of that, to think about it a little more. But this is coming from the 24 year old that's only kissed three guys in her life. I'm kind of abnormal about these things.

In some ways i am like you.I am pretty abmormal about things like this
By that i mean i havent kissed any guys..ect)

I dunno lately..i have been thinking about doing it with this guy from work..which i dunno we have like talked about it and now he is all like so when are we going to he seriously asks me everytime i see him pretty much its really annoying..one of my friends who is friends with the guy told me not to cause he just wants me for sex and after that he wont talk ot me again..but i kinda want to be a bad girl and just get it over with..but i am scared to..i know he has slept around a bit and has had a couple 3 somes and such so i am not sure..i dont think i will but we talked about it and i dont wnat to be a person to back out on something i might have said

also my friend slept with a guy after dating him for 3months and the condom broke she has a son now..and she loves him to death but is wishing she waited now..

 

[Beauty Mark]

You should have sex because you want to have sex; that's how it should be, regardless of what time it is. Having sex with someone DOES NOT make you a bad girl. It makes you a non-virgin at most. Being a bad girl is overrated, IMO, anyway. Being a confident woman who owns her actions or rebelling against something worthwhile is many times better.

You brought up an excellent point. YOu have to be prepared for the consequences of sex. Besides the emotional aspect, are you going to use birth control of some kind (condoms, pill, etc.)? Can you emotionally handle an unexpected pregnancy or an STD? Can you financially and otherwise handle an unexpected pregnancy in worst case scenario (assuming you have the child)?

You never know necessarily about the last question, but some people definitely know that they'd go catatonic if they found out they were pregnant.