I Can't Flirt :(

[chocolategoddes]

I know you're all tired of me constantly talking about how I'm "just one of the guys" and all that bullshit, but it's been interfering with any sort of potential love life I could possibly have.
I've met a really cool guy who I've developed a pretty big crush on. He's everything I could ever want in a guy: tall, funny, sexy smile, cute without being "pretty", nice ass etc.
But whenever I talk to him, I revert into my "dude, wassup. lets just chill bro" comfort zone. I keep telling myself, " C'mon! Do something flirty so he knows you like him. Bat your eyelashes! Toss your hair! Give him sexy eyes!!!" but I physically can't do it.
And then when we say good-bye to each other, we fist bump.

FIST BUMP! ugh!

I'm so frustrated and I need advice. It's not that I don't know HOW to flirt, but it doesn't click with me and that's how I always get stuck in the "friend" mode with guys.

Does anyone else go through this? Does anyone have any helpful tips? Do you think I should just act natural and be myself instead of forcing myself to be flirtacious?

 

[kimmy]

just be yourself.
if you try to force things, they won't work out in the end.
trust me.

 

[gildedangel]

Just be yourself! Don't pretend to be something that you are not because that's not you. If you want to let him know how you feel, do nice things for him; or even straight up tell him. "Flirting" is overrated.

 

[kaliraksha]

I think you can still be yourself and find your very own way to show him that you like him. But, it may just take him a while to figure out that you like him if your methods are unconventional. Obviously, the safest choice in terms of making sure he knows is to tell him =)

If you don't want to be physically flirty you can show him you like him in other ways especially by what you say. I would probably find ways to show him that we're extremely compatible, that I care about him (if you do), and I would probably dress up a little when you go see him so that maybe he can catch on to that physical cue.

 

[chocolategoddes]

lol, being myself is why I'm single in the first place.
but i get what you guys mean.

 

[carandru]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolategoddes lol, being myself is why I'm single in the first place. but i get what you guys mean.

lol! Try not to worry about it and get all over analytical. I mean, you want the guy to like u as u are right?

and i can speak from experience. I am a guy's girl, just like you. Most of my friends are men and they would definitely call me one of the guys. Hell, the girls who I do hang with for the most part act like guys too! And yea, I never ever learned how to flirt. I always felt like a complete idiot whenever I tried and ended up sounding stupid as hell, lol.

Anywho, being "one of the guys" isn't bad just every once in a while you'll have to remind them that u are a girl indeed, lol. Dressing up and looking GOOD is a good way to do this... I speak from experience, although it was never intentional. I actually had once of my guys friends tell me "umm Jenny, u can't expect to keep being one of the homies if u keep showing up to the club looking like this!" (Yea, he was a clown for that)

But, I've found that guys like girls who are one of the guys... just not completely...cuz then ur a dude w/ a vagina...which is probably not what they want... but what do I know?

 

[MizzVivaGlam]

if you meet a guy and want him as more then a friend, then don't treat him like you treat your other friends! lol give extra little hints like looking in his eyes and saying ''oh you look nice today, that shirt looks really good on you''.

you actually might have to force an eyelash bat though! lol honestly you may just be a little shy about it, so it's not changing who you are, it's just a silly girl thing to do to let a guy know you like him. when your saying bye next time, give him a little smile and bat ur eyelashes, then you could even do the fist bump just to be cute lol.

 

[Shimmer]

The best you you can be is the real you.

But it doesn't hurt to smile.

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

just bend over in front of him. lmao jk smile and make lots of eye contact. You really dont have to say much. he will get the drift

 

[ginger9]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolategoddes lol, being myself is why I'm single in the first place. but i get what you guys mean.

LOL I feel you on that one!

I am and always will be a tomboy at heart, although I don't physically look like one, well on most days haha. I get fist bumps, high fives and called "dude" and "dawg" *eye roll*. Sometimes the guys share thoughts and details with me that I frankly do not want to hear - TMI boys, TMI!

I TOTALLY feel you because I do think I should be myself but being myself kinda keeps me single...

Hope I can get some advice out of this thread too.

 

[chocolategoddes]

Damn, y'all give some good advice. Let's just hope I actually remember it when I'm around him. I swear, when he comes near I blank out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeccalovesMAC just bend over in front of him. lmao jk

haha ngl I've been wearing lower cut shirts lately but I don't think my boobs have been working their magic. What is it with guys liking girls for their "personalities" these days? I mean, hellooooo... they're down here.

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

^lol. Maybe is intimidated by you. Since you guys have just been just friends. Now you have to turn it up a notch. I flirt with my body language.Im to big of a nerd to start a conversation with a guy that interested in. Texting helps wonders too. You can ask ?'s with out trying to initiate a conversation. I have notice that i am more balsy with text messages than on the phone. Girl, your beautiful. Maybe he is not a boob guy....so bend over in front of him lol

 

[Willa]

I don't have any other suggestions to give you than what's already been said, I've been ''one of the guys'' all my life. Guys refered to me as a girl who's fun to hang out with because I wasnt the typical girly girl with annoying stories and the usual girl talking... I don't know if you get my point?

Anyway, when I stopped trying to find the one, he came to my door.

Stop looking, searching and just be yourself, it works

 

[hello_my_apple]

honestly the guy thats for you will love the fact that you are cool relaxed and have a "one of the guys" personality. dont try to be something you are not because then youre just going to attract people that dont compliment you. just take this time in and just be you! youre gorgeous and if he likes you he will eventually make it obvious!

 

[kabuki_KILLER]

1) See? I told you you'd find friends. XD

2) Since you already have established a "brotherhood" with this guy, random flirty girl mode might confuse him and make him think you're weird. After all, what guy would want a girl that does weird, unstable things, right? Not that you're like that, but boys aren't always brilliant.

3) Flirting has many faces. Some people are more subtle and things just come naturally and with class. Some other girls flirt very obviously, giggling and wiggling. I'm guessing you're not the type that would do this. Just do whatever is natural for you.

4) The first 3 points were a distraction, really, because this is something I don't feel I have an answer that I have near certain confidence in. XD But best of luck with your dilemma and I hope you can find romance soon. =]

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

ahahah this was me like 5 years ago! when i first started college, i was sooo shy and i never tried to flirt with guys -- even the ones that i was interested in. i think it takes time to build that confidence (not saying you're not confident) and you learn a lot from past mistakes/previous experiences. you learn a lot about yourself in college and in time, you will grow and become the type of woman that you're meant to be. lol that sounded SO cheesy. anwyay don't worry so much cuz u just entered college (i think i read that on one of your other threads) so just try to go along with it. just be happy you're not one of those girls who are ALL OVER the dudes. haha gl!

 

[ShortnSassy]

be yourself. the best guys are the ones who will accept you for who you are. and the ones who don't are assholes that you don't need in your life anyway.

besides, i think that the best relationships start off as friendships first.

when you find the right guy, the relationship will just unfold organically. don't stress. don't overthink it. don't worry about being single. because that's exactly what i used to do, and i would roll my eyes at everyone's advice who told me to just wait. but in the end that's what i did, and now i'm so amazingly happy with my boyfriend because he accepts me for who i am. and he was totally worth the wait.

 

[ms.marymac]

What's wrong with fist bumping?

YouTube - Barack Obama & Michele Obama Fist Bump

Just sayin'.

 

[chocolategoddes]

^ LOL! you've got a point. and you can really tell that they love and support each other, but I'm getting ahead of myself right now.

 

[ms.marymac]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolategoddes ^ LOL! you've got a point. and you can really tell that they love and support each other, but I'm getting ahead of myself right now.

Well, you want to be yourself, but still want to convey to him that you are interested in him in a more than friends way. Men are so weird. Some cannot pick up on subtle flirting, some think if you look at them, that means you want to rock him til the break of dawn. (Sorry, my friend said the other day,and it made me LOL).

Does he talk about other girls to you? That could be an indication of where he sees your friendship, I think. Ask him if he wants to see a movie/concert/whatever you've been dying to see. Even better if it's a horror movie, that way you can grab his arm when you get "scared"...well, you get the point. Just an idea.