rachybloom
Well-known member
I love my boyfriend.. He's such a gentleman and takes care of me so well. We're generally really happy together, but there's one thing that causes a lot of tension between us. I ALWAYS want to have sex.. and he rarely does. It started a few months ago.. and there's just something different.
We've talked about it.. I know for a fact he would never cheat on me.. His best friend cheated on his girlfriend, and he saw how painful it was for his friend to lose the girl and know he hurt her SO badly. And his sister got cheated on by her boyfriend of two years.. And he had to see her everyday crying and in pain. So he's intimately seen both sides of the cheating factor.. Plus, I truly do trust him and he trusts me. We love each other very much and he's my best friend.. So I'm positive it doesn't have anything to do with that. He doesn't even look at any other girl, and he lets me know how beautiful he thinks I am, like EVERY single hour of the day, and we've been dating for almost two years.. I think it's really good of him to be so attentive even though we're out of the "courting" stage of the relationship.
It's just very confusing.. He's 20 and I'm 18, so we're in that age where we're supposed to be having lots and lots of sex all the time. But, I feel like I'm the "guy" because I always want to have sex and he literally wants to do it like.. one night a week (two if I'm lucky). He doesn't look at porn, he doesn't look at other girls, he treats me like a princess. He's more into romance.. I know a lot of girls are reading this right now and thinking, "WHATS THE PROBLEM THEN?" but honestly.. sex is really important to me and feeling WANTED by somebody in such an intimate way is important to me. And when we have it, it's GOOD. But, everytime I ask him why he just earnestly looks me in the eyes and says, "Rachel I honestly have no idea.. I love you so much but I'm just not in the mood a lot anymore." He can get hard, really easily, but something in his head stops him. So it's not a physical thing, it's a mental thing. He's literally lost his libido or something and I try everything to get it back for him. I put in lingerie, I play "coy".. everything. He's definitely NOT stressed out over anything. He's the most relaxed person I've ever met, and he's only taking 9 credits this semester in school. He works as a security guard for a high-end resort, but that's only part time. He apologizes over and over again.. and literally tells me "you're the perfect girl.. it's not you.. It's something that I can't explain but please don't think it has anything to do with you." Even on nights that he seems "frisky" and tells me he wants to.. we just end up cuddling and going to sleep. I know this sounds like a great thing, but sex is important to me and I'm not expecting perfection from him.. But what should I do?
Should I just keep waiting it out until this phase is over? I feel like it's since I started college.. I just don't feel sexually WANTED by him.. If that makes any sense?? You know you can always just feel something when somebody wants you, and I don't feel that by him.. and even though he keeps telling me over and over again how "perfect" I am and he's just in a "weird place" right now.. I'm worried :/ I also feel like this is such a weird situation because it's usually the GIRL who wants to just cuddle and not have sex a lot.. But he always just grabs me and wants to hold me all night, but never get intimate. And I LOVE snuggling with him, but when we're only have sex 1 time a week (2 on a good week..) and I don't feel sexually "desired" by him.. It's hard for me to look past it. Help please
I plan on talking to one of my friends about this.. but it's hard for me to open about something so personal. Please don't think I don't appreciate him because trust me.. I know how lucky I am, he's a special person to me and I know that guys like this are one in a million, but.. lol, I really like to have sex! and he does too, or he used to.. but just not right now :/ It's really hurting me, because I feel like I'm getting rejected by him. He says he's not rejecting me, because he wants me, but he just can't get in the mood. It's not fun, and he's hurting me.. Since starting my new birth control, I've seen a decline in MY libido, but I work for it because I still want to do it. I just don't feel like he even tries..
We've talked about it.. I know for a fact he would never cheat on me.. His best friend cheated on his girlfriend, and he saw how painful it was for his friend to lose the girl and know he hurt her SO badly. And his sister got cheated on by her boyfriend of two years.. And he had to see her everyday crying and in pain. So he's intimately seen both sides of the cheating factor.. Plus, I truly do trust him and he trusts me. We love each other very much and he's my best friend.. So I'm positive it doesn't have anything to do with that. He doesn't even look at any other girl, and he lets me know how beautiful he thinks I am, like EVERY single hour of the day, and we've been dating for almost two years.. I think it's really good of him to be so attentive even though we're out of the "courting" stage of the relationship.
It's just very confusing.. He's 20 and I'm 18, so we're in that age where we're supposed to be having lots and lots of sex all the time. But, I feel like I'm the "guy" because I always want to have sex and he literally wants to do it like.. one night a week (two if I'm lucky). He doesn't look at porn, he doesn't look at other girls, he treats me like a princess. He's more into romance.. I know a lot of girls are reading this right now and thinking, "WHATS THE PROBLEM THEN?" but honestly.. sex is really important to me and feeling WANTED by somebody in such an intimate way is important to me. And when we have it, it's GOOD. But, everytime I ask him why he just earnestly looks me in the eyes and says, "Rachel I honestly have no idea.. I love you so much but I'm just not in the mood a lot anymore." He can get hard, really easily, but something in his head stops him. So it's not a physical thing, it's a mental thing. He's literally lost his libido or something and I try everything to get it back for him. I put in lingerie, I play "coy".. everything. He's definitely NOT stressed out over anything. He's the most relaxed person I've ever met, and he's only taking 9 credits this semester in school. He works as a security guard for a high-end resort, but that's only part time. He apologizes over and over again.. and literally tells me "you're the perfect girl.. it's not you.. It's something that I can't explain but please don't think it has anything to do with you." Even on nights that he seems "frisky" and tells me he wants to.. we just end up cuddling and going to sleep. I know this sounds like a great thing, but sex is important to me and I'm not expecting perfection from him.. But what should I do?
Should I just keep waiting it out until this phase is over? I feel like it's since I started college.. I just don't feel sexually WANTED by him.. If that makes any sense?? You know you can always just feel something when somebody wants you, and I don't feel that by him.. and even though he keeps telling me over and over again how "perfect" I am and he's just in a "weird place" right now.. I'm worried :/ I also feel like this is such a weird situation because it's usually the GIRL who wants to just cuddle and not have sex a lot.. But he always just grabs me and wants to hold me all night, but never get intimate. And I LOVE snuggling with him, but when we're only have sex 1 time a week (2 on a good week..) and I don't feel sexually "desired" by him.. It's hard for me to look past it. Help please