I miss my lover

[User35]

Oh ladies Im in DEEP.

I have such a long fucked up story but I'll try to keep it short.
Im married and about a year a go I had to move away for a 6 month stint for a job about 300 miles from my home. My hubby stayed and I would come up every or everyother weekend to visit. Well in the mean time I met a great guy and we became really close friends. We both knew we had intense feelings for eachother but since we were both married we had to keep it strictly platonic. We did for a while but after a few drinks one night it went "there". We continued our very happy and intense relationship up untill a few months ago .He was extremely unhappy with his wife, and honestly I was bored with my husband. I know it absolutely does NOT make our love and relationship right or justifiable. I felt wrong at times while we were in our relationship,I still do at times ( my husband knows I told him when he had some suspicions and asked me). I always have and still know it was wrong but ladies I loved and still love him like Ive never loved anyone else. After all the time we spent together and the promises we both made for the future he decided a few months ago to stop contacting me because it was too hard to keep up on this double life he was leading with me.

This is where u guys come in. Im in a crazy/ stressful time of my life right now and I miss him and feel like I need him so much. Im thinking about contacting him again. I know that probably isnt the best idea but damn my heart misses him so bad. I have a lot to ask him..I feel like he ditched me and Im upset, I am very mad at him, myself and the whole situation at times but then I just want him with me again more than anything. I know Im a strong successfull woman but he can bring me to my knees like nothing or nobody else ever has. I want him back in my life...i dont think its really possible or healthy. I dont want to seem weak by contacting him but my heart aches for him.

silly silly me​

how do I get rid of all these feelings for him, us, all of it out of my head so I can feel happy and normal again ???​

 

[CandiGirl21]

this is just lust... having a few good sexual vacation with your hubby will solve this problem. A candlelight dinner over looking the sea side should fill the romance void in your life.

Sorry to say, but your love just used you as a toy and was never upset or tried of his wife.

put all this energy into your hubby before you become that lonely old woman at the clubs looking for quick D***...

 

[TISH1124]

damn...that is a hard hard one....I think if you are unhappy with your husband you should first figure out what you guys are going to do. if you are in love with this man then you need to leave your husband it is unfair for you to be with him and your heart be with your lover. leave him because you are unhappy and if you think the marriage can not be saved...not for the other man. Once this situtaion is resolved I would then see where things are with the lover and his wife and see if he still feels the same about you...he might not at that point...then you have lost your husband....
I don't know how you get someone out of your head that you love and have passion for unless you can find this love and passion with your husband.

I honestly have no idea what I would do in your situation...I have been almost there...but never allowed the intimacy to happen so it made walking away a lot easier...The thoughts eventually went away because I cut off all contact...so I can see why he is doing this...it does make it easier if you are able to do that.

Good Luck....I know this must be tough....Because you don;t want to hurt your man...but your heart is somewhere else. I say just be fair to your husband then follow your heart.
I personally feel life is to short to be unhappy or cause someone else unhappiness

 

[gildedangel]

Don't contact him as hard as it seems. Invest time in your husband and your marriage and time will heal the pain. You are very lucky that your husband didn't leave you after you cheated on him, which tells me that he loves you very very much and wants your marriage to work. I hope that these stressful times for you go away soon, good luck!

 

[joey444]

I agree with Tish. Sort out everything with your husband first, may it to be to call it quits for good or give it another go. It's only fair. After that, and if you even feel the same for your lover, you can see where he's at in his life. But truthfully, what if he's trying to fix everything with his wife?

You feel that way probably because you didn't get any closure but I say try to move on, you said yourself it's not a healthy relationship. With time, you'll think of him less and less and maybe even reflect on the substance of your "relationship." Good luck whatever you choose to do!!

 

[TISH1124]

Love is a tough mothersucker!! It will bring you to your knees...I have wanted guys and been turned on...But there is a total difference when they have your heart and the passion is there as well.. it is hard to just not think about them....people say think with your head and not your heart....Well in honesty my heart is much stronger than my head. Not always a good thing...But it's my thing and it's hard to shake. I hope it works out for you girl.....

 

[fuzz]

I know some one whos in the same situation as u.Her lover was also married and used her for nearly 7 years.Once he got married wich was a 1 year ago he forgot bout her.Didnt give her any reasons or anything and till this day she misses him like crazy but dsont wana contact him and look desperate.Shes got an amazin husband but she just loves someone else.Shes tryin to get over it herself.Some days seem hard and some days r easy.
Time is gona heal everything.Avoid anything that reminds u of him and get rid of everythin.Anysort of letters ,gifts.
Hope that helps.Just wana let u know ur not the only one out there dealing with this.

 

[ForgetRegret]

I hate to say it, sweetie...but if he cheated on his wife, what makes you think he wouldn't do it to you, if you two were in an exclusive relationship? I agree with many of the PPs, figure things out with your hubby...he obviously loves you, but you need to figure out if you love him too. Maybe all you guys need is a 2nd honeymoon...go away somewhere and do nothing but focus on each other...whatever the outcome, I sincerely recommend not contacting the other guy...if it's been this long and you two haven't had ANY contact...in his mind it's either over, or (this one may be harsh...and I'm sorry, but you have to consider the possibility) it's not worth pursuing any further.

GL girl...in the end...whatever you do...just be happy. If the "right" decision makes you miserable...then it's not right for you. <3

 

[NutMeg]

This is going to sound corny and unromantic, but my mum always says that a marriage is like a car. Every once in a while you're going to have to put in the effort to keep it regularly maintained, otherwise when it falls apart going highway speed it is going to be one hell of an expensive fix.

Maybe if you start putting all of the effort into your marriage that you were putting into your affair, start treating your husband the way you were treating your lover, start telling him your secrets and feelings the way you were telling the other guy.... it wouldn't be so boring for you.

 

[glassy girl]

Wow i've been married for 11 years and i know sometimes it can get a little routine and little boring at times but marriage is hard hard work. I just start 2 think why i fell in love in the 1st place and what we've been thru. And u hav 2 put effort aswell b good 2 him. Make him want 2 lov and b romantic. Also it seem like the other guy doesn't want u he made it pretty clear don't lower ur self i know it's hard. U'll get over it. Put 100% into ur marriage do some soul searching do what it takes try to live in the present not the past. Don't waste ur life on something that was ur lover moved on u should 2. good luck

 

[FiestyFemme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg This is going to sound corny and unromantic, but my mum always says that a marriage is like a car. Every once in a while you're going to have to put in the effort to keep it regularly maintained, otherwise when it falls apart going highway speed it is going to be one hell of an expensive fix. Maybe if you start putting all of the effort into your marriage that you were putting into your affair, start treating your husband the way you were treating your lover, start telling him your secrets and feelings the way you were telling the other guy.... it wouldn't be so boring for you.

I completely agree.
I know you miss this other guy, but you shouldn't contact him. You don't know what he's up to... he could've worked things out with his wife. If the only reason you cheated on your husband was because you were bored, then try to make things work with him. You didn't say that you don't love him, and you obviously do (or at least did at some point) because you married him. I'm sure marriage isn't easy, but you definitely should try treating your husband like you did the other guy. You never know what's still there.

 

[Lapis]

OP sounds like he's trying to make nice with his wife, don't contact him!
Let him deal with his marriage, you need to figure out what you want from yours!!!


Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg This is going to sound corny and unromantic, but my mum always says that a marriage is like a car. Every once in a while you're going to have to put in the effort to keep it regularly maintained, otherwise when it falls apart going highway speed it is going to be one hell of an expensive fix. Maybe if you start putting all of the effort into your marriage that you were putting into your affair, start treating your husband the way you were treating your lover, start telling him your secrets and feelings the way you were telling the other guy.... it wouldn't be so boring for you.

your mother is a smart woman!

 

[Shimmer]

one of the reasons extramarital affairs are so nice is that the humdrum of the daily (did you get the garbage? Hey, the yard needs mowing. Shit. Rent's due. Hrm...the disposal is making a funny noise and WHAT is going on with the washer?) married life doesn't intrude.
It's fun. It's hot. It's sexy. It's unbelievably intense.

It's also almost always short lived and not real.

You'll do what you do, and I couldn't presume to judge you for any of it, but my honest suggestion would be the same as NutMeg's. Put some effort into your marriage, look at your partner and your history and your life together. The lover? Yeah. You're romanticizing it in your mind. You didn't have time with him to discover his warts and flaws, so he's still perfect.

Do what you gotta do.

Just make sure you can keep your shoulders back, chin up, and look yourself in the eye when you do it.

 

[User35]

thank you gals...I guess I know down deep, thru all the passion and intensity of what our relationship WAS, what the right thing to do is.

I love my husband, we have been thru a lot and has stuck with me despite all the bad things Ive done to him. This lover wasnt my first, but the one that has hit me the hardest. He knows about them all(not the details though), Im trying to do the right thing. I feel like a bad person everyday for hurting him.I dont know why I've let it happen more than once.

I am feeling better about this whole situation though. I have not contacted him, Im glad now that I didnt. My hubby has been nothing but good to me, Im really gonna try to focus my energies back onto us and our marriage.

Again, thanks .

 

[CandiGirl21]

I wish the best for you and your hubby. Consider yourself lucky, hell many women have had affairs on their husbands and are now single and/or lonely.

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg This is going to sound corny and unromantic, but my mum always says that a marriage is like a car. Every once in a while you're going to have to put in the effort to keep it regularly maintained, otherwise when it falls apart going highway speed it is going to be one hell of an expensive fix. Maybe if you start putting all of the effort into your marriage that you were putting into your affair, start treating your husband the way you were treating your lover, start telling him your secrets and feelings the way you were telling the other guy.... it wouldn't be so boring for you.

lol ur mom is right. marriage is like a car and after a while you trade your car in. You only live once. Follow your heart. Live with no regrets. But always remember what goes around, comes around.

 

[kimmy]

i didn't read any of the previous posts...but, alot of my coworkers either are currently in or have been in this situation at some point.

first, i think you should sit down and talk with your husband. i'd tell him everything, and i would let him know what i was thinking about contacting this other man to clear the air on some things. the two of you can decide what to do about your marriage from there.

i would contact this other man and let him know that you want some answers so that you can finally have closure. the worst he could do is say no, and that in itself should help you break some of the ties with him because that wouldn't be a very kind thing for him to do.

i'm not going to stand here and tell you that you NEED to work on your marriage, because they don't always last forever. but, it's always best to be up front (which it sounds like you were,) with everyone so there's no misunderstandings.

good luck.

 

[Macnarsandlove]

*warning the post below is gonna sound extremely hateful cause it really is*

cheaters are gross bottom line. whatever fantasy u thought u were living with the other guy was probably a joke. a guy is gonna say whatever to get in ur pants. he was preying on ur weakness cause after reading ur post he knew what to say to make u feel how u werent feeling from ur husband not being there. just know that ur husband has prob out with some other chick that u dont know about. karma is a bitch!

*this post is by a woman that went thru two 6 month stints away and didnt even give out my number at the club*

 

[iadoremac]

I agree with Smith130, when you married your husband you made a vow to him before man and God and you have to honour it. I think you should forget about your so called lover and work onyour marriage. honestly your lover is probably working on his relationship with his wife. I have an uncle who left his 1st wife for his 2nd wife and left the 2nd for a 3rd and the 2nd wife is complaining that the guy is a liar and a cheat and we are like helllllooooo what goes around comes back around. I think you should confess to your husband and you guys should go for counselling, because it sounds to me like you may have completely shut your husband out and i cant imagine how he feels especially if the thought of cheating on you has not even crossed his mind. You dont leave the 80% for the 20%...............

 

[User35]

Quote:

Originally Posted by smith130 *warning the post below is gonna sound extremely hateful cause it really is* cheaters are gross bottom line. whatever fantasy u thought u were living with the other guy was probably a joke. a guy is gonna say whatever to get in ur pants. he was preying on ur weakness cause after reading ur post he knew what to say to make u feel how u werent feeling from ur husband not being there. just know that ur husband has prob out with some other chick that u dont know about. karma is a bitch! *this post is by a woman that went thru two 6 month stints away and didnt even give out my number at the club*

Well uh thanks for the "advice"...Did that post make you feel better? I caught the whole undertone that you are better than me. Kudos for u not giving out ur number. Also, just fyi u dont know the whole story so I dont know where you came up with this conclusion that it was strictly physical and he was preying on my weakness? ever consider it was the other way around? Nahh u just sat on your high horse looking down on me. I know I did wrong...no one is perfect I came here to specktra for advice on forgetting him, moving on and making ammends with my hubby.And you know what I think it takes a big person to realize, address, and take steps to fix a problem.

Im glad you got your point across.....Im a gross slut...whats new.


p.s I dont believe in karma