I miss my lover
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Lapis
Well-known member
Quote:
did ya read her post? he knows no confessions needed.
And if a man is going to cheat he doesn't need an excuse, he'll do it cause he can!
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Hateful no, narrow minded yes.
I'm not the OP but come on, if you read her post she said they were friends then it got physical, clearly she wasn't just seeing him in the club leering at her ass each Sat
I went 3 years in a LDR and dammit it's HARD, if they were having problems before then which it sounds like it's much easier to go f**k it and let your connection with someone else grow, hell even in a good relationship you can do it
Anyway OP we all make mistakes, you need to just deal with your marriage and rebuilding or ending it which ever you choose
Originally Posted by iadoremac
I think you should confess to your husband and you guys should go for counselling, because it sounds to me like you may have completely shut your husband out and i cant imagine how he feels especially if the thought of cheating on you has not even crossed his mind. You dont leave the 80% for the 20%............... |
did ya read her post? he knows no confessions needed.
And if a man is going to cheat he doesn't need an excuse, he'll do it cause he can!
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| Originally Posted by smith130
*warning the post below is gonna sound extremely hateful cause it really is* cheaters are gross bottom line. whatever fantasy u thought u were living with the other guy was probably a joke. a guy is gonna say whatever to get in ur pants. he was preying on ur weakness cause after reading ur post he knew what to say to make u feel how u werent feeling from ur husband not being there. just know that ur husband has prob out with some other chick that u dont know about. karma is a bitch! *this post is by a woman that went thru two 6 month stints away and didnt even give out my number at the club* |
Hateful no, narrow minded yes.
I'm not the OP but come on, if you read her post she said they were friends then it got physical, clearly she wasn't just seeing him in the club leering at her ass each Sat
I went 3 years in a LDR and dammit it's HARD, if they were having problems before then which it sounds like it's much easier to go f**k it and let your connection with someone else grow, hell even in a good relationship you can do it
Anyway OP we all make mistakes, you need to just deal with your marriage and rebuilding or ending it which ever you choose
ForgetRegret
Well-known member
Quote:
Ok...I went a little smiley-crazy...but well said, Lapis...very well said.
| Originally Posted by Lapis
Hateful no, narrow minded yes. I'm not the OP but come on, if you read her post she said they were friends then it got physical, clearly she wasn't just seeing him in the club leering at her ass each Sat
I went 3 years in a LDR and dammit it's HARD, if they were having problems before then which it sounds like it's much easier to go f**k it and let your connection with someone else grow, hell even in a good relationship you can do it Anyway OP we all make mistakes, you need to just deal with your marriage and rebuilding or ending it which ever you choose |
Ok...I went a little smiley-crazy...but well said, Lapis...very well said.
TISH1124
Well-known member
It's always easy when we are on the outside looking in to say what we would or wouldn't do. Yeah in my early twenties I thought I wouldn't do a lot of things that I have done...But in life things change and people change....people make mistakes...its how we learn and it's how we grow. There is no sin greater than the other. I don't think it makes the OP a bad person ...I think she is in a hard situtaion and has made bad decisions and is trying to figure out how to correct those mstakes as well as be happy. What exactly is wrong with that. it's difficult to ask questions or ask for advice when people get stoned just for asking for opinions. All I have to say is keep living....you might be surprised at just what you will or won't do in life....Things happen, relationships change. Doesn't make it right no, makes it Life, yes. All marriages are not rosey...and most times their is fault on both ends...we have no idea what the husband has done in this marriage...There are two sides to every story. If marriages were easy there wouldn't be so many divorces...we would all like to get married and believe in the "Happily ever after, til death do us part" But hell the truth is 50% of the time that does not happen.
Just because you avoid men and stay out of relationships...that doesn't make you a better person or in a better situation to judge anyone else. Just means you stayed out of relationships...People deal in different ways. If I have a bad relationship that does not mean I am going to avoid men...just means I had a bad relationship.
Just because you avoid men and stay out of relationships...that doesn't make you a better person or in a better situation to judge anyone else. Just means you stayed out of relationships...People deal in different ways. If I have a bad relationship that does not mean I am going to avoid men...just means I had a bad relationship.
MissResha
Well-known member
this is some heavy shit.
i for one, know what its like to physically want another man aside from your own, so bad that you can't seem to get thru the damn day.
its called lust. often confused with love. not saying you dont have FEELINGS for him, cuz if you say you do, then you do...but i swear, shimmer said everything i was gonna say. you dont know how this man is in a "relationship". maybe his marriage with his wife isn't his wifes fault 100%. maybe he's a jerk and thats why he's unhappy, cuz his wife wont allow him to do jerk'ish shit. assume the worst and try to stay as far away as possible. you KNOW your husband. good and bad. if you're bored, its your job to speak up and try to spice things up. messing around (altho admittedly can be very hot cuz its the "what if we get caught" factor) is never really worth it in the end.
this is one of the reasons why now, my bf and i roleplay LMAO. when i dont wanna fuck him, i'll tell him to pretend he's somebody else. its awesome.
i for one, know what its like to physically want another man aside from your own, so bad that you can't seem to get thru the damn day.
its called lust. often confused with love. not saying you dont have FEELINGS for him, cuz if you say you do, then you do...but i swear, shimmer said everything i was gonna say. you dont know how this man is in a "relationship". maybe his marriage with his wife isn't his wifes fault 100%. maybe he's a jerk and thats why he's unhappy, cuz his wife wont allow him to do jerk'ish shit. assume the worst and try to stay as far away as possible. you KNOW your husband. good and bad. if you're bored, its your job to speak up and try to spice things up. messing around (altho admittedly can be very hot cuz its the "what if we get caught" factor) is never really worth it in the end.
this is one of the reasons why now, my bf and i roleplay LMAO. when i dont wanna fuck him, i'll tell him to pretend he's somebody else. its awesome.
Macnarsandlove
Well-known member
Quote:
In my opinion (of course) there is never an excuse to cheat. Flat out. Say what u want, no crap its hard to no go out and act on impulses. I mentioned the club pertaining to my situation if u read the post. I guess i'll be narrow-minded, but from my relationship history my conscience is clear. I can sleep well at night.
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High horse? Nah not at all. Just trying to let u know where im coming from. U put ur business out here and I commented on it. Sry I wasnt one of the posters that said "it happens" or " thats ok".
I never called u a slut thats a bit of exaggerating.
| Originally Posted by Lapis
did ya read her post? he knows no confessions needed. And if a man is going to cheat he doesn't need an excuse, he'll do it cause he can! Hateful no, narrow minded yes. I'm not the OP but come on, if you read her post she said they were friends then it got physical, clearly she wasn't just seeing him in the club leering at her ass each Sat
I went 3 years in a LDR and dammit it's HARD, if they were having problems before then which it sounds like it's much easier to go f**k it and let your connection with someone else grow, hell even in a good relationship you can do it Anyway OP we all make mistakes, you need to just deal with your marriage and rebuilding or ending it which ever you choose |
In my opinion (of course) there is never an excuse to cheat. Flat out. Say what u want, no crap its hard to no go out and act on impulses. I mentioned the club pertaining to my situation if u read the post. I guess i'll be narrow-minded, but from my relationship history my conscience is clear. I can sleep well at night.
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| Originally Posted by NatalieR429
Well uh thanks for the "advice"...Did that post make you feel better? I caught the whole undertone that you are better than me. Kudos for u not giving out ur number. Also, just fyi u dont know the whole story so I dont know where you came up with this conclusion that it was strictly physical and he was preying on my weakness? ever consider it was the other way around? Nahh u just sat on your high horse looking down on me. I know I did wrong...no one is perfect I came here to specktra for advice on forgetting him, moving on and making ammends with my hubby.And you know what I think it takes a big person to realize, address, and take steps to fix a problem. Im glad you got your point across.....Im a gross slut...whats new. p.s I dont believe in karma |
High horse? Nah not at all. Just trying to let u know where im coming from. U put ur business out here and I commented on it. Sry I wasnt one of the posters that said "it happens" or " thats ok".
I never called u a slut thats a bit of exaggerating.
Shimmer
Well-known member
Quote:
Your post *was* a bit on the heavy end as far as invective and emotion. There are ways to get your point across without attacking anyone.
| Originally Posted by smith130
In my opinion (of course) there is never an excuse to cheat. Flat out. Say what u want, no crap its hard to no go out and act on impulses. I mentioned the club pertaining to my situation if u read the post. I guess i'll be narrow-minded, but from my relationship history my conscience is clear. I can sleep well at night. High horse? Nah not at all. Just trying to let u know where im coming from. U put ur business out here and I commented on it. Sry I wasnt one of the posters that said "it happens" or " thats ok". I never called u a slut thats a bit of exaggerating. |
Your post *was* a bit on the heavy end as far as invective and emotion. There are ways to get your point across without attacking anyone.
Macnarsandlove
Well-known member
Quote:
Eh I guess so. I did say it was gonna sound hateful cause I knew I it was. Some issues just evoke more emotion than others, I feel really strongly about this subject as u can see.
| Originally Posted by Shimmer
Your post *was* a bit on the heavy end as far as invective and emotion. There are ways to get your point across without attacking anyone. |
Eh I guess so. I did say it was gonna sound hateful cause I knew I it was. Some issues just evoke more emotion than others, I feel really strongly about this subject as u can see.
Mabelle
Well-known member
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Generally, topics that i feel very strongly about, that i can't find a way to sugar coat what i have to say (if it's negative) or say it in a non aggressive manner... i have learned not to comment on the thread at all, which is why i stayed out of this thread.
I do agree with you though, there is never an excuse to cheat. Ever and i don't really have any sympathy for cheaters. and that is all i will say
| Originally Posted by smith130
Eh I guess so. I did say it was gonna sound hateful cause I knew I it was. Some issues just evoke more emotion than others, I feel really strongly about this subject as u can see. |
Generally, topics that i feel very strongly about, that i can't find a way to sugar coat what i have to say (if it's negative) or say it in a non aggressive manner... i have learned not to comment on the thread at all, which is why i stayed out of this thread.
I do agree with you though, there is never an excuse to cheat. Ever and i don't really have any sympathy for cheaters. and that is all i will say
RedRibbon
Well-known member
I'd work things out with your husband. In my opinion it takes one hell of a man to stay with a woman who has cheated on him and he's stuck by you after you confessed you'd done that. In my experience, guys like him don't come around every so often.
You mention that you want to get back in contact with the other guy who just cut off communication with you..if he really wanted something more than a casual FB then wouldn't he have kept in contact with you?
I know little about your situation and from what I know, it seems to me that you want to contact the guy because (as others have said) he gives you something new and something you're not used to. That's all well and good but if you keep going back to him there will come a day when all he gives you is something you've had before and you will get no excitement from it.
Talk to your husband about how you're feeling and be totally honest, he knows you've cheated on him and has stuck with you, I'm sure that a guy who does that will be more than willing to help you get back on the straight and narrow..as other people have mentioned, injecting romance will work but I feel that if you don't address the underlying problems then no amount of romantic dinners and dirty weekends away will solve the problems in your relationship. I know that if it was me who got cheated on and I took the person back, I'd always be thinking about if he would leave again if we didn't tackle why he did it in the first place.
Your husband might represent all that is steady and repetitive about your life but I'd take that over something new and exciting which may not last every time.
You mention that you want to get back in contact with the other guy who just cut off communication with you..if he really wanted something more than a casual FB then wouldn't he have kept in contact with you?
I know little about your situation and from what I know, it seems to me that you want to contact the guy because (as others have said) he gives you something new and something you're not used to. That's all well and good but if you keep going back to him there will come a day when all he gives you is something you've had before and you will get no excitement from it.
Talk to your husband about how you're feeling and be totally honest, he knows you've cheated on him and has stuck with you, I'm sure that a guy who does that will be more than willing to help you get back on the straight and narrow..as other people have mentioned, injecting romance will work but I feel that if you don't address the underlying problems then no amount of romantic dinners and dirty weekends away will solve the problems in your relationship. I know that if it was me who got cheated on and I took the person back, I'd always be thinking about if he would leave again if we didn't tackle why he did it in the first place.
Your husband might represent all that is steady and repetitive about your life but I'd take that over something new and exciting which may not last every time.
Lapis
Well-known member
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Preach Trish
Smith
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You basically told her that the only karma for what she did was her husband doing the same to her and then said you don't excuse cheating?
Karma is so much more than the same thing you did coming back at you!
Ever heard the good die young?
She messed up she's facing it, she's come clean and is not keeping it a secret, that's better than a ton of other people
| Originally Posted by TISH1127
It's always easy when we are on the outside looking in to say what we would or wouldn't do. Yeah in my early twenties I thought I wouldn't do a lot of things that I have done...But in life things change and people change....people make mistakes...its how we learn and it's how we grow. There is no sin greater than the other. I don't think it makes the OP a bad person ...I think she is in a hard situtaion and has made bad decisions and is trying to figure out how to correct those mstakes as well as be happy. What exactly is wrong with that. it's difficult to ask questions or ask for advice when people get stoned just for asking for opinions. All I have to say is keep living....you might be surprised at just what you will or won't do in life....Things happen, relationships change. Doesn't make it right no, makes it Life, yes. All marriages are not rosey...and most times their is fault on both ends...we have no idea what the husband has done in this marriage...There are two sides to every story. If marriages were easy there wouldn't be so many divorces...we would all like to get married and believe in the "Happily ever after, til death do us part" But hell the truth is 50% of the time that does not happen. Just because you avoid men and stay out of relationships...that doesn't make you a better person or in a better situation to judge anyone else. Just means you stayed out of relationships...People deal in different ways. If I have a bad relationship that does not mean I am going to avoid men...just means I had a bad relationship. |
Preach Trish
Smith
Quote:
| just know that ur husband has prob out with some other chick that u dont know about. karma is a bitch! |
You basically told her that the only karma for what she did was her husband doing the same to her and then said you don't excuse cheating?
Karma is so much more than the same thing you did coming back at you!
Ever heard the good die young?
She messed up she's facing it, she's come clean and is not keeping it a secret, that's better than a ton of other people
User35
Well-known member
Im done here ladies.
Thanks to the people who gave advice on how to forget all of this because thats what I want. Im not looking for sympathy or a justification for what I did...Ive always known it was fucked up.
I know bringing my story onto a forum is free range for any type of comment. I was just hoping specktra members would read and understand that all I was doing was giving some backround to a story and looking for advice...not to be judged or looked down upon. But hey thats a risk I took right ?
Oh well.
Thanks to the people who gave advice on how to forget all of this because thats what I want. Im not looking for sympathy or a justification for what I did...Ive always known it was fucked up.
I know bringing my story onto a forum is free range for any type of comment. I was just hoping specktra members would read and understand that all I was doing was giving some backround to a story and looking for advice...not to be judged or looked down upon. But hey thats a risk I took right ?
Oh well.
ForgetRegret
Well-known member
GL with you and your hubby sweetie...I hope you guys can work everything out and move on with your lives.
kaliraksha
Well-known member
Natalie, I know you said you were done... but I wanted to thank you for posting your story. As someone who has been on his side of the story and also been tempted by the lust... it's nice to honestly see this genuine side of the story. To know that it's hard for the person leaving the lover and to know that you experience true regret makes me stop and think that everytime someone tells you something that sounds too good to be true, it's not always a line.
For me, when I've been tempted by lust I think back to my first dates and talks with my current significant other... those were amazing... and thus far no one has held a light to his and my connection... if they don't compare now what indication do I have that they will compare 5 or 10 years from now when things get real. I'm not sure if this is your case, but if it is you might be able to use it as ammunition to get over this guy. Wanting to cheat or cheating is a sign that something is wrong with your current relationship. Figure out if that's what you want and if it's salvageable. Hope you find what makes you happy =)
For me, when I've been tempted by lust I think back to my first dates and talks with my current significant other... those were amazing... and thus far no one has held a light to his and my connection... if they don't compare now what indication do I have that they will compare 5 or 10 years from now when things get real. I'm not sure if this is your case, but if it is you might be able to use it as ammunition to get over this guy. Wanting to cheat or cheating is a sign that something is wrong with your current relationship. Figure out if that's what you want and if it's salvageable. Hope you find what makes you happy =)
