I need help! Has anyone else had an experience like this?

[Tinkee-Belle]

Ok... So I am having major... MAJOR problems with my ex bf and I am fed up and dont know how to fix this.

We had been dating for about 2 1/2 years on and off (since I was 19.. im almost 22 now) It was pretty casual though.. he would break up with me every few months because he "needed space" or whatever. He was kind of an asshole but that was ok with me because I didnt want a huge commitment either, plus I was SO in love with him. One year ago, we decided to get back together again (it seemed like he had changed a lot.) At first it went really, REALLY well. He was so commited to me and treated me like gold for about 6 months, and I honestly thought we were meant to be together and so on.

Then about 6 months ago, his true colors started to show though. He was still really good to me, but he started to get really over protective and ALWAYS had to know exactly where I was and what I was doing. He wouldnt let me go out with my friends and was really insecure. I told him if he didnt change.. I would be gone. He wouldnt stop calling me every hour on the hour so I got fed up and broke up with him. But I still told him I would reconsider getting back with him if he gave me space for a little while and let me decide what I wanted. We were friends and still hung out all the time. One night I went to a guys house to watch a movie (nothing else) that I had a little bit of a crush on for years. He followed me there and went nuts when he saw I was at this guys house. So I decided that dating other guys wasnt an option but I also wanted NOTHING to do with my Ex bf and started trying to distance myself from him.

About a month ago things got really bad. He would call me several times a day to ask what I was doing and If I didnt answer he would call repetetly and leave me nasty messages telling me he hated me and I was a slut and probably off with another guy (meanwhile I was at work...) He started showing up at my house every morning to see if my car was parked in my driveway. I chose to not answer my phone because everytime I did he would start a huge fight with me calling me names and stuff. And me ignoring him would make it a 100 times worse.. the only time he was nice to me and would stop harassing me is if I would agree to hang out with him or tell him that there was a chance we would get back together.

2 weekends ago I left work early to go to the bar with my gfs for about an hour. I had only 2 beers but I decided to leave my car there and pick it up in the morning because the last thing I want is a DUI. My girlfriend drove me home and i put my phone on silent and went straight to bed. Well I woke up the morning with... 57 missed calls from my ex. He had gone to my house in the middle of the night and saw my car wasnt there and went balistic. He left all sorts of msgs like "you dumb hoe you're with another guy im gunna drive around until I find you" and all sorts of stuff like that. He called me that morning like nothing happened and I told him DONT call me again.

Right after we broke up and were still friendly I gave him some money to buy me a flatscreen plasma TV from a guy he knew. Well guess what... I have no TV and havent seen my money back. And now hes using the money as a means to see me... He will say he has the money but ill only get it if I have dinner with him or go to his house. I am tired of playing this dumb game that has been going on for MONTHS and could really use the money since I had to pay $1000 for rearending someone the other day. I tried to get the money from him for a week but hes just being stupid about it and wont give it back. Im to the point where I dont care about the money anymore, I just want him to stop teasing me with it!

Oh and other thing when I dont answer the phone he leaves me stupid messages calling me names and stuff. The other day he sent me a text that said" Grow up you stupid drug addict, I know you do blow at work and im going to get you fired." I called him bawling my eyes out because that is in no way true... I dont do drugs, especially not at work, and I wanted him to get the story straight. He later admitted that he made it up to get a rise out of me.

I am trying so hard to ignore him, but its so hard! Especially when he says stuff like this to other people. Everytime he sends me texts I start crying, because I just want this to be OVER! Hes making my life a living hell and its getting worse. He shows up at my house all the time and Im scared to be alone in my house. Hes never laid a hand on me but he just changed so much I dont know what to expect of him anymore. I cant go to the cops because his Dads the police chief! I dont wanna go anywhere because I dont wanna run into him. I just wanna never see or hear from him again but I dont think its fair for me to have to skip town to get away from him!

I just dont know why he went all psycho all of a sudden and dont know how to deal with this

Thanks to everyone who read this.. I know its LONG!

 

[NutMeg]

Start writing everything down, talk to the police and maybe a lawyer and figure out what your options are and what you need to do to protect yourself... I don't know how exactly to proceed in this scenario, but I'm sure that some other ladies on here will have good advice. All I can say is take this very very seriously, he sounds scary as hell. Stop talking to him at all, don't respond to him in anyway. Stay safe, this has got me worried about you. Keep us updated so we know you're ok.

 

[FiestyFemme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg Start writing everything down, talk to the police and maybe a lawyer and figure out what your options are and what you need to do to protect yourself... I don't know how exactly to proceed in this scenario, but I'm sure that some other ladies on here will have good advice. All I can say is take this very very seriously, he sounds scary as hell. Stop talking to him at all, don't respond to him in anyway. Stay safe, this has got me worried about you. Keep us updated so we know you're ok.

Man, ITA.
There is something very wrong with this guy, and I would be scared too! He just sounds really unpredictable, and I think you really do need to document all this stuff. I'd save voicemails, txt messages, anything to prove how crazy he is and what he's doing to you. I don't care if his dad is the police chief, it doesn't give him the right to harass and stalk you just because you don't want to be with him. I would definitely be looking into options if I were you.
Please be careful. This guy's nuts.

 

[MACATTAK]

I agree with the above & I would also change my phone#.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

You live at home with your parents, right? Do they know about what's going on? If not, you NEED TO TELL THEM! I would also recommend that you change your phone number and give the new number ONLY to people you are close to and who you trust not to give it to your ex. This is not right for him to be harassing you, and his dad being a police officer doesn't mean that he gets a free pass. File a restraining order! GET A LAWYER! You should look into getting some pepper spray and a taser too. This guy sounds like a basket case.

Oh, and forget about the money, completely. You'll never get it back :/ Sorry to say it so bluntly, but it's true.

I really wish you the best of luck. I had a crazy ex too, but I was crazier than he was. He threatened to come to my house and kill my ass! You know what I said? "You know where I live. Come up here and we'll see who ends up dead" LOLOLOL Nutso.

 

[TISH1124]

I would absolutley change my number 1st and foremost and document EVERYTHING!!! Keep messages...keep voicemails etc... Then I would go and get a restraining order....You are not alone....I have had this happen before and it is really a scary nightmare...But you have to get help because sometimes they do go to the extremes and you could be in danger. No one deserves to live in fear or have to look over their shoulders every moment. It doesn't matter if his father is a Police chief...That does not make him above the law. I would probably even call his father and let him know whats going on..surely he doesn't want to have to deal with the outcome being Chief of Police and all. Call him and let him know how stupid his son is acting and demand he talk to him or you will file a report.

 

[aleksis210]

I was just going to say that I'd change my number. You should probably figure out a way to get a restraining order or something. I've dealt with some exes who were like this, but this guy sounds SO annoying. IDK what I'd do, to be honest I would have one of my guy friends beat the living hell out of him.

 

[Tinkee-Belle]

Thanks girls! I was thinking of changing my number.... it would be a huge hassle but you guys are right! Because even when I dont answer his calls he calls from his friends phones or pay phones and stuff. He came by my house AGAIN this morning... grr... to check if my car was there. Nuts nuts nuts! My parents know all about it and tell him he's not welcome anymore. One problem is he is still kinda tight with my brother... he will call my brother to ask about me and my bro will let him in the house.

And honestly I dont think going to the police will help.. his dad gets him out of EVERYTHING! DUIs, Assault charges... His dad always seems to "lose the paperwork" and he gets off scot free! Its really frusterating.

Thanks for your support girls!

 

[NutMeg]

Hey I just realised we're in the same city... Is his dad in the city police? If so, talk to the RCMP. Well, talk to the police force his dad is affiliated with, but if that proves unhelpful, go the RCMP and explain the situation. My bf in Alberta has had to deal with corrupt cops in his town before and when you actually need a cop you have to talk to the RCMP. Try to sit down with your brother and parents and talk to your bro about the situation and how it scares you that he lets psycho-guy into the house. And for sure change your number, it's not as much of a hassle as you would think.

 

[shootout]

I would just write down everything you told us, and give it to whoever you think can help.
What you just described to us would guarantee a restraining order.

 

[snowflakelashes]

Sweety, I hope that you find a way to deal with this, sorry about the Dad thing. Lawyering up would definately be the way to go IMHO they can advise you. Especially they can keep copies of all evidence you have and document everything for you in a way that is legal so that you have someone to back you up even if you get the brush off by the authorities b/c of his dad being one of the good-ole-boys club members

You are in my thoughts...

snowflakelashes

 

[NicksWifey]

This guy sounds like a major psychopath. You don't need him or that shit in your life! He just needs to get the fuck over it and give you your money back. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Definitely keep all the text messages and voicemails, even if they do hurt you to see them. I think getting your parents in on this and talking to the police would be your best option.
What goes around, comes around. His dad won't be able to get him off this time.

 

[User93]

I'm sorry you're going through this, I guess you just left such a mark on his heart that he cant get over you! My friend had an ex like that, so she changed her number. Also, if you are not very low on money, you can do what she did: she bought a new number for her cell, but also bought some other cheap phone (you can get any old phone from a friend) and kept the old number there. She was turning it on time to time, so he doesnt realise she changed the number completely, and also she could stil interact with those people she didnt give the new number to.

I dont think he is very dangerous, just obsessive. But just like M.A.C. Head said, your parents and your friends gotta know whats going on, and I think its good if you tell them where you are going and the aproximate time of you coming back.

Also, maybe ignoring him like that would help, and you wont even have to call the police, maybe he will just meet someone else and get over you with time. And yeah, sadly, but I think those money are gone

Keep up updated! Everything will be ok girl

 

[Tinkee-Belle]

Ugh so yesterday he left me a long message about how he was sorry about all this and he didnt know why he did it. He said he just misses me so much he doesnt know how to deal. Then he called me from a different number and I happened to answer and we actually talked, not fighting, and I told him he should get some help with anger management or something. He said he quit drinking (most of these problems we had is when he was drunk) and I told him not to call me anymore and just do his own thing and get over me. He agreed and hasnt called me since so hopefully it stuck. He asked if we could ever be friends again and I said doubtfull but maybe one day we can talk and be civil. So im hoping this is finally over, it sucks that he had to act like this because other than that he was a really nice guy! And weve been friends since we were 12 so this is hard on me too but ill get through it....

Thanks so much girls!!! Im feeling a lil better now, im not angry anymore just kinda depressed about the whole situation!

 

[NutMeg]

That's good, but still... be careful. I'm still worried about the situation. Keep us updated. *hugs*

 

[Beauty Mark]

Please, under no circumstances, agree to meet with him any time in the near future. He sounds crazy, and while some people are harmless, others are not. It's very difficult to identify that. He could be sincere in this, he could be playing you.

If he calls you again, tell him to quit calling you. Leave no window open for ever talking to him again.

Take care of yourself.

 

[shadowaddict]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark Please, under no circumstances, agree to meet with him any time in the near future. He sounds crazy, and while some people are harmless, others are not. It's very difficult to identify that. He could be sincere in this, he could be playing you. If he calls you again, tell him to quit calling you. Leave no window open for ever talking to him again. Take care of yourself.

I agree and the thing is that he really could be sincere but yet lose complete control if he gets drunk or really angry. My ex-husband could fool anyone. Most people thought he was such a great guy, so sweet and charming. But after we were married about three months the real guy inside came out but only if we were alone. He beat me up all through my pregnancy and after. I left him when my son was 5 and half months old. But he would not leave me alone. I had to get a restraining order and all. He would call me and tell where I had been, and what I bought at the grocery store, and sit in his car close to my work and watch to see if I left or talked to another guy. Insane jealousy can cause insane actions.

I would let me neighbors know what his car looks like and that he could be violent. You never know what could flip his switch and him come after you. ALWAYS keep your car and home locked. BE CAREFUL!!!

 

[user79]

I'm wondering why you haven't gotten the police involved yet?? This is a classic case of stalking. You have to def stop contacting him all together, go to the police and file a report against him, and also file for the money he owes you. If this situation escalates anymore, without police involvement, it could get even scarier. Honestly, it sounds like you're giving him a bit mixed messages too. In no way does this justify his creepy stalking behavior at all, but you def want to stop talking to him all together. Change your phone number immediately.

 

[NutMeg]

I agree with the recent posts, and I urge you to take this more seriously than you seem to be. There isn't much of a step in escalation from the behaviour he has been displaying and hurting you. You won't get much more warning than what you have had. I'm not saying its going to happen, I'm just saying that how he's been acting is just how he would before he moves on to hurting you or your loved ones. Please report it, record it, change your number, give family/friends/neighbours a heads-up, stop talking to him. I think its hard for you to recognize how serious the situation is because you're in it, you know this guy, have dated him, etc and its hard to see his behaviour for what it is. This is a big deal, its not normal or acceptable. Be careful, take care of yourself.

 

[tiramisu]

you need to have a paper trail and proof of his behaviors. Not all cops are corrupt, but that being said, I understand your concern about the police chief son issue... but trust me there are some guys/girls in that same police dept. who probably already are well aware of this kid's problems and will be willing to help you document it.

Also, at least try to look into a PPO with the info you've got to this point--it's plenty to go on for sure.

take care of yourself.