Is all this hurt worth it?

[ndn-ista]

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[Obreathemykiss]

First and foremost, what an asshole. He seems to be completely ungrateful and oblivious to anything that means being a man. In my opinion, yes, it's fantastic for him to go hang with his buddies and do this or that, but there is a line to be drawn and he has an obligation to you as he is your boyfriend. When he makes promises that are in the end empty, he has no respect. It seems he didn't respect you enough to give you the time of day or even be there for you emotionally. He can go to a strip club/clubs but he can't spend a few bucks to call you? PLEASE?!!! You spend all this time trying to make him feel special and he gives you nothing...not even a thank you or acknowledgement of your actions. I think you have every right in the world to be pissed and I am very happy to read that he is out of your life. No man should ever, ever threaten someone like that. In a way, this was probably the best thing that could have happened because you have prevented yourself from being hurt even more in the future-mentally and physically. You will find someone more mature, more respectful, and a better all-around person who loves you for what you do and how you make them feel. I'm very sorry for everything that you're going through. Keep your head up, doll. Everything will work itself out. Don't let this jerk bring you down.

 

[purrtykitty]

There's no excuse for abuse - physical or emotional...end of story.

 

[Dahlia_Rayn]

I agree with everything she said!! ^^ I understand that it hurts right now, but in the end things will be better. Hope that you feel better soon, and I'm sending hugs your way! Take care girlie and in the end I hope you realize how lucky you are to not be with such an emotionally (and physically) abusive asshole!!

 

[MsCuppyCakes]

I think it's better that you know "now" what he's capable of. His actions are a testament of who he is as a person.

 

[xxsgtigressxx]

Warning: VERY BLUNT opinion coming
I think you are very mistaken in what an adult relationship is. An adult relationship doesnt mean you have to take all his shit all the time. It seems like you are allowing this guy to walk all over you. Also, he's ABUSIVE! Why you would want to go back to this guy is beyond me. To be honest, and this might be hard to hear, but it sounds like he isnt very interested in dating you, as he seems to blow you off constantly, make excuses all the time, get violent and/or verbally abusive etc. If I were you I'd cut off all contact immediately. Seeing as you guys already live an hour and a half away, that already makes the relationship harder in the first place. Add on a 26 year old male who thinks he's 16, and you have a ticking time bomb. The only reason im being so blunt about this is that if i were in your situation I would HOPE my friends would be this honest and show me just how bad my relationship was. PLEASE re-evaluate what an "adult" relationship is, and good luck!!!!

 

[ndn-ista]

ALL my past relationships have been abusive. i finally figured i was the problem. thats why in this one, i was like ok-im going to act differently. im not going to nag and bitch, and let some things go. becuase thats how i was acting in my past relationships. i know he is wrong for evreything he did. but im just trying to make sense of why i keep getting involved in these situations. i finally thought someone good came into my life. and even though im strong enough to let him go physically, i admit im not mentally. i know u guys think this is stupid and i need to know how much im worth, but if my whole life its been liek this, its like at sometime i jsut have to settle for what i can get. literally, the last 15-20 guys/relationships i have talked to or been in, has ended like this. in this one, i have been so tired of trying to make things right, i just settled. i know im a good person and worth so much more, but im tired and frustrated. eevrything is going wrong in my life, and i just want to hang on to something.

thanks for everyone advice and insight. i know your right. i always known this myself too, but its hard.

 

[mommymac]

If that's you on your Avatar, you're a very beautiful young lady. Sometimes being a beautiful lady makes you wonder why you're not in a stable relationship,(take Halle Berry for instance) but it DOES NOT mean you have to settle for a piece of a man. If and I say this respectively, if he cared about you $1.40 vs. what he may have spent at the Strip Club should have been like breathing for him, if he means you any good he would have taken a raincheck on one of those days during his birthday weekend. It sounded too easy for him to tell you that he'd knock your teeth out. Sweet Something you deserved a good relationship but you'll never get it if you continue to allow a man to define you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single until Mr. Right For You shows up. Let them beat your door down with attention sometimes.

 

[Caramel_QT]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ndn-ista ALL my past relationships have been abusive. i finally figured i was the problem. thats why in this one, i was like ok-im going to act differently. im not going to nag and bitch, and let some things go. becuase thats how i was acting in my past relationships. i know he is wrong for evreything he did. but im just trying to make sense of why i keep getting involved in these situations. i finally thought someone good came into my life. and even though im strong enough to let him go physically, i admit im not mentally. i know u guys think this is stupid and i need to know how much im worth, but if my whole life its been liek this, its like at sometime i jsut have to settle for what i can get. literally, the last 15-20 guys/relationships i have talked to or been in, has ended like this. in this one, i have been so tired of trying to make things right, i just settled. i know im a good person and worth so much more, but im tired and frustrated. eevrything is going wrong in my life, and i just want to hang on to something. thanks for everyone advice and insight. i know your right. i always known this myself too, but its hard.

I would encourage you to really read what you just wrote here...I mean, really. You are worth so much more than just taking what you can get.

I know this is easier said than done, because I have known waaaay to many women in your position and just settle, but I would rather be happy alone, than miserable with someone, just to have someone. It's not worth all the drama it brings into your life. It's toxic, honey.

 

[Dahlia_Rayn]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you should see a therapist to find out why you are continually attracted to the same type of guy over and over again. I think while you discover yourself maybe you should just stay out of any romantic relationships. It's not your fault that these guys are abusive, maybe you just need to find out what about them keeps drawing you in!

 

[kobri]

Umm to be blunt: NO! Is all this hurt worth what? What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? It sounds as if he's already checked out of it. I also hate to be the one to tell you this, but I live in Canada and there in no freakin way that it cost 1.40 a minute to call the US. I call the US all the time and it is 5 cents a minute. I can call Australia for less than 1.40. The most I have ever heard any of my friends paying for long distance to the US is 13 sents a minute. If you want my totally honest opinion, you need to spend sometime out of a relationship and find your independant self, to spend sometime realizing how much you are worth so that you don't settle for someone who abuses you and doesn't appreciate who you are. There is no excusing abusive behaviour, no one who is worth anything should lay EVER a hand on you in anger.

 

[Beauty Mark]

For whatever reasons, you are attracted to men who are abusive. That scares me for you. You need to get yourself a therapist and figure out why and how to break that pattern.

In the first post, you did nothing wrong and even if you did, NOTHING should cause physical and mental abuse. Nothing. No one deserves that

 

[Girl about town]

Sounds like he was trying to push you into dumping him, so he could absolve himself!! sounds like a asshole x

 

[RaynelleM]

I don’t mean for this to come off as rude but if you are only 24 yrs old and you’ve have talked to/been in a relationship with 15-20 guys maybe the problem is that your relying too much on guys to be happy bc to me that sounds like a lot of guys to have dated.
Maybe you should take some time off from being in a relationship and just enjoy being single. This is the time in your life when you should be discovering who you really are and once you figure that out you’ll be much more discerning when it comes to guys.
For your situation right now, I think you should be happy to have seen his true colours and gotten rid of him bc no one deserves to be treated the way he was treating you. And here’s some advice I give all my girlfriends: stop being so nice!! esp to guys that are just wasting your time or taking advantage of you … being a “bitch” every now and then reminds them of who you are and lets them know that you know just how much you’re worth!! Hell if I had spent my time baking and planning to take my bf out for his b’day and he just blew me off, it would’ve been him calling down my phone cuz I would’ve just ignored him for the rest of the week!!
Just be yourself, enjoy yourself and the right one will come along eventually when you least expect it!!

 

[ndn-ista]

Yes, I know where being in an abusive relationship is coming from. My parents have been in an abusive relationship since I was born. They are still together because of traditional Indian customs. I have been around it my whole life. And as much as I acknowledge it and want different for myself, I guess I am attracted to that because that's all I have known my whole life. Still, thats no excuse.

He wasnt like this before. For once, he was the guy that actually treated me right. My girlfriends liked him, and even they thought he was a great guy. of course, he isnt perfect, no one is, so there were a few things i accepted. but i swear, in the beginning it was him showing me how much u liked me. now, after talking for about 7-8 months, i finally gave in and started a real relationship to him. i thought i was ready to get rid of all my past insecurities and hurt. he didnt spoil me or take me places, etc. but it was okay for me. he was actually there to listen to me and for once a guy made me feel good. i thought he was something i have been waiting for so long. i finally let down my guards. as soon as i did, this is what i get. believe me, i dont rely on guys because i have been hurt by so many different guys, and i always have my guard up. but, not only did i but my friends thought this guy really really geniunely liked and cared for me. when i told them what happened, they were beyond shock. all these things run thrw my mind, liek maybe he cheated on me while he was in canada, and he is acting liek this out of guilty conscience. or soemthing. whatever it is, he is out of my life. but u know what sucks-he can move on, prob already has. but once again, its me that has to pick up the pieces and find it on my own to move on and get the hope back.

thanks for everyones advice. it really means alot that u guys are reading this and responding. i have alot of stress lately on finding a job, family and other things. i thought this is the one area in my life that made me sleep a little easier at night, but now it seems like its keeping me up at night.

 

[makeba]

you are soo pretty and you need to feel that inside of you. getting therapy is not a bad idea so that way you can get to the root as to why you repeat these patterns. therapy should also help you learn to rid yourself of these patterns. take it from me, i was in therapy for six months due to marital issues and by the 6months i was smokin hot!!! i learned all about me, i put me first to feel good inside and out. never beg someone to be with you, never beg someone to spend time with you or sweat them to come over! take a moment and regroup and figure out what is more important and learn not to sweat the small stuff while learning how to stand up for yourself and defend yourself. you did no wrong in this situation. you just wanted to spend some time with him.

 

[lyttleravyn]

Hey girl,

I used to be in an emotional abusive relationship, and I too thought that I was doing the right thing by just giving in to things and letting things go (that in other circumstances I wouldn't have). I understand that you sometimes get comfortable in one type of relationship and find it hard to be with someone different. But don't worry, it will all work out for you. My abusive bf actually broke up with my the weekend of my birthday and 'started' sleeping with his manager less than a week later. His reasons included that he wanted to enjoy having his own apartment since he had just moved out (he was 30 at this time) and that he wanted to marry me but wanted to sleep with other girls before he settled down (trust me, I was shocked at that too haha). I was definitely upset for a good while, even though he clearly wasn't worth my time. But somehow with good friends and LOTS of shopping haha I got over him and have since found an amazing relationship with a guy I wouldn't have normally gone after. And the funny thing is, is that my ex calls me often and is convinced the relationship I'm in now is just a 'fling' and that he and I will get back together eventually and get married. Yeah right buddy!

Sometimes when you decide to start a new chapter in your life, it helps to do new things for yourself. When I decided I wanted to be over my ex, I got a great new haircut & color (gotta 'wash that man right outta your hair') and started taking bellydance classes. Good luck girl, when you are ready for the right guy he'll come find you

lynn

 

[braidey]

I am sorry you are going through this but I have to say two things:
In his eyes you are not a priority and it seems like he wants to break up with you but just isn't man enough. Dump this loser ASAP because I am sure it is another girl in the picture.

 

[MissChriss]

I agree with xxsgtigressxx, not trying to be harsh at all but it does seem like he is just not that into you. You should find someone that adores you and wants to spend time with you and is appreciative of all you do.When you described the way he acted with you in the car, it reminded me of my ex who was abusive mentally and physically. I would say thank your lucky stars and please try not to go back to him ..move on. Don't be like me I stayed in a toxic relationship for close to 7 years and now instead of running behind him begging him to show me affection I am with someone that it is soo natural for him to do so and it is wonderful to be adored. But its all your decision. No matter what we tell you you have to be the one to get fed up with it all and be ready to move on. Don't waste your time on him.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

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