X4biddenxLustX
Well-known member
I started a thread several months ago regarding a guy I was friends with and having sex with on a regular basis. I've known him for pretty much close to 5 years now. He's the only guy I've had sex with in over 2 years. In the last thread many of you ladies suggested that I should stop talking him. But stupid me, didn't take that advice. We continued doing our whole little routine and it was going good until tonight when we talked online.
This maybe TMI, but the convo first started out with me being really really horny and he was just playing along. It was too late at night for me to go out and meet him and have sex and spend time together. So we decided that he would come visit me either wednesday or thursday when my brother goes back to school and I can have the whole house to myself. Which is understandable. We kept talking and eventually he told me that he was basically horny and wanted to have sex now. Which is understandable cause the whole convo before was pretty much about sex. So naturally I tell him something along the lines of I wish you come over now and do me but I guess not cause we have to wait until my brothers gone.
And then he tells me that he is going to go have sex now. My jaw dropped, my heart stopped for a moment after reading that. Obviously he couldn't have sex with me at that moment so he had to of meant with someone else when he said that. This is one of those times where you just hate having convos online cause you can never tell the tone of voice the person is using. You don't know if there serious or not. So I said eww, and asked him if he was for real about that. He said yes. I was kind of lost for words and just said oh okay i guess then. He then tells me bye. I had to say something to stall him from getting offline so quickly. So I just told him that I couldn't believe that he said that to him. Which was the truth, I really couldn't. I'm sitting here still in disbelief. Then he msgs me telling me that he was just kidding.
This immediately leads into a whole other convo about how he feels uncomfortable when I tell him that I love him. And that because of it he has even considered stop talking to me in fear of "hurting" me. I told him that it had been a long time since I had told him that i loved him and meant it like that (LIE!). He then refers to the times when I tell him I love him during sex. I just told him that when I said it, it didn't mean I was in love with him it was more of the fact that I loved him for giving me great sex. And he's like I hope you meant it that way. Basically I told him that I know we will never ever be together in a relationship cause he doesn't like commitment or feeling tied down but that I can't help and feel that I do want to be with him. He says that if we were together not much would be different. We'd still talk, see eachother, hang out, and have sex like we do now but that there would be commitment though. Plus I want that acknowledgement as his GIRLFRIEND. Not a friend or a fuck buddy but his GIRLFRIEND. That would mean that I truly matter enough to him. We talk some more and then finally he tells me that he's leaving and getting offline and will talk to me later. Kind of abruptly. But then again it's online you can never tell.
I'm just so scared that he's going out and screwing some slut right now. Enjoying time with her, talking to her, and everything that we do together. I'm so scared that he's not going to speak to me again and that I'll lose him.
I know you can't force someone to love you back or want what you want. And I'm sort of content with how things were before. We were talking more and fighting A LOT less and things seemed really good. But I swear if he's with some other girl I don't think I can handle this anymore. I don't think I'd ever want to talk to him again or see him. But then again it's just so hard not having him around in my life. He is a friend, I've known him for so long. I would rather have him treat me like shit just the way every other guy I've ever been with has than be with some other girl and to tell me about it.
I just keep crying and feeling like crap and just so lost right now.
This maybe TMI, but the convo first started out with me being really really horny and he was just playing along. It was too late at night for me to go out and meet him and have sex and spend time together. So we decided that he would come visit me either wednesday or thursday when my brother goes back to school and I can have the whole house to myself. Which is understandable. We kept talking and eventually he told me that he was basically horny and wanted to have sex now. Which is understandable cause the whole convo before was pretty much about sex. So naturally I tell him something along the lines of I wish you come over now and do me but I guess not cause we have to wait until my brothers gone.
And then he tells me that he is going to go have sex now. My jaw dropped, my heart stopped for a moment after reading that. Obviously he couldn't have sex with me at that moment so he had to of meant with someone else when he said that. This is one of those times where you just hate having convos online cause you can never tell the tone of voice the person is using. You don't know if there serious or not. So I said eww, and asked him if he was for real about that. He said yes. I was kind of lost for words and just said oh okay i guess then. He then tells me bye. I had to say something to stall him from getting offline so quickly. So I just told him that I couldn't believe that he said that to him. Which was the truth, I really couldn't. I'm sitting here still in disbelief. Then he msgs me telling me that he was just kidding.
This immediately leads into a whole other convo about how he feels uncomfortable when I tell him that I love him. And that because of it he has even considered stop talking to me in fear of "hurting" me. I told him that it had been a long time since I had told him that i loved him and meant it like that (LIE!). He then refers to the times when I tell him I love him during sex. I just told him that when I said it, it didn't mean I was in love with him it was more of the fact that I loved him for giving me great sex. And he's like I hope you meant it that way. Basically I told him that I know we will never ever be together in a relationship cause he doesn't like commitment or feeling tied down but that I can't help and feel that I do want to be with him. He says that if we were together not much would be different. We'd still talk, see eachother, hang out, and have sex like we do now but that there would be commitment though. Plus I want that acknowledgement as his GIRLFRIEND. Not a friend or a fuck buddy but his GIRLFRIEND. That would mean that I truly matter enough to him. We talk some more and then finally he tells me that he's leaving and getting offline and will talk to me later. Kind of abruptly. But then again it's online you can never tell.
I'm just so scared that he's going out and screwing some slut right now. Enjoying time with her, talking to her, and everything that we do together. I'm so scared that he's not going to speak to me again and that I'll lose him.
I know you can't force someone to love you back or want what you want. And I'm sort of content with how things were before. We were talking more and fighting A LOT less and things seemed really good. But I swear if he's with some other girl I don't think I can handle this anymore. I don't think I'd ever want to talk to him again or see him. But then again it's just so hard not having him around in my life. He is a friend, I've known him for so long. I would rather have him treat me like shit just the way every other guy I've ever been with has than be with some other girl and to tell me about it.
I just keep crying and feeling like crap and just so lost right now.
