My bf broke up with me

[banana1234]

been there done that bought the frickin t shirt, break all contact, if he comes a grovelling, make sure you do really want him back, but dont count on it, cos he might not, so focus on yourself and a life with out him! cos either way, you want him to know that u dont need him, and u need to not need him too

 

[kaliraksha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orchid_01 We are suppose to be "friends" but I felt like we are still together. Everytime we saw eachother we had sex and we did sleep together and cuddle we went out together with his friends and family. I just asked him what went wrong in our relationship and what was wrong with being in a relationship. And in return he said that he didnt want to have to answer to anybody and wanted to do his own thing...And I told him that we still could have done our own thing when we were together and that he didnt always have to invite me to all his friends and family events. And in return he said that he felt that he had to invite me everywhere because I was his gf. Then into our convo he said that he wants to remain friends for this school semester which is like 4-5 months and see what happens from there on. So IDK I guess being in a committed relationship was too hard for him but IDK what to do now.

Count me in for "been there, done that"! And for me, unfortunately, it was because my ex (who didn't feel like my ex because we were still having sex) was dating someone else that I knew nothing about and he didn't tell me about her even when I asked. Basically, what Shimmer and martiangurll said was true for me. Given that you want more, I wouldn't settle for less.

Edit: I forgot to mention, a guy doesn't want you back when he can have you for less. Not most guys at least. He's weak... he probably still has feelings for you (like we all do recently coming out of a relationship with someone we loved) and can't deal with them on his own and being without you. You are his temporary medicine for dealing with the symptoms. You are getting him through this tough time of being without you and making it an easier transition for him to date someone else or move on. Once his romantic feelings slowly make the transition into being fixated on a new girl... you will start to see less of him. I can understand wanting someone back so much it physically hurts, but you gotta let him at least have something to want back. Right now he has it. At least that's been my experience!

 

[iadoremac]

You should definately enforce the "no contact" rule. If he wants to be with you he would do the right thing.

 

[AndSparkle]

I completely agree with everything everyone has been saying. I too have been there, done that and I went along with it to the point I was suicidal.

As much as I agree with everything being said, it's definitely hard to take other peoples advice and for now, I think you need to do what you want to do, even if it's not the right thing from somebody elses viewpoint, eventually, when you are over the majority of the hurt you'll be strong enough to walk away and not look back. But for now, in a warped way, maybe being hurt more will give you the courage to walk away for good.

 

[hello_my_apple]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iadoremac You should definately enforce the "no contact" rule. If he wants to be with you he would do the right thing.

i agree.

 

[Cydonian]

You can sometimes be friends with exes... it really depends. I have one that I completely 100% do not speak to anymore and never wish to ever again, but that is because of how we broke up and his abusive language at the time. But then my most recent ex I still talk to; not often, but we text and he came to my drink party after my wedding to congratulate me and my husband. We're amicable... but right after we broke up, it was very difficult.

You are best to separate yourself for a while to allow yourself to get over the romantic feelings. If after a few months, you still want contact, try getting together for coffee or lunch (public place is key to not fall into old habits)... you may find that you don't want to be around him anymore. I can only take my (most recent) ex in small doses because he's insanely immature, and listening to him for more than a lunch break irritates me.

You will be ok, there will be someone else and you will be happy

Good luck.

 

[sweetbabyblue]

Re: My bf broke up with me (UPDATE)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orchid_01 He also said that he felt trapped being in a relationship and that he wants to enjoy the single life. See, Im his FIRST serious gf and I think he wants to experience this single life so he can date other girls and see what its like. I mean I totally understand and I have been in more relationships and hook ups than he has so maybe he feels he is missing something. He also said that it wasnt about anything i did or about our relationship he just wants to be SINGLE! I agreed to be friends with him because we had so much memories together and I rather be friends than not ever talking to him or seeing him. Its just so hard to not hold him and kiss him...I know im not going to hang out with him right away I gotta give myself sometime to heal and i guess give him time as well. Like I dont want our love relationship to end and I feel that this maybe the end of it. Even though we are going to start a friendship things are going to be so different.

My bf and I just broke up 3 weeks ago today. I have to admit that I felt the same way your bf did in this post. We were both each other's firsts and it was a 4 year long distance relationship. Since then we'd been growing apart especially in this past year. What kills me most now is knowing that we can never get back together, I'd always thought that we just needed time apart but I realise that if I keep believing that I can't move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orchid_01 Thanks everybody...I talked to him last night we were talking about this whole break up and he was saying that its hard for him because he has to hurt someone to get what he wants he said i was a great gf and that I was really good to him but he feels that he wasnt a great bf and thinks that he needs to work on himself before he can get into a relationship. He was saying that I should be single too and enjoy the college life. I've always been in relationships and before I got with him I just broken up with my ex of almost 4 years because I wanted the same thing but then I ended up getting with my recent bf. Now that I think of it I think it would be best even though I want him back so bad...I got to have time to myself. But yes Im just going to stay away for awhile not see him and talk to him. Its going to be hard but hopefully things will all become clear to me and move on...

We tried not to talk, but we just started again 2 days ago. I miss having him to talk to so much, but at the same time it's hurting me because the relationship keeps coming up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaliraksha I think I've said it before but I hate break ups... especially ones like this. I remember my breakup when my bf said the exact same thing yours did... I cried myself to sleep for weeks. Here is what I wish I could have told me 6 years ago: take the time to take care of yourself and give into exploring your interests; give each other space because that is probably the best bet you have of becoming friends or dating again; you don't owe him anything at this point and it's a hard lesson but he doesn't owe you anything either; it is not you! I know exactly how you feel about wondering how you go from loving someone 10 minutes ago to not wanting to be with them... it is probably going to be tough on him too because he seems mixed up, and go with your gut instincts. Don't let your past relationship define you and shape your future try to tune into what you want... all this pain is temporary, I promise. I was so stuck on what was still the same about our new friendship (in hopes to turn it back into a relationship) that it blinded me from seeing something I was just clearly denying and would have helped me move on.

I feel like I'm doing this to myself, a part of me desperately wants to move on but another part really misses what we had and knowing that it's real and permanent scares me. I miss having him as a friend though and we can't help but talk to each other still.
Argh, I'm just feeling messed up right now.