Need opinions, something is bugging me

chey

Active member
I was going through rough times and there was this man who helped me through it. He is a kind, compassionate and sensitive person. I don't know him that well but I also sensed he could be somewhat shy and uncommunicative. He didn't talk a lot but showed care through gestures or some words. Definitely not gabby.

Were not romantically involved. More aquaintance I guess.

Anyways I don't see him anymore in person but I asked to keep in touch with him. He said sure. I wrote/emailed him at his workplace. His responses have taken anywhere from two months to six months, sometimes longer.

Eventually in one of his responses he gave me his home address and email which I assumed he was saying to write him at home. So I started to.

When I write him its every two months not every week.

He doesn't know m uch about my life, only small tidbits I share with him. Basically knows how I am progressing from my past troubles. It's not that I don't want to share, I'm just not sure if it would make him uncomfortable. With him he shares the odd tidbit with me, but not much. Otherwise his letters are basically encouragement about my past etc. His letters are short.


With the long periods of time between responses I began to wonder if he really wants me to contact him so I wrote him this.. "I do care about how you are doing. However I respect your privacy and leave it up to you to decide what you want to share with me. I hope my letters are not making you uncomfortable. If you decide you would like me to stop contacting you it's okay to tell me. I will respect your decision."

He wrote back to me one week later which is the fastest I have received correspondence from him. He said "Thank you for your letters and emails.I've been out of town quite a bit over the past few months. I don't feel particularly uncomfortable at receiving your letters. I'm happy you are feeling better and I'm sure this will continue. Good luck." He wrote some other sentences of encouragement but I can't remember them off the top of my head at the moment. Included his home address (street and city) in his recent response, but didn't include his zip code. I assume either he forgot to or thought I would know it.

All of the letters/emails I have received from him show encouragement or reassurance, short letters. I'm fine with short letters.

*The part that is bugging me and may seem senseless..*

When he wrote "I don't feel particularly uncomfortable at receiving your letters" I am guessing he is saying he is fine with me writing him? Its just the particular part that threw me off. Maybe that word confuses me?? Or just emphasizing his point to me,as in using the word particular, that he is fine with me writing/emailing.????

I'm not sure about this either.. maybe he is waiting for me to open up more to him personally, as in light personal normal everyday things and then maybe he will feel he can open up to me more? I'll put it this way. .when I knew him in person he wasn't pushy or in my face. He would never prode me alot with questions sort of let me go to him type thing. And when I did he was very good listener etc.

I know this is a stupid post but this is bugging me.

Thank you for your help
smiles.gif
 

TISH1124

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by chey

*The part that is bugging me and may seem senseless..*

When he wrote "I don't feel particularly uncomfortable at receiving your letters" I am guessing he is saying he is fine with me writing him? Its just the particular part that threw me off. Maybe that word confuses me?? Or just emphasizing his point to me,as in using the word particular, that he is fine with me writing/emailing.????


To be honest...I would take that as...He isn't uncomfortable receiving your letters but somewhat uncomfortable as to why you keep writing him. I mean it deosn't seem like he is really concerned either way....if he was I'm sure he would respond sooner. Not to sound mean but...what makes you think he is really interested in continuing the communication?
There is probably alot missing so I am only going by the part you shared.
 

ashleyisawesome

Well-known member
Yeah, the "particularly" threw me off too. It's like you're waiting for a ",but..." that never happens. Maybe he's just uncomfortable in general, and you're letters aren't the particular reason? That's the only literal meaning to that sentence lol. I have no idea.
 

chey

Active member
I have no idea if he is interested in continuing communication. I just assumed by what he wrote about the "I don't feel particularly uncomfortable" part that he's okay with correspondence but I don't know.

Maybe uncomfortable in general as in my letters may not be the reason but something else?
 

TISH1124

Well-known member
Maybe you should just ask him would he prefer if you not write him anymore? Is he really offereing you support if you don't hear from him for months at a time. Maybe he is seeing someone and just doesn't have the extra time or maybe she minds him getting letters from you???
 

chey

Active member
Quote:
Originally Posted by TISH1127
Maybe you should just ask him would he prefer if you not write him anymore? Is he really offereing you support if you don't hear from him for months at a time. Maybe he is seeing someone and just doesn't have the extra time or maybe she minds him getting letters from you???

Sorry, my original post is very long and I wrote in it.. With the long periods of time between responses I began to wonder if he really wants me to contact him so I wrote him this.. "I do care about how you are doing. However I respect your privacy and leave it up to you to decide what you want to share with me. I hope my letters are not making you uncomfortable. If you decide you would like me to stop writing you it's okay to tell me. I will respect your decision."

Then he wrote me back a week later and said "I've been out of town quite a bit over the past few months. I don't feel particularly uncomfortable at receiving your letters. I'm happy to hear you are feeling better and I'm sure this will continue. (he wrote a few other reassurance sentences/words, encouragement etc but I can't remember them at the moment) and then said Good luck. Included his home address again in his correspondence.

True its not support if long periods go by. If he is seeing someone I definitely wouldn't want to interfer. I don't like him romantically at all and when I write I make sure its neutral but if he has someone I could see why it would be awkward for him and her but I don't know for sure that he has a partner.
 

TISH1124

Well-known member
I know but he did not answer the question ...Like, Oh No don't stop, I want you to keep writing me, etc...The line he wrote back sounds like he is not particulary bothered by the letters...But there is another problem. Maybe his address is just a standard part of his signature. I just honestly don't see where he was encouraging you to write back...It was like a courteous response... Good Luck and I know you will continue to do well. Not, I am so glad things are going well, I look forward to hearing more about your continued success, Please keep me posted on how you are doing, type thing???
 

chey

Active member
Quote:
Originally Posted by TISH1127
I know but he did not answer the question ...Like, Oh No don't stop, I want you to keep writing me, etc...The line he wrote back sounds like he is not particulary bothered by the letters...But there is another problem. Maybe his address is just a standard part of his signature. I just honestly don't see where he was encouraging you to write back...It was like a courteous response... Good Luck and I know you will continue to do well. Not, I am so glad things are going well, I look forward to hearing more about your continued success, Please keep me posted on how you are doing, type thing???

True... he never says in his letters I look forward to hearing more about your continued success or please write me etc.

The part you said about.. he is not particularly bothered by the letters but something else bothering him.. as in he is fine with the letters but there is another problem of some kind?

At first I wrote to his work place. After some months went by without a response I wrote him one letter and decided I will thank him for all his support (I did thank him in the past but this would be more of a big thank you) and if he doesn't respond or never write me again at least I got my last words out. So I wrote the letter. About a month and a half later he responded, similar response as in thank you for your letter. I'm pleased to hear you are doing better and I knew this would happen etc etc. In that particular letter he included his home address, zip code. This is the first time he did that. He didn't say please write me but I thought maybe when he included his home addy he was saying write me at home but I could have been wrong.

I should say that this person was a professional and I was his client. He is no longer working and now retired. Age difference between us. Probably about 25 years age difference. If he was still working and I was his client, and corresponding with him at home then I know he wouldn't be able to do that, would go against ethics, policies. There were some people who didn't like him. They would say he is not nice etc etc.
 

Cinci

Well-known member
ok.. i'm probably going to sound mean here.. and I don't mean to be.. but in all honesty.. it sounds like he just doesn't care.

I agree with the post above that said he was being courteous. It sounds like he is still attempting to be professional and respectful (and attempting to not hurt your feelings), but in all honesty, it doesn't sound like he is genuinely concerned with what is going on with you anymore..
 

user79

Well-known member
I'm not sure, it's an odd situation. What exactly are you wanting from this person? It seems like he's not much of a support if he never shares anything about himself, and only writes very sporadically....? What is your reasoning for continuing to write letters to him?
 

banjobama

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinci
ok.. i'm probably going to sound mean here.. and I don't mean to be.. but in all honesty.. it sounds like he just doesn't care.

I agree with the post above that said he was being courteous. It sounds like he is still attempting to be professional and respectful (and attempting to not hurt your feelings), but in all honesty, it doesn't sound like he is genuinely concerned with what is going on with you anymore..


I totally agree. He just sounds totally disinterested. Two to six months? I mean if someone took that long to write back to me I wouldn't bother any more.
 

AdlersMommy22

Well-known member
I agree with the rest of the posters and only because ive dealt with the same stuff before.

case in point

last night one of our corporate trainers kept calling me when i gotoff work- he was out with his friends.. kept texting me... kept saying "call me when you leave." i called him when i left an just asked "do you want me to come hang out or not?" I wanted to go home if he didnt.. and he said "....sure." he SAID sure but i knew he didnt mean it... sometimes men are just like that- they are nice people and they dont want to hur your feelings by being blunt and out there..

I honestly.. and NOTHING against you... think that he doesnt really want to or doesnt really care to hear from you anymore. I wish i knew more about the situation but this is just based on what you've told me. Ive been there hun, it happens to all of us! :)
 

Beauty Mark

Well-known member
Maybe he wonders why you are contacting him still? I'm unclear about how you know this man and why you wish to contact him still (and why you are contacting him via his work email).

It sounds like you're seeking more of a friendship from him, and he only wants to help you through your troubles. Perhaps he hopes that you will eventually feel free to confide in other people in your life, like your family or friends
 

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