Prenuptial Agreements?

[kaliraksha]

So, my friends and I had a "discussion" regarding prenups and I was wondering how most people feel about prenups now in days?

I definitely see pros and cons to each side.

Has anyone gotten a pre-nup and are you happy you did?
Do you plan to get a pre-nup? Why?
Are you against pre-nups? Why?
If you've been through a divorce was your pre-nup useful or do you wish you had one?

 

[kaliraksha]

So, prenups don't all have to be about the money. The biggest pro I see and this is what I've discussed with my significant other is that it's a time to protect each other out of love, instead of later when things are bad and we may want to hurt each other as much as possible. I know that my SO is my best friend and I love him very much and if we ever ended up in a bad divorce I would want to protect him from myself.

But, on the other hand I do get the old romanticized thoughts of "you shouldn't have to have a pre-nup" but things don't always work out that way... I can't even begin to account for all the things that will happen in our lives.

I think there are certain subjects we won't touch, but we just want to be fair to each other at a time when our views aren't jaded by the end of a good thing.

 

[joey444]

My husband and I didn't get a prenup. We've been together seven years, he is my best friend and we have two beautiful daughters together. I think that if it were to ever happen that we were splitting up, we would do everything with our daughters' best interest at hand to minimize the effect the split would have on them. They mean the world to us and their well being would be the only thing that matters for me and I know 100% from him as well.

 

[TISH1124]

Nope no prenups.....Bet the old boy is rethinking that one....No but really we got married as most do and pretty much figured we are in it for life....But I do think pre-nups are fine under certain financial conditions...like if I married Trump and he had zillions before me...I am certainly not entitled to all he earned prior to even knowing I existed...
I told my husband if we ever split I will be fair...We can split his net worth 50-50 and mines 50-50...that means basically he gets nothing from me...

I always get the eyeroll and the I paid $41.00 for you I own you (cost of marriage license)

Just kidding.....I am not against them though...I think whatever works for the people involved is what they should do...

 

[mtrimier]

I don't plan on getting married any time soon, but I decided when I was a teenager that I have to have a prenup. I owned my house at 18, and just knew that I wouldn't want to split with anyone.

Selfish, yes, but true.

I like what's mine before the ceremony to stay mine and his to stay his, and after that we can discuss joint property. I don't want to walk away with absolutely nothing and wouldn't want him to either, so I see prenups as more so as a form of life insurance.

You hope you'll never need to cash it out, but it's good to have. At least that is how I see it.

 

[TISH1124]

I think sometimes prenups cloud the whole idea of marriage....I mean my dh and I never did the whats yours is yours and whats mine is mine thing...we shared everything before we even got married. Thinking about whats gonna happen after divorce was never a subject for us because we took our vows to heart...Plus we both know the kind of people we are and I would never want what wasn't earned by me and he is the same way. I think if you are marrying a person that you think may drag you thru the mud if you ever get divorced...you might want to rethink the person you are marrying.

 

[reesesilverstar]

I agree with Tish... If you think the person may drag you thru the mud, it's good to rethink whether marrying them is a good idea. But at the same time, mtrimier does make a good point. That person could be perfect before vows and signing marriage licences take place. And over time, ppl do change in a relationship so they could very well decide at the end of it to harm you as much as they could. Yr welfare and peace of mind is no longer their concern. So you may then say, maybe a prenup isn't such a bad idea. It's just insurance and I won't chastise the ppl who choose to get it or those who don't.

 

[LMD84]

me and my hubby didnt have a prenup. and honestly i don't think i'd want to. as others have said it takes away the romantic side of being married doesn't it? plus i've lived with nick for so many years now (even before we were married) we say things as 'ours'. so yeah no prenups for me! realistically i know nick is not the kind of person who would try and take half of my money anyways.

 

[3773519]

I say YES to prenups all the way!!! I say this becuase I am inheriting a lot and I am the smart bread winner in the house and even though it might not be zillions of dollars, whats love got to do with it?? hehe. If he love me he will sign that paper with no problems, why? becuz he truely love me and is not out to get my life insurance or anything I inherit. So ive watched a lot of crime tv shows, but honestly i feel so strongly becuase of how my father is. Hes so sneaky and untrustworthy and honestly for seeing my mother as a strong woman i dont get why she deals with him knowing he would stick the knife in her back the minute she'd blink! And i refuse to make mistakes when I can learn to protect myself from seeing how others make mistakes.
Another reason why I would agree to a prenup and have made this very clear to my fiance, is becuase his family and I do not get along all the time, and I just feel they will get into his head. Thank God mamma aint raise no fool, and I have my Will and legal info needed squared off even if I am 25! You just never know.
If he loves me like I said he will sign and maybe...just maybe I might leave him a little something if he proves his loyalty to me.

 

[NutMeg]

I think if a couple go into a marriage with drastically different financial situations it makes sense to have a prenup. If not, I don't think it's important.

On reflection, I don't think I'm very romantic.

 

[leenybeeny]

I think it is good in a situation where one partner has their own business and the person they are marrying has nothing going into the business financially and does not plan on working in the business. Hubby and I didn't even talk about a prenup. We have been together since I was 21 and everything we have, we built up together.

 

[kaliraksha]

Yeah, my boyfriend and I are that way now... what is mine is his and whats his is mine. My boyfriend really wants to add a prenup clause about having to try marriage counseling before divorce for x amount of time. Like I could never see him cheating on me, but then again most people always have that shock of "I never thought you would do this to me" when they find out their partner is cheating.

I once saw a special report on TV about prenups and this one couple had even added how much sex a week they were going to have in their prenup. They said they were happy they did it and it was good for their relationship, and even after 15+ yrs of marriage they were having sex 2-3/wk. But, I would get so resentful and regretful if I didn't want to but I was going to because of a contract. That's where I start to draw the line on prenups, for myself at least.

 

[iadoremac]

I think that when you are getting married to someone the last thing you should be thinking about is a divorce, instead what you should be thinking about is how you determined you are to make that marriage work and besides if you guys really care about each other the last thing either of you would want to do is to have a messy divorce and fight over stuff. If the guy is the man that he claims to be he would make sure you are taken care of regardless and would not want to stake claim on the stuff you owned before you were married. To me Prenups are a recipe for disaster. Its like starting college and thinking about the job you could do just in case you flunk out. I mean WTF

 

[3773519]

I once saw a special report on TV about prenups and this one couple had even added how much sex a week they were going to have in their prenup. They said they were happy they did it and it was good for their relationship, and even after 15+ yrs of marriage they were having sex 2-3/wk. But, I would get so resentful and regretful if I didn't want to but I was going to because of a contract. That's where I start to draw the line on prenups, for myself at least.[/quote]

OMG!!! I think a clause specifying on sex would be great for me!!

I complain I dont get enough but even after 7 yrs of being in a relationship with the same man, I could never get enough! Hes the one that gets tired on me...

 

[mtrimier]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iadoremac Its like starting college and thinking about the job you could do just in case you flunk out. I mean WTF

lol! that would be me. I have never NOT worked(from pre-teen to adult) and have always had to have a job, so when I started college I had a back up flunk out job idea.

 

[TISH1124]

Like I said I am for each their own, what ever they feel is best....However, I have a friend who felt the same way...she had a prenup drawn up that everything she had was hers and vice versa...of course she had more than him at the time before they got married...So he agreed and said okay well everything I get is mine...which is fair...prenup signed and sealed.......well 10 years down the road Mr not so successful as her became crazy flip house successful and his worth was 20x hers...They got a divorce and she expected half of all the things he obtained...Well Hello....you made him sign a prenup so you get what you came in with and what you have obtained. She was pissed...as I told her...well you weren't pissed when you wanted to protect your material possessions ten years ago, and this is mine, mine mine......Now he is protecting his, his, his.....

My dh and I were on wayyyy different financial grounds...I made great money he made much better ...But it was never a option for him...we sold my house and bought a bigger house that is ours...not mine not his

 

[JustDivine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 I think sometimes prenups cloud the whole idea of marriage....I mean my dh and I never did the whats yours is yours and whats mine is mine thing...we shared everything before we even got married. Thinking about whats gonna happen after divorce was never a subject for us because we took our vows to heart...Plus we both know the kind of people we are and I would never want what wasn't earned by me and he is the same way. I think if you are marrying a person that you think may drag you thru the mud if you ever get divorced...you might want to rethink the person you are marrying.

Nice to know that some people still do

 

[Frosting]

I think it's important to realize that it's possible to talk about and work out a prenup without it compromising your relationship or love for each other. Some people might not believe it, but it is possible. I think it's offensive when people question someone else's relationship solely on the basis of the choice to sign a prenup. The fact is that it's a very rational, responsible thing to do, but just it might not be right for everybody. And if you have the confidence that your relationship is solid and will endure, then you shouldn't be threatened by a prenuptial agreement. If it makes you nervous or uncomfortable, you might need to examine the root of those feelings and make sure that there isn't something else to them. Or, it might just not be the right thing for you. It's important to be open minded and realize that different things work for different people; different does not equal bad.

I got married last month and we didn't have one because it just didn't make sense for us. I have relatives though, one in a marriage that has now lasted 65 years, who signed prenuptial agreements without it compromising or harming their relationship. It can be a positive or negative thing depending on how/why it's done and the individuals involved.

 

[TISH1124]

^^^^I agree and I believe everyone on here has agreed it is a personal decision and it should be based on what works best for their relationship and their personal interest.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

If I owned a lot of things that were worth quite a bit of money and made more money than the guy, then yes I would definitely sign one. And vice versa also.

Not everything lasts forever. Some marriages work out til the end while others don't no matter how much both partners put into it to try to make it work. I would like to have that extra sense of insurance I get that after the divorce I'll still have MY things and he'll have HIS things.