SOOOO f**king PISSED!!!

[kabuki_KILLER]

Well, my theory on the whole family situation you're in is that the dad has issues and is traumatized from this past woman that left him. He feels the need to control your mom, in hopes that this will keep her at bay.

The eldest daughter is the real culprit here. She was old enough at the time to make some broken sense of what happened between her original mother and her father and uses this to her advantage. He will bend at whatever she wishes to keep her from leaving him as well (becoming a pushover to her), and of course the young son copies his sister's example because he was too young to know any better. Then it all eventually became a habit.

Some people just need a scapegoat, someone inferior to them so that they can believe they're not the trash they really are. That's that man's problem. He's quite broken and it's beyond your ability and responsibility to fix him. It's not within your mom's ability either, considering she approaches the situation so passively. The only reason she's in this situation now is because she's accepted it. Since she's been with him that long, she probably isn't familiar with being treated right.

NOTE: When you two leave tht place, be sure to file restraining orders on that girl and her father. I have a feeling he may get more depressed/hysterical and the girl will blame it on the two of you and try to retaliate.

 

[cazgh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaskedBeauty thank you very much. How do you like beauty school?? I'm a little worried I won't like it only because of the fact that I don't have a lot of girl friends because I can't stand most girls. They're so caddy and always have their cliques. And beauty school is ALLLLLLLLLL girls ALLLLL day. LOL!

I am absolutely loving it. I'm not there full time I'm studying 3 nights a week after work and your right it is all girls, but I am very fortunate as everybody is lovely.

Our classes work like...

We do some theory work and take in some information.
We watch a demonstration of what we are trying to achieve and then we practise on each other in pairs, during which time the teacher usually gets out the wax pots and anybody who wants waxing can do while everybody else works on the lesson content. Its like play time in a salon and its a scream!

One of the first sessions was 'free painting' manicure which was purely so we all new how bad we were and how far we have come - that was hysterical as we all so bad at it and we have all improved loads already.

I put a lot of practise in this weekend with my friends and family - 2 eyebrow shapes, one brow tidy, 2 brow tints, 2 patch tests, 1 mini manicure, 4 full manicures with hand and arm massage and 2 make overs and I'm planning to keep working as hard as I can to get as much out of the course as I can. Never have I been this dedicated

 

[MaskedBeauty]

.....................

 

[kabuki_KILLER]

@MaskedBeauty:

You'd be surprised at how many families and women are in the same exact situation around the globe, in America or even in your area. I'm sorry you had to put up with that. A man should never treat a woman that he's supposed to love so horribly. I for one would never take that pile of BS. Even if a guy is not crazy about the woman he is with, he should at least treat her like a good friend and be respectful.

Some parents don't stress those values enough. That mother of his obviously doesn't. She has the temper and maturity of an angsty, pretentious 15-yr-old idiot. It certainly explains a lot regarding how those people all turned out. "Master manipulator" my ass. Maybe she's just senile...

So I guess my theory was wrong regarding the "man." He might have scared his ex off. I would have run too, but much sooner. In fact, I wouldn't have given him a date. I was right about his control issues it seems. He does indeed need someone to be his slave. The whole act of not wanting your mom anymore is just a bluff to get her in his trap. He needs her psychologically. She should realize that she IS alone right now and if she keeps at this, she may not have your support anymore and she'll be even more alone than ever. You are young and have a future. You cannot live there and be held back forever, which is basically what that "family" does to people. Those...people will never amount to anything and she should not waste what's left of her life on that garbage.

Considering she was with him for years, it may have damaged her deeply, but if she doesn't let herself to move on and get better, she'll only keep going back to him because she will scare the decent guys away. She might not be certain of finding another better man at this point, but leaving and having a 30% chance is better than stayiing with that SOB and having a 0% chance of finding love. This is my take on it.

The parts in blue are the points you need to bring up with mom. I have dealt with friends in similar situations before. Father abusing mother, etc. This is just all I've learned and observed. The mom and the kid were so much better off without the dad in those violent relationships.

As for the son, I think that even a 14-yr-old should be entitled to privacy as long as he's not doing shady things, but sometimes the space is crowded and you have to share.

 

[Shanti]

I'd honestly just try to get out of there ASAP and as painful as it is watching your mom get disrespected like that, if she can't stand up for herself and refuses to leave, she is at some fault to a degree.
Her bf sounds like a supreme asshole, seriously to hell with what him or his stupid kids say and if they keep provoking you, you should just tell them off. Lol I most likely would've thrown a punch at them by now or played a really, really nasty prank of revenge on them.

 

[paperfishies]

Maskedbeauty, I think you need to encourage your mother to get herself into some group therapy with an abused women's group. Your mom may not suffer from being physically abused but she is being emotionally abused and just by your posts it sounds like she's a very emotionally broken woman. Here's the thing, the excuses about a job and needing knee surgeries are just that, excuses. It sounds like your mom believes this is the only man that will want her. If someone is sick and tired of being treated badly, they get up and leave, they go to a women's shelter, they go to a church group. I've been in an abusive situation. When you're ready to leave to leave no matter what.
Honestly, being mad at the kids is useless. Their father has taught them to be this way and the kids probably look at your mom as someone who is stepping in trying to play the role of their mother, when all they really want is their bio mother back. No wonder his ex wife left, he's a major prick. This guy will treat your mother like this until your mother stands up and says, "Fuck you" and leaves. Right now, your mom is giving this man ALL the power, not only power over her but power over you as well. He thinks he's a big man that can control anything and everything. He knows you and her have no where to go, so he gets to act however he wants knowing you both won't do anything or say anything. The day your mother gets the courage to leave him, is the day he will be the one saying, "oh im so sorry, im so sorry, i will change" and this will be a power play on his part, he will try to regain control by acting like a changed man.

In the end, we ALLOW people to treat us this way and if we allow people to treat us this way, they will never treat us any better because we don't demand respect. People won't respect you if you don't show them you're a strong person.

Seriously start looking for womens shelters/centers for you and your mom. These places will help with job placement, many places will offer a place for you two to stay. Many also offer job training, etc and they all offer some form of counseling which your mother needs to help her see that she's a woman who is worth respect and deserved far better than this life she has with this piece of shit asshole.

 

[Almond_Eyed]

Sorry to hear about your situation, it's really unfortunate. Have you talked to your mom about how you feel? I think it's really hard for victims of emotional or physical abuse to step outside the situation they're in and see what's really happening. Your mom needs to come to the realization that this situation is not okay, but she's not doing it on her own.

I understand that both of you are not in a stable financial situation to leave, but maybe you can try to take small steps to work towards it, even staying with relatives or close friends to get out of the situation.

I wish you the best!

<3