Virginity

[Austrian_Babe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxsgtigressxx hahaha I dont know if Im a "loose moraled girl" but am I the only one who doesnt view sex as such a big deal? Its only a big deal if you make it a big deal. For example, I lost my virginity at 16. And I had waited with the guy and I wanted it to be special and all that romantic comedy stuff lol. And then after we had sex, I did what probably a lot of people did after they had sex...I looked in the mirror weirdly enough to see if I seemed different...guess what! I didnt. I didnt feel different, I didnt look diffrent, etc. Sex is natural! I havent had a whole shit ton of partners...around 8 or 9 (maybe some people see that as a lot, I dont know) and some were great loves of mine, others were fun lustfilled adventures if you will LMAO. Ive had a one night stand, and it was great! I had so much fun, and we were completely mutual in the fact that neither of us were looking for anything more, etc. I dont regret one guy that I have slept with...I learned about guys, love, my body, etc. I think there is an awful misconception between a "slut" (ps I hate that word) and one who is fully in tune with themselves sexually? I'd like to think im great in bed...and if i am in fact great in bed...then THANK YOU to my trail of partners that got me here! Me and my bf have a great sex life! neither of us were virgins, nor did we expect each other to be. and I 100% agree that you should test drive the car before you buy it! Sexual attraction and sexual compatability are 2 of the components that lead to a fully satisfying relationship! (im not saying they are the only ones) As long as you are safe about it, understand fully what you are going to get out of it, and want to do it, sex is great! I definitely applaud all the virgins and I do not knock your values or beliefs at all, just personally I dont understand what the big deal is

that´s exactly what I believe in. The environment I grew up in was typically European, liberal. Everybody wanted to eiter lose their virginity just to get the horrible first time experience over with, or lose it to their first boyfriend. Everyone lost their virginity between the age of 15 and 19. Nobody got pregnant or caught an STD, we were all smart about using birth control.

I think it´s important to educate teenagers about STDs and pregnancy, but at the same time don´t make them be scared of sex and teach them that abstinence till marriage is the only way to go. It´s just not realistic for most people.

 

[__nini]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg So what you're saying is that you don't want to have a discussion about virginity, you want 7 pages of people agreeing with you and patting you on the back. Just because some people feel differently doesn't mean that they think you are wrong, or that non-virgins should go congregate elsewhere lest we offend you with our opinions and our "spread 'em wide" minds.

No. What would the pat on the back be for? There is nothing to win or lose here. IMO the initial poster wanted hear from virgins and how we deal with the pressure, why we're waiting or haven't done it yet and things of that nature. Where does that call for non-virgins, who don't even know why the choice has been made, to come belittling the decisions of those who choose to abstain? No where. My response was short of me quoting the particular entries that I felt a way about, who seemed to have been retorting to other virgins' entries and how they don't see what the "big deal sex is". I have no problem with Austrian_babe's opinion and those alike. Or even spread em wide minds, heck I know people like that. This is just not the post for that. When I commented in the "I want makeup that won't run during sex" post I did not go there to condemn and tell her how silly or low it sounds, I went and suggested a good product and saw my way out. The rest is irrelevant.

 

[NutMeg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by __nini No. What would the pat on the back be for? There is nothing to win or lose here. IMO the initial poster wanted hear from virgins and how we deal with the pressure, why we're waiting or haven't done it yet and things of that nature. Where does that call for non-virgins, who don't even know why the choice has been made, to come belittling the decisions of those who choose to abstain? No where. My response was short of me quoting the particular entries that I felt a way about, who seemed to have been retorting to other virgins' entries and how they don't see what the "big deal sex is". I have no problem with Austrian_babe's opinion and those alike. Or even spread em wide minds, heck I know people like that. This is just not the post for that. When I commented in the "I want makeup that won't run during sex" post I did not go there to condemn and tell her how silly or low it sounds, I went and suggested a good product and saw my way out. The rest is irrelevant.

I can see your point, and I understand that you don't want your choices to be dismissed as foolish. However to think that there won't be a discussion about a topic like this on Specktra of all places, even if the OP didn't directly ask for other opinions, seems to show a lack of understanding of the spirit of this forum.

Quote:

Originally Posted by __nini IMO the initial poster wanted hear from virgins and how we deal with the pressure, why we're waiting or haven't done it yet and things of that nature. Where does that call for non-virgins, who don't even know why the choice has been made, to come belittling the decisions of those who choose to abstain?

I am not a virgin. However, I was for the vast majority of my life, and I made the choice to abstain, to deal with the pressure, to wait, etc for the vast majority of my life. When and if you choose to have sex, the person you are now, the choices you've made, and the struggles you face will not disappear as if they never were. It will not invalidate your choice to abstain right now. It will not remove your ability to speak about what it is/was like for you to be a virgin. To say that non-virgins don't even know why the choice has been made is short sighted, and assumes that there is some fundamental difference between virgins and non-virgins. I really don't think there is. We are all at different places in our lives, and have made different choices. Personally I think a discussion involving opinions from everyone is more interesting and enlightening about the decisions each person makes on a regular basis about their sex life. Perhaps those Quote:

Originally Posted by __nini who seemed to have been retorting to other virgins' entries and how they don't see what the "big deal sex is".

will gain a better understanding of why you, and everyone who has been or currently is a virgin, makes the choices they make.

 

[__nini]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg However to think that there won't be a discussion about a topic like this on Specktra of all places, even if the OP didn't directly ask for other opinions, seems to show a lack of understanding of the spirit of this forum.

I get that. My point about the irrelevance of that kind of the response I talked about remains the same.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg To say that non-virgins don't even know why the choice has been made is short sighted, and assumes that there is some fundamental difference between virgins and non-virgins.

In THIS instance, it is not short sighted. Those with the essay replies don't if we're muslim, were raped, or whatever reason we may have. The OP didn't say why she made that choice neither did a lot of others who were being replied to so why even go there? Esp when your opinion wasn't asked for.

ps I hope you don't feel a way about my initial response, just felt the need to...say "SILENCE in the courtroom" to the background noise.

 

[Geeeenahx3]

I am 16 (almost 17), and I am waiting until marriage, because I am doing it for myself, my future hubby, and God. Plus I don't want to get pregnant or get stds!

 

[swaly]

I have struck a comfortable middle balance between virginity and promiscuity. I've only had two partners, ever, after being a virgin 'til 20, but now I am getting it regular from my bf. I get to playact all inexperienced and innocent, and then slut it up without any guilt!

 

[laraVENGEANCE]

i lost mine at 15 and i dont regret it at all. i now see that it wasn't quite with the right guy, but at the time i was really really happy with him, everything was perfect, i truly loved him and he loved me. and for months afterwards and to this day i am still happy with the fact that we had sex. we're not really together anymore but i don't regret having sex with him. im just glad that we were happy at the time and it was what i wanted to do. but then again i'm one of those girls who doesn't think sex is that big of a deal (no that does not mean that i'm a slut or have a "spread em wide" attitude or whatever the hell that person was on about).

 

[kaliraksha]

I've thought about the fact that the OP was calling on virgin's opinions, and considered whether to reply or not. But, I shared my opinions because I was once a virgin and I remember why I was waiting... just because the timing was wrong and I couldn't answer this post when I was 18 doesn't mean I don't understand my reasons for waiting then. If anything, I think the women who are no longer virgins have in some cases reinforced the reasons some of the waiters were waiting.

 

[tepa1974]

I lost my virginity at 18 (to the man I married at 19) and although I don't regret that I didn't wait until marriage, I do regret that I gave my virginity to someone that turned out to be so not worth it.

I would love for both of my children to wait until marriage but if I am being old-fashioned or unrealistic, at least wait until they are mature enough to make the right decision.

 

[sweetbabyblue]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geeeenahx3 I am 16 (almost 17), and I am waiting until marriage, because I am doing it for myself, my future hubby, and God. Plus I don't want to get pregnant or get stds!

I hate to burst bubbles, but unless your future hubby waited till marriage too, there's no guarantee against stds...

 

[swaly]

Not to mention that having penis-in-vagina sex isn't the only way to contract an STI by far.

 

[user79]

Quote:

Originally Posted by __nini ps. With that said, all you Debbie downers taking up damn near 7pgs of this thread with essay long "I don't see what the big deal is...sex is sex", in your opinion, is unwarranted. Go find like "spread 'em wide" minds elsewhere.

Totally uncalled for, please watch your language. Everyone has the right to participate in threads on here, no need to get degrading.

 

[kabuki_KILLER]

I am. I haven't been holding off as much as that I haven't really wanted to do it with anyone. I've sometimes wanted to just get it done, but I can't bring myself to do that.

 

[__nini]

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Originally Posted by MissChievous Totally uncalled for, please watch your language. Everyone has the right to participate in threads on here, no need to get degrading.

Girl, bye! Did you read all 7 pages and see what I was replying to? And in doing so, you didn't feel the need to reply to those who were offensive and better yet, totally off topic? My language is perfectly fine, I did not curse anyone out or call them out their name. Move around.

 

[kdemers1221]

Quote:

Originally Posted by __nini Girl, bye! Did you read all 7 pages and see what I was replying to? And in doing so, you didn't feel the need to reply to those who were offensive and better yet, totally off topic? My language is perfectly fine, I did not curse anyone out or call them out their name. Move around.

I don't think any of the other posters were off topic. This is a thread about virginity. The posters stating that they no longer are virgins and why they aren't anymore is totally relevant to this thread. All of us, virgin now or not, were a virgin at one point. All of us have dealt with pressures of staying a virgin or not. I don't think anyone was disrespectful to anyone. Not one post called out someone blatantly and not one post is telling those who are still virgins that they are wrong for doing so. You are being offensive by stating that those opinions aren't needed and don't belong on this thread.

 

[cyan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by .k. Are there any virgins in the house proudly holding on to their V-card?? Feel free to post comments, thoughts, experiences, etc. I want to hear feedback

You know, virginity was never really a big thing to me, especially since I had lots of education on STDs, birth controls, etcetera. Even losing my v-card didn't seem that important.

Though it's nice to say that even though I lost it at 14, I'm still with that same person 5 years later. On a note though, I don't exactly like how we've turned our sex knowledge into "go abstinent or get an STD" ... nothing wrong with being abstinent, but we can't just spread around misinformation and scare kids (who sometimes end up having sex anyways!)

 

[DILLIGAF]

The only thing that I will add to this discussion is it's amazing how a lot of people and cultures expect the woman to be a virgin but none of the same pressures are excepted of males.

Just who then are all these none virginal men having sex with?

 

[aeroerin]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DILLIGAF The only thing that I will add to this discussion is it's amazing how a lot of people and cultures expect the woman to be a virgin but none of the same pressures are excepted of males. Just who then are all these none virginal men having sex with?

Exactly! And a woman is usually considered a "prude" or a "slut" in society's eyes, while men are just sexual beings!

I, for one, am a virgin at 18 (19 in 11 days), but not necessarily by "choice." I don't think that I would have been emotionally capable of losing my virginity at any younger age. I come from a rather sheltered family and went to Catholic school from pre-school through 8th grade, so I was still adjusting to the "real world" in high school. I've never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I had my first kiss only this past semester in college, but it was just some random guy at a party. And a few months later, I ended up kissing a guy in a club, but again it was nothing. I'm hoping to open up more this year and find someone that I can bond emotionally with to have my first "legitimate" kiss with, and hopefully more than that. I've read a bunch of Cosmo (

), I'm not naive, and I think that I will know when I'm ready. I'm just more the type of person that can hesitate in physical situations. I just need to stop overthinking things and jump in the deep end at some point.

EDIT 12/17: Well, situation has changed. No longer a card-carrying member of the v-club, as my friend put it. No one I'd really want to have a relationship with, but the chemistry was just there, and I was prepared (I fully believe that girls should carry condoms). Quite a fun experience! I know it'll be even better when I'm in a more loving relationship, but I kind of had to just let myself know that I can make a move and succeed. No regrets here.

 

[BitBitBabiGirl]

I'm 17 and i'm still a virgin. I probably won't save myself for marriage, but for someone i really like/love. I could not care less if anyone else is a virgin, or what they think of the fact that I am a virgin.

I'm "saving" myself because i do not want to get pregnant at 17. I know not everybody who has sex at a young age gets pregnant, but I am just not willing to take the chance. Besides i'm way too busy with school my family, my friends, and my job to even want a boyfriend right now too.

Maybe this is cliche, but I also want it to be special.

 

[LMD84]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BitBitBabiGirl I'm 17 and i'm still a virgin. I probably won't save myself for marriage, but for someone i really like/love. I could not care less if anyone else is a virgin, or what they think of the fact that I am a virgin. I'm "saving" myself because i do not want to get pregnant at 17. I know not everybody who has sex at a young age gets pregnant, but I am just not willing to take the chance. Besides i'm way too busy with school my family, my friends, and my job to even want a boyfriend right now too. Maybe this is cliche, but I also want it to be special.

i was 18 when i lost mine and had pretty much the same feeling as you. i wanted it to be special and with somebody i cared about. and i ended up marrying my guy