lipshock
Well-known member
To jump right in:
I have been diagnosed with Emetophobia -- which is the fear of vomit. You can Google it if you want and find out more about it. But to be more specific in my case, I have a very scary, very real fear of people vomiting around me. This fear is intensified by a thousand when the people are invidiuals I know. It sounds ridiculous to some but it is a truly crippling phobia, and more common than you think. I cannot even watch shows on TV that might show vomit, see pictures of it, or even hear someone vomit. It just sends me into a panic.
It affects my eating habits (I live by Sell-By dates, really don't enjoy eating out too much, very weary of meat/dairy/seafood products that aren't cooked by myself or my mom, the list goes on) and because of this fear I am tiny (5'2" and 96-98 lbs) for the fear of eating something "bad" my trigger me getting sick and then, possibly in my mind, lead to me vomiting.
Moreso than my eating habits, it really has a tremendous impact of my social life. That is to be expected, no. I really used to love to go out and having drinks -- just having a good time all around but now I rarely go out and if I do go out the fear that someone might vomit is constantly nagging at the back of my mind. Like I am constantly always vigilant of my surroundings and the people within them because I make myself believe that at any moment someone is going to throw up, and that someone could be me. Which is why I am not a big drinker anymore.
I haven't thrown up since I was 10 years old. I am now 21 years old. That is a really long time, at least to me. I have even taught myself ways of "overcoming the about-to-vomit" feeling, if that feeling ever comes up (it rarely does -- except in certain situations that I will further describe). In the end, these "techniques" work. The feeling goes but I am still on edge for the fear it might pop back up again.
Those certain situations in which I feel like I might vomit really only stem from when someone I know does it around me. Usually I am very good at hiding this fear but last night was my breaking point. I really thought I was going to have to be taken to the hospital. Let me elaborate:
My boyfriend had people over last night to watch a big UFC fight and everyone (minus me and one other girl) kept doing shots of Southern Comfort -- the poison of choice for my boyfriend. He kept drinking SoCo mixed with fruit punch as the night went along. I noticed he had been drinking quite a bit but usually SoCo to him is like drinking water -- it truly doesn't have any effect on him . . . or so I thought. Long story cut short, he got rather drunk and ended up vomiting in our bathroom toilet.
I just remember sitting on the edge of the bed looking into the bathroom and feeling this huge wave of nausea rush over me and then my heart started racing -- as if it wanted to burst out of my chest. My instinct: flee, flee, flee! Which I did, I screamed at him for letting it get to this point, grabbed some things and pretty much ran out of the apartment to my car to go to my mom's house. The walk to my car was unbelievable, I was dizzy and I felt like my vision was going but I was determined to get as far away from him
and that bathroom as possible -- which only meant going to my house that is about 40-45 minutes away.
The drive was insane. I am surprised I even made it to my my house because I was literally racked with the body shivers. My hands couldn't stop shaking, my heart was pounding so hard and so loud I could hear it in my ears. My legs were uncontrollably shaking. I was crying hysterically. I was hyperventilating. Pretty much having the worst panic and anxiety attack ever. I almost called 911 because I felt like I was going to black out any moment.
This probably sounds so weird to a lot of you but trust me, it is really hard having to deal with this on your own, especially at my age. Everyone always thinks I am being melodramatic and immature because "it's just vomit" but it isn't "just" vomit to me. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I've made myself believe that if you vomit, you die. And I have a pretty bad fear of death already. The only person that understands is my mother and she wasn't home last night, so I pretty much was having an attack on my own and thinking my world had just fallen apart. I guess one other person understands and that is my best friend -- she was home at the time but I think she was sleeping as all this was going on.
I called my mother this afternoon and told her everything through fits of tears and she is on her way back to the house to be with me. She was actually really upset I didn't call her last night and told her what was going on because she said she would've come straight home. It sounds stupid but she really sees how this fear has rendered me pretty much hopeless if I'm by myself.
The boyfriend called and is mad that I left but he just doesn't understand and it makes my heart hurt. Seriously. I've told him about it, as something this serious has to be discussed upfront in my opinion, and it seemed like he understood but as with other things, if you haven't truly experienced it and lived it, you really don't have any idea just how serious or bad it really is.
I mean this is so serious that it makes me not want to have children for fear of the morning sickness or one of my kids throwing up. It is serious because I pretty crumble when this fear rears it ugly head and when I should've been comforting and taking care of my boyfriend, I couldn't. I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
I feel horrible but I truly cannot help it. I couldn't even sleep at all last night because I kept thinking he (as in my boyfriend) was here and going to throw up on me, or just keep throwing up all night -- keeping me awake with the sounds, the smell . . . OH GOD, it's killing me to even write this out.
I love my boyfriend so much, I really do. We have been together for more than two and a half years -- and he's thrown up twice since we've been together, while me on the other hand: zilch. This scares me because I always think that at any time he is going to be sick -- which leads to me annoyingly question him "if he's going to puke" when he tells me he doesn't feel well (even if it's just with a cold). I couldn't even talk to him on the phone because I thought his "vomit germs" might leak through the wires.
I know the only way to get over this fear is to confront it but I just cannot do it. I am considering seeking professional and medical help but it's been documented that treatment works but individuals with Emetophobia can "relaspe" at any moment.
I feel like I can't live my life like a "normal" 21 year old.
I have been diagnosed with Emetophobia -- which is the fear of vomit. You can Google it if you want and find out more about it. But to be more specific in my case, I have a very scary, very real fear of people vomiting around me. This fear is intensified by a thousand when the people are invidiuals I know. It sounds ridiculous to some but it is a truly crippling phobia, and more common than you think. I cannot even watch shows on TV that might show vomit, see pictures of it, or even hear someone vomit. It just sends me into a panic.
It affects my eating habits (I live by Sell-By dates, really don't enjoy eating out too much, very weary of meat/dairy/seafood products that aren't cooked by myself or my mom, the list goes on) and because of this fear I am tiny (5'2" and 96-98 lbs) for the fear of eating something "bad" my trigger me getting sick and then, possibly in my mind, lead to me vomiting.
Moreso than my eating habits, it really has a tremendous impact of my social life. That is to be expected, no. I really used to love to go out and having drinks -- just having a good time all around but now I rarely go out and if I do go out the fear that someone might vomit is constantly nagging at the back of my mind. Like I am constantly always vigilant of my surroundings and the people within them because I make myself believe that at any moment someone is going to throw up, and that someone could be me. Which is why I am not a big drinker anymore.
I haven't thrown up since I was 10 years old. I am now 21 years old. That is a really long time, at least to me. I have even taught myself ways of "overcoming the about-to-vomit" feeling, if that feeling ever comes up (it rarely does -- except in certain situations that I will further describe). In the end, these "techniques" work. The feeling goes but I am still on edge for the fear it might pop back up again.
Those certain situations in which I feel like I might vomit really only stem from when someone I know does it around me. Usually I am very good at hiding this fear but last night was my breaking point. I really thought I was going to have to be taken to the hospital. Let me elaborate:
My boyfriend had people over last night to watch a big UFC fight and everyone (minus me and one other girl) kept doing shots of Southern Comfort -- the poison of choice for my boyfriend. He kept drinking SoCo mixed with fruit punch as the night went along. I noticed he had been drinking quite a bit but usually SoCo to him is like drinking water -- it truly doesn't have any effect on him . . . or so I thought. Long story cut short, he got rather drunk and ended up vomiting in our bathroom toilet.
I just remember sitting on the edge of the bed looking into the bathroom and feeling this huge wave of nausea rush over me and then my heart started racing -- as if it wanted to burst out of my chest. My instinct: flee, flee, flee! Which I did, I screamed at him for letting it get to this point, grabbed some things and pretty much ran out of the apartment to my car to go to my mom's house. The walk to my car was unbelievable, I was dizzy and I felt like my vision was going but I was determined to get as far away from him
The drive was insane. I am surprised I even made it to my my house because I was literally racked with the body shivers. My hands couldn't stop shaking, my heart was pounding so hard and so loud I could hear it in my ears. My legs were uncontrollably shaking. I was crying hysterically. I was hyperventilating. Pretty much having the worst panic and anxiety attack ever. I almost called 911 because I felt like I was going to black out any moment.
This probably sounds so weird to a lot of you but trust me, it is really hard having to deal with this on your own, especially at my age. Everyone always thinks I am being melodramatic and immature because "it's just vomit" but it isn't "just" vomit to me. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I've made myself believe that if you vomit, you die. And I have a pretty bad fear of death already. The only person that understands is my mother and she wasn't home last night, so I pretty much was having an attack on my own and thinking my world had just fallen apart. I guess one other person understands and that is my best friend -- she was home at the time but I think she was sleeping as all this was going on.
I called my mother this afternoon and told her everything through fits of tears and she is on her way back to the house to be with me. She was actually really upset I didn't call her last night and told her what was going on because she said she would've come straight home. It sounds stupid but she really sees how this fear has rendered me pretty much hopeless if I'm by myself.
The boyfriend called and is mad that I left but he just doesn't understand and it makes my heart hurt. Seriously. I've told him about it, as something this serious has to be discussed upfront in my opinion, and it seemed like he understood but as with other things, if you haven't truly experienced it and lived it, you really don't have any idea just how serious or bad it really is.
I mean this is so serious that it makes me not want to have children for fear of the morning sickness or one of my kids throwing up. It is serious because I pretty crumble when this fear rears it ugly head and when I should've been comforting and taking care of my boyfriend, I couldn't. I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
I feel horrible but I truly cannot help it. I couldn't even sleep at all last night because I kept thinking he (as in my boyfriend) was here and going to throw up on me, or just keep throwing up all night -- keeping me awake with the sounds, the smell . . . OH GOD, it's killing me to even write this out.
I love my boyfriend so much, I really do. We have been together for more than two and a half years -- and he's thrown up twice since we've been together, while me on the other hand: zilch. This scares me because I always think that at any time he is going to be sick -- which leads to me annoyingly question him "if he's going to puke" when he tells me he doesn't feel well (even if it's just with a cold). I couldn't even talk to him on the phone because I thought his "vomit germs" might leak through the wires.
I know the only way to get over this fear is to confront it but I just cannot do it. I am considering seeking professional and medical help but it's been documented that treatment works but individuals with Emetophobia can "relaspe" at any moment.
I feel like I can't live my life like a "normal" 21 year old.
