JesseVanity
Well-known member
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Who gives in first during arguments?
- Thread starter JesseVanity
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Krasevayadancer
Well-known member
I kind of see where you are coming from.
In general its my boyfriend who would apologize first. He is type b and loves peace, I am type a and incredibly stubborn. Then again I have always had trouble giving in, its just not in my nature unless I do something really horrible.
For the other part of the topic, I have been dating my bf almost 4 years, and I would say during the first 2.5-3 years the intense feelings were one sided (more on his side then on mine). He always seemed that he was more in love with me than i was with him and thus he was more dependant on the relationship than I was. I would toss the idea of breaking up around anytime he did something that bothered me- and that was often as he had become lazy and complacent with his life and I couldn't handle it
After he pushed himself hard to succeed and has excelled in what he does now, I would say my feelings shifted to a place where the feelings are mutual and this imo is the most healthy state of a relationship. If you feel that you are becoming too dependant on the relationship or too needy then it is either time to have a talk with him to discuss it or to immerse yourself in other things. It is not healthy for you to worry. Everything in a relationship has to be shared and feelings must be mutual. A relationship after all is one huge compromise for both parties
In general its my boyfriend who would apologize first. He is type b and loves peace, I am type a and incredibly stubborn. Then again I have always had trouble giving in, its just not in my nature unless I do something really horrible.
For the other part of the topic, I have been dating my bf almost 4 years, and I would say during the first 2.5-3 years the intense feelings were one sided (more on his side then on mine). He always seemed that he was more in love with me than i was with him and thus he was more dependant on the relationship than I was. I would toss the idea of breaking up around anytime he did something that bothered me- and that was often as he had become lazy and complacent with his life and I couldn't handle it
After he pushed himself hard to succeed and has excelled in what he does now, I would say my feelings shifted to a place where the feelings are mutual and this imo is the most healthy state of a relationship. If you feel that you are becoming too dependant on the relationship or too needy then it is either time to have a talk with him to discuss it or to immerse yourself in other things. It is not healthy for you to worry. Everything in a relationship has to be shared and feelings must be mutual. A relationship after all is one huge compromise for both parties
glam8babe
Well-known member
well ive been with my bf for nearly 2 years now... for the first few month we never argued at all.. then there was a point last year when we argued ALL the time even over pathetic little things that mean absolutly nothing!
its sort of calmed down know though but i usually find myself apologisin first because he wont... even if he was the one in the wrong, sometimes he'll apologise if he made it obvious he was the bad one but usually i cant keep my gob shut n argue even more
i dont know what it is about girls but we always seem to wanna keep arguin lol
it really does my head in because we shouldnt really argue but sometimes when you are just really stressed or in a bad mood you cant help it
and when you said 'I think I'm way too attached to him and it worrys me that I'll never be able to cope if anything happend to us' thats exactly what i think too
its sort of calmed down know though but i usually find myself apologisin first because he wont... even if he was the one in the wrong, sometimes he'll apologise if he made it obvious he was the bad one but usually i cant keep my gob shut n argue even more
i dont know what it is about girls but we always seem to wanna keep arguin lol
it really does my head in because we shouldnt really argue but sometimes when you are just really stressed or in a bad mood you cant help it
and when you said 'I think I'm way too attached to him and it worrys me that I'll never be able to cope if anything happend to us' thats exactly what i think too
M.A.C. head.
Well-known member
LOL
I've always been the person who was the last one standing until more recently. It's still usually me, but occasionally I'll be the first to apologize. I'm very stubborn and I can be a brick wall if I want to. But I think that our relationship grows and I love him more with each day, and so it makes it easier to apologize because he's the man that I love and would do anything for, so why shouldn't apologizing first be a part of that?
I've always been the person who was the last one standing until more recently. It's still usually me, but occasionally I'll be the first to apologize. I'm very stubborn and I can be a brick wall if I want to. But I think that our relationship grows and I love him more with each day, and so it makes it easier to apologize because he's the man that I love and would do anything for, so why shouldn't apologizing first be a part of that?
jenjunsan
Well-known member
When I was married, it was always me-just to keep the peace because if I didn't our house would be miserable for days. Now, my boyfriend and I are pretty equal and take responsibility when it is genuinely our fault. When we both feel like we are in the right, we have sat down and talked about it and sometimes agree to disagree. All in all, it is one of the healthiest relationships I've ever had. It makes a big difference when both people want to be in the relationship and are willing to do what needs to be done to make it work.
JesseVanity
Well-known member
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fafinette21
Well-known member
At the beginning he was always first to apologize for anything he did that I got upset over. And then about a year into our relationship it seemed like he stopped wanting to apologize and he would just be like "oh you're mad at me again? how long are you going to me mad at me for" type thing. we went through A LOT last year. and now we are at a better place than ever. i don't get as annoyed at him as i used to. he can tell if i'm mad and will ask me why and i will explain to him. he will apologize and usually tell me if i did something that bothered him like i overreacted, or i shouldn't have been so short with him. and then i will apologize as well. when you are both able to apologize to each other and discuss your feelings calmly it makes your relationship a lot easier. i don't agree with him ignoring you though! maybe try and tell him that it upsets you when he ignores you and that you would like for you both to talk about whats bothering you from now on? hope it works out for you!
S.S.BlackOrchid
Well-known member
I don't give in, as much as apologize for my part in the argument and offer a way to end it. If it's something small ans stupid, I let it go, but if he did something that hurt or really pissed me off I would like him to see that and take responsibility.
iluffyew769769
Well-known member
I do.
ClareBear86
Well-known member
ive been with myf fella just over 4 years and it is rare we argue but if we do its always me, no matter what he wont say sorry first
it dont bother me cause once ive said sorry things soon get back to normal lol
it dont bother me cause once ive said sorry things soon get back to normal lol
preciouscharm
Well-known member
I'm usually the one who gives in first.
I've been with my hubby for 4 years and we've talked about this situation a lot haha. Usually in the beginning of the relationship the guy would give in. But once they get into that comfort zone it does turn around. It's exactly what happened with us. I usually end up giving in for two reasons even though it's his fault; 1. I overreact and get emotional & so I feel like I have to apologize 2. Guys have this mentality they don't want to be wrong so they turn the argument into a whole different arguement so that you're the one who says sorry. ( I dont know if I made sense on that one)
Saying sorry just to stop the argument isn't really going to stop the argument at all. The issue is probably going to come up later if it isn't resolved. The reason he doesn't talk toyou for days and you end up crying is because that issue wasn't resolved and guys like to have space to think it out.
You should really talk to him about it (without smothering him of course) because it's only going to distance your relationship. I've experienced the same thing first hand. I kind of called him out on it and he definitly realized it. Good luck girl!
I've been with my hubby for 4 years and we've talked about this situation a lot haha. Usually in the beginning of the relationship the guy would give in. But once they get into that comfort zone it does turn around. It's exactly what happened with us. I usually end up giving in for two reasons even though it's his fault; 1. I overreact and get emotional & so I feel like I have to apologize 2. Guys have this mentality they don't want to be wrong so they turn the argument into a whole different arguement so that you're the one who says sorry. ( I dont know if I made sense on that one)
Saying sorry just to stop the argument isn't really going to stop the argument at all. The issue is probably going to come up later if it isn't resolved. The reason he doesn't talk toyou for days and you end up crying is because that issue wasn't resolved and guys like to have space to think it out.
You should really talk to him about it (without smothering him of course) because it's only going to distance your relationship. I've experienced the same thing first hand. I kind of called him out on it and he definitly realized it. Good luck girl!
rbella
Well-known member
I've been with my husband for about 10 years now and we're finally at the point where whoever is wrong apologizes. It took awhile for us to get there, but as we got older, we realized it is important to admit our faults. In the beginning we were both so stubborn I don't think either of us apologized. Then we went through a stupid "make love-not war" phase which was all about saying "I'm sorry". That was actually pretty annoying.
Now, it's all good. It just takes time. You grow together and learn together. It has to be a true partnership in every sense. If you'll apologize to one of your family/friends for doing them wrong, why wouldn't you apologize to your spouse when you screw up?
Now, it's all good. It just takes time. You grow together and learn together. It has to be a true partnership in every sense. If you'll apologize to one of your family/friends for doing them wrong, why wouldn't you apologize to your spouse when you screw up?
CantAffordMAC
Well-known member
Me and my "bf" are both so stubborn.
Lately...I just don't have time though. I will apologize cuz I know he is a big baby and needs to hear that hes right. I dont apologize if he is wrong. But like...if he gets mad at something stupid "why didnt u tell me _____" ill just apologize like 3x and tell him how i feel..it shuts him up but he always has an attitude after. I've never met such a stubborn person in my life. If I'm wrong? Forget it...I have to hear "I told you so" like 25 times until he forget about it.
I hate relationships.
Lately...I just don't have time though. I will apologize cuz I know he is a big baby and needs to hear that hes right. I dont apologize if he is wrong. But like...if he gets mad at something stupid "why didnt u tell me _____" ill just apologize like 3x and tell him how i feel..it shuts him up but he always has an attitude after. I've never met such a stubborn person in my life. If I'm wrong? Forget it...I have to hear "I told you so" like 25 times until he forget about it.
I hate relationships.
LOCa
Well-known member
Quote:
Oh My God Same Thing With Me!!!!!!
]:
Originally Posted by JesseVanity
In arguments with your other half who usually gives in first? For the first 6 -8 months of our relationship my boyfriend usually apologised first and made things better between us even if it wasn't always his fault, but now I find myself always apologising for everything even if I don't think I've done anything wrong just to save causing an argument. I hate when we argue, he doesn't speak to me for days and I just cry all the time, I think I'm way too attached to him and it worrys me that I'll never be able to cope if anything happend to us. In the first 6 months or so of our relationship I didn't care so much that we argued and that we didn't speak for a few days because I guess I always knew that he would apologise and we would still be together, but now it feels like we've changed places and I'm the one who is scared that if I don't apologise then things will be over between us. |
Oh My God Same Thing With Me!!!!!!
]:
Sexya(TM)?Princess
Well-known member
he used to give in. and now i do lol.
i used to be the sexy girl he HAD to impress/make happy 24-7 and now that he knows he has me, he doesnt mind being mean i guess lol
i used to be the sexy girl he HAD to impress/make happy 24-7 and now that he knows he has me, he doesnt mind being mean i guess lol
kaliraksha
Well-known member
I was his first relationship so he was scared to lose me. Anytime I got upset over anything he would apologize and bend over backwards. After 1-2 years we pretty much stopped arguing. When we do get into arguments I usually say sorry first because I feel badly for hurting him in some way at some point in the argument. In the end it doesn't really matter... we both end up sputtering sorries and being upset that we might have hurt each other in the argument.
However, we have learned that when it's more important to the other person we just say sorry and drop it. The goal isn't too win the argument but to be happy in the relationship.
However, we have learned that when it's more important to the other person we just say sorry and drop it. The goal isn't too win the argument but to be happy in the relationship.
MissChriss
Well-known member
He still is the first one to apologize but not as quickly as he use to I noticed.
When we first got together he was totally and completely infactatuated with me and was scared to even challenge me on a lot of things because he was too afraid to lose me. Now he has gained a backbone and he is talking back like crazy now. That little monster but yea I respect him a lot more now for it too. I can think of maybe 2 times when I was the first to apologize when I just had gone too far I guess. On one occassion we spent the whole day not talking neither wanting to give in, him dowstairs and me upstairs, and finally I gave up and cut off the light and went to sleep just to wake up a couple of hours later with him standing above me like why didnt I come downstairs to talk to him. Soo cute. When I do apologize like for instance I'll say I shouldn't have got mad at you he will apologize back like well no I should not have made you mad.
I think we women are soo sensitive that we get mad at everything so they get used to it after awhile but I like having the upper hand so I am going to slow down on getting mad at let stuff go sometimes because I can be kinda stubborn. We been together going on 2 years and he still treats me like a queen and I want to keep it that way. I know with my ex that apologizing stuff got old real quick and he could go for days and days with not talking to me til I gave in. He say he was teaching me a lesson. He kinda did because as a result I would try to avoid arguments wit him because of his stubborness.
When we first got together he was totally and completely infactatuated with me and was scared to even challenge me on a lot of things because he was too afraid to lose me. Now he has gained a backbone and he is talking back like crazy now. That little monster but yea I respect him a lot more now for it too. I can think of maybe 2 times when I was the first to apologize when I just had gone too far I guess. On one occassion we spent the whole day not talking neither wanting to give in, him dowstairs and me upstairs, and finally I gave up and cut off the light and went to sleep just to wake up a couple of hours later with him standing above me like why didnt I come downstairs to talk to him. Soo cute. When I do apologize like for instance I'll say I shouldn't have got mad at you he will apologize back like well no I should not have made you mad.
I think we women are soo sensitive that we get mad at everything so they get used to it after awhile but I like having the upper hand so I am going to slow down on getting mad at let stuff go sometimes because I can be kinda stubborn. We been together going on 2 years and he still treats me like a queen and I want to keep it that way. I know with my ex that apologizing stuff got old real quick and he could go for days and days with not talking to me til I gave in. He say he was teaching me a lesson. He kinda did because as a result I would try to avoid arguments wit him because of his stubborness.
User93
Well-known member
Quote:
exactly my case
He does some stuff for which he would kill me lol. But i love him so much... I give up first and excuse myself, he doesnt.. But well when im sitting all mad and i feel really crappy he is the one to start another talk, or just to go on getting over it, doesnt excuse, but at least moves on which i really appreciate..
im a loser
| Originally Posted by glam8babe
and when you said 'I think I'm way too attached to him and it worrys me that I'll never be able to cope if anything happend to us' thats exactly what i think too |
exactly my case
He does some stuff for which he would kill me lol. But i love him so much... I give up first and excuse myself, he doesnt.. But well when im sitting all mad and i feel really crappy he is the one to start another talk, or just to go on getting over it, doesnt excuse, but at least moves on which i really appreciate..
im a loser
Mizz.Yasmine
Well-known member
i give in 1st. unless he cheats on me,then hes gonna pay lol i'm the more understanding 1 between the 2 of us. he gets mad at me over sh*t that he does! im at the point where its like whatever, i know hes wrong so let him say what he wants and i give in. i used to freak out over every lil fight.i cant live like that anymore.
