Im really lost and i need advice. someone... pls help

[xxManBeaterxx]

He hits you and thinks of woman as second class.. and your still with him? I would never let a guy lay his hand on me in an abusive manner. Because those are huge RED FLAGS to get out now..

I think you should ask yourself why are you with him? Because these guys dont get better, they get worse, and the abuse could possibly get worse. And secondly your not happy and this relationship isnt healthy. Would you be 10 times happier without him in your life? I think so...

 

[banjobama]

Jesus Christ, break up with him! His own mother told you! This is not love.

 

[duch3ss25]

Hun, it is not a question of staying or not with this guy. It is how fast you can run away from him. His own mother admits to this abusive behavior. Don't wait to be one of those ex-girlfriends. You should never ever put up with any physical, emotional or psychological abuse from anyone! Value yourself and run away from this guy ASAP. Love yourself enough to know this is not how loving relationships are. Please get out now before things get worse. You deserve to be more than just his physical & psychological punching bag!

 

[ashleyisawesome]

NO ONE deserves being abused, no matter if it's physically, emotionally, verbally, etc. You need to get yourself out of the situation. Anyone who does not realize your worth and does not treat you with respect and equality is NOT worth your time, efforts, or love. Period. Of course he's going to make you feel like you "make" him hit you, and he can't control himself because you're so ridiculous. Abusive people do that. They will always try to control you and put you down to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities. But they will never admit it. They will convince you that it's your fault, and PLEASE don't give in to that. You deserve respect, and you need to respect yourself and get out of that situation quick, before it gets any worse (because it will).

 

[Trace]

YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU!
You have taught him over and over again that he CAN do this to you and that it is ok.

It's not ok.

It may be very hard to leave and you may not fully understand it and it is going to hurt like hell, but life is too short and no one deserves this.

TEACH HIM IT'S NOT OK! Walk away and stay away.

I will never give anyone the power to make me unhappy EVER!

Walk away! Gumption is sexy. Self-empowerment is sexier!

 

[jaysgirl]

GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP! That's the only advice I can give you. A friend of mine is in an abusive relationship with a married man and she can't get out. I can't even get into contact with her anymore because he cut off all communication and he made her move to a new apartment. Please don't let that be you.

No man should ever hit you. EVER. PERIOD!

 

[AngelBunny]

I agree with everyone else ... run as fast as you can. It isn't love to him ... it is power. You do not need to let someone, ANYONE, have power over you. It is a vicious cycle, but you have to break it now.

Someone else mentioned the future and kids ... if he hits you and thinks you are lower class, what if you have a daughter with him? Is he going to hit and belittle her because she is female and "below him" too? Would you really be able to live with him then? You are JUST as valuable as a child would be ... and definitely deserve better.

I know it is hard to hear so many people tell you to get away from someone you depend on emotionally ... but you will be shocked at how happy and healthy you can be without him. Just get out ... for the sake of your future, not to mention your present.

 

[TheeBettyBoop]

To love some one first you need to love your self! and by that, also means not letting anyone to hit you even if you consider this to be mild. Is always better to stop this kind of abuse at an early phase. Remember that there are many other guys outher and that one of them is the right one for you. Yes, you love him and yes it will hurt to separate, but he doesnt deserves you, he didnt deserved you since day one. My best advice is that whatever you do, thing about the future and the possibles if's. You need to take time for yourself, think things over, and always always do what's best for you and love and respect yourself.

 

[xxainixx]

thanks everybody for all your inputs! i really appreciate it.

it's really hard for me to type it out cause a lot is going on in my life atm.

yes, i've thought of leaving him. but i believe that he'll change.( is that stupid ?) what's stopping me is that the last time he hits me, i told him that i will not tolerate this kind of behavior and that if he really love/treasure this r/s he will not lay his hands on me.


till now, countless of arguments later, he did not lay a finger on me. im at crossroads, should i trust that he'll change?



most of you might agree that once is enough.


and yes, i'm friends with people of domestic abuse and all i told them was to get the f*ck outta there. but im confuse, i dont feel like im in a abusive relationship. it feels just like every r/s.

 

[Willa]

Honestly, I don't think that men who beats woman can really change... unless they follow a really strict therapy to understand why they act like that, and usually that kind of men all follow the same pattern : they wont admit they have a problem with dealing with their emotions...

GET
OUT...

Please.

 

[iadoremac]

Sweety from my experience men that hit women never change, its a psychological and a spiritual problem they cant just turn it on and off as they please. So please dont expect him to change because he wont. From what his mother said I bet you all his ex girl friends thought they could change him but they did not succeed. A man that hits a woman is a coward and has self esteem issues. YOU CANT CHANGE HIM.......ITS NOT POSSIBLE SEVERAL WOMEN HAVE TRIED TO CHANGE MEN AND THEY HAVE FAILED!

 

[mtrimier]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxainixx aand yes, he's pretty abusive(physically) but it's mild. he doesnt hit me too badly but over the months, it's about 3 times MAX.

That right there, that's an automatic "NO!". Please don't stay in this relationship. From the women I know that have been abused (and some pretty badly), it's always "he doesn't hit/kick/beat/verbally abuse me that often", but the abuse inevitably ramps up.

If he has to hit you to make whatever the hell point he's trying to make, he's not a man, he's a one year old with a temper and wet diaper. (not to mention a punk bitch that needs to have his ass beat...but i digress.)

There's someone faaar better for you out there, and you don't deserve this stress and treatment; "every r/s" is not abusive, I'm sorry that you feel like this is "like every r/s".

There is a difference between arguing and not compromising and laying hands/fists/whatever on the person you "love".

Maybe you should take some time away from him to think about why this feels "like every r/s"? That part of your comment just bothers me for some reason.

Hope you find a resolution.

 

[Cinci]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxainixx yes, i've thought of leaving him. but i believe that he'll change.( is that stupid ?) what's stopping me is that the last time he hits me, i told him that i will not tolerate this kind of behavior and that if he really love/treasure this r/s he will not lay his hands on me.

HE WILL NOT CHANGE.

I just went and gave thanks to pretty much every single poster previous to my post on this thread, as I agree with them all.

out of 31 replies to this thread, 29 of them told you to leave him. (The other 2 are your posts).

29 strangers are giving you advice because they care about your safety and don't want to see you hurt. That's 29 strangers who care more about your safety than he does.

You deserve to be treated better. People only treat you as badly as you let them treat you. Don't let him do it. Leave him. If you stay, you only show him that you are willing to accept it.

 

[MACLovin]

OP - Can I ask how old you are? Because you seem pretty naive, no offense. Have you ever been in a relationship, or is this your first?

 

[blindpassion]

I hate to say this but I have a feeling no matter what we say you're not going to leave until A: you're abused to the point of no return and someone else in your life has to physically pull you out of the relationship.

Or B: you never leave and continue to be abused until serious injury or death occurs.

I am NOT being dramatic or exaggerating.
As one who was strangled as a result of domestic abuse from my first love, I know the consequences that can come for not getting out when someone tells you too.

And we're all here, and older and wiser it seems, trying to tell you that this isn't right and it isn't safe, and if you aren't listening to that and taking us seriously then we can't help you!

It's easy to say, "oh they're just being dramatic that would never happen." Well it does, everyday, woman are seriously hurt, emotionally and physically, and killed from abuse and usually that abuse comes at the hands of someone who claims to love them.

Sure right now its only hitting - but hitting is 10 steps too far. And it only gets worse from here.


I am not trying to be offensive or rude to you, I'm just trying to help you get a reality check.

 

[MACLovin]

^ Agreed! 100%

 

[joey444]

You need to have self worth!! If you don't do it for you, NOBODY will.
It's not OK for anybody to hit, even if it's just a little, not hard, not that many times, etc...that's you making excuses for him and justifying staying in a relationship that isn't healthy.

As long as you stay with someone who is abusing you, you will continue to feel depressed because you have someone controlling you. Get your life back, get away from him and PLEASE open your eyes and realize that you deserve better. HE WILL NOT CHANGE!!!

 

[xxainixx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACLovin OP - Can I ask how old you are? Because you seem pretty naive, no offense. Have you ever been in a relationship, or is this your first?

im 19 .....

 

[FiestyFemme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mtrimier There's someone faaar better for you out there, and you don't deserve this stress and treatment; "every r/s" is not abusive, I'm sorry that you feel like this is "like every r/s".

I don't know how much you've dated (other than this guy), but I'm telling you that this is not like every relationship. Both of my ex's might be assholes, but they wouldn't have laid a finger on me, and I expect that from EVERY relationship. If he has to hit you to make himself feel like a man, the problem lies with him, not with you. You don't make him do it. I don't care how mad you make someone, it is never, ever acceptable for them to lay their hands on you. Listen to blindpassion seriously - she's been there, and she knows what she's talking about. If he hits you now, it's only going to get worse later. I'm glad he hasn't hit you since the last time, but he will... give it time. We just don't want to see you get hurt any worse than you already have been, you know? Please see your own worth, because you are so much better than him and this situation.

 

[jt1088]

it will only progress and worsen. i know it's easier said than done, but trust me, you'll thank yourself later down the road when you're in a relationship where the guy cherishes the ground you walk on and would never lay a hand on youu.