Im really lost and i need advice. someone... pls help

[Shadowy Lady]

There is a lot of good advice already given, plz listen to the girls. My best friend was in an abusive relationship for a year and even though that was 3 years ago, she's still an emotional mess. She even had to get a restraining order from the guy and move to a new place :/

and yeah, men that abuse women are assholes and they never change!

 

[Chikky]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxainixx till now, countless of arguments later, he did not lay a finger on me. im at crossroads, should i trust that he'll change?

No, no, no. Honey, he didn't change for the other women he hit. He won't change. You know he doesn't respect women.



Quote:

most of you might agree that once is enough.

But it was three times. Plus the other women.

Quote:

i dont feel like im in a abusive relationship. it feels just like every r/s.

That sounds... like what alot of other people say. But trust us. Leave. It will hurt at first, but you will so much better soon.

 

[TamiChoi]

ok for your first post, it's clear you were a rebound; if it's done once, what makes you think he won't do it to you?
second, his own MOTHER told you about the past ex-gf abusing. there's a hint.
last, leave before it gets worst; you will be thankful that everyone is telling you this later when you actually have the strength to get up and leave.
no man should ever lay a hand on any woman. that's just WRONG.
no one should take you for granted and treat you in a way that disrespects you whatsoever.
i think that you shouldn't be sensitive and give in so easily.
the reason why you're being treated horribly is because he knows you won't leave.
so, i think you should listen to everyones advice this time around.

 

[xxainixx]

a big THANK YOU for everyone's help and advice.. thanks for *waking* me up..

yes.. i think you're all right.... i'll pluck up the courage to end this..

 

[kittykit]

LEAVE HIM NOW!

I'm sorry hun that you've to go through this but a man should never hit a woman.

I found out my best friend's ex was abusing her last year and I burst into tears when she was telling me that. How could someone you love / loves you hits you? That guy hit her 3 times, including threatening her with a knife once! I've met him before and he seemed to be a normal and nice guy! And finally she left him.

Now he's hitting you, and he will do it again. Nobody knows what he'll do next. If he was hitting his other girlfriends, this tells you he won't change for another person.

 

[iadoremac]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxainixx a big THANK YOU for everyone's help and advice.. thanks for *waking* me up.. yes.. i think you're all right.... i'll pluck up the courage to end this..

I dont think you need to tell him you are leaving him he doesnt deserve that.....how about you just leave and let him figure it out and if you feel threatened in anyway then get a restraining order.

 

[FlashBang]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blindpassion I hate to say this but I have a feeling no matter what we say you're not going to leave until A: you're abused to the point of no return and someone else in your life has to physically pull you out of the relationship. Or B: you never leave and continue to be abused until serious injury or death occurs. I am NOT being dramatic or exaggerating. As one who was strangled as a result of domestic abuse from my first love, I know the consequences that can come for not getting out when someone tells you too. And we're all here, and older and wiser it seems, trying to tell you that this isn't right and it isn't safe, and if you aren't listening to that and taking us seriously then we can't help you! It's easy to say, "oh they're just being dramatic that would never happen." Well it does, everyday, woman are seriously hurt, emotionally and physically, and killed from abuse and usually that abuse comes at the hands of someone who claims to love them. Sure right now its only hitting - but hitting is 10 steps too far. And it only gets worse from here. I am not trying to be offensive or rude to you, I'm just trying to help you get a reality check.

Hit the nail on the head there!

Blindpassion is right, 110%, you need to escape that relationship, it will be hard because you care for him, but if he hits you hes abusing that love you have for him.

He knows you will tolerate it because you love him and hes not just abusing you physically, hes abusing the love you have for him.

A part of him will care about you, and he'll use that to trap you in the relationship but the reality is, he doesnt care enough about you to treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve. Right now, hes using you as a punching bag for his aggression and that is wrong and he knows it.
Hes lying if he says you make him act like this, once an abuser, always an abuser. Its a part of his personality that has and always will be there, he cant change it, only surpress it until the next time he gets angry and your nearby.

My mum was abused by my dad for 15 years before she finally had the courage to leave him and take us with her. Before she left he begged her not to, insisting he'd change and claiming he loved her so much. 6 years on, even the devastation of losing his family hasnt been enough to stop him being the way he is.

As Blindpassion said, we can post advise but its up to you to take it and help yourself, 1500 women have been killed in abusive relationships per year, dont become another statistic.

 

[nunu]

Please leave him, you are young, you've got your whole life ahead of you. You will meet someone who deserves you and treats well. Save yourself, i know it's easier said than done but please leave him.

 

[jennifer.]

i don't need to repeat what everyone else has said.

it's easy for people to tell you what to do but in the end you have to make that decision for yourself and it's never easy, especially when it comes to someone you love. also, you're 19. do you know how many people you're going to meet in your lifetime? at the very least you shouldn't settle for someone that even threatens to hit you, let alone actually do it.

in 2002 i had a younger, good friend that died when she was 19. she grew up in bad situation at home (she was pretty much neglected by her father who was raising her) and got into a relationship with a guy who used to hit her and no one knew about it. i didn't find out about it until one day another friend called me at work and told me that she had been murdered by him--shot at close range in the head--during an argument. believe me, had i known this was going on beforehand i would have advised her wholeheartedly to get the fuck out right then and there.

she didn't know any better though, she thought it meant that he loved her because she never got that love when she lived at home. she left behind a 3 month old daughter and now her little girl has neither a mother or father and she will NEVER EVER know what a wonderful person her mom was.

don't do this to yourself. for your own well being, take everyone's advice seriously and don't just contemplate leaving. DO IT.

*edit: what crazy mom tells you her son has hit other females before???? i have a young son but later if i ever found out he was hitting girlfriends, he'd for sure get a piece of my mind! scratch that--he wouldn't even learn it to begin with!

 

[NutMeg]

I'm glad you're realising what a crazy situation this actually is. Please keep us updated.

 

[user79]

You should definitely try to stay together and work things out.














HELL NO!! RUN!!!

Seriously, not trying to make light of the situation, but I don't think anyone in their right mind is going to advise you to stay with a guy that is physically abusive.

 

[xxainixx]

UPDATE:

yea.. i did it. i broke up with him... and im still hurting

 

[blindpassion]

Im proud of you.
And so relieved.
I know its hard, but doing the right thing isnt always easy.

 

[Penn]

I'm sorry that you're hurting, but it really is for the best. Time will heal, but people like him don't change. Hitting a woman, even if it is just once is one time too many in my opinion. I think right now you need to surround yourself with family and friends who love you. You deserve better than to be treated the way you were and there are men out there, REAL men who will know how to treat a lady right. Please don't run back to him, because although you are hurting now it will hurt you so much more if you went back to that abuse.
Take care and I hope you will feel better.

 

[FiestyFemme]

I'm so glad you broke up with him.
I know it's painful now, but I promise you did the right thing.
ITA with Penn - definitely surround yourself with those who care about you. The support of loved ones is really helpful at a time like this.
Good luck. *hugs*

 

[malteze_bubbleg]

I think you should leave this relationship before you let it go longer....

I know at this point in time you might really have feelings for him and you may find it very hard to leave....but i think if you stay it will just get worse in the long term. I dont think its worth the stress. and if he really has strong feelings for you he wouldnt hit you. Yes sometimes when we are mad at each other we may say mean stuff to one another but not hit!!!!

i think you really deserve better.


oh i just read you broke up with him!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats a good thing..i know its hard...but stay strong you can do it!!!!! Go out and meet your friends and family...keep yourself busy,do stuff you enjoy doing.....in time you will get over it and realise you did the right thing!

 

[NutMeg]

That is a good thing to hear. I'm glad that you did it.

 

[jdechant]

I am also glad that you realized that you needed to break up with him. Honestly, the best thing you could do for yourself would be to change your number (move if you can) that way you can start fresh and not have to worry about bumping into him...you really deserve soo much more and I hope that your mutual friends can realize this as well... Good Luck and remember us Specktra Girls are all hear for you

 

[Holy Rapture]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxainixx UPDATE: yea.. i did it. i broke up with him... and im still hurting

Getting outta something always hurts. Atleast for sometime. But, I'm so glad you finally did it!!

Now, jus let it in the people who love you, your friends and family n see how well and quickly you'll heal

 

[xxainixx]

UPDATE: it still hurts alot! i cant slp ( have not for 2 daly ) cant eat.. i keep thinking of him..

i dont have any friends... i cut off all contact with friends when i was with him. HOW THE FU*K can he be so nonchalent. dont i mean anything to him?


it's like, now, im left alone in the world