Virginity

[GreekChick]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissChievous When to have sex is a personal decision, but I could never wait until marriage. It's like Samantha said in Sex and the City (yes ok it's a TV show but it makes sense): Test drive the car before you buy it. I mean, sex is a very important part of any relationship and sometimes, people just aren't sexually compatible even if everything else is right. I'd want to now if my partner and I are sexually compatible before I commit to a (hopefully) lifelong decision.

Very very true. Speaking of Sex and the City, Charlotte and Trey are very good examples of your statement.

 

[amoona]

I'm a "v" as it's being called haha. I'm 21 and waiting till I'm married.

 

[susannef]

Quote:

When to have sex is a personal decision, but I could never wait until marriage. It's like Samantha said in Sex and the City (yes ok it's a TV show but it makes sense): Test drive the car before you buy it. I mean, sex is a very important part of any relationship and sometimes, people just aren't sexually compatible even if everything else is right. I'd want to now if my partner and I are sexually compatible before I commit to a (hopefully) lifelong decision.

However, if youve never driven a car before you wouldnt know the difference between a wolkswagen and a ferrari!

Staying a virgin wasnt for me, but I belive that more people wish they had saved their virginity for someone they loved then people wishing they had slept around more before they settled down.

 

[glamdoll]

I had a big talk w/ my sister and Im glad she still is. Im trying to advice her to remain that way, or if not to talk to me about BC [she lives w/ me] Im not. hehe I have a son.

 

[lvgz]

i'm a virgin by choice as well. i dont see anything wrong with being one or not being one, but personally.. its rare these days in mho. i'm 18, and i can say more than half (wayyy more) of my friends are not virgins. its not that i dont have the sex drive (which everyone knows i do... HAHA at dirty jokes and dirty minds) but i just rather wait. im like the unexpected virgin out of my friends. i see it as a test for myself. i have such a sex drive (dirty mind, okay lol) and whatnot that i just want to see how long i can hold out. it'd make sex more special for me, and its something for me to look forward to. sometimes the 'been there, done him' really just isnt motivating hahahah

and plus. im scared to SHIT of having a baby at my age. i definitely give props to the ppl who have done it because taking care of a kid is hard work. its just not for me right now. i know there are condoms, birth control pills, and whatnot. but i rather not take the chance. AND uh, at 18 STDs are everywhere. can you imagine how many highschool or in my case, college students have slept with someone? then with someone else? ....

 

[kimmy]

i'm not.

the guy i lost my virginity to, i thought i was going to marry...then again, i was seventeen and he promised me alot of things he couldn't give me. he knew how to play the game and i didn't even know we were playing one. i don't regret it though, because i learned from it.

even the second guy...i don't regret it. it wasn't consentual because i wanted to wait, but he refused to and kind of just took what he wanted. but i don't wish that never happened, because i learned from that experience, too.

 

[.k.]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmy i'm not. the guy i lost my virginity to, i thought i was going to marry...then again, i was seventeen and he promised me alot of things he couldn't give me. he knew how to play the game and i didn't even know we were playing one. i don't regret it though, because i learned from it. even the second guy...i don't regret it. it wasn't consentual because i wanted to wait, but he refused to and kind of just took what he wanted. but i don't wish that never happened, because i learned from that experience, too.

BUT IT WASNT CONCENTUAL! that cant be good..

 

[KAIA]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreekChick Very very true. Speaking of Sex and the City, Charlotte and Trey are very good examples of your statement.

Completely agree.

 

[dmenchi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissChievous When to have sex is a personal decision, but I could never wait until marriage. It's like Samantha said in Sex and the City (yes ok it's a TV show but it makes sense): Test drive the car before you buy it. I mean, sex is a very important part of any relationship and sometimes, people just aren't sexually compatible even if everything else is right. I'd want to now if my partner and I are sexually compatible before I commit to a (hopefully) lifelong decision.

I respect people who wait, but i agree with this!!!! you should test-drive the 'chemistry' LOL

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

I'm no longer a virgin, but I am really proud of myself because I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19 years old. I was (and still am) in a commited relationship, and I didn't give in to any pressure; I waited until I was ready. I was the very last of my friends to lose it, a lot of them started REALLY early, like 7th and 8th grade, and have accumulated a lot of partners, something I don't agree with, but I don't judge (most of) them.

Proud to have decent morals, woop woop!

 

[ratmist]

I always wonder if those that are determined to keep their virginity also refuse heavy petty, oral, anal, and everything else.

I knew a lot of girls in Texas that were technically virgins but had done absolutely everything else. They often took great pleasure looked down on those of us that had sex, saying we were dirty and sinful and whatnot. I always thought they were really weird, and really hypocritical. As far as they were concerned, they were pure.

(Not saying anyone on this thread is like that, or that the OP is behaving the same way at all. I'm just saying what I think about because of what I remember from high school and junior high.)

 

[ratmist]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmy even the second guy...i don't regret it. it wasn't consentual because i wanted to wait, but he refused to and kind of just took what he wanted. but i don't wish that never happened, because i learned from that experience, too.

*alarmed*

Um. If it's not consentual, and if he just "took what he wanted", that's the textbook definition of rape. That is never okay.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratmist I always wonder if those that are determined to keep their virginity also refuse heavy petty, oral, anal, and everything else.

speaking for myself, I considered myself a virgin while doing all of those things. I was very young he was very old, and I tried to hold on to my virginity for as long as I could. When we first began talking, there was a lot of heavy petting and kissing. And then I gave him oral, and he fingered me. After a few months of that, I wanted to take it a step further without actually losing my virginity(to please him and keep him interested mostly) So he gave me oral and we had anal sex. I still considered myself a virgin, because to me, a virgin has always been someone who hasn't had vaginal intercourse. Like obviously I wasn't a virgin orally or anally, but I was vaginally. And "real sex" was vagina + penis.

But I'm also really dumb. I allowed him to put his penis in me (lol I sound really proper) and we'd lay there with him inside of me for like 20 minutes. But we wouldn't move. we did this on like 5 different occasions. And after every time of having him put it in me and just leave it there, I still considered myself a virgin until we had "real sex" (in and out in and out). haha dumb right?

 

[ratmist]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC speaking for myself, I considered myself a virgin while doing all of those things. I was very young he was very old, and I tried to hold on to my virginity for as long as I could. When we first began talking, there was a lot of heavy petting and kissing. And then I gave him oral, and he fingered me. After a few months of that, I wanted to take it a step further without actually losing my virginity(to please him and keep him interested mostly) So he gave me oral and we had anal sex. I still considered myself a virgin, because to me, a virgin has always been someone who hasn't had vaginal intercourse. Like obviously I wasn't a virgin orally or anally, but I was vaginally. And "real sex" was vagina + penis. But I'm also really dumb. I allowed him to put his penis in me (lol I sound really proper) and we'd lay there with him inside of me for like 20 minutes. But we wouldn't move. we did this on like 5 different occasions. And after every time of having him put it in me and just leave it there, I still considered myself a virgin until we had "real sex" (in and out in and out). haha dumb right?

Sweetie, I'd never ever call anyone dumb for their ideas or beliefs. It doesn't seem to me that you're the type to point fingers at others and make them feel bad for the things they've done. And believe it or not, neither am I. *hugs*

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

I know a lot of my friends still called themselves virgins but did everything else outside of vaginal sex...not because they wanted to stay virgins, but because they didn't wanna get knocked up in high school. There's a gray area to me about what kind of sex is constitutes not being a virgin. I don't oral sex stops you from being a virgin. But a lot of the girls i knew in high school were giving it up anally and still calling themselves virgins. If a guy can walk around saying he fucked you, regardless of what hole down there he got into, you really shouldn't be trying to call yourself a virgin.
And who wants to answer a yes or no question with "Well, anally I'm not a virgin but up front I'm as pure as snow!"

 

[NutMeg]

I'm of the opinion that purity can't be assigned to parts of the body. Neither can virginity. You can't go around saying, oh I'm a virgin here but not here, and this part of me is pure, but this part isn't. You're either a virgin, or you're not. There's no partway. I'm not passing judgment on where that particular line is, but you can't be a partial virgin.

 

[kenmei]

I'm 18, and still a virgin by choice. While I would like to save my virginity for my hubby some day, I understand that life happens. As long as I end up losing my virginity to someone that I love, and who loves me back, I think that's a-okay.

Other than to save myself for the said hubby, one of my main reasons for holding out is because I really do think that I am too immature for sex, or even for a boyfriend yet. Personally, I would like to keep me for myself for a while, if that makes any sense. I still want to work on who I am before I want to be part of a team.

As or oral or anal sex... I consider sex as anything you could do that could get you an STD, which includes oral and anal sex. :/

 

[eulchen]

i lost my virginity when i was 18 to my second ever boyfriend. at that time i was in love with him (3 months after beginning of relationship) and thought it was fine. it didnt hurt at all, so i guess i was kinda lucky. i think it may have been because i used tampons before already.

anyways, though back then i knew id love this guy, i was pretty sure i wouldnt spend the rest of my life with him. also id wasnt so much into the importance of your first time "hype" (dont know how to call it, sorry) but instead thought it would be something very beautiful and pleasant, and i wanted to join in the fun.

and i agree to the test driving thing. having a pleasant experiences in bed is one of the many criterias i am looking for in the man i would spend my life with, so basically it is necessary for my decision to marry a man.

other things i thought of before is the image of having your first time in your wedding night. from all the people i have spoken to, the first time was "okay" at best, "acceptable" or "unspectacular" mostly, and "embarassing" and "painful" in the worst cases. all of this i dont want in my wedding night. i want to enjoy my husband and to have a gorgeous night, not ending up crying in the bathroom afterwards, like one of my friend did, because it just didnt fulfill the high expectations. But if i want to enjoy myself, I gotta know what i like and how to do it, and i just cant do that from watching porns/sex and the city/insert other sex-educating medium, talking or phantasizing about it.

and then theres always the fear you might get a complete loser in bed.

so. after all this talk, before i get flamed: i totally understand if girls understand their virginity as something special, they want to keep for the one man theyll marry. i dont agree with them, because i wouldnt want to miss out on the fun i have/had, but its not my capacity to tell them what they should do in my opinions, as its their body and mind.

and just to give you all something to chuckle about... I am currently dating a man who doesn´t want to have sex before marriage.

*whoops* (NO im not gonna marry him. but hes a good kisser, and i am certainly enjoying that.

)

 

[banjobama]

I lost my virginity when I was 17 (I'm 22 now) and I'm glad I waited as long as I did, however, I don't think it's a good idea to wait for marriage.

Marriage is SUCH a huge commitment, and I can't imagine marrying someone that I didn't know "inside and out." Who knows what surprise is waiting for you on your wedding night?

I think its ok to wait until you think you are in love to have sex when you are younger. But as I get older, it's less and less of a big deal. Just be smart about it, and don't base your self worth on the guys you sleep with. Keep your own boundaries and whatever you do, stand up for yourself.

There are a lot of ways to protect yourself from STDs and pregnancy besides not having sex. That's like never leaving the house because you might get skin cancer.

 

[mello]

I'm seventeen (well, in about a month) and I'm still a virgin by choice. I'm just waiting for somebody that I'm a) completely comfortable with and trust and b) in a relationship with. I don't pass judgement on those that have sex because it's really none of my business and not my problem lol. The amount of ridicule I've gotten for it is ridiculous, though. I've had people sit me and down and LECTURE me about why I should just have sex. It can be offensive at times, but I don't let it bug me. I'm incredibly stubborn and no amount of peer pressure can make me give up my morals!