Who are your real friends?

[L1LMAMAJ]

Friends come and go but who are the ones that will stay by you? I'm graduating from college soon and will be moving back to SF (over 300 miles away from my univ). I'm afraid that most of the friends I have here in So Cal will not be friends for life. Because I've been away from SF for years now, I feel like the friends I had in high school will no longer be there for me. I always try to keep in touch with my friends but it's a two-way street and not to sound like a bitch, but it seems like they never do THEIR part. This is depressing. If I think about it, only a handful of my friends seem like they're true friends that would be down for me. Where are all the real people? Anyone have this issue?

 

[blazeno.8]

When I moved back home, I became closest to other people who had also moved away. I am still in touch with the ones who never had to leave, and I'm also still in touch with friends from college. Then again, I went to school only 150 or so miles from home.
In my experience, the biggest thing I've learned about the friends who never left home, life kept going and they usually don't feel an urgent need to "pick up where you left off". The ones who had also been away just wanted to come back to a sense of normalcy so they were more open to developing the friendship to the same level again.

 

[chocolategoddes]

That's sad to hear because I totally get where you're coming from.
It's definitely difficult to maintain any type of long-distance relationship. I mean, it's nice to call them once in a while or to have sites like facebook and myspace to connect with people, but it doesn't compare to actually sitting in front of them and interacting with friends.

I also had that problem when I moved to a new school. I didn't move hundreds of miles from them, but I did feel like some of my friends and I drifted apart.
One friend in particular just stopped calling and stopped talking to me. She'd never return my messages and texts. I'd bump into her at the mall or wherever and she'd make small talk and say she never gets around to contacting me. If a friend really cares for you, they'd put in the little effort it takes to, i dunno, at least send a friendly text and say hi.

At first it made me so angry, but I don't need flaky people like that in my life. So, you're right.... it shows who your real friends are.

 

[ClaireAvril]

You don't need a ton of friends just those you know have your back. I don't like wishy washy friends that are only around when its convenient for them. My 4 close friends are those i met in grade 1. One of them has moved to grenada to study medicine and I still talk to her more than others who claim to be my "friends". Another of my close friends is from grade 9.. we can talk about anything. Other friends you meet can come and go.. and you can learn from those people but true friends no matter what distance between you .. will always be around.

 

[starbucksmocha]

I can identify with how you're feeling. I went away to uni (300 miles away) and even though my friends from high school sent me the odd text or email, we kinda drifted apart. I made new friends at uni but recently I've been very sick and have had to move back home. It really shows you who your true friends are because my high school friends wanted nothing to do with me, even when they heard I had to come home because I was suffering from chronic pain, etc.
Most of my friends from uni stopped calling me too. But two of them didn't. And I know they'll be my friends for life. They even traveled out here on reading break to visit me! So I guess all I can say is that even though it's sad and hard to deal with losing friends, there will be ones who stick around and then you'll know they're there for you.

 

[TISH1124]

Yeah it happens...But my real friends have been my family...mom, sister, brotehr, SIL and my husband....I have a few close friends ...but none that I truly have the same bond with as my family and none that I can say I 100% trust to have my best interest at heart. I have made many friends thru Specktra that live near me and not so near that i cherish tons

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

Yep, sometimes I can count the number of "true friends" I have with both my hands. I am thankful for them and I know that it's better to have a few close friends than lots of acquaintances. The people that I trust completely are my immediate family members and my boyfriend.

 

[Half N Half]

I definitely believe in quality over quantity. I have very few close close friends. They are friends that I met in high school. We all went to the same university at one point. Some of us stayed, some didn't. We had some periods of time apart, but when we got together it was like no time had gone by. I think you can just feel who your TRUE friends are. And I agree with family being number one...they are the people who have known you for the longest and will always be there for you!

 

[rimberry]

I agree with Tish, I have people I talk to but the people who I'm really close to are my family.

 

[jenee.sum]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Half N Half I definitely believe in quality over quantity.

i swear i said that in my head literally a SPLIT SECOND before i read that line!

i think around your 20s is the time you learn who are your true friends. this is the time where ppl grow, mature, change....so don't be so sad when you grow apart from a long time friend. i know it's sad, but it's life. i always thought, "omg...my friends and i are gunna go to different universities! and we might lose our friendship. should i go to the same university as them?" and my family told me, "you can't hold on to your friends like that. when you grow up, you will meet new ppl and friends. but those long time friends who are true friends won't let distance keep you guys apart."

keep the ones who are meaningful close to you, but time is the only thing that can really tell/teach you who to keep.

oh and a random comment:

you know ppl who have 500 friends on facebook? seriously.....really? 500? lol way overboard! accquintances are not FRIENDS!

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenee.sum i swear i said that in my head literally a SPLIT SECOND before i read that line! i think around your 20s is the time you learn who are your true friends. this is the time where ppl grow, mature, change....so don't be so sad when you grow apart from a long time friend. i know it's sad, but it's life. i always thought, "omg...my friends and i are gunna go to different universities! and we might lose our friendship. should i go to the same university as them?" and my family told me, "you can't hold on to your friends like that. when you grow up, you will meet new ppl and friends. but those long time friends who are true friends won't let distance keep you guys apart." keep the ones who are meaningful close to you, but time is the only thing that can really tell/teach you who to keep. oh and a random comment: you know ppl who have 500 friends on facebook? seriously.....really? 500? lol way overboard! accquintances are not FRIENDS!

wonderful quote!! seriously i was bummed that i lost some good friends but i think it just wasn't meant to be. if we were meant to be close, we would both try but i'm tired of trying and feeling used. i'm kinda excited to put college behind me as i start a new journey. i'm gonna have a new job and then meet new people who will hopefully become my lifelong friends. only time will tell.

yea i agree with the facebook thing. i don't get how some people can have so many "friends". do u even remember all of their names??

 

[Fataliya]

My best friend Sandy has a saying: "Friends come into your life for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime."

 

[LMD84]

the same thing happened to me. when i left uni the friends i made and hung out with for years pretty much ddissapeared from my life. sure we'd all send the odd email and such but they soon fizzled out. and i know what you mean about it being a 2 way street - i found i was the one to always text, email or whatever. now we're all on facebook and even though we're 'friends' we never even write on each others walls!

although i don't have many friends. the person who i trust and can tell anything to is my husband. he's also teh one who i have the most fun with. i have about 4 close friends and about 3 worky friends and that's about it. some times i feel lonely but it soon passes. plus i enjoy speaking to people on speckra who all share common interests.

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LMD84 the same thing happened to me. when i left uni the friends i made and hung out with for years pretty much ddissapeared from my life. sure we'd all send the odd email and such but they soon fizzled out. and i know what you mean about it being a 2 way street - i found i was the one to always text, email or whatever. now we're all on facebook and even though we're 'friends' we never even write on each others walls! although i don't have many friends. the person who i trust and can tell anything to is my husband. he's also teh one who i have the most fun with. i have about 4 close friends and about 3 worky friends and that's about it. some times i feel lonely but it soon passes. plus i enjoy speaking to people on speckra who all share common interests.

Yep, for sure. I really love the people on Specktra. I don't have many friends that have the same love for makeup. They just don't get it. When we walk past MAC and they see the display posters with the crazy makeup, they just make fun of it. My best friend's bf (JERK!) is so freakin annoying. He was like, "OMG why would people wear makeup like that? It's sooo hideous!! OMG Why would people buy MAC after seeing this poster??" I was SOO pissed. I was like, "Um well it's an editorial picture it doesn't mean people who buy the MAC products have to sport that look. You could do whatever you want with your MAC. If you wanna paint it all over you face, then good for you. I think the posters are just telling people that the colors are vibrant and pigmented and great for things even as dramatic as photo shoots." He's such a jerk. Because of him, I've hung out with my best friend less because he's ALWAYS there when I see her. He pisses me off really. He's soooo condescending and tries to disprove EVERYTHING one says.

Sorry that was kinda off topic but yeeea I'm moving back home to San Francisco and I know only a couple of people will be excited and happy to see me regularly again. Friends come and go. I guess it's just hard for me to accept it sometimes because I remember all the awesome memories that I once had with my "friends" and now it just seems so impossible to get back to that point. =\

 

[LMD84]

that guy sounds like one of my friends! if i ever go to mac she insists on coming in (even though she isn't into make up) and then sarts ranting about how bad the artists look and that based on their own make up she'd never buy mac. personally i like the ma's make up because it always gives me new ideas!

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LMD84 that guy sounds like one of my friends! if i ever go to mac she insists on coming in (even though she isn't into make up) and then sarts ranting about how bad the artists look and that based on their own make up she'd never buy mac. personally i like the ma's make up because it always gives me new ideas!

Yes I'm so happy someone can relate to me! I find it offensive when he knows I'm very much into MAC and he goes and talks shit about it in front of me!!

 

[RedRibbon]

I'd rather have the one good friend who feels he can tell me whatever and with whom I can be totally honest.

I'm an Indian girl and it had always been drummed into me that I was odd for having mainly white friends so when I was 6 I started hanging out with the main group of Indian girls at my college who turned out to be the biggest bunch of bitches ever..so I went to uni and became friends with a different set of Indian girls who were really nice but we lost touch..

Then I met my third best friend (one is an Indian girl who has been my friend since 1995..the first day of secondary school, one is Mr RR and one is the only Indian guy outside my family that I trust). They all "came to me" at different times in my life but I am so glad they did as they serve very different purposes, I wouldn't swap them for any amount of other friends in the world.

 

[SingFrAbsoltion]

I don't have any friends at all

My boyfriend insists that his friends are my friends too, and I love them and all, but it's not the same. I really don't have anyone I can confide in besides the bf. I actually told someone about this issue before and and the person didn't believe me because I guess I seem to always be surrounded by people. But they're all acquaintances, I really don't have a single close friend.

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SingFrAbsoltion I don't have any friends at all My boyfriend insists that his friends are my friends too, and I love them and all, but it's not the same. I really don't have anyone I can confide in besides the bf. I actually told someone about this issue before and and the person didn't believe me because I guess I seem to always be surrounded by people. But they're all acquaintances, I really don't have a single close friend.

Aww that is a horrible feeling. I'm sorry to hear. Sometimes I feel like I only have a few friends that i can rely on. It's sad.

 

[florabundance]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedRibbon I'm an Indian girl and it had always been drummed into me that I was odd for having mainly white friends so when I was 6 I started hanging out with the main group of Indian girls at my college who turned out to be the biggest bunch of bitches ever..

WOW SAME. Except change 'Indian' to 'Turkish'.
It annoys me now because my dad was always so strict about not going out with white friends because their lifestyle and values are too different and all this lame b.s., when the Turkish girls were up to all kinds of shady shit (and on top of that were sooo shallow and two faced), but that was fine because they were Turkish, and all hung out together and could cover for eachother.