Sigh....cutting
- Thread starter Hilly
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xoxprincessx0x
Well-known member
Ughh girl your not alone. I wouln't call myself a "cutter" per se but I have an issue that only my closest family and boyfriend/friends know about. When I get extremely angryy I don't know how to express my anger but to hurt myself. It's not always cutting. Sometimes i scratch my arm, punch my legs, etc. but feeling pain somehow releives my anger. I knwo its soo wierd and it rarely happens unless I'm extremely angry. My boyfriend gets soo mad when I do it but he doesn't understand that I honest to god can't help it. =[ I have had this problem since like 7th grade.
Hilly
Well-known member
Thanks for your comment. It is hard for someone (especially a guy) to understand this. They don't "Get" emotions. I would say I have been feeling like this since about 7th grade as well. I use to hurt myself in other ways when I was younger too. Like when I would lose at nintendo, I would hit myself. Sounds really odd now.
Krasevayadancer
Well-known member
Hi hilly. It makes me so sad to hear that you cut at times, but i can definitely understand when you are coming from.
While I don't cut myself, I do find other ways to "hurt" myself when i feel unworthy, stupid, fat, ugly etc. My methods always involved sleep deprivation and starvation. I think that no matter how we look at it what it all comes down to is the desire to harm oneself due to feelings of frustration, anger and inadequacy.
We are here for you though
While I don't cut myself, I do find other ways to "hurt" myself when i feel unworthy, stupid, fat, ugly etc. My methods always involved sleep deprivation and starvation. I think that no matter how we look at it what it all comes down to is the desire to harm oneself due to feelings of frustration, anger and inadequacy.
We are here for you though
MACATTAK
Well-known member
juicygirl
Well-known member
hey hilly....im sorry to hear about this. the reason i started on zoloft about a year ago is because i found myself constantly thinking about hurting myself. on a couple of different occasions, i would bang my head against a counter top, etc, anything that was hard enough until a huge bump would appear on my forehead. i know that secretly, i must have been doing it for attention because why else would i do it in such a visible place?!?! so anyways, my mom believed me the first few times when i said i fell whatevs, but then this would make me mad as well because i would want her to know that i was lying! so anyway, ya, i havent done it in a few months but i know what your going through. ive thought about cutting but honestly, im a sissy, lol. anyway hang in there and if you need to chat im here. working at a crisis line, i am sure you have heard of to write love on her arms but if not, check their website out, www.towriteloveonherarms.com....such a worthwhile cause and i dont know why, but whenever i wear my tshirts from them, i feel so much more empowered.
V15U4L_3RR0R
Well-known member
You are not alone.
I still get the urge to do it especially when I get very angry or I'm having a head squirrels day. I used to cut and I used to not eat and I smoked. So clearly I'm the perfect picture of health lol.
So a few hours ago I felt like shite and I wanted to smash the house up and then one of my friends comes round and then offers me a cig. First one in a year lol and damn it felt good knowing I was doing that hard to myself rather than the house. I'm also a big smasher uper of things too lol.
However Hilly we are a little better armed than your average self harmer because we know what our triggers are. So we can plan for when those situations arrive. Easier said than done, I know but just having the plan there and giving yourself the choice makes a huge difference I think.
Anyways, we all love ya (even us crazies) So if you ever need to talk it out, you have people here who will listen.
I still get the urge to do it especially when I get very angry or I'm having a head squirrels day. I used to cut and I used to not eat and I smoked. So clearly I'm the perfect picture of health lol.
So a few hours ago I felt like shite and I wanted to smash the house up and then one of my friends comes round and then offers me a cig. First one in a year lol and damn it felt good knowing I was doing that hard to myself rather than the house. I'm also a big smasher uper of things too lol.
However Hilly we are a little better armed than your average self harmer because we know what our triggers are. So we can plan for when those situations arrive. Easier said than done, I know but just having the plan there and giving yourself the choice makes a huge difference I think.
Anyways, we all love ya (even us crazies) So if you ever need to talk it out, you have people here who will listen.
purrtykitty
Well-known member
I'm so sorry to hear that, Hilly. I don't cut, but I've done other destructive behaviors in the past. I know exactly how you feel, and I often have to consciously think about what I'm doing so I don't go down the destructive path I previously chose. I hope you feel better...we're here for you!
xoxprincessx0x
Well-known member
Quote:
I have quite an EXTREME phone throwing problem. I've gone through 3 house phones in the past 7 months lol
Originally Posted by V15U4L_3RR0R
I'm also a big smasher uper of things too lol. |
I have quite an EXTREME phone throwing problem. I've gone through 3 house phones in the past 7 months lol
V15U4L_3RR0R
Well-known member
Quote:
I've smashed loads of glass jars, trashed rooms, broke furniture, stabbed a wooden door with a knife repeatedly....lol I could go on and on. And yet I would widdle myself if I ever got into a fight with someone lol.
| Originally Posted by xoxprincessx0x
I have quite an EXTREME phone throwing problem. I've gone through 3 house phones in the past 7 months lol |
I've smashed loads of glass jars, trashed rooms, broke furniture, stabbed a wooden door with a knife repeatedly....lol I could go on and on. And yet I would widdle myself if I ever got into a fight with someone lol.
persephonewillo
Well-known member
you're not alone.
while i don't CUT, i do PICK. ugh. my right arm looked like shit for quite a while because i would unconsciously pick at every little tiny bump on it. it's always my right arm or my back. they both have scars now.
since starting on my meds i find i'm not quite as bad. my arm looks much better. only three-ish spots on my back at the moment.
it's kind of embarrassing to admit, actually. only a few people IRL know about it.
(((hugs)))
while i don't CUT, i do PICK. ugh. my right arm looked like shit for quite a while because i would unconsciously pick at every little tiny bump on it. it's always my right arm or my back. they both have scars now.
since starting on my meds i find i'm not quite as bad. my arm looks much better. only three-ish spots on my back at the moment.
it's kind of embarrassing to admit, actually. only a few people IRL know about it.
(((hugs)))
IDontKnowMomo
Well-known member
I feel you.
My whole life, I've had anxiety problems and been dead set on the fact that I am ugly. when I have panic attacks, I feel as it the only way to make myself feel better is to punish myself. I've never cut, because this started at a very young age, when I didn't even know what that was, but I hit, scratch, and bite myself. I also Pull out my hair and there was a time when I felt I needed to starve myself or make myself vomit to relieve stress. In the past four years or so, this anxiety has started causing me to be extremely depressed. A couple of months ago I was at a point where I could barely bring myself to get out of bed to eat, use the restroom, shower, let alone anything else. I'm now on Celexa, and I am trying to work things out with my depression, unfortunately my anxiety is still alive and kicking, along with being extremely self conscious. Idk what to do about hating the way I look. I mean, I feel so stupid for it, but I can't help it. I think It's just something I need to work out with myself.
I actually had an attack today. It feels nice to come back from that and read all of these encouraging comments for Hilly.
We're all here for you, Hilly! You're a beautiful, kind woman, and you have tons of support here on Specktra. <3
My whole life, I've had anxiety problems and been dead set on the fact that I am ugly. when I have panic attacks, I feel as it the only way to make myself feel better is to punish myself. I've never cut, because this started at a very young age, when I didn't even know what that was, but I hit, scratch, and bite myself. I also Pull out my hair and there was a time when I felt I needed to starve myself or make myself vomit to relieve stress. In the past four years or so, this anxiety has started causing me to be extremely depressed. A couple of months ago I was at a point where I could barely bring myself to get out of bed to eat, use the restroom, shower, let alone anything else. I'm now on Celexa, and I am trying to work things out with my depression, unfortunately my anxiety is still alive and kicking, along with being extremely self conscious. Idk what to do about hating the way I look. I mean, I feel so stupid for it, but I can't help it. I think It's just something I need to work out with myself.
I actually had an attack today. It feels nice to come back from that and read all of these encouraging comments for Hilly.
We're all here for you, Hilly! You're a beautiful, kind woman, and you have tons of support here on Specktra. <3
xbrookecorex
Well-known member
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Bootyliciousx
Well-known member
I think you need to find something else to channel your energy. Like when you get mad get a punching bag or try acupuncture points stimulation. When you have children, you do not want them to see the scars. They do not want to see their mama like that. Scars are beautiful, no doubt about it, but don't cause them. Your Beautiful, you don't need to be doing that. = ]
pumpkincat210
Well-known member
i used to cut, but mainly now if i get mad i destroy things especially phones. you aren't alone, but be really careful with cutting you wouldn't want to get an infection or get committed to a hospital.
SparklingWaves
Well-known member
I had a girl friend that was a cutter. She said did it to release feelings.
Anyway, when she did cut, she didn't cut just her arms it was all over her body and she dressed to cover it up all the time. She carried a lot of shame from being molested by her father as a child.
Since we were best friends, she did open up to me about her urges and what she did. I knew this was a huge struggle for her and that she just needed someone to help support her with recovery. I felt very honored that she confided in me about this personal struggle.
She was instructed by her therapist to call when she had the urges. She had one assignment to use red lipstick instead of sharps. Another assignment by her therapist was to express her feelings via art. I loved seeing her art. It blew me away. It was explosive. It was so powerful that people wanted to buy it & she did wind up selling her artwork.
She didn't see it. But, I found she made tremendous progress in her struggles. She went from being a very depressed, isolated person with hangups over her weight, sexuality, and hiding her cutting to a person that had five children, wore bathing suits and had many friends.
She moved away, but we still keep in touch. She claims to not have the strong urges that she had in the past. She is on medication for depression and has a very busy life now.
I remember that she had read many books at the time to also help give her insight into her struggles. She was educating me on the topic many times. She told me how people that are addicted to surgery can also be classified as cutters too. So, I was learning a lot from her.
Oh, she said once to me that she had joined a group for cutters, but it actually triggered her to cut more. So, I think it's very individual of what will help people in their recovery.
Anyway, when she did cut, she didn't cut just her arms it was all over her body and she dressed to cover it up all the time. She carried a lot of shame from being molested by her father as a child.
Since we were best friends, she did open up to me about her urges and what she did. I knew this was a huge struggle for her and that she just needed someone to help support her with recovery. I felt very honored that she confided in me about this personal struggle.
She was instructed by her therapist to call when she had the urges. She had one assignment to use red lipstick instead of sharps. Another assignment by her therapist was to express her feelings via art. I loved seeing her art. It blew me away. It was explosive. It was so powerful that people wanted to buy it & she did wind up selling her artwork.
She didn't see it. But, I found she made tremendous progress in her struggles. She went from being a very depressed, isolated person with hangups over her weight, sexuality, and hiding her cutting to a person that had five children, wore bathing suits and had many friends.
She moved away, but we still keep in touch. She claims to not have the strong urges that she had in the past. She is on medication for depression and has a very busy life now.
I remember that she had read many books at the time to also help give her insight into her struggles. She was educating me on the topic many times. She told me how people that are addicted to surgery can also be classified as cutters too. So, I was learning a lot from her.
Oh, she said once to me that she had joined a group for cutters, but it actually triggered her to cut more. So, I think it's very individual of what will help people in their recovery.
NutMeg
Well-known member
I don't think I can be classified as a cutter. I've only done it twice, and it was back when I was really screwed up over my cousin's death. Now before any of you freak and think I'm in denial, I hadn't ever had those urges before she died, and since I've gotten my emotions about her death under control they haven't come back. Every once in a while when I'm desperately upset it will cross my mind, but only in that I think of it as a way I used to cope. It's never that overwhelming urge like it was before.
One of the scars has faded, the other one will be there for a long time. Looking at it reminds me that I have other ways of dealing with my emotions, like exercise, going for a walk, writing every thing down, or if worse comes to worst, calling my boyfriend and telling him that I want to. He'd be pretty devastated if I called and told him that (he was so worried about me when I was doing it), but he'd talk me through it and calm me down. I used to have so much anger and pain that I couldn't even give a name to all of it, and had no idea how to let it out before it destroyed me. I've learned not to let things build up, to be easier on myself, and to deal with things in a way that is respectful of myself. I no longer take anti-depressants, or go to counselling (although I've been starting to think I should go back) and that makes me feel pretty proud. Let me know if you ever want to talk.
One of the scars has faded, the other one will be there for a long time. Looking at it reminds me that I have other ways of dealing with my emotions, like exercise, going for a walk, writing every thing down, or if worse comes to worst, calling my boyfriend and telling him that I want to. He'd be pretty devastated if I called and told him that (he was so worried about me when I was doing it), but he'd talk me through it and calm me down. I used to have so much anger and pain that I couldn't even give a name to all of it, and had no idea how to let it out before it destroyed me. I've learned not to let things build up, to be easier on myself, and to deal with things in a way that is respectful of myself. I no longer take anti-depressants, or go to counselling (although I've been starting to think I should go back) and that makes me feel pretty proud. Let me know if you ever want to talk.
