I feel you.
My whole life, I've had anxiety problems and been dead set on the fact that I am ugly. when I have panic attacks, I feel as it the only way to make myself feel better is to punish myself. I've never cut, because this started at a very young age, when I didn't even know what that was, but I hit, scratch, and bite myself. I also Pull out my hair and there was a time when I felt I needed to starve myself or make myself vomit to relieve stress. In the past four years or so, this anxiety has started causing me to be extremely depressed. A couple of months ago I was at a point where I could barely bring myself to get out of bed to eat, use the restroom, shower, let alone anything else. I'm now on Celexa, and I am trying to work things out with my depression, unfortunately my anxiety is still alive and kicking, along with being extremely self conscious. Idk what to do about hating the way I look. I mean, I feel so stupid for it, but I can't help it. I think It's just something I need to work out with myself.
I actually had an attack today. It feels nice to come back from that and read all of these encouraging comments for Hilly.
We're all here for you, Hilly! You're a beautiful, kind woman, and you have tons of support here on Specktra. <3