Who are your real friends?

LMD84

Well-known member
i know i replied to this thred weeks ago but feel like contributing again!

i said that i didn't have many friends and the one person that i was closest to lives in london so don't see her that much. but we always make sure that we text and call each other.

well that's gone down the drain! i've not spoken to her for over a month - no text, no email, no call. i've texted her and facebook messaged her a few times. even been speaking to her borther who i know quite well. i don't knwo if she's just really busy with other things - she does have loads of friends and is always going out with somebody. or she may be annoyed at me because the last time i spoke to her she wanted me and hubby to go to a muse concert with her. i said even though we wanted to we couldn't afford to buy tickets right now - we were moving house the following week and we had to pay balance on our holiday.
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guess i just feel lonely at the moment
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GlitterGeet

Well-known member
I feel like sharing too! So I'm from Sacramento and left for UCSD in '02. I became severely depressed but didn't acknowledge it till the second year. So after that I came back home to start my life over.

Now because I was starting over, I felt that the friendships I made I would lose. Mind you, I'm a ridiculously social person. I just always laugh and ALWAYS smile. So when I got sick, it was my friends that acknowledged something was wrong and they would actually take my cell and call my parents to see what they could do because I was a stubborn fool at the time.

So I left them to come back home. But they never left me. They are four amazing girls and we make sure our bond stayed true. I think it also has to do with the fact we are very much like men so none of us throw emotional fits over things that don't matter in the long run.

I started college back up here and the funny thing is I bonded more with my guy friends here. I just graduated and pretty much cut relations with any female friends I had up here. They were too much to deal with and I don't have time for bull-shit. I just wanted to get my studies done.

But I still remain true to 5 girls who have been there for me and vise versa. One of them is from high school. She's stuck with me. =P
The other four are from San Diego but none of us were originally from there. One is currently in WA getting her Ph.D, one in San Diego, one in Los Angeles, and the other in Memphis, TN for school as well.

I never imagined our bond to stay this strong but it has and we're there for each other when the time calls. We all also are aware that we have busy lives but we do love each other. In a sense they are family, not friends.

We won't call for months on end but when we get the chance it's like nothing happened and we start right off to where we are.

But such friendships take time and a WHOLE lot of trust and patience to form. One friend is from '99 and the other four from '02. Our directions are so different from each other but I think that is what makes us so close. We also try to see each other at least once a year.

Yes it sucks to lose your friends but at the same time it lets you cherish those that are still in your life. My family and those girls mean the world to me and it's through my losses and life experiences that have let me see such a beautiful reality. =)
 

L1LMAMAJ

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by LMD84
i know i replied to this thred weeks ago but feel like contributing again!

i said that i didn't have many friends and the one person that i was closest to lives in london so don't see her that much. but we always make sure that we text and call each other.

well that's gone down the drain! i've not spoken to her for over a month - no text, no email, no call. i've texted her and facebook messaged her a few times. even been speaking to her borther who i know quite well. i don't knwo if she's just really busy with other things - she does have loads of friends and is always going out with somebody. or she may be annoyed at me because the last time i spoke to her she wanted me and hubby to go to a muse concert with her. i said even though we wanted to we couldn't afford to buy tickets right now - we were moving house the following week and we had to pay balance on our holiday.
ssad.gif


guess i just feel lonely at the moment
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aww i do hope u feel better. i know where you are at. a similar situation happened to me recently.
 

RedRibbon

Well-known member
To those of you who have friends who live far away, ring them up and have a good old talk to them!

My bestest friend in the whole wide world, the one guy who truly is my brother from another mother lives not too far from me, well far enough for me to see him everyday but not far enough for me to drive to him on the weekends. I speak to his punk ass every single day, it might even just be for a few minutes but we always have something to say to one another, whenever I see something that reminds me of him, I let him know and we are always in contact.

We can spend ages talking on the phone about absolutely nothing and he "takes care" of me when Mr RR is out of the country.

I'm so happy I met him, I just wish I had met him when I was younger but I'm too happy for words that he's in my life now.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, you might not have a lot of friends but once you have found one good one, it makes up for it all. I wouldn't trade him in for all the money in the world.
 

L1LMAMAJ

Well-known member
i have (or had, i dunno) a best guy friend who has been there for me for everything. he's always been there (either in person or on the phone) from breakups to family problems. i really love him and he's a great friend. however, after he got with his current gf, it seems like he spends most of his time with her. when i say most, i mean almost all his time. he's allllways over there and when i call, i feel bad cuz i don't want her to be like...why is she talking to u when ur over? yannoe? he stopped returning my calls and sometimes it's nearly impossible to reach him. he always says he left his phone at his gf's or he had exams. it seems like she changed him because he was never like this before. he was always down for me and we were like brother and sister. we would make spontaneous trips to see each other (he lived an hour away from me before i moved) or we'd talk on the phone till the wee hours of the morning. i don't know what's going on but i feel like everyone is letting me down. sometimes i can count on one hand the people that will be there for me for everything in my life.
 

RedRibbon

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by L1LMAMAJ
i have (or had, i dunno) a best guy friend who has been there for me for everything. he's always been there (either in person or on the phone) from breakups to family problems. i really love him and he's a great friend. however, after he got with his current gf, it seems like he spends most of his time with her. when i say most, i mean almost all his time. he's allllways over there and when i call, i feel bad cuz i don't want her to be like...why is she talking to u when ur over? yannoe? he stopped returning my calls and sometimes it's nearly impossible to reach him. he always says he left his phone at his gf's or he had exams. it seems like she changed him because he was never like this before. he was always down for me and we were like brother and sister. we would make spontaneous trips to see each other (he lived an hour away from me before i moved) or we'd talk on the phone till the wee hours of the morning. i don't know what's going on but i feel like everyone is letting me down. sometimes i can count on one hand the people that will be there for me for everything in my life.

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Girls will come and go. Your friendship will remain. My friend was ready to marry this one girl who he lusted after for ages (they did go out for a while), then she started standing him up. I remember one time I met him somewhere and he was to meet her as well, she made us wait in the freezing cold for ages. She never turned up. I rang her and gave her a piece of my mind and from that day onwards she realised that my friend wasn't someone to mess around with because I'd fix her up real nice if she tried it again. She decided to get married. She did so, within a week of being married she was asking my friend out on a date again.

Then he got with another girl who spun him lie after lie and me and him did have many a heated discussion about her and in the end I was right.

He's been the same person throughout all that and I've let him get on with it because I know pushing him to do what I want won't work.

Your friend will be back once he sees sense
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A good girlfriend won't change him to the extent that he forgets his friends.
 

laguayaca

Well-known member
Like many of you have mentioned here my family (mom,dad,siblings), my husband (who I hide nothing from my absolute BFF
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) and my mother in law...shes the best
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. I have my two girls Tina and Lauren
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my two best closest friends...were not perfect we agree to disagree and even though i live far away from them yes even my family there is never a moment in which I can not call them and spill I know they love me. I know this will sound weird but my Specktra friends
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even though i cannot see yall I know I can post something and get support no matter what!

Then theres those"friends" who quite frankly I dont give a hoot for I have spent many many years trying to please and be nice to everyone and sadly I have been hurt too may times to count. I am a Christian and there's nothing in the world I would want more than to be everyones friend. As I have matured I realized theres no way to absolutely please everyone! I will never judge anyone and always befriend them but the moment I sense youre a phony and sadly theres tooo many out there I drop you.

The line I hate the most is when I text or call someone just because theyre like *I was JUST thinking about you/ about to call/text you!* hmm even though they never talk to you unless you do first. It quite frankly pisses me off
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What ive learned in life soo far...is...*There’s a point in your life when you get tired of chasing people and trying to fix everything…but its not giving up… it’s realizing that you don’t need certain people…the crap…and the drama they bring…*
 

Shanti

Well-known member
I feel like I need to write in this again, it's sort of a vent.
So, that time that I'd have to move came. I'm settled in another city for school.
The realization of who's a real friend and who isn't is becoming more clear... quite frankly, only 4 of my friends bothered to actually message me since I left.
Ugh.
It's a really crappy feeling... before leaving, I was supposed to hang out with a guy I was close friends with in school, but he flaked without saying anything. Seriously.

The whole concept of a "convenient friend" makes SO much sense now.
And I think... are people REALLY that self-centered?
But, it helps to try to think of it like this... I left that city because I felt that it wasn't MY place to stay. To start fresh, whatever. So this was bound to happen.
To any of you guys going through the same thing, I hope you've been taking it well.
 

L1LMAMAJ

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shanti
I feel like I need to write in this again, it's sort of a vent.
So, that time that I'd have to move came. I'm settled in another city for school.
The realization of who's a real friend and who isn't is becoming more clear... quite frankly, only 4 of my friends bothered to actually message me since I left.
Ugh.
It's a really crappy feeling... before leaving, I was supposed to hang out with a guy I was close friends with in school, but he flaked without saying anything. Seriously.

The whole concept of a "convenient friend" makes SO much sense now.
And I think... are people REALLY that self-centered?
But, it helps to try to think of it like this... I left that city because I felt that it wasn't MY place to stay. To start fresh, whatever. So this was bound to happen.
To any of you guys going through the same thing, I hope you've been taking it well.


i totally get u on the "convenient friend." i hate the feeling of being used. they only talk to u when you're there. that's not what true friends do. good luck with everything. in time u will see which people are ur true friends. don't give up. there are great people out there who would love to be ur friend. good luck!!
 

Pascal

Well-known member
#1 my parents, no matter what.
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#2 my friend Bryan who I met in college 8 years ago, we are best friends (we've been thru hell and back together)
#3 Dorene, she always calls me back I love her like a little sister

I have noone else, I'm a very lonely girl.

I try to reach out to people, they say they want to hang out but when I call no one answers or calls me back or even texts me back , it's not me, it's them.
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Willa

Well-known member
I guess it's better to be alone than not in good company
I take it this way, I am done trying to please everyone and ending alone anyway
And I am not sad or mad writting this, it's just the truth
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Anyone for a ride?
29 y/o girl, who loves funk and soul music, searching for a friend soulmate
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L1LMAMAJ

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pascal
#1 my parents, no matter what.
th_cheerup.gif

#2 my friend Bryan who I met in college 8 years ago, we are best friends (we've been thru hell and back together)
#3 Dorene, she always calls me back I love her like a little sister

I have noone else, I'm a very lonely girl.

I try to reach out to people, they say they want to hang out but when I call no one answers or calls me back or even texts me back , it's not me, it's them.
anyone.gif


Quote:
Originally Posted by Willa
I guess it's better to be alone than not in good company
I take it this way, I am done trying to please everyone and ending alone anyway
And I am not sad or mad writting this, it's just the truth
smiles.gif


Anyone for a ride?
29 y/o girl, who loves funk and soul music, searching for a friend soulmate
lol.gif


i'll be your guys' friend!
smiles.gif
 

malaviKat

Well-known member
I apologize in advance, because this is kind of long, but I've been thinking about this topic for a while so I thought I'd post something I blogged about...

*****

I got to chatting with one of the girls from our soccer team on the way home from a game. She was excited for me over the idea that I was starting school yet again.

"I started a Masters program hoping to find a (new) best (girl) friend", she said.

"Really?" I asked. She had an ebullient spirit, was one of the nicest people I'd ever met - if a bit overzealous. Very pretty, too. I found it surprising that she had such troubles.

"Yes," she replied. "I have a lot of acquaintances. Some very good acquaintances. But you know, I just don't seem to have that one best friend." I gave her a rather doleful look.

"I understand," I said. Because I did.

She proceeded to explain to me that while in high school she had been part of - in the simplest of terms - a French immersion program. Like my own Gifted program, it had resulted in a neat pre-packaging of "friends", a handful of girls who were similar in some ways but unfortunately dissimilar in most. All throughout high school it allowed the benefit of not having to think about who your friends were, because they were there, the people you took every class with, had every spare with and conveniently shared lunch with. Friends by design.

In reality, things couldn't be further from the truth. A more unlikely group would be difficult to find; apart from our education, many of us had little in common. By extension, it is doubtful that we would have been friends at all, had things happened any other way.

My teammate agreed.

"What happened in undergrad?" I asked her. (My bf had long marveled at my inability to establish lasting friendships while at school).

"I went to U of T," she replied and I had to smile in understanding.

U of T is a commuter campus. Unlike many other major universities, people don't stick around long enough to establish those lifelong bonds that have you inviting them to be your bridesmaid or best man or god parent to your first born. You'd be lucky if, at best, you were close enough to invite them (or be invited) to a barbecue.

(Unfortunately, I know for a fact that we aren't the only ones to have felt this way. A few years back I spoke to a few of my students on this very subject, guys that you know would have been popular in high school. Good looking, intelligent, athletic types, who played Varsity football for our university. "U of T is an impossible place to make friends," they'd said. Well, hell. If they couldn't do it, what hope did I have?)

In all my years of making these observations, I'd never met anyone in quite the same position as me. Her hurt resonated, as I'd felt the same way she had for ages.

"So you joined a Masters program so you could find a best friend?" I asked.

"Yeah. It didn't work though," she laughed. "I'm still looking."

In that respect, I count myself lucky. I have befriended a few wonderful men while in grad school and while that genuinely deep connection is often difficult to come by, I can acknowledge that I have it with a few of my guys. Women however, not so much.

Maybe I should stop trying? I often think. But of course, I know I won't.

There's something unique about a connection between two women that my boys just can't replicate. It's been a long time since I've sat down with a girl and really shared things about our lives. A long time since I've dealt with anything other than selfishness.

Vaguely, I wonder whether my teammate regrets being a part of the French immersion program. I've been bitter about having been Gifted for years. In some ways, I blame it for stealing my ability to establish meaningful connections on the basis of merit. Perhaps that's why I've had girlfriends of convenience for so long - shallow, retched, women who have done little more than take from me physically, emotionally and mentally. When I sit back however, I realize it's illogical to blame my lack of true female friends on my high school experience. Ten years later, it's definitely more than time to get over it.

I've always said that for me, making friends is a thousand times more difficult than dating. With some degree of humility, I must confess that I'm almost certain I could date (and likely find myself in another serious relationship) quite quickly and with little effort. Men, it seems, have never been my problem.

While dancing on the weekend (the lone girl in a group of six or seven guys, jokingly encouraged to "stay here so that we don't look gay!") I lamented about my situation yet again. Consolingly, one of the guys said, "You don't need girls... You have us!" It's true. And a more wonderful group of men would be difficult to find.

But we always want what we don't have. And I can only ogle hot girls for so long until being the only girl in the group starts to feel a little lonely. :p

I turn back to my teammate on the ride home from our game.

"I'll be your best friend," I said.

"BFFs?" she grinned. (And I had to laugh because we're both twenty-seven; a little too old for nonsense titles).

"Yeah...why not."

The other girl with us was smiling, too.

There's always trepidation. Just as in romantic courtships, nobody ever wants to get their hopes up but you're a little too high to think the absolute worst.

She waves to me as she exits the subway.

Soccer may just be the best thing to ever happen to me. At very least, I have wonderful teammates.
 

xsnowwhite

Well-known member
I only have one really close friend but I am soo glad that we are friends. We're seriously like twins. Honestly I have about 3 friends that I hang out with or talk to on a regular basis. Most of my friends are out of state, which often depresses me or makes me very lonely but for the most part I'm okay with it because I know how good of friends they are to me. I am hopefully moving soon to one of the states where my friends live (unfortunately, they're all in different states too) once I get out of school.
 

L1LMAMAJ

Well-known member
when i wanna do something spontaneous or out of the blue, i feel like i have no one to call. everyone will have an excuse. i mean, yea i know it's random and uncalled for but i like friends who are just down for anything. i don't even have a best friend anymore because she's too into her boyfriend (douchebag). ugh where have all the decent people gone?
 

snkatha

Well-known member
I once read an interesting phrase there are friends for seasons and reasons. Friends for reasons are those who teach you something you need to grow as a person example that quirky friend who teaches you to be comfortable with yourself. And friends for seasons are your high school friends, college buddies etc. Unfortunately for me i've no old friends my family moves around alot. So i suppose i got used to not having that kind of closeness. My real friends are my family.
 
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