Just spoke with Poco, briefly. She acted like nothing ever happened? Truly, she is dense. LOL. Went on to tell me about her "flavor of the week" (boy she met while sitting on our porch...)
Anyways, although not major happened today I can't help but feeling uber depressed. I got this house because I wanted the college experience. I never had a TRUE high school experience in my own opinion because I was super shy due to insecurity from body viewing disorder. I was 123lbs and thought I was about 200lbs. It kept me from trying out for track (I ran a mile in 7:36) and dance (I'm too fat mentality) etc... I didn't want to miss out on my college experience, especially the socialization part. Now if I don't live in the house, I'm never going to be able to maintain any friends I meet. My mom's house is 40 minutes from campus, and it's a pain in the ass to drive there just to hang out with someone for a few hours... It just really makes me depressed because I want to be one of those girls on Facebook with 500+ pictures with friends always having fun.
I know that this is MY life, and that I have nothing to prove to anyone else to make my life seem worthy or wonderful or anything... and I enjoy staying at my mom's and what we do...even if it's not much... but at the same time I just want the NO LIMITS kind of thing. The ability to say to someone "hey, come over!" you know. Makes me so sad. I know I could move home and then move somewhere else close to campus in January - but then it's the harsh winter to deal with and I've stilled missed yet another 6 months of my life. And by that time I'll be 20,. BLEH. Just had to vent while I sit here wondering if I'm going to move out of the house and let her stay (but still get the final RO) if they pay for it... or just get the final RO and make her move (what I really wanna do...convenience since I get off work at 5 and don't have a class til 7....what am I gonna do those nights cuz I can't drive home to mom's) etc